Young black men who are pre-med or med students, why is it so hard to date???

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Old thread, but it's 3am, I have a Final exam at 8, and I can't sleep, so what the hell. As someone interested in medicine, assembling all the pieces of the puzzle can be overwhelming. I'm only a lowly premed, but I'm already struggling to find adequate time for some things I used to take for granted.

Relationships are manageable, but they take time, and a lot of it. Currently, I'm personally working, juggling 20 credit hours, partaking in numerous ECs, and trying to find time to shoot hoops and play xbox, all the while attempting to have a semblance of a social life. I'm a freshman, so I will eventually adapt and adjust, and having a relationship in undergrad is completely doable, I'm sure, but it's not a high priority of mines at this stage.
 
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None of your issues, nvnme, are unique to black male pre meds, and I think that was the purpose of this thread.

It's hard for us to date because we like intellectual women, well most of us. The vast majority of black intellectual females are weary of dating a black man, especially one who is educated. They stereotype black men the same way non-black people do. Other non-black intellectual women aren't used to interacting with, let alone dating a black man. We aren't "hood" enough nor are we "white" enough to fit snugly in anywhere. Oh well, can't please everyone!
 
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None of your issues, nvnme, are unique to black male pre meds, and I think that was the purpose of this thread.

It's hard for us to date because we like intellectual women, well most of us. The vast majority of black intellectual females are weary of dating a black man, especially one who is educated. They stereotype black men the same way non-black people do. Other non-black intellectual women aren't used to interacting with, let alone dating a black man. We aren't "hood" enough nor are we "white" enough to fit snugly in anywhere. Oh well, can't please everyone!

Stereotyping intellectual black women while claiming they are the ones guilty of stereotyping? That's cool, I guess. Black always seems to go hardest on black unfortunately.

But as some one who has many friends currently in med school of many ethnicities, it seems like dating can be tough no matter what color you are. The demands of med school aren't very light on anyone's social life.
 
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Stereotyping intellectual black women while claiming they are the ones guilty of stereotyping? That's cool, I guess. Black always seems to go hardest on black unfortunately.

But as some one who has many friends currently in med school of many ethnicities, it seems like dating can be tough no matter what color you are. The demands of med school aren't very light on anyone's social life.

I'm not stereotyping "black intellectual women." I'm just basing my judgements off of observations and accounts that I and my colleagues, who are also AA, have experienced. My opinions aren't based on conjecture, they are based from conversations that I have had with these women, I mean how could I know that someone is an intellectual unless I have had an extensive conversation with them? These women have already come to a conclusion about what type of people AA men are before they even say a single word to them! They are stereotyping! I am making an assessment of their personality based on conversations Ive had with these individuals.

Also, I'm sure it's hard for everyone to date in medical school, but for some it is harder than others, and the reasons go far beyond being busy with studying, its much deeper than that.
 
I'm not stereotyping "black intellectual women." I'm just basing my judgements off of observations and accounts that I and my colleagues, who are also AA, have experienced. My opinions aren't based on conjecture, they are based from conversations that I have had with these women, I mean how could I know that someone is an intellectual unless I have had an extensive conversation with them? These women have already come to a conclusion about what type of people AA men are before they even say a single word to them! They are stereotyping! I am making an assessment of their personality based on conversations Ive had with these individuals.

Also, I'm sure it's hard for everyone to date in medical school, but for some it is harder than others, and the reasons go far beyond being busy with studying, its much deeper than that.


Since this is supposed to be an interdisciplinary forum (although extremely dominated by pre-meds/meds), I think I can chime in.

Your whole statement is basically the opposite of what I know to be true. I am AA and only have well educated and intelligent friends, and all of the intelligent AA women I know enjoys nothing more than to see or want to be involved with an intelligent AA male. If the AA women you go after stereotype or don't appreciate intelligent and well spoken AA men, then maybe they really aren't that intelligent after all. :shrug:
 
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I started this thread a while ago and erased it because I felt I was just venting. But, I think if you are a young AA male going into medicine, its best to be content being single. Most "educated" black women have extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage, and most white women can't relate to you.
 
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I started this thread a while ago and erased it because I felt I was just venting. But, I think if you are a young AA male going into medicine, its best to be content being single. Most "educated" black women have extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage, and most white women can't relate to you.

Where do you people hang out?? geez. PLEASE elaborate on these extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage. I can't even begin to understand what you mean by this...
 
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Where do you people hang out?? geez. PLEASE elaborate on these extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage. I can't even begin to understand what you mean by this...

