the single life...ugh

[2019mdtobe]

Incoming 23 y/o indian american MS1 who has been single for forever. I should have busted a move back in HS and college but I told myself "Hit the books, worry about all that later". Back in HS and college I was also pretty d*mn fat and combine that with my height (5ft 4)....I wasn't going to be getting any anyway. I didn't have much (in terms of family income) growing up and was just grateful to have the chance to attend a great undergrad. I wanted to make the most of it and like a clown told myself there would be time for relationships later.

Thankfully, over the past gap year since graduation, I've lost almost all that weight, have been putting on some muscle, and have been updating my clothes (kinda necessary because all the old stuff doesn't fit anyway). I'm determined to be more social come fall and hopefully someone (classmates, undergrads, someone in the area) might click. Yet I do feel, and am, painfully inexperienced. I'm a pretty funny guy (short & fat for quite a while= good at jokes), am alright in terms of looks besides my height (you are a cruel master genetics). I'm also feeling a bit more confident about myself in general considering my weight loss and that I was able to go from a solid undergrad to a solid med school. I.e. it feels good to be somewhat accomplished (I'm not a physician yet of course but I feel I have achieved something, even if it's small) Have any students found themselves in a similar situation? I feel I've gotta change it up. This is a long road and I can't keep delaying this part of life forever. Your thoughts, mockery, advice, tips, suggestions, etc all welcome.

note: I made a similar thread in spouses and partners but this is a bit different as I'm trying to ask my soon to be fellow classmates. I don't

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[DetectiveAlonzo]

.

 

[Psai]

I also hit the books but I've been hitting that since 2005. Ain't that great though, for some reason you stop being your own boss and gotta report to someone. Also have to remember a ton of stupid things for no reason like anniversaries or else they get mad

Pain in the ass and hyped up. When I'm in a relationship I'm like this sucks. When I'm single I'm like this sucks. Grass always greener son

 

[AnonymousD.O.]

delete

 

[pd1112]

how much do you bench?

 

[Vox Nihili]

I should start a legal escort service for med school students...

 

[LostinLift]

Tinder (or grinder if that's for you) over the summer to get some practice with awkward social interactions. Go into it expecting nothing to happen and just have fun with it.

 

[Hemorrage]

If it's the affection you're lacking, you can't ever force that out of someone. Sure you can find someone to have regular sex with (just go to a major city and use tinder and night clubs) but you won't feel that sense of affection you're seeking. Focus on being confident and content with being by yourself.. Anyone that rides with you should deserve to

 

[Tired]

Anyone wanna trade me a case of beer and subscription to NFL Sunday Ticket for a wife and 3 kids?

Didn't think so.

 

[dgu334]

Work on improving yourself. It sounds cliche but you'll eventually find girls who are compatible with you. If you find yourself in the situation where you are jealous of others in relationships or etc, always think about the positives about not having to deal with the bs that comes with relationships.

 

[kenjixshadow]

Watch this on 1.5x. The last 30 seconds will relieve your stress.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Gonna hit up tinder but tbh feel like I gotta be in person to be most effective but why not I'll give it a shot.

I'm never gonna be taller, I can't fix it. Guess I just gotta be confident and put myself out there.

 

[zero0]

So far so good...

I predict at least 11 more pages of solid entertainment

 

[2019mdtobe]

The arraigned marriage thing is a real possibility. For two mature adults who know it's going to take a little work in the beginning (grow to love rather than a mad fall into love) is not unreasonable. I'm open to it but not the biggest fan

 

[2019mdtobe]

Honestly @Hemorrage is right. Would love the emotional initimacy but I'm a clown when it comes to the physical aspect so maybe I'm just screwed. Growing up poor, short, and fat effed me up. If I could make it here guess I just gotta keep pushing

 

[HowTragic]

Whoa dude chill out. Being single isn't as bad as you think it is. Like you, I've been single my entire life, not to mention I haven't kissed anyone or even held hands before. But that doesn't bother me because I live life at my own pace. I find relationships to be severely tasking on my ability to enjoy all that life has to offer in terms of entertainment (those games won't play themselves and languages won't learn themselves either). I suggest finding a hobby that you love doing. I'm having trouble finding time for my current interests right now, and getting into a relationship is the last thing I'd want to do.

Making "the most of it" doesn't automatically entail the necessity of a relationship. The ultimate point is to find the "right one", so there's no need to feel hurried into a relationship that you don't want to be in just for the experience of being in one. Eventually I might settle down and stuff, but even if that "right one" never comes in my life I'd be cool with the eternal single life bolstered by a physician's salary. I'd be able to build that backyard amphitheater that I always dreamed of watching anime in, which otherwise would have warranted a big whack on the side of my head for wayward priorities.

