Young black men who are pre-med or med students, why is it so hard to date???

[HobbitJane]

This is true. Unfortunately we live in America where the ones who have most of the power and created the American culture(white men) have made white women the standard of beauty. Thus it has been subconsciously programmed into us since childhood to think that the closer a woman is to white, the more attractive she is. Its the reason you hear rappers and lot of other black men obsess over "redbones" Beyoncé, Rihanna etc. It also has a lot to do with why a lot of Asian Americans hate the way their eyes look and try to make them look as "big" as possible. By the time most people are adults its too late to reverse the brain washing.

I will say a few controversial things below so I just want to write a disclaimer. I think all races are beautiful and gifted. I have nothing against interracial couples or their mixed children.

After taking certain classes, I have realized that it seems like some people are ashamed of their race because of the few individuals who give us a bad name (i.e. talk show guests, ghetto people). By dating interracially and eventually producing children that are not fully black, maybe a person can escape the shame that they have carried for years. One day my friend's sister (non-black) called a black guy on The Bachelor an ugly n-word. The girl quickly gasped, looked at me and apologized, then abruptly said, nevermind it's not like you're black anyway. I don't know if this has ever happened to other black people residing in a racially-homogenous suburb, but the black people around here avoid each other like aliens or enemies. Black people want to fit in with their friends and now view other black people in a stereotypical/unattractive light because their only exposure to black people has been through negative media portrayals.

In my honest opinion, the biggest protest against racism is a happy, wealthy successful black family who can interact harmoniously with other races; it shows that full-blooded black people are not genetically or intellectually inferior. I am not saying social activism should determine who you date, but if you are socially aware and educated, why would you willfully allow society to convince you to completely exclude the possibility of dating within your race? I believe that for women, we date who approaches us; however, with men, you are the leaders, and the decisions you make will affect whether successful black relationships will exist. I personally do not want the face of the black race to be poor, low-class, uneducated people with bad character.

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[EMDO2018]

I will say a few controversial things below so I just want to write a disclaimer. I think all races are beautiful and gifted. I have nothing against interracial couples or their mixed children.

After taking certain classes, I have realized that it seems like some people are ashamed of their race because of the few individuals who give us a bad name (i.e. talk show guests, ghetto people). By dating interracially and eventually producing children that are not fully black, maybe a person can escape the shame that they have carried for years. One day my friend's sister (non-black) called a black guy on The Bachelor an ugly n-word. The girl quickly gasped, looked at me and apologized, then abruptly said, nevermind it's not like you're black anyway. I don't know if this has ever happened to other black people residing in a racially-homogenous suburb, but the black people around here avoid each other like aliens or enemies. Black people want to fit in with their friends and now view other black people in a stereotypical/unattractive light because their only exposure to black people has been through negative media portrayals.

In my honest opinion, the biggest protest against racism is a happy, wealthy successful black family who can interact harmoniously with other races; it shows that full-blooded black people are not genetically or intellectually inferior. I am not saying social activism should determine who you date, but if you are socially aware and educated, why would you willfully allow society to convince you to completely exclude the possibility of dating within your race? I believe that for women, we date who approaches us; however, with men, you are the leaders, and the decisions you make will affect whether successful black relationships will exist. I personally do not want the face of the black race to be poor, low-class, uneducated people with bad character.

Very, very, very, very few people are socially aware. Even most of the educated ones are socially unaware of the reason they do things. Why do you think there are so many religious people? Most people just date who they are attracted to and can get along with and for that reason interracial couples and children aren't going anywhere. Nor should they.

 

[HobbitJane]

Very, very, very, very few people are socially aware. Even most of the educated ones are socially unaware of the reason they do things. Why do you think there are so many religious people? Most people just date who they are attracted to and can get along with and for that reason interracial couples and children aren't going anywhere. Nor should they.

In my area, women have to evaluate their options, but men are consciously making their dating choices. I do not have a problem with some interracial relationships, because I have family and friends who seem happy with their decisions. If I see an interracial couple, I don't look at them, but deep down inside I wonder what the male went through during his childhood. My uneasiness is fueled by observations of how black people now hate each other and interracial marriage is becoming the norm or standard. This observation makes me a bit disappointed in black people and their lack of foresight. Some people from other races participate in interracial relationships for the following reasons:

• fetish/desire to participate in the newest media-propagated trend (mass race mixing Cheerios fantasy)
• fancy attention from a fawning sycophant
• need a social experiment
• want to enjoy the partner's wealth
• like the title of die-hard liberal or social progressive
• seek to exact revenge on their controlling parents

Whether subconscious or not, are the above examples love? After a while we can all grow to love anything. "I'm so in love with (insert name here) because she/he is so beautiful/handsome, smart, and kind", could apply to your own race, but I guess people need a good shake into reality. To each his own, but it makes me sad to see people give up on improving the race because of lust and low self-esteem.

