the single life...ugh

[Bea5T]

I've never understood the " play up being a doctor" sentiment that is always common in threads like this.

by definition, the people that would only become interested in you after finding out you're a doctor are the people you wouldn't want a relationship with.

Your profession/future profession can't play a role in garnering interest for potential relationships? How does that make any sense? Besides you're not getting to home without getting to first base(unless by some odd chance you hit a HR), if you're going to be a doctor I'd expect you would want someone willing to be with a doctor right? If you don't click with someone then it's on to the next. Meeting people is the key.

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[PL198]

Your profession/future profession can't play a role in garnering interest for potential relationships? How does that make any sense? Besides you're not getting to home without getting to first base(unless by some odd chance you hit a HR), if you're going to be a doctor I'd expect you would want someone willing to be with a doctor right? If you don't click with someone then it's on to the next. Meeting people is the key.

do you not know what a gold digger is

 

[touchpause13]

do you not know what a gold digger is

She ain't lookin for some broke

 

[Tired]

do you not know what a gold digger is

You say it like it's a bad thing.

 

[Bea5T]

do you not know what a gold digger is

Someone who's not going to be with a medical student making (-) 50k a year.

 

[PL198]

Someone who's not going to be with a medical student making (-) 50k a year.

lol unless you have oh idk other redeeming qualities that make you attractive besides your net income......

you're making my case for me. again if someone doesn't want to be with you when you're a broke med student, but then magically does when you're a doc, that's probably someone you don't want to be with

 

[2019mdtobe]

Just going to keep being me. Friendly ,outgoing, funny, try to be as social as time allows. Make moves if possible.Can't do anything more.

 

[Tired]

I resent this

Nice humble-brag.

Seriously. Women in their 20s, especially in medical school, don't have the time or the want to train a boyfriend. That's a job that some other girl should have done years ago. And that goes for the reverse as well. Everyone is a big dummy when it comes to their first real relationship because they don't know what the hell they are doing and most of the time it crashes and burns. Sorry to drop that truth bomb on your pity party.

You don't date fellow students when you're in med school. That's crapping where you eat. You date nurses, allied health, and random college girls (esp pre-med) who you meet in bars.

C'mon kids, this thread is amateur hour, time to develop your game.

 

[touchpause13]

Nice humble-brag.




You don't date fellow students when you're in med school. That's crapping where you eat. You date nurses, allied health, and random college girls (esp pre-med) who you meet in bars.

C'mon kids, this thread is amateur hour, time to develop your game.

It wasn't supposed to be a humble brag, just a regular brag lol.

I'm married, I don't deal with any of this nonsense first hand but the dudes I know who date college girls are generally viewed as creepy. Like she's too young for you bro. I second nurses, people in different programs, etc tho.

 

[Bea5T]

lol unless you have oh idk other redeeming qualities that make you attractive besides your net income......

you're making my case for me. again if someone doesn't want to be with you when you're a broke med student, but then magically does when you're a doc, that's probably someone you don't want to be with

So women can't legitimately be interested in your career without being a gold digger? What do you think people talk about with each other? Life, career, goals etc etc. OP most likely isn't getting dates if his online profile doesn't have anything other than some generic "I like to travel and eat"


If this was the other way around money wouldn't even be brought up.

 

[PL198]

So women can't legitimately be interested in your career without being a gold digger? What do you think people talk about with each other? Life, career, goals etc etc. OP most likely isn't getting dates if his online profile doesn't have anything other than some generic "I like to travel and eat"


If this was the other way around money wouldn't even be brought up.

you cannot be this naive

 

[Tired]

I'm married, I don't deal with any of this nonsense first hand but the dudes I know who date college girls are generally viewed as creepy. Like she's too young for you bro. I second nurses, people in different programs, etc tho.

Me too. But part of being a senior student/resident is guiding those below you. You gotta help them out.

From the male side, college students just earn you a high-five, as long as you're not silly enough to believe that it's going to progress into something serious or long-term.

 

[fancymylotus]

Someone who's not going to be with a medical student making (-) 50k a year.

Lol.

 

[NeedToStudy]

I resent this

So how hot are you TP?