And you have the added bonus that you're Indian. 10 years down the line when you're besieged by multiple Indian girls and their parents parked outside your house, you're going to look back on your current self and realize how silly you're being.

 

[WhendoIstartfirstaid?]

This thread will turn interesting very soon. Guaranteed this will be a feminist vs misogynist vs racist vs tolerant thread really really soon.

edit: is this possibly Ark or EMDO? I didnt pay much attention to sdn then as I was a pre-med.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

I miss MedPR

 

[JM26]

You are 23 - you have time.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

Incoming 23 y/o indian american MS1 who has been single for forever. I should have busted a move back in HS and college but I told myself "Hit the books, worry about all that later". Back in HS and college I was also pretty d*mn fat and combine that with my height (5ft 4)....I wasn't going to be getting any anyway. I didn't have much (in terms of family income) growing up and was just grateful to have the chance to attend a great undergrad. I wanted to make the most of it and like a clown told myself there would be time for relationships later.

Thankfully, over the past gap year since graduation, I've lost almost all that weight, have been putting on some muscle, and have been updating my clothes (kinda necessary because all the old stuff doesn't fit anyway). I'm determined to be more social come fall and hopefully someone (classmates, undergrads, someone in the area) might click. Yet I do feel, and am, painfully inexperienced. I'm a pretty funny guy (short & fat for quite a while= good at jokes), am alright in terms of looks besides my height (you are a cruel master genetics). I'm also feeling a bit more confident about myself in general considering my weight loss and that I was able to go from a solid undergrad to a solid med school. I.e. it feels good to be somewhat accomplished (I'm not a physician yet of course but I feel I have achieved something, even if it's small) Have any students found themselves in a similar situation? I feel I've gotta change it up. This is a long road and I can't keep delaying this part of life forever. Your thoughts, mockery, advice, tips, suggestions, etc all welcome.

note: I made a similar thread in spouses and partners but this is a bit different as I'm trying to ask my soon to be fellow classmates. I don't

Hey man, congrats on getting fit and just getting yourself on the right track with school, your health etc.
Honestly that's no small thing.

I had a similar mentality in undergrad (focus on hitting the books hard, I'm sure I'll meet many like minded girls in grad/med school). Kicking myself hard now for not fully taking the erm...."social" opportunities I had in college and high school (though I relaxed mid way and still had plenty of fun).
But, don't beat yourself up or feel bad, clearly everything you did in college got you here and accepted and you're pursuing your dream. So, don't look back or regret anything. Look ahead.

As for meeting girls, you might need to put some extra effort in med school. Lack of time makes it tougher, also most of your friends will likely be from your class. So, it can be hard to meet girls outside of your class.
Nonetheless, you'll be starting school with a whole new group of people, so take this chance to be the person you want to be and make good first impressions. No one knows you from undergrad or your past, they know who you are now.

Also, being single in med school has it's perks. You can focus on yourself, and not have to worry about a significant other. So don't rush, just let things happen naturally. Like someone else said, you got time and you're young.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Sure in a some time I could have some arranged thing set up but sure feels hella lonely rt now . Honestly I guess I'll have to look at things outside of my class since everybody says so many female students are already committed. I'm thinking about hitting up some indian events in the city I'll be near. Dropping that educational pedigree can't hurt I hope.

 

[pd1112]

Whoa dude chill out. Being single isn't as bad as you think it is. Like you, I've been single my entire life, not to mention I haven't kissed anyone or even held hands before. But that doesn't bother me because I live life at my own pace. I find relationships to be severely tasking on my ability to enjoy all that life has to offer in terms of entertainment (those games won't play themselves and languages won't learn themselves either). I suggest finding a hobby that you love doing. I'm having trouble finding time for my current interests right now, and getting into a relationship is the last thing I'd want to do.

wut

 

[Tired]

Eventually I might settle down and stuff, but even if that "right one" never comes in my life I'd be cool with the eternal single life bolstered by a physician's salary.

You may improve your chances if you change your avatar...

 

[xffan624]

wut

Translation = gamer

 

[2019mdtobe]

Thanks @zeppelinpage4 . yea I feel exactly that way. I feel as I'm just trying to walk while everyone else is running. Honestly,what at times just comes out of the blue and hits me is my height. I know confidence is key but thats prety efin short. Guess I have to find the girls near my height who don't mind but again that's tough. Tbh a place like meet up.com seems like a good place to expand ones network outside of school

 

[NontradCA]

Translation = gamer

Arkangeloid is back? Must be all those cockblocking frat bros taking his prize pieces.