 

[HobbitJane]

Well I guess I should take back my statement and just retire to a state of emotional apathy. Maybe my views are distorted because of where I live and my classmates. I tried to be optimistic about life and hopeful that things would get better but my rude coworkers have made me realize that I am apparently a worthless human being who deserves nothing but sadness and death because of my gender and race. Thank you all, goodbye world.

 

[Dr SunDai]

Well I guess I should take back my statement and just retire to a state of emotional apathy. Maybe my views are distorted because of where I live and my classmates. I tried to be optimistic about life and hopeful that things would get better but my rude coworkers have made me realize that I am apparently a worthless human being who deserves nothing but sadness and death because of my gender and race. Thank you all, goodbye world.

Your worth is not determined by anyone but yourself. Learn that and don't forget it!

 

[phxf]

Well I guess I should take back my statement and just retire to a state of emotional apathy. Maybe my views are distorted because of where I live and my classmates. I tried to be optimistic about life and hopeful that things would get better but my rude coworkers have made me realize that I am apparently a worthless human being who deserves nothing but sadness and death because of my gender and race. Thank you all, goodbye world.

Self-deprecation helps none. Learn to not give a **** about opinions from those who aren't supportive of you and move on. Not trying to be mean, just trying to be straightforward.

 

[La Presse]

Well I guess I should take back my statement and just retire to a state of emotional apathy. Maybe my views are distorted because of where I live and my classmates. I tried to be optimistic about life and hopeful that things would get better but my rude coworkers have made me realize that I am apparently a worthless human being who deserves nothing but sadness and death because of my gender and race. Thank you all, goodbye world.

I had a similar issue to yours. Haters started acting mad, but then they realized the pack was missing, so yeah....just keeping doing you and go get that cake.

Not sure that made sense, but you simply need to identify what you really want and hone in on it. Not everyone is going to love you or will want to be your friend.

 

[bisonboy]

Sorry for the theatrics but I just read an article and it just seems like the world hates black women and I have been in la-la land up until now. I grew up watching PBS so I always thought that it's whats on the inside that counts and there is someone for everyone; boy I have been so naive.

Me too, thats how i was raised. I am not looking for the right black partner, but just the right partner period.

 

[peudamour]

.

 

[nokanu2]

I should have figured. Your avatar colors remind me of the flag.

@HobbitJane, there is nothing to be ashamed about. I'm Nigerian and proud : )

Nothing at all to be ashamed of, Nigerian-American, specifically Igbo

 

[HobbitJane]

Hello there. I am an intelligent black woman in an active interracial relationship. I usually end up dating outside my race, not because I am against dating black men or because I want my kids to come out a certain shade of brown. If I found a black man that was interested in dating me AND was smart, attractive and respected me I wouldn't hesitate to go out with him. I don't think that my standards are too high. I usually forgive a lot in a man. In fact, they may be too low sometimes.

I think its pretty ignorant to automatically wonder what happened in someone's past just because the person that they like to hold hands with doesn't share their racial background. Unfortunately, its normal to feel weird when you see something you're not used too, but its no excuse to be judgmental.

I have controlling parents, but if anything it makes me dislike men in authority more than black men...

I apologize. I made these statements based on my local experience and I did not mean to say anything disparaging about interracial couples. Some of you girls are lucky and a color blind man with a pure heart has found you and loves you for who you are. I will not generalize and say ALL black guys are mean, but the few in my area make me feel like dirt. The other races of guys seem hell-bent on dating white women or their own race of women, which makes me question where I belong in society.

I'm at a crossroads; I do not know how to add a sense of meaning to my lonely life of endless studying, budgeting, and work. I cannot jump in the Grand Canyon because of my Christian faith, so I just have to deal with whatever life throws at me. I just don't know what to do with myself for 70+ years without a husband, children, or friends. Every hobby is just depressing when you have to do it alone, people just stare and laugh.