Seriously. Women in their 20s, especially in medical school, don't have the time or the want to train a boyfriend. That's a job that some other girl should have done years ago. And that goes for the reverse as well. Everyone is a big dummy when it comes to their first real relationship because they don't know what the hell they are doing and most of the time it crashes and burns. Sorry to drop that truth bomb on your pity party.

I'm not sure why you assume that an inexperienced man would have to be "trained"? I mean there are plenty of people out there who are experienced in relationships and are still bad boyfriends. I don't think there is any correlation.

 

[PL198]

So how hot are you TP?



I'm not sure why you assume that a inexperienced man would have to be "trained"? I mean there are plenty of people out there who are experienced in relationships and are still bad boyfriends. I don't think there is any correlation.

everyone's first serious relationship is a **** show. you look back on it and cringe

 

[NeedToStudy]

everyone's first serious relationship is a **** show. you look back on it and cringe

Not really. I know a few people who are still with their high school boyfriends/girlfriends. Granted I wouldn't know since I've never been in a relationship but it kind of bugs me that a woman would reject me over just being inexperienced.

 

[touchpause13]

So how hot are you TP?



I'm not sure why you assume that an inexperienced man would have to be "trained"? I mean there are plenty of people out there who are experienced in relationships and are still bad boyfriends. I don't think there is any correlation.

Idk.. ask @fancymylotus

And I assume that an inexperienced anyone needs to be trained. You make stupid mistakes all the time when you don't know what the hell you are doing, that's kinda how people work.

 

[PL198]

Not really. I know a few people who are still with their high school boyfriends/girlfriends. Granted I wouldn't know since I've never been in a relationship but it kind of bugs me that a woman would reject me over just being inexperienced.

you're inexperienced for a reason. that in itself is a negative. do you think brad pitt would be inexperienced at 25?

 

[charmiedermie]

I resent this

Seriously. Women in their 20s, especially in medical school, don't have the time or the want to train a boyfriend. That's a job that some other girl should have done years ago. And that goes for the reverse as well. Everyone is a big dummy when it comes to their first real relationship because they don't know what the hell they are doing and most of the time it crashes and burns. Sorry to drop that truth bomb on your pity party

For realsies.

What pity party? Maybe I wasn't clear, but I agree with you. No girl in medical school is going to take the time to teach and train a guy on how to behave in a serious dating relationship. That stuff should have been mastered in high school, if not college. Of course, if both people have never dated, that's a **** show in itself.

That's why I've never understood families that don't let their sons date earlier when they can make stupid mistakes, figure out that a relationship isn't all about them, figure out how to read the other person better, how to break up with someone, etc. when their responsibilities aren't as great. The life lessons learned are immense, even if the other person is nuts.

When you don't allow them to have any relationship, you pretty much put your kids in suspended animation until you can no longer do so, and then throw them out in the world with no life jacket - so not surprisingly they would be more likely to be clingy or controlling, or less confident overall, etc. since it's their first relationship ever. But instead of being 16 or 17, they're 25.

 

[NeedToStudy]

No girl in medical school is going to take the time to teach and train a guy on how to behave in a serious dating relationship. That stuff should have been mastered in high school, if not college. Of course, if both people have never dated, that's a **** show in itself.

That's why I've never understood families that don't let their sons date earlier when they can make stupid mistakes, figure out that a relationship isn't all about them, figure out how to read the other person better, how to break up with someone, etc. when their responsibilities aren't as great. The life lessons learned are immense, even if the other person is nuts.

When you don't allow them to have any relationship, you pretty much put your kids in suspended animation until you can no longer do so, and then throw them out in the world with no life jacket - so not surprisingly they would be more likely to be clingy or controlling, or less confident overall, etc. since it's their first relationship ever. But instead of being 16 or 17, they're 25.

To be fair most parents, at least most South Asian parents, don't allow their sons to date in high school or college because they believe they will end up having an arranged marriage later on. Why date if your parents are eventually going to choose your spouse anyway?

Also I'm not sure why everyone keeps talking about training somebody to be in a relationship? What training is there exactly? I mean guy likes girl, he asks her out, they spend time each other and learn to deal with each others quirks. I'm not sure why someone who has never been in a relationship before can't do any of this?