I mean clearly there is an issue here. You can't sit there and pretend that what we are talking about doesn't exist, don't be ignorant, we're all very smart people. While it may be true that YOU don't have this problem or even that this isn't an issue at your school (which I doubt), this is a huge issue in most places. Trust me I hear AA males venting about it everywhere I go. I feel that what you experience is the exception, not the rule. I find in most cases that AA women are threatened by a AA man who can challenge them intellectually. It's almost as if they would prefer to date a person whom is less refined who they can dominate intellectually, in this way they retain a sense of power.
 
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I mean clearly there is an issue here. You can't sit there and pretend that what we are talking about doesn't exist, don't be ignorant, we're all very smart people. While it may be true that YOU don't have this problem or even that this isn't an issue at your school (which I doubt), this is a huge issue in most places. Trust me I hear AA males venting about it everywhere I go. I feel that what you experience is the exception, not the rule. I find in most cases that AA women are threatened by a AA man who can challenge them intellectually. It's almost as if they would prefer to date a person whom is less refined who they can dominate intellectually, in this way they retain a sense of power.

seriously...where do you hang out??

I have NEVER met an AA female who didn't appreciate a man who they could actually have conversations with. Not in high school, not in college (and the two are over a thousand miles a part so its certainly not just where I reside) and I doubt the AA females i'll meet in professional school will be any different! The statement that intelligent AA females can't tolerate intelligent AA males is not only ignorant, it's insulting. How can an AA female be truly intelligent if she can only survive in a relationship where her spouse is intellectually inferior? That's a personal self confidence issue that should not be a generalization to all or even most AA females...

You are right...we are all smart people. But in no way shape or form am I being ignorant to the fact that you are repeatedly insulting intelligent african american females by basically calling them insecure and power hungry.
 
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seriously...where do you hang out??

I have NEVER met an AA female who didn't appreciate a man who they could actually have conversations with. Not in high school, not in college (and the two are over a thousand miles a part so its certainly not just where I reside) and I doubt the AA females i'll meet in professional school will be any different! The statement that intelligent AA females can't tolerate intelligent AA males is not only ignorant, it's insulting. How can an AA female be truly intelligent if she can only survive in a relationship where her spouse is intellectually inferior? That's a personal self confidence issue that should not be a generalization to all or even most AA females...

You are right...we are all smart people. But in no way shape or form am I being ignorant to the fact that you are repeatedly insulting intelligent african american females by basically calling them insecure and power hungry.


If you haven't met the AA females that we are talking about, you haven't met many AA females, and that is a devastating fact.

I'll leave you with this, the issue that was to be discussed in this thread is indeed an ISSUE, otherwise there wouldn't be a thread. You seem to deny the fact that ALL women can be very insecure and power hungry, let alone AA women who have been taking a back seat in this country for hundreds of years. They have good reason to be this way, and if they are honest with themselves they will admit it (I've met some that have!). To say that there is no such thing as the flavor of AA women that we are talking about is completely ignorant, you should at least be intelligent enough to say that, "there might be women who are threatened by smart AA men and adopt a personality similar to the one that is being discussed here, but for the most part, my personal experience has led me to believe that the opposite is true." Instead of making a statement like that, you completely jump to one end of the spectrum and deny the existence of AA women with this type of personality! That my friend is ignorant! You are clearly unaware of this breed of women! I have at least acknowledged that all AA women aren't like this, but many are.

I digress, I'm not here to argue, just wanted to give my opinion.

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."-Aristotle
 
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If you haven't met the AA females that we are talking about, you haven't met many AA females, and that is a devastating fact.

I'll leave you with this, the issue that was to be discussed in this thread is indeed an ISSUE, otherwise there wouldn't be a thread. You seem to deny the fact that ALL women can be very insecure and power hungry, let alone AA women who have been taking a back seat in this country for hundreds of years. They have good reason to be this way, and if they are honest with themselves they will admit it (I've met some that have!). To say that there is no such thing as the flavor of AA women that we are talking about is completely ignorant, you should at least be intelligent enough to say that, "there might be women who are threatened by smart AA men and adopt a personality similar to the one that is being discussed here, but for the most part, my personal experience has led me to believe that the opposite is true." Instead of making a statement like that, you completely jump to one end of the spectrum and deny the existence of AA women with this type of personality! That my friend is ignorant! You are clearly unaware of this breed of women! I have at least acknowledged that all AA women aren't like this, but many are.

I digress, I'm not here to argue, just wanted to give my opinion.