 

[peudamour]

.

 

[bisonboy]

I apologize. I made these statements based on my local experience and I did not mean to say anything disparaging about interracial couples. Some of you girls are lucky and a color blind man with a pure heart has found you and loves you for who you are. I will not generalize and say ALL black guys are mean, but the few in my area make me feel like dirt. The other races of guys seem hell-bent on dating white women or their own race of women, which makes me question where I belong in society.

I'm at a crossroads; I do not know how to add a sense of meaning to my lonely life of endless studying, budgeting, and work. I cannot jump in the Grand Canyon because of my Christian faith, so I just have to deal with whatever life throws at me. I just don't know what to do with myself for 70+ years without a husband, children, or friends. Every hobby is just depressing when you have to do it alone, people just stare and laugh.

Don't feel bad, that is how you feel, as long as you know not ALL black men and men of authority are bad. I fell into the same traps at times, generalizing all black women just based on my experiences and boy have I been proven wrong on more than one occasion

 

[jakeislove]

People should get over the silly notion that being in medical school automatically makes them a great catch.

 

[EMDO2018]

People should get over the silly notion that being in medical school automatically makes them a great catch.

It doesn't automatically make you a great catch, but it makes you more desirable if you're a guy. You will have one of the most highly respect, economically stable, highly compensated careers in society. Plus it take intelligence and ambition to become a doctor, women know that.

 

[jakeislove]

It doesn't automatically make you a great catch, but it makes you more desirable if you're a guy. You will have one of the most highly respect, economically stable, highly compensated careers in society. Plus it take intelligence and ambition to become a doctor, women know that.

External qualities (e.g., money, title, big boobs, attractiveness, etc...) that make one more desirable have little to do with being a good partner. Sure; if you're a PITA with money (or a nice title) people will put up with you longer to enjoy certain benefits but it doesn't change who you really are on the inside. It's just means someone will put up with you, LOL!

The whole race thing is overdone. In fact, I'm of a mind that people use racism as an ego defense to shield themselves from accepting and dealing with how their personalities, attitude, and cultural bias affect interpersonal relationships.

A few years ago this chick tried running game on me at a bar. I politely explained having a girlfriend but she still kept at it. Told her I had a girlfriend two or three other times.... she finally got defensive and explained the problem was that "You just can't handle a strong black woman", LOL! I'm guessing being strong and black weren't the true reasons she was single and trying to pick up someone else's man at a bar.

 

[HobbitJane]

External qualities (e.g., money, title, big boobs, attractiveness, etc...) that make one more desirable have little to do with being a good partner. Sure; if you're a PITA with money (or a nice title) people will put up with you longer to enjoy certain benefits but it doesn't change who you really are on the inside. It's just means someone will put up with you, LOL!

The whole race thing is overdone. In fact, I'm of a mind that people use racism as an ego defense to shield themselves from accepting and dealing with how their personalities, attitude, and cultural bias affect interpersonal relationships.

A few years ago this chick tried running game on me at a bar. I politely explained having a girlfriend but she still kept at it. Told her I had a girlfriend two or three other times.... she finally got defensive and explained the problem was that "You just can't handle a strong black woman", LOL! I'm guessing being strong and black weren't the true reasons she was single and trying to pick up someone else's man at a bar.

The problem I highlighted in my previous post is that it seems like race does influence people's decision on whether or not to initiate a conversation with a woman (cat-calling not included). How is a woman supposed to get a boyfriend or husband when no one will even converse with her because society assumes that she has a particular personality and is by default ugly? It is a very depressing position to be in when it feels like the world hates you. I dislike the strong, black archetype, it is killing our collective image. Everyone is an individual and has their own obstacles to overcome, so a whole race of women cannot be given this title. Additionally, this epithet usually has a negative connotation that conjures up the image of a fat, loud, arrogant woman. The example you gave, showcases one aggressive woman with loose morals. I personally do not hit on guys and once I find out a man is in a relationship, I respect him as my peer/coworker/classmate, but I do not find him attractive as a potential partner. During my freshman year, I had a guy friend with whom I ate supper every night. My guy friend later connected with one of my female friends from high school. After winter break, my guy friend and the girl started dating. This guy and I had a laid-back friendship based on physical, inside jokes but once he started dating my friend, I kept my distance out of respect for my friend. I guess in this situation race and weight played a role. My guy friend is of Asian heritage and made comments about preferring light skin and his girlfriend is Hispanic and a size two. I can always restrict calories and exercise until I reach a size two, but I cannot change my skin color or hair texture. If deep down in your heart, you can say that race does not matter then, I will walk away from this forum with a renewed sense of hope.