 

[touchpause13]

What pity party? Maybe I wasn't clear, but I agree with you. No girl in medical school is going to take the time to teach and train a guy on how to behave in a serious dating relationship. That stuff should have been mastered in high school, if not college. Of course, if both people have never dated, that's a **** show in itself.

That's why I've never understood families that don't let their sons date earlier when they can make stupid mistakes, figure out that a relationship isn't all about them, figure out how to read the other person better, how to break up with someone, etc. when their responsibilities aren't as great. The life lessons learned are immense, even if the other person is nuts.

When you don't allow them to have any relationship, you pretty much put your kids in suspended animation until you can no longer do so, and then throw them out in the world with no life jacket - so not surprisingly they would be more likely to be clingy or controlling, or less confident overall, etc. since it's their first relationship ever. But instead of being 16 or 17, they're 25.

No pity party was aimed at OP not you, we are in agreement.

 

[touchpause13]

Also I'm not sure why everyone keeps talking about training somebody to be in a relationship? What training is there exactly? I mean guy likes girl, he asks her out, they spend time each other and learn to deal with each others quirks. I'm not sure why someone who has never been in a relationship before can't do any of this?

Ya know how I know you've never been in a relationship?

 

[kenjixshadow]

x

 

[2019mdtobe]

@touchpause13 I agree with you. Combined with my height thats why this is going to be a hell of a challenge. I'll just say again my parent's didn't care. I just cocooned myself off, for some that's easy. Now I'm ready to get out of the cocoon but most have been out of it for a hell of a long time. When I was younger, I should have followed your advice but I got so caught up in getting into a great undergrad, thinking hey I gotta move out of this s****y income bracket I'm in. Got to undergrad, was doing well, but my undergrad was a notorious meatgrinder. Nose to grindstone and voila here I am. The host welcomes you to the pity party.

 

[DoctorofDelight]

@touchpause13 I agree with you. Combined with my height thats why this is going to be a hell of a challenge. I'll just say again my parent's didn't care. I just cocooned myself off, for some that's easy. Now I'm ready to get out of the cocoon but most have been out of it for a hell of a long time. When I was younger, I should have followed your advice but I got so caught up in getting into a great undergrad, thinking hey I gotta move out of this s****y income bracket I'm in. Got to undergrad, was doing well, but my undergrad was a notorious meatgrinder. Nose to grindstone and voila here I am. The host welcomes you to the pity party.

I just think people here are taking relationships too seriously. You're only 23! You will be stressed out enough with school in a few months. You don't need to be stressed about finding a girlfriend as well. Just go with the flow and if you happen to meet someone you like, ask them out.

 

[touchpause13]

@touchpause13 I agree with you. Combined with my height thats why this is going to be a hell of a challenge. I'll just say again my parent's didn't care. I just cocooned myself off, for some that's easy. Now I'm ready to get out of the cocoon but most have been out of it for a hell of a long time. When I was younger, I should have followed your advice but I got so caught up in getting into a great undergrad, thinking hey I gotta move out of this s****y income bracket I'm in. Got to undergrad, was doing well, but my undergrad was a notorious meatgrinder. Nose to grindstone and voila here I am. The host welcomes you to the pity party.

 

[Tired]

Why date if your parents are eventually going to choose your spouse anyway?

 

[2019mdtobe]

I just think people here are taking relationships too seriously. You're only 23! You will be stressed out enough with school in a few months. You don't need to be stressed about finding a girlfriend as well. Just go with the flow and if you happen to meet someone you like, ask them out.

I'll heed this advice.

 

[lazyindy]

1. leg lengthening surgery
2. cut to low body fat %
3. take care of hygeine and buy expensive clothing
4. hang out in a good social circle and force yourself to become extremely extroverted.

this post is serious as I don't sugarcoat things. At 5'4 you won't have much sexual appeal to the opposite sex at all. 5'9 -above is where you want to be.