"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."-Aristotle


Please tell me where I said that they don't exist? My main problem with your statements are that you generalize every AA female to be this way, which is completely untrue. Don't put me or the people I know in a boat with the arrogant AA females YOU know. EDIT: me not meeting any of the AA females you describe just means that in my life, AA females like me are the majority. Of course you saying the otherwise would be very hard to believe.

And really? I have never met many AA females? Let's see....caribbean parents....grew up in brownsville Brooklyn... yeah you are absolutely correct. Only met about 5 of them my entire life.

I'll leave you with this: if the only AA females you meet that are intelligent can't handle your own intelligence, then you need to look elsewhere because whatever you are doing is clearly not working. Maybe I could give you some helpful suggestions ;) (I kid, I kid)

And for the record, African American or not, I have never taken a back seat to anyone.

PM if you have further issues with my opinion. :rolleyes:
 
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To be honest.. Ever since I decided to become a physician my dating life has been easier? It seems like AA females (the college educated ones) are more attracted to AA males that have something going on for them..


Again, this is just from my personal experience as a college educated African American male that has only dated black women.
 
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Please tell me where I said that they don't exist? My main problem with your statements are that you generalize every AA female to be this way, which is completely untrue. Don't put me or the people I know in a boat with the arrogant AA females YOU know. EDIT: me not meeting any of the AA females you describe just means that in my life, AA females like me are the majority. Of course you saying the otherwise would be very hard to believe.

And really? I have never met many AA females? Let's see....caribbean parents....grew up in brownsville Brooklyn... yeah you are absolutely correct. Only met about 5 of them my entire life.

I'll leave you with this: if the only AA females you meet that are intelligent can't handle your own intelligence, then you need to look elsewhere because whatever you are doing is clearly not working. Maybe I could give you some helpful suggestions ;) (I kid, I kid)

And for the record, African American or not, I have never taken a back seat to anyone.

PM if you have further issues with my opinion. :rolleyes:

From my experience Caribbean =/= AA in a lot of cultural ways. Perhaps OP and SonofSteroli are talking about AA women in the south as opposed to people of Caribbean or African descent...I'd argue there's a big difference that is leading to some mis-communications.

Just the $0.02 of a Puerto Rican ;)
 
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Oh boy, I didn't mean for this thread to be black man and black woman at each others throats again. No side wants to take blame, and then places all the blame on the other side. But what I mean by "baggage" is educated black women try to treat educated black men the same way they treated all their thuggish exes. I'm not Pookie on the block. Don't come at me that way. If a woman tries to yell at me, treat me like a child, or belittle me Ill dump her. Plain and simple. Black women are wayyy to embattled. They have been mistreated by thug after thug(which they pick), and develop nasty attitudes towards most black men.
 
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Oh boy, I didn't mean for this thread to be black man and black woman at each others throats again. No side wants to take blame, and then places all the blame on the other side. But what I mean by "baggage" is educated black women try to treat educated black men the same way they treated all their thuggish exes. I'm not Pookie on the block. Don't come at me that way. If a woman tries to yell at me, treat me like a child, or belittle me Ill dump her. Plain and simple. Black women are wayyy to embattled. They have been mistreated by thug after thug(which they pick), and develop nasty attitudes towards most black men.

Are you sure that educated black women are the one's with thug boyfriends? I know that thug exes usually belong to the undereducated, and it is the sad truth that those with thug boyfriends don't know how to deal with 'real men' in a sense.

the baggage you speak of is definitely the reality of way too many females but I'm not sure if I've seen thug-ex scenarios among the educated black women...I could be wrong.

From my experience Caribbean =/= AA in a lot of cultural ways. Perhaps OP and SonofSteroli are talking about AA women in the south as opposed to people of Caribbean or African descent...I'd argue there's a big difference that is leading to some mis-communications.

you are absolutely right actually. Maybe my experiences are different because the minorities I am familiar with are caribbean and African and I identify myself as African-Caribbean-American. This would be the only way it makes sense for OP, SonofSteroli and I to have experiences on opposite ends of the spectrum.. so the new questions is,

What ethnicity are you (OP and SonofSteroli) referring to when you make these accusations?
 
To be honest.. Ever since I decided to become a physician my dating life has been easier? It seems like AA females (the college educated ones) are more attracted to AA males that have something going on for them..


Again, this is just from my personal experience as a college educated African American male that has only dated black women.

FINALLY!! I am not alone. It doesn't make sense to me that an education female (regardless of race) wouldn't prefer a spouse who is also well educated and vice versa...
 