 

[jakeislove]

I'm like Captain Kirk!

 

[La Presse]

The self-loathing in this thread....

 

[EMDO2018]

The problem I highlighted in my previous post is that it seems like race does influence people's decision on whether or not to initiate a conversation with a woman (cat-calling not included). How is a woman supposed to get a boyfriend or husband when no one will even converse with her because society assumes that she has a particular personality and is by default ugly? It is a very depressing position to be in when it feels like the world hates you. I dislike the strong, black archetype, it is killing our collective image. Everyone is an individual and has their own obstacles to overcome, so a whole race of women cannot be given this title. Additionally, this epithet usually has a negative connotation that conjures up the image of a fat, loud, arrogant woman. The example you gave, showcases one aggressive woman with loose morals. I personally do not hit on guys and once I find out a man is in a relationship, I respect him as my peer/coworker/classmate, but I do not find him attractive as a potential partner. During my freshman year, I had a guy friend with whom I ate supper every night. My guy friend later connected with one of my female friends from high school. After winter break, my guy friend and the girl started dating. This guy and I had a laid-back friendship based on physical, inside jokes but once he started dating my friend, I kept my distance out of respect for my friend. I guess in this situation race and weight played a role. My guy friend is of Asian heritage and made comments about preferring light skin and his girlfriend is Hispanic and a size two. I can always restrict calories and exercise until I reach a size two, but I cannot change my skin color or hair texture. If deep down in your heart, you can say that race does not matter then, I will walk away from this forum with a renewed sense of hope.

you're right, superficial qualities like race, height, skin color, career, status, and money are all factors people have when picking a mate. Its unfair, but there isn't much you can do about it.

 

[HobbitJane]

you're right, superficial qualities like race, height, skin color, career, status, and money are all factors people have when picking a mate. Its unfair, but there isn't much you can do about it.

I just wish I was told this as a child, so at least I would not have gotten my hopes up about having a nice life lol.

 

[EMDO2018]

This thread is quiet. So, Ill be attending a state school that has 6 black students total. 3 girls, 3 guys. There's only one girl I think is attractive , the other two are obese. I turned down an HBCU that would have cost 80-100k more- but the class if full of beautiful black women. Maybe I made a mistake?

 

[Silent Cool]

 

[phxf]

This thread is quiet. So, Ill be attending a state school that has 6 black students total. 3 girls, 3 guys. There's only one girl I think is attractive , the other two are obese. I turned down an HBCU that would have cost 80-100k more- but the class if full of beautiful black women. Maybe I made a mistake?

Because spending 20-25k/yr in hopes of having a better shot with women would've been worth it

 

[EMDO2018]

Because spending 20-25k/yr in hopes of having a better shot with women would've been worth it

I agree, which is why I picked the state school.

 

[La Presse]

I agree, which is why I picked the state school.

I'd probably be miserable at an HBCU.

 

[listener23]

This thread is quiet. So, Ill be attending a state school that has 6 black students total. 3 girls, 3 guys. There's only one girl I think is attractive , the other two are obese. I turned down an HBCU that would have cost 80-100k more- but the class if full of beautiful black women. Maybe I made a mistake?

I hope you guys don't start fighting over her, she might get a big head lol

 

[EMDO2018]

I hope you guys don't start fighting over her, she might get a big head lol

She ain't that cute

 

[HobbitJane]

I promise I will not be pessimistic anymore; however, I still have a few questions.
1. What is the dating scene like in New York and Maryland for nerdy/smart girls?
2. What do you guys think about thigh gaps?

 

[listener23]

I promise I will not be pessimistic anymore; however, I still have a few questions.
1. What is the dating scene like in New York and Maryland for nerdy/smart girls?
2. What do you guys think about thigh gaps?

1. I Cant answer that

2. Black men dont think or know about stuff like that

 

[EMDO2018]

I promise I will not be pessimistic anymore; however, I still have a few questions.
1. What is the dating scene like in New York and Maryland for nerdy/smart girls?
2. What do you guys think about thigh gaps?

The dating scene in big cities is always better because there are so many more options. Going to NY will be good for you.