 

[DoctorofDelight]

1. leg lengthening surgery
2. cut to low body fat %
3. take care of hygeine and buy expensive clothing
4. hang out in a good social circle and force yourself to become extremely extroverted.

this post is serious as I don't sugarcoat things. At 5'4 you won't have much sexual appeal to the opposite sex at all. 5'9 -above is where you want to be.

ok

 

[Doudline]

Ya know how I know you've never been in a relationship?

Please stop projecting your relationship issues.

I've had my first relationship late, with a guy older than I was, and everything went well.
Many of my peers in the same situation could say the same.

That you were lacking in maturity back then is your own predicament.

 

[Kaustikos]

Please stop projecting your relationship issues.

I've had my first relationship late, with a guy older than I was, and everything went well.
Many of my peers in the same situation could say the same.

That you were lacking in maturity back then is your own predicament.

And you're definitely not the norm. Not remotely. Their is definitely a learning curve to relationships and for a lot of people it's trial and error. It's not condescending or demeaning, it's the reality that relationships are complicated and can be difficult.
Some people try to fight it through and ultimately hate each other but are together because they either had a kid, their peers forced them or felt like there was nothing else out there without even knowing.
Some people succeed, but they are the minority whom know what they want and can tolerate. But it's rare. And professing that just because you did it means it's feasible is inaccurate. The idea that first relationships fail is very true because most people don't know what they're getting themselves into. Which part of that lesson requires a lot of maturity and humility in admitting it won't work and it's best to end things. Compatibility is a bitch and not something you just get immediately with the other person.
This is why I avoided relationships in the past. I understood the work and respect for the other person. That and my knowing I was too determined in my own goals to string someone along. It wasn't just about willing to try but also knowing what the relationship required. Hence why I avoided it initially and just casually dated. And why I recommend casual dates. I'm not saying hooking up randomly, but just go out with a girl for coffee or food. Do something fun. Don't take it seriously. Be open about that and just enjoy it. If she doesn't want that, respect it. But you'd be surprised how many people don't really want the relationship but just a casual meet to talk/unwind/have fun. It can even help open your social circle to other friends (or even opportunities).

 

[2019mdtobe]

1. leg lengthening surgery
2. cut to low body fat %
3. take care of hygeine and buy expensive clothing
4. hang out in a good social circle and force yourself to become extremely extroverted.

this post is serious as I don't sugarcoat things. At 5'4 you won't have much sexual appeal to the opposite sex at all. 5'9 -above is where you want t

 

[charmiedermie]

Please stop projecting your relationship issues.

I've had my first relationship late, with a guy older than I was, and everything went well.
Many of my peers in the same situation could say the same.

That you were lacking in maturity back then is your own predicament.

No need to make snide remarks about her maturity and take what she said personally. You aren't the average person going through relationships and good for you. For most people it wouldn't work out as well as it did for you. Just because it doesn't apply to you as an individual doesn't mean what she said is wrong for the average person. As @Kaustikos said, there is a definite learning curve for relationships, at least those not just for sex. No one wants to be in a relationship because you feel obligated for whatever reason.

To be fair most parents, at least most South Asian parents, don't allow their sons to date in high school or college because they believe they will end up having an arranged marriage later on. Why date if your parents are eventually going to choose your spouse anyway?

Also I'm not sure why everyone keeps talking about training somebody to be in a relationship? What training is there exactly? I mean guy likes girl, he asks her out, they spend time each other and learn to deal with each others quirks. I'm not sure why someone who has never been in a relationship before can't do any of this?

Great, so let's say you get your parents to snag you a woman and then you get married and move into a home. Then what happens since this is your first relationship? The pieces just come together on their own for happily ever after because your parents hooked you up?

You think there is no training/experience factor in a relationship? You think it just happens that a relationship just works? Like magic? The training/experience is for both people in the relationship.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Just gotta be the best me that I can be. Nothing more I can realistically do.

As kevin hart, dude is 5ft 2 or 5ft.4 says:

This is it. This is what I was given. This is my playing cards. If we were playing poker, I've got to make this hand work. This is it for me. And this is what I'm going to ride out. So how do you not embrace it? You get one life. One. You get one life. I'm going to embrace mine

 

[fancymylotus]

Please stop projecting your relationship issues.