 

[Kaustikos]

Sure in a some time I could have some arranged thing set up but sure feels hella lonely rt now . Honestly I guess I'll have to look at things outside of my class since everybody says so many female students are already committed. I'm thinking about hitting up some indian events in the city I'll be near. Dropping that educational pedigree can't hurt I hope.

So, not to hurt your feelings but med school isn't the place where you start trying relationships. I'd say reaching out to things outside of medicine would be better. Keep your non med school friends and meet people there. Or through other means.
But it seems like you're ultimately not going to find satisfaction in medical school in terms of relationships. You need to just date girls. Go out for food or whatever. The best dates are the ones which don't follow the norm: make it fun, interesting and enjoyable for the both of you. In the end, I think you need to become more comfortable around girls and how to deal with them (to the feminists: I mean how to properly respect them for who they are and whatever else you think)
I'd honestly say try making friends with girls. Not to hook up with, but so they can help you get better at what you're trying to accomplish.

Thanks @zeppelinpage4 . yea I feel exactly that way. I feel as I'm just trying to walk while everyone else is running. Honestly,what at times just comes out of the blue and hits me is my height. I know confidence is key but thats prety efin short. Guess I have to find the girls near my height who don't mind but again that's tough. Tbh a place like meet up.com seems like a good place to expand ones network outside of school

Seriously, stop selling yourself short. You need to be comfortable with who you are before you start trying to let someone else be a part of your life. No one, not girls nor guys, likes dealing with someone of the opposite sex who is so negative and uncomfortable with themselves. We all have our faults, but it shouldn't be what stops you

 

[HowTragic]

wut

Based off what I've observed around me. This may come off as strange, but I've given substantial relationship advice.

You may improve your chances if you change your avatar...

I'm being told this by a person whose avatar is someone shooting himself in the head.

 

[Vox Nihili]

I'm being told this by a person whose avatar is someone shooting himself in the head.

He also has a wife and kids.

 

[Tired]

I'm being told this by a married guy with a gaggle of kids whose avatar is someone shooting himself in the head.

Fixed that for you.

 

[Tired]

He also has a wife and kids.

Aw, beat me to it.

And @HowTragic, I'm just teasing. I watch anime too.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

Thanks @zeppelinpage4 . yea I feel exactly that way. I feel as I'm just trying to walk while everyone else is running. Honestly,what at times just comes out of the blue and hits me is my height. I know confidence is key but thats prety efin short. Guess I have to find the girls near my height who don't mind but again that's tough. Tbh a place like meet up.com seems like a good place to expand ones network outside of school

Keep your head up my friend, trust me, it's not a race. None of us here can convince you of this, but I gather you're a cool guy with a lot going for yourself. Don't focus on your insecurities, really believe and value yourself. Not just for girls, but also so you can be happy with yourself. Remember, we are our own worse critics.
Also, if a girl really will turn you down solely based on height, it's prob not the kind of girl you want to date IMHO.
I've seen shorter guys get girlfriends in the past, so it's not the end all be all. Being tall would be nice, but you shouldn't let it define you. You determine your own value.

Honestly, a lack of confidence might hold you back more than anything else. You gotta be okay putting yourself out there, being comfortable with yourself, and dealing with rejection.

It sounds cheezy, but you gotta respect and value yourself more than anything, whether you're single or in a relationship.

 

[HowTragic]

He also has a wife and kids.

If he has that avatar and still has a wife and kids, then I don't think I need to be concerned about mine, do I?

Aw, beat me to it.

And @HowTragic, I'm just teasing. I watch anime too.

Cool.

 

[fancymylotus]

Sure in a some time I could have some arranged thing set up but sure feels hella lonely rt now . Honestly I guess I'll have to look at things outside of my class since everybody says so many female students are already committed. I'm thinking about hitting up some indian events in the city I'll be near. Dropping that educational pedigree can't hurt I hope.

1) stay away from those brownie meat markets.

2) the educational pedigree isn't as impressive as you think it is

3) date non indian people

 

[wiggitywack12]

Liked the many failed posters before you, I should warn you that SDN isn't really a relationship advice forum....YMMV

I'll repeat what's already been said in here...arranged marriage would be my go to thing if I were you. You can focus on school and just have the ladies send in their applications and pick from there. You should know this. That way you don't have to work on any sort of "game" just have the families come to you when you're an attending and go from there. If you're lonely find something to fill your time; volunteer, spend time with family members, etc.