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Elle, I identify as African American. Like Chem Engineer said, black girls from other countries tend to be really nice. Must be a difference in culture.
 
AA male here. Just my 2 cents on the matter

I would consider myself of above intelligence and thoroughly enjoy being around people who are equally smart or above me intellectually. But when it comes to dating, there is no possible way I could have a serious relationship with an African-American female who is of equal or higher intelligence as me. In my experience, black women who are of lower intelligence believe themselves to be amazing and black women of higher intelligence honestly believe they are God's gift to the Earth and they literally know everything. I would never be able to handle a smart black woman in a million years. My mind would be lost.
 
AA male here. Just my 2 cents on the matter

I would consider myself of above intelligence and thoroughly enjoy being around people who are equally smart or above me intellectually. But when it comes to dating, there is no possible way I could have a serious relationship with an African-American female who is of equal or higher intelligence as me. In my experience, black women who are of lower intelligence believe themselves to be amazing and black women of higher intelligence honestly believe they are God's gift to the Earth and they literally know everything. I would never be able to handle a smart black woman in a million years. My mind would be lost.

No, what you just explained is that no matter how smart or dumb a black woman is, you would never date one, period. It's cool though; I could never date an egotistical, self-absorbed prick no matter what race he is.
 
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No, what you just explained is that no matter how smart or dumb a black woman is, you would never date one, period. It's cool though; I could never date an egotistical, self-absorbed prick no matter what race he is.
Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.
 
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Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.

^^ and you know this because you personally know all black women? The saddest thing about you is that you have the audacity to refer to any female as an animal. So in essence, you don't deserve a female partner at all, much-less one who is black because clearly you are entirely too weak and feeble minded to be able to handle being in the presence of one. Instead of putting the blame on the attitudes or pride of black women, you should probably be putting the blame on your own inferiorities. It's okay to admit it.

I really was trying to not dignify your statement with a reply....but really?

P.S. - you are absolutely correct. I do think very highly of myself and that has nothing to do with my race/ethnicity. I'm sorry men like you can't keep up with a female like me. It's a damned good thing I'm with a man who can. :thumbup:

(actually, I'm not all that sorry.)
 
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Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.

Stop it; your aggressiveness is showing. If calling a woman a bitch is the only way you could feel masculine, I pray for any woman who crosses your path ESPECIALLY a black woman.
 
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^^ and you know this because you personally know all black women? The saddest thing about you is that you have the audacity to refer to any female as an animal. So in essence, you don't deserve a female partner at all, much-less one who is black because clearly you are entirely too weak and feeble minded to be able to handle being in the presence of one. Instead of putting the blame on the attitudes or pride of black women, you should probably be putting the blame on your own inferiorities. It's okay to admit it.

I really was trying to not dignify your statement with a reply....but really?

P.S. - you are absolutely correct. I do think very highly of myself and that has nothing to do with my race/ethnicity. I'm sorry men like you can't keep up with a female like me. It's a damned good thing I'm with a man who can. :thumbup:

(actually, I'm not all that sorry.)
Stop it; your aggressiveness is showing. If calling a woman a bitch is the only way you could feel masculine, I pray for any woman who crosses your path ESPECIALLY a black woman.
The bitch was in reference to my being called a prick.

Oh and thank you both for exemplifying the exact qualities that push smart black men away from black women. Ain't nobody got time for that.
 
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The bitch was in reference to my being called a prick.

Oh and thank you both for exemplifying the exact qualities that push smart black men away from black women. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Uncle Tommin' at its finest; your black parent/parents must be SO proud. I know this isn't the first time you've heard that. Amen to the brothas that can appreciate black women without generalizing them all like a big baby.
 
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Stop it; your aggressiveness is showing. If calling a woman a bitch is the only way you could feel masculine, I pray for any woman who crosses your path ESPECIALLY a black woman.

Actually, I pray for HIM in the event he crosses an intelligent black woman with an ounce of dignity. It wouldn't end well at all.

Oh and thank you both for exemplifying the exact qualities that push smart black men away from black women. Ain't nobody got time for that.

By qualities you must mean being intelligent, well-spoken, charming, powerful and successful ? Those qualities don't push away black men, they push away WEAK men. Big difference...

but finally I conclude..:troll:
 
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AA male here. Just my 2 cents on the matter

I would consider myself of above intelligence and thoroughly enjoy being around people who are equally smart or above me intellectually. But when it comes to dating, there is no possible way I could have a serious relationship with an African-American female who is of equal or higher intelligence as me. In my experience, black women who are of lower intelligence believe themselves to be amazing and black women of higher intelligence honestly believe they are God's gift to the Earth and they literally know everything. I would never be able to handle a smart black woman in a million years. My mind would be lost.