I've had my first relationship late, with a guy older than I was, and everything went well.
Many of my peers in the same situation could say the same.

That you were lacking in maturity back then is your own predicament.

I had my first relationship late-ish, with a guy older than I was, and it spectacularly exploded in the worst way possible. Had I been in other relationships or even dated before I met him, I would have gotten TF out years before I did. And probably not days before our wedding.

Everyone's experience is different, and we are discussing the norms. Not the exceptions, like you.

 

[wiggitywack12]

Someone who's not going to be with a medical student making (-) 50k a year.

Hope I'm not derailing here....but this is a little naive. I hope you don't seriously believe that a girl dating a med student (without a lucrative career path of her own) hasn't already contemplated the financial benefits for herself of being married to a physician salary. I feel sorry for some guys sometimes. I'm not trying to be condescending I just really want you to know that girls interested in living a life of leisure while someone else works absolutely knows the benefits of a future physician and just like you, they are willing to stick it out (if they can keep you) until the checks start rolling in.

I'll give you an anecdote. My undergrad had an attached accelerated BS/MD program and this good natured naive guy was dating this art major. She always went on and on about how gold diggers were dumb and how she wasn't in it for the money because he wouldn't be making any for a while. When the relationship ended, she flipped! She caused so much drama between him and his friends, literally stalked everyone trying to repair what had already fallen apart and it came back to him that she was telling her art friends "Now I'll actually have to work!" She was very pissed for a long time ....but gold diggers are stupid eh?

A lot of you don't really understand what gold diggers look like in every day life and I didn't realize this. Now I get how some of you are getting played so easily (please don't take this personally, this is a message board where we all share information when we can I'm not trying to belittle anyone).

Please understand though, that those girls-- especially the ones without any high income earning potential of their own, are ALWAYS aware of your earning potential and yes, it is a factor.

Sounds like some of you have a very television like caricature of what a gold digger is, like the playboy bunny sitting court side at some NBA game or something lol and while that does happen, some of you seem to be missing the type of "gold digger" that would actually target you.

Also, I don't necessarily think gold digging is a bad thing, it would depend more so on the motives. If a woman is bringing a lot of other things to the partnership and would help the man achieve his vision for what he wants in his life then I don't really see anything wrong with a woman wanting a man with means.

/rant

 

[MedWonk]

everyone's first serious relationship is a **** show. you look back on it and cringe

A **** show with sex everywhere all the time. Sometimes the sex itself was a **** show. It was totally worth it.

 

[drjay16]

Hope I'm not derailing here....but this is a little naive. I hope you don't seriously believe that a girl dating a med student (without a lucrative career path of her own) hasn't already contemplated the financial benefits for herself of being married to a physician salary. I feel sorry for some guys sometimes. I'm not trying to be condescending I just really want you to know that girls interested in living a life of leisure while someone else works absolutely knows the benefits of a future physician and just like you, they are willing to stick it out (if they can keep you) until the checks start rolling in.

I'll give you an anecdote. My undergrad had an attached accelerated BS/MD program and this good natured naive guy was dating this art major. She always went on and on about how gold diggers were dumb and how she wasn't in it for the money because he wouldn't be making any for a while. When the relationship ended, she flipped! She caused so much drama between him and his friends, literally stalked everyone trying to repair what had already fallen apart and it came back to him that she was telling her art friends "Now I'll actually have to work!" She was very pissed for a long time ....but gold diggers are stupid eh?

A lot of you don't really understand what gold diggers look like in every day life and I didn't realize this. Now I get how some of you are getting played so easily (please don't take this personally, this is a message board where we all share information when we can I'm not trying to belittle anyone).

Please understand though, that those girls-- especially the ones without any high income earning potential of their own, are ALWAYS aware of your earning potential and yes, it is a factor.

Sounds like some of you have a very television like caricature of what a gold digger is, like the playboy bunny sitting court side at some NBA game or something lol and while that does happen, some of you seem to be missing the type of "gold digger" that would actually target you.