Thigh gap? That's a white people thing. I like women to look fit but have meat on their bones.

 

[listener23]

.

 

[jakeislove]

I promise I will not be pessimistic anymore; however, I still have a few questions.
1. What is the dating scene like in New York and Maryland for nerdy/smart girls?
2. What do you guys think about thigh gaps?

It depends on the girl.

Had to look up "thigh gap" but think it depends on how everything else is balanced out. Not single anymore but am a workout/fitness nut so someone really overweight wouldn't hit the radar.

Being older, I'd really consider medicine/school a negative. Not a popular opinion but it seems like someone with the same schedule and life stresses would be a bit much.

 

[EMDO2018]

For you guys who have dated interracially how did you make it happen? How did you put up with their parents and how do you know if a girl of another race is really interested? From my experience its hard to know which girls are really interested and which ones just want the experience of having a black friend.

 

[Bancrofti]

For you guys who have dated interracially how did you make it happen? How did you put up with their parents and how do you know if a girl of another race is really interested? From my experience its hard to know which girls are really interested and which ones just want the experience of having a black friend.

Lol, you just live your life. For me personally, parents weren't an issue, but I know I've been lucky. I tend to attract certain kinds of girls (of different races), and the type of personality I get along with tends to be of a person raised by people who would be accepting of anyone. It is tough to tell who "just want's a black friend," bf, gf, or whatever and you can ruin potential relationships by having up some type of guard all the time. So just do you and if you get the feeling that you ever feel less than you should, then drop the person making you feel that way and keep it moving.

 

[La Presse]

Lol, you just live your life. For me personally, parents weren't an issue, but I know I've been lucky. I tend to attract certain kinds of girls (of different races), and the type of personality I get along with tends to be of a person raised by people who would be accepting of anyone. It is tough to tell who "just want's a black friend," bf, gf, or whatever and you can ruin potential relationships by having up some type of guard all the time. So just do you and if you get the feeling that you ever feel less than you should, then drop the person making you feel that way and keep it moving.

Right. I think in the past I've been able to gain traction easily with lots of people, regardless of their background. I used to be very oblivious because I did not generally identify as an AA. However, once people learn where I am from and who I am, I notice very subtle changes in their behavior. I'm kind of a cocky guy and even sneer when I noticed things like this happening to me, but I cannot help feeling very bad or even dejected when I realize they are extremely prejudicial toward me. People who are useless, who are not even 1/10th of what I am or what I will become, they judge me and size me up and then they expect me to open up and continue to be their friend or whatever. It just won't happen.

To anyone reading this and struggling, I urge you to surround yourself with good people, genuine friends, and simply hope for the best. I'd like to also mention that I have experienced this to the point where I use heavy discretion before I interact with someone. I tend to be pretty reserved when I am dealing with someone sending bad vibes or is unfriendly, but its gotten to a stage where I can predict their attitude towards me even before fully interacting with them.

 

[bonedoc82]

Good luck everyone!

I am a PGY-1 Orthopaedic Surgery Resident and vividly remember applying and going through the process.

Any questions, please send them my way.

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[Dr.Keem]

I promise I will not be pessimistic anymore; however, I still have a few questions.
1. What is the dating scene like in New York and Maryland for nerdy/smart girls?
2. What do you guys think about thigh gaps?

1.As a person from the east coast, I'd say that you will have more luck dating here than the Mid-west.
2.I'm an AA male and I have never thought about "thigh-gaps" before I seen it mentioned on this thread.

I enjoyed reading your post in this thread. I'm sorry about the interactions you've had with other black men, but I can confidently say that their views are not shared by all. I particularly enjoy smart,nerdy,awkward girls because I have similar qualities. I'm more attracted to black women , but I choose to date people who I share similar personalities and interest with regardless of ethnicity. But in my opinion, before looking for acceptance/approval from men, I think you have to love yourself. Excuse the french, but f*** whoever doesn't like you because of your skin color, height, etc. That's the attitude you have to develop simply because people are mean, even when they don't intend to be. I hope you come across people who will make you feel beautiful as you are. Don't lose hope,they do exist.

 

[jayceee]

This thread is really interesting.

I have a bit of a different perspective on things. It might be because I've only lived in the USA for 3 years. I'm Ghanaian-Canadian and grew up on the west coast of Canada, in a metropolitan area where 52% of the population is a visible minority--but only 1% black. So while I was always the only black woman in my social circle and one of a handful of black people at school, I was always surrounded by difference.