You'll be sticking to the books more than HS and undergrad...so if you were waiting for more free time to date I don't think this will be it. lol.

Revel in your accomplishments! Be proud of yourself! You've already achieved plenty

 

[pd1112]

Based off what I've observed around me. This may come off as strange, but I've given substantial relationship advice.

wut

 

[kenjixshadow]

x

 

[2019mdtobe]

Yea this probably isn't the best time to be having these thoughts and revelations. Believe me if I could I'd flip a switch and shut them off I would. The Indian events thing was just one example. Believe me I'm open to everybody lol. I appreciate what you are trying to do but the not the best time mentality is how I deluded myself thus far. There's no way around the hours that are gonna be put in the books but when I do have some free time I'm gonna have to put myself out there (things like grad mixers etc). How else can one learn? Only some failure leads to success.

i think what happened in college was 1) I initially felt out of place. Here I was the guy who always had to make sure I had enough money in my bank account to buy small stuff like coffee while so many I knew didn't even know how to contact the FinAid office...2) I developed a lot of good friends but I also felt that external and internal pressure to be the best and I stopped caring about this human need and I neglected my weight/appearance to some extent

I do have quite a few female friends. I'm terms of conversation I think I'm done but I never really got around to saying Hey wanna grab a meal or study together because I felt so self conscious about weight/appearance. So frankly I think part of me needs to be a little bold if an opportunity presents itself.

Frankly I got so confused recently. One female friend I have, we met up as a group and when we were having dinner she repeatedly rubbed her foot up and down my calf. At first she just giggled and laughed and then did it twice more. Then she said oh we are just flirting over here when another friend asked what was going on. Same night I helped her as she was slipping on something and she was like awww that was so gentlemanly. Last month we all visited our alma mater and on the plane she said to another friend oh why didn't you dress nicely like 2019mdtobe. Every couple of days we will text each other for a while. Honestly I'm a bit confused, and I also don't want to mess up one of my core friend groups from college. Not to mention timing is terrible.

If I,could have sowed my oats a bit this summer that would have been great but I'm living at home (saved up some dough during gap year) in a a smallish town but I am trying to see my college friends as often as I can.

 

[kenjixshadow]

x

 

[bobow98]

Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz
Gainz




/Gainz

 

[AxiomaticTruth]

Frankly I got so confused recently. One female friend I have, we met up as a group and when we were having dinner she repeatedly rubbed her foot up and down my calf. At first she just giggled and laughed and then did it twice more. Then she said oh we are just flirting over here when another friend asked what was going on. Same night I helped her as she was slipping on something and she was like awww that was so gentlemanly. Last month we all visited our alma mater and on the plane she said to another friend oh why didn't you dress nicely like 2019mdtobe. Every couple of days we will text each other for a while. Honestly I'm a bit confused, and I also don't want to mess up one of my core friend groups from college. Not to mention timing is terrible.

Ask her out.

Situation 1: You are wrong. Then she's a huge bitch for leading you on and does this to up her own ego. Not your friend, never was.
Situation 2: You are right. Then you can at least get a date out of this. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't.

 

[royalmedicus]

emmmmmm........ relationship is over-rated, have wild fun.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Ask her out.

Situation 1: You are wrong. Then she's a huge bitch for leading you on and does this to up her own ego. Not your friend, never was.
Situation 2: You are right. Then you can at least get a date out of this. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't.

I think I'm gonna have to be careful. She's part of my close college crew and I would hate for any awkwardness between us to spill over into the rest of my relationships with my friends. I do believe I'm going to meet up with her and some other friends a few times over the summer and if she keeps it up I've gotta be a little bolder than I have been and just ask her.

 

[DoTheTrick]

I feel you OP. You kinda have to go with the flow with this. I agree that you would really have to get yourself out there as much as you can, by attending social events or…places where there are people. In any social situation, I've found that it really helps to not go in with any high expectations about how things will turn out. If you go in with the intention of having fun and meeting people for the sake of meeting and getting to know other people, you'll win no matter what.

 

[fancymylotus]

Incoming 23 y/o indian american MS1 who has been single for forever. I should have busted a move back in HS and college but I told myself "Hit the books, worry about all that later". Back in HS and college I was also pretty d*mn fat and combine that with my height (5ft 4)....I wasn't going to be getting any anyway. I didn't have much (in terms of family income) growing up and was just grateful to have the chance to attend a great undergrad. I wanted to make the most of it and like a clown told myself there would be time for relationships later.