Also, I don't necessarily think gold digging is a bad thing, it would depend more so on the motives. If a woman is bringing a lot of other things to the partnership and would help the man achieve his vision for what he wants in his life then I don't really see anything wrong with a woman wanting a man with means.

/rant

You got issues man. Sticking around for let's say 7-10 years is a **** ton of time to wait for a paycheck. Most marriages will be over by then. I've got respect for anyone who sticks it out with a medical student for their whole training.

Also your anecdote doesn't make a ton of sense. She would pretty much have to work for at least 7-10 years. She might as well try and snag a doctor already or a resident. Also you got a gold digger all wrong. It's someone who is it in just for the money. Like if you weren't making **** tons of it they would be gone.


Back to the original OP, I'm glad you are comfortable in your own skin. That's the first step. Put yourself out there and try and have some fun. Personally I went through 3-4 relationships in college before I figured out what I wanted. Lots of casual dating too. Thus I wouldn't even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. Sounds like a recipe for disaster personally. I wouldn't wait any longer to get into the relationship game, it will only get harder for you as time passes and then you will be the 30ish doctor with zero game and no dating experience. Also, and this might just be me, but like the first 6month-year if dating and maybe even longer you don't really know the person. Everyone is on their best behavior and you are just figuring each other out. Something to think about before you dive into one.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[charmiedermie]

I had my first relationship late-ish, with a guy older than I was, and it spectacularly exploded in the worst way possible. Had I been in other relationships or even dated before I met him, I would have gotten TF out years before I did. And probably not days before our wedding.

Everyone's experience is different, and we are discussing the norms. Not the exceptions, like you.

More relationships are always good because you realize your self-worth and decide what and what not to compromise on. You don't feel as bad for breaking up or don't feel obligated to stay just because of the age factor. Also when you do get married, you have no real "what if?" moments or regrets because you met more than 1 person.

 

[PL198]

More relationships are always good because you realize your self-worth and decide what and what not to compromise on. You don't feel as bad for breaking up or don't feel obligated to stay just because of the age factor. Also when you do get married, you have no real "what if?" moments or regrets because you met more than 1 person.

disagree. the people who are cyclically in a relationship and have a new SO within a week of last one falling apart are to be avoided just as much as the people who have never had one.

 

[2019mdtobe]

I mean be honest folks. How's a 5ft 4 guy gonna fare folks. Def some success stories out there but anybody have friends my height who have done ok?

 

[fancymylotus]

disagree. the people who are cyclically in a relationship and have a new SO within a week of last one falling apart are to be avoided just as much as the people who have never had one.

Agreed. It took ~ 2 years btw the end of that relationship to when Kaus and I started dating.

 

[C@lidoc]

I mean be honest folks. How's a 5ft 4 guy gonna fare folks. Def some success stories out there but anybody have friends my height who have done ok?

How about 5"5? I'm 5"11, but my best buddy is 5"5, but he's always wearing boots so he is probably closer to 5"6. He was overweight, just like you, throughout all of high school, always focusing on his studies to get into a great college, and then medical school. I finally got him out of his shell around junior year. For him, it was fear of rejection because of his height and weight. I got his ass in the gym, and eventually after a few months, he got some confidence. After that it was just a numbers game. Tinder, OKC, POF, every freaking dating site and doing 1-2 dates a week. He went after mainly asian girls and any girl that was 5"5 and shorter. The dates gave him confidence, and eventually he had some casual relationships going. About a year after he finally got a solid gf that he's been with since last November. So, success can definitely happen. He's probably just about average in the looks department and even below average in the game department, but he has confidence. Good luck man! I would say I feel sorry for you about the whole height thing, but sounds like you can def make it work. You will just need to rely on other qualities to attract the women.