It's only been since moving to the US that I've actually noticed that racial preference, when it comes to dating, is a real issue for some people. I read comments online about how black men are sellouts if they marry outside of their race. I notice similar comments about black women, although not containing the same vitriol as the comments directed toward the men.

HobbitJane's comments upset me. They're bordering on being self-deprecative. Thoughts become reality. I don't mean this as an attack on her at all. The media portrays a very narrow image of beauty. This fact doesn't have to mean that men don't find you attractive. How the human brain processes and judges attractiveness is universal. Things like facial ratios (Apparently the distance between your eyes and mouth should be about 30% of the length of your face, and the distance between your eyes should measure about 46% of the width of your face.), symmetry, clear skin, full lips and breasts, and wide-ish hips,--all signs of a healthy and reproductively fit mate. I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say.

The story HobbitJane told about her asian guy friend... How does she know that he didn't think she was attractive? Just because someone tell you they find a particular feature to be ideal, doesn't mean they don't think your features are attractive. Don't live your life assuming the worst in people

I'm married to a Norwegian-Canadian man. I didn't chose him because I find european features to be ideal. I chose him because he is handsome (by anyone's standards), smart, and interested in most of the same things that I'm interested in. He didn't choose me because he has a black girl fetish. He chose me because he thinks I'm beautiful, smart, and share his goals and values.

Someone in this thread asked

For you guys who have dated interracially how did you make it happen? How did you put up with their parents and how do you know if a girl of another race is really interested? From my experience its hard to know which girls are really interested and which ones just want the experience of having a black friend.

How did I make it happen? Hrm.. Probably by not trying to make it happen. I've never had a racial preference. I'm extremely outgoing and don't abide by gender roles, so if I thought someone was interested in me, I would just ask them. My ratio of interracial dating to non-interracial dating is almost exactly on par with the demographics of the city I grew up in--1% black. I've never had to "deal with" parents. No one has ever had a problem with me. Every parent I've interacted with has treated me like a daughter. I even maintain a great relationship with an ex-bf's mother (I don't even talk to this ex!). My husband's family is great. My parents love him. They're extremely open minded and have never told me to marry a black man. My husband loves my culture. He's always asking my mom to cook him traditional food. He's even travelled to Ghana with zero problems.

Why do you want to know which girls are really interested and which ones just want the experience of having a black friend? Is it wrong to want to experience other cultures? A lot of people really enjoy it. Use your best judgement. Put yourself out there. Be the woman or man that everyone loves being around. Put amazing energy out into the universe. Surround yourself with exceptional people who are open-minded and well-traveled and you will attract people who value you as a person, and not as a skin color.

You guys have chosen to enter a profession where less than 5% of your colleagues will look like you. Life is so much better when you find people who share similar interests and ideals. Limiting yourself to race will only add to your stress.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I know a lot of what I wrote sounds preachy and a little judgy. Just sharing experience and observations.

 

[jayceee]

1.As a person from the east coast, I'd say that you will have more luck dating here than the Mid-west.
2.I'm an AA male and I have never thought about "thigh-gaps" before I seen it mentioned on this thread.

I enjoyed reading your post in this thread. I'm sorry about the interactions you've had with other black men, but I can confidently say that their views are not shared by all. I particularly enjoy smart,nerdy,awkward girls because I have similar qualities. I'm more attracted to black women , but I choose to date people who I share similar personalities and interest with regardless of ethnicity. But in my opinion, before looking for acceptance/approval from men, I think you have to love yourself. Excuse the french, but f*** whoever doesn't like you because of your skin color, height, etc. That's the attitude you have to develop simply because people are mean, even when they don't intend to be. I hope you come across people who will make you feel beautiful as you are. Don't lose hope,they do exist.

^ This. Thank you for saying this. You can never go wrong when you choose a partner based on shared interests and values.

Self-love and acceptance is soooo important. Remember the most popular guy in high school? You probably don't remember what he looked like, right? That's because looks aren't really what made him popular. His confidence was. People gravitate toward the most confident person in the room. (That's why I feel in love with my husband) Become that person, and you'll have to fend off potential suitors with a stick.