Thankfully, over the past gap year since graduation, I've lost almost all that weight, have been putting on some muscle, and have been updating my clothes (kinda necessary because all the old stuff doesn't fit anyway). I'm determined to be more social come fall and hopefully someone (classmates, undergrads, someone in the area) might click. Yet I do feel, and am, painfully inexperienced. I'm a pretty funny guy (short & fat for quite a while= good at jokes), am alright in terms of looks besides my height (you are a cruel master genetics). I'm also feeling a bit more confident about myself in general considering my weight loss and that I was able to go from a solid undergrad to a solid med school. I.e. it feels good to be somewhat accomplished (I'm not a physician yet of course but I feel I have achieved something, even if it's small) Have any students found themselves in a similar situation? I feel I've gotta change it up. This is a long road and I can't keep delaying this part of life forever. Your thoughts, mockery, advice, tips, suggestions, etc all welcome.

note: I made a similar thread in spouses and partners but this is a bit different as I'm trying to ask my soon to be fellow classmates. I don't

So I actually went back and read your original first post just now. Here's my opinion.(I'm not in school anymore, but I am a fellow brownie)

You aren't going to med school to land a wife. You clearly worked hard to get to this point in your life, and I feel like you're of the mentality that your time is rapidly evaporating for finding a suitable spouse. It's really not. Also, like I sort of said in my previous post, dropping the "I'm a med student" line on girls*, especially indian ones of the professional variety, probably isn't going to give you the bonus points you're thinking it will. Not because your accomplishment isn't worth something, but because that just comes off sounding a bit....ridiculous? I think that's the right word. I think you should take the pressure off of yourself to immediately find a girl and just try to meet the new people in your class, and really, meet people in general. In whatever way you can, even if that way is online, I guess. The self confidence helps, but if you come off as arrogant...well...that might not work out in your favor.

Also please don't assume that the arranged marriage route is the way to go. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but there are things that are way more important than someones degree, and their parents perceived social status in the indian community. Take it from someone who almost got pushed down that route. What looks amazing "on paper" might actually be a nightmare to live with forever.

Lastly, don't be so hard on yourself


*Kaus used the "I'm a med student" line on me, and I'm still making fun of him about it years later so...there's that.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Yea I get it I get it. I was just joking about the drop med student line. Understnadbly I think you skipped over some of the stuff I wrote since the OP. I'm open to anyone and yes I too have some serious doubts about the arranged marriage thing. I think for me it's something I do have to at least keep on the table. I do think for 2 mature adults it can work quite well but yes I get your popoint and I share many of your concerns.


Now what to do bout this girl friend I know?

Yea that's the attitude I'm adopting @DoTheTrick. Even if I don't run into anyone special at least I'll be entertained and surrounded by friends

 

[JubalHarshaw]

I think I'm gonna have to be careful. She's part of my close college crew and I would hate for any awkwardness between us to spill over into the rest of my relationships with my friends. I do believe I'm going to meet up with her and some other friends a few times over the summer and if she keeps it up I've gotta be a little bolder than I have been and just ask her.

This is why you've never been laid. Take some risk.

 

[2019mdtobe]

This is why you've never been laid. Take some risk.

Yep. I just need to get her alone next time I see her and be upfront. Might not be for a few weeks but I gotta do it.

 

[fancymylotus]

Yea I get it I get it. I was just joking about the drop med student line. Understnadbly I think you skipped over some of the stuff I wrote since the OP. I'm open to anyone and yes I too have some serious doubts about the arranged marriage thing. I think for me it's something I do have to at least keep on the table. I do think for 2 mature adults it can work quite well but yes I get your popoint and I share many of your concerns.


Now what to do bout this girl friend I know?

Yea that's the attitude I'm adopting @DoTheTrick. Even if I don't run into anyone special at least I'll be entertained and surrounded by friends

Either ask her out and see what happens, or don't.

I'm not one for the weird in between are we or aren't we crap.


Sorry for not reading everything. It's late, and I'm old and sleepy.

 

[DoTheTrick]

Regarding your friend who's a girl, do you like her enough that you'd rather date her than just be good friends with her? Are you interested in her because she seems to be interested in you? because you just want to have a girlfriend already? Because, if you don't really have real feelings for this girl, it might not be worth pursuing something that might mess up the friendship. Some people make good friends and not so great relationship partners/dates.
Anyway the other advice that's been offered is pretty good!