 

[Doudline]

And you're definitely not the norm. Not remotely. Their is definitely a learning curve to relationships and for a lot of people it's trial and error. It's not condescending or demeaning, it's the reality that relationships are complicated and can be difficult.
Some people try to fight it through and ultimately hate each other but are together because they either had a kid, their peers forced them or felt like there was nothing else out there without even knowing.
Some people succeed, but they are the minority whom know what they want and can tolerate. But it's rare. And professing that just because you did it means it's feasible is inaccurate. The idea that first relationships fail is very true because most people don't know what they're getting themselves into. Which part of that lesson requires a lot of maturity and humility in admitting it won't work and it's best to end things. Compatibility is a bitch and not something you just get immediately with the other person.
This is why I avoided relationships in the past. I understood the work and respect for the other person. That and my knowing I was too determined in my own goals to string someone along. It wasn't just about willing to try but also knowing what the relationship required. Hence why I avoided it initially and just casually dated. And why I recommend casual dates. I'm not saying hooking up randomly, but just go out with a girl for coffee or food. Do something fun. Don't take it seriously. Be open about that and just enjoy it. If she doesn't want that, respect it. But you'd be surprised how many people don't really want the relationship but just a casual meet to talk/unwind/have fun. It can even help open your social circle to other friends (or even opportunities).

No need to make snide remarks about her maturity and take what she said personally. You aren't the average person going through relationships and good for you. For most people it wouldn't work out as well as it did for you. Just because it doesn't apply to you as an individual doesn't mean what she said is wrong for the average person. As @Kaustikos said, there is a definite learning curve for relationships, at least those not just for sex. No one wants to be in a relationship because you feel obligated for whatever reason.

You think there is no training/experience factor in a relationship? You think it just happens that a relationship just works? Like magic? The training/experience is for both people in the relationship.

I had my first relationship late-ish, with a guy older than I was, and it spectacularly exploded in the worst way possible. Had I been in other relationships or even dated before I met him, I would have gotten TF out years before I did. And probably not days before our wedding.

Everyone's experience is different, and we are discussing the norms. Not the exceptions, like you.

Perhaps I am the exception.

Yet you guys act like romantic relationships evolve in a bubble shielded from real life.
I personally see them as little more than improved friendships; I look for exactly the same qualities in SOs as I do in friends - plus physical attractiveness and sexual compatibility. I'm extremely introverted and quite busy, so I don't have the energy or the will to just make mistakes over and over again with my friendships. And if you do pick your friends wisely, you learn a whole lot from them. Same about family.

You DO learn when to get out of a ****ty/destructive relationship, to take notice of toxic behavior, to speak your mind freely, to admit when you're both simply not compatible, etc. And you act in consequence.

Sure, it's not completely like having a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're more head over heels generally, and it can be harder to see the big picture and let go, etc. There are criteria - like an emphasis on personal responsibility, at least for me- which you may not have applied to your friends, or to a lesser degree. There's a lot of unknown.

But you guys make it sound like a romantic relationship is the same as walking into Mordor or something.
It really isn't. If you've been leading a productive life on the personal plan, at least (I'm not saying that you haven't if your first relationship has failed, even spectacularly like fancy. **** happens!).

Ofc if you have your first relationship at 15-16 y/o or whatever like most people, you haven't time for personal growth yet. What do you expect, then? Of course your relationship will likely fail. How many people are you still friends with/can still smell from high school? Not many, I'd guess.

And try to genuinely reflect on the people around you. Have they really learned from their relationship mistakes? In my experience most don't - they keep dating these "badboy" guys who treat them like ****, or they always rush into another relationship after the previous one crashed and burn, never taking time to reflect, etc; and those that do learn have seen that spurt of maturity in most areas of their life, not simply romance. But that's just my experience, I guess.

And @Kaustikos: casual dating for me was the biggest waste of time. Still is.
Sure, a first date to see if you're both compatible at first regard is important. But dates after dates for the sake of it? Jesus. I don't see what anyone could glean from that... except becoming "better" at dates I guess?

 

[fancymylotus]

Perhaps I am the exception.

Yet you guys act like romantic relationships evolve in a bubble shielded from real life.
I personally see them as little more than improved friendships; I look for exactly the same qualities in SOs as I do in friends - plus physical attractiveness and sexual compatibility. I'm extremely introverted and quite busy, so I don't have the energy or the will to just make mistakes over and over again with my friendships. And if you do pick your friends wisely, you learn a whole lot from them. Same about family.

You DO learn when to get out of a ****ty/destructive relationship, to take notice of toxic behavior, to speak your mind freely, to admit when you're both simply not compatible, etc. And you act in consequence.