 

[Eokpar02]

I am a black male who goes to a medical school in NYC. I, like the rest of my black male classmates date outside of school because of the slim pickings at my school. There is no one in my class (I am second year) who I am attracted to. I principally used POF and, gasp, Craigslist to find dates during my first year. I had some success getting dates but no success getting a long term girlfriend. I dumped these sites and started approaching women at school and events; I found myself utterly surprised by the number of women who agreed to go out with me. If you are having trouble dating examine yourself. Are you in shape? Do you smile? Do you appear confident (good posture, unwavering glare, clear voice)? Do you even meet women who you are attracted to? Do you look good(hair cut, clean teeth, clean clothes)?

I used to moan and complain about not being able to get a girlfriend but you have to recognize the problem rests within. First and foremost, make yourself as attractive as possible to women. I think most of my success came from good posture, smiling, dressing nice and being hygienic. Create a gym schedule and eat healthy. When I gained 20 pounds of muscle(from a strict weightlifting routine coupled with a high protein diet) I found a lot of females commenting on my body and asking me for workout advice. Secondly, put yourself in a position to meet the women who you are interested in; try to commit to a number of outings per week. Go to first Friday or Saturday events at libraries and museums. Go to bars near universities. Look at meetup groups and free concerts as your highway to finding single women.

At the end of the day, nothing is going to be gained from griping on the internet about how "sisters" don't give you a chance. Create your own chances.

Also, haha, if any females are looking for a guy in NYC... send me a pm.

 

[EMDO2018]

Being in med school for a little while now, I'm gonna go ahead and say, it is really easy to get girls in med school, especially black women if you're a young black man. Usually the problem with lay girls who try to talk to me, there is just too much of a brain gap and all they talk about is dumb crap. No I don't watch love and hip hop or Steve Wilkos or any of that other low class crap.

 

[Dahling]

 

[TactFR44]

Being in med school for a little while now, I'm gonna go ahead and say, it is really easy to get girls in med school, especially black women if you're a young black man. Usually the problem with lay girls who try to talk to me, there is just too much of a brain gap and all they talk about is dumb crap. No I don't watch love and hip hop or Steve Wilkos or any of that other low class crap.

Low class crap? lol I wouldn't label it a "class" thing. I know plenty of wealthy people who watch this stuff. Similar to the Kardashians. My sis in law who is a big VP watches it because she says it makes her feel better about her self and she is flabbergasted that individuals behave/act this way. It's amusing to watch.

 

[WaterIsGood]

Being in med school for a little while now, I'm gonna go ahead and say, it is really easy to get girls in med school, especially black women if you're a young black man. Usually the problem with lay girls who try to talk to me, there is just too much of a brain gap and all they talk about is dumb crap. No I don't watch love and hip hop or Steve Wilkos or any of that other low class crap.

Everytime you post, I die a little inside.

 

[ZildjianMD]

 

[EMDO2018]

Boy, med school is something

 

[ModyzMalak]

I apologize. I made these statements based on my local experience and I did not mean to say anything disparaging about interracial couples. Some of you girls are lucky and a color blind man with a pure heart has found you and loves you for who you are. I will not generalize and say ALL black guys are mean, but the few in my area make me feel like dirt. The other races of guys seem hell-bent on dating white women or their own race of women, which makes me question where I belong in society.

I'm at a crossroads; I do not know how to add a sense of meaning to my lonely life of endless studying, budgeting, and work. I cannot jump in the Grand Canyon because of my Christian faith, so I just have to deal with whatever life throws at me. I just don't know what to do with myself for 70+ years without a husband, children, or friends. Every hobby is just depressing when you have to do it alone, people just stare and laugh.

I do allot of things alone and it's fine. Outdoor activities, hiking, biking, swimming, learning an instrument, going to concerts, taking dance classes...ball room, Latin,etc..there's things you can do out of the house and by yourself and have fun!

 

[sillyrabbit0207]

This thread is quiet. So, Ill be attending a state school that has 6 black students total. 3 girls, 3 guys. There's only one girl I think is attractive , the other two are obese. I turned down an HBCU that would have cost 80-100k more- but the class if full of beautiful black women. Maybe I made a mistake?

im a little late, but quite honestly.. i thought i was the only one who had this concern, and i considered an hbcu for this sole reason.

 

[sillyrabbit0207]

Hopefully, Ill be in med school near Atlanta, being single is starting to get old. Hell Im starting to get old .

However ATL is a cheaper city to live in... this single/broke life is starting to get old