Sure, it's not completely like having a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're more head over heels generally, and it can be harder to see the big picture and let go, etc. There are criteria - like an emphasis on personal responsibility, at least for me- which you may not have applied to your friends, or to a lesser degree. There's a lot of unknown.

But you guys make it sound like a romantic relationship is the same as walking into Mordor or something.
It really isn't. If you've been leading a productive life on the personal plan, at least (I'm not saying that you haven't if your first relationship has failed, even spectacularly like fancy. **** happens!).

Ofc if you have your first relationship at 15-16 y/o or whatever like most people, you haven't time for personal growth yet. What do you expect, then? Of course your relationship will likely fail. How many people are you still friends with/can still smell from high school? Not many, I'd guess.

And try to genuinely reflect on the people around you. Have they really learned from their relationship mistakes? In my experience most don't - they keep dating these "badboy" guys who treat them like ****, or they always rush into another relationship after the previous one crashed and burn, never taking time to reflect, etc; and those that do learn have seen that spurt of maturity in most areas of their life, not simply romance. But that's just my experience, I guess.

And @Kaustikos: casual dating for me was the biggest waste of time. Still is.
Sure, a first date to see if you're both compatible at first regard is important. But dates after dates for the sake of it? Jesus. I don't see what anyone could glean from that... except becoming "better" at dates I guess?

 

[C@lidoc]

Perhaps I am the exception.

Yet you guys act like romantic relationships evolve in a bubble shielded from real life.
I personally see them as little more than improved friendships; I look for exactly the same qualities in SOs as I do in friends - plus physical attractiveness and sexual compatibility. I'm extremely introverted and quite busy, so I don't have the energy or the will to just make mistakes over and over again with my friendships. And if you do pick your friends wisely, you learn a whole lot from them. Same about family.

You DO learn when to get out of a ****ty/destructive relationship, to take notice of toxic behavior, to speak your mind freely, to admit when you're both simply not compatible, etc. And you act in consequence.

Sure, it's not completely like having a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're more head over heels generally, and it can be harder to see the big picture and let go, etc. There are criteria - like an emphasis on personal responsibility, at least for me- which you may not have applied to your friends, or to a lesser degree. There's a lot of unknown.

But you guys make it sound like a romantic relationship is the same as walking into Mordor or something.
It really isn't. If you've been leading a productive life on the personal plan, at least (I'm not saying that you haven't if your first relationship has failed, even spectacularly like fancy. **** happens!).

Ofc if you have your first relationship at 15-16 y/o or whatever like most people, you haven't time for personal growth yet. What do you expect, then? Of course your relationship will likely fail. How many people are you still friends with/can still smell from high school? Not many, I'd guess.

And try to genuinely reflect on the people around you. Have they really learned from their relationship mistakes? In my experience most don't - they keep dating these "badboy" guys who treat them like ****, or they always rush into another relationship after the previous one crashed and burn, never taking time to reflect, etc; and those that do learn have seen that spurt of maturity in most areas of their life, not simply romance. But that's just my experience, I guess.

And @Kaustikos: casual dating for me was the biggest waste of time. Still is.
Sure, a first date to see if you're both compatible at first regard is important. But dates after dates for the sake of it? Jesus. I don't see what anyone could glean from that... except becoming "better" at dates I guess?

Man, this reminds of the 40 year old virgin movie when he describes boobs feeling like sand. You sound like someone with very limited dating/relationship experience. Relationship = improved friendship? Do you mean FWB?

 

[Tired]

casual dating for me was the biggest waste of time. Still is.
Sure, a first date to see if you're both compatible at first regard is important. But dates after dates for the sake of it? Jesus. I don't see what anyone could glean from that... except becoming "better" at dates I guess?

You can't think of even one reason why casual dating might be fun. Maybe just one reason...

 

[C@lidoc]

You can't think of even one reason why casual dating might be fun. Maybe just one reason...

He's obviously doing it wrong

 

[solitarius]

Agreed. It took ~ 2 years btw the end of that relationship to when Kaus and I started dating.

WHOA!!! ... I think I missed this.

noted, carry on.