Hey bro...
What do you think about this? "All black men are stupid monkeys" from a white men I know.
I am sure you will say that ain't true.
So.....
 
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Hey bro...
What do you think about this? "All black men are stupid monkeys" from a white men I know.
I am sure you will say that ain't true.
So.....
I've seen evidence that black men are not stupid monkeys so it wouldn't phase me in the least bit.

I've yet to see any evidence that there exists an intelligent black woman who isn't completely full of herself.
 
Could you guys please stop. Please.
 
Will a mod please close this thread? It's degenerated to condescending remarks devoid of any meaningful conversation.
 
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To be honest.. Ever since I decided to become a physician my dating life has been easier? It seems like AA females (the college educated ones) are more attracted to AA males that have something going on for them..


This has been my experience, which is why I didn't make the correlation in my initial post that it clearly appears some were looking for. Women in general are more responsive to ambitious men and those with defined goals & aspirations. The problem with me isn't the dating, it's managing the time & stress, coupled with the time that goes into successfully dating that's an issue. That particular issue may plague other individuals, but I can only answer for me.

Interesting replies, also. I see the direction the thread is heading, but I can't say that I can relate to having any gripes with most black women I've met on campus. Most have been very responsive and non-combative.
 
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I'm not African American or Caribbean, but an immigrant. I find it very sad to see people in our race fighting and calling each other names. I guess I am considered black, so by all means I will do my best to preserve the race and improve our collected image. I grew up as a nerd in a mostly white area. As a child, my perception of black people came from the television because I never had the chance to interact with any real black people. Contrary to what Son of Sertoli said, prior to university, I was not attracted to black guys because of what I saw in the media about them being thugs; I only wanted to date guys interested in science, math, and the arts. As I have grown up and experienced different environments, I realize that there are smart, nerdy black guys, just like me :). The problems I have are as follows:

1) I am an undergrad, and I do not have any classes with educated black guys (demographics and major)
2) They might not be attracted to me because of my race (some only date inter-racially and refuse to give their race a chance because of stereotypes)
3) I don't know where educated guys hang out (I'm either in class, at my house, the library or at work)

We have all been brainwashed to believe the stereotypes that are held against our race without going into the world and meeting different kinds of black people. If we want the nasty stereotypes to disappear, educated black people must support each other. I think we should all be aware of stereotypes and try our best to be the direct opposite. As a kid, I was bullied because I looked different. Do you know what I did? I made friends with all of my bullies.

If someone or society as a whole hurt you at some point, you have to get over it and be nice to everyone even if you have a disagreement. I know we have been raised to stand up for ourselves, but sometimes it is important to take the constructive criticism, respond in a kind and considerate manner, and look for ways to improve if the faults apply to you. In the heat of the moment, just listen and don't escalate the issue by calling people names or being defensive. For example, just say "I acknowledge the point you are making; however based on my life experiences, the traits you described do not apply to me or the black women I know. I am always generous and friendly etc...". We can also encourage others to follow our lead. A woman is valued for her inner beauty and this comes from being nurturing and gentle. Even though I am smart (3.99 GPA), I let men know how much I admire their intelligence and other virtuous traits.
 
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I've met some black women on the interview trail that were pleasant to talk to. They weren't attractive though:meh:..... to me anyway.
 
I've met some black women on the interview trail that were pleasant to talk to. They weren't attractive though:meh:..... to me anyway.

Can you help me? Please elaborate on what makes a woman attractive within traits that can be controlled. If a person finds someone attractive just because of their race, hair color, or eye color, I think that person should dig deep and reflect on the racial messages that the media has fed them their entire lives and how their peers have reinforced this bias in them. Out of a staff of 108 people, I work with 3 black females and 9 black males. The black males are non-science majors and are more concerned with pop culture than current issues. From the way some of them talk, black women are aliens and only deserve sadness and isolation. When my other non-black female coworkers (even the overweight ones) come in, the black men's faces light up and engage the girls in conversation and invite them out to places even after these non-black females are mean or rude to them. On the contrary, I am nice and sweet to all of the guys at work, and they seem afraid to be nice to me (except two guys). I am not physically distorted or obese, and I smile and let people make jokes about me. All of my life I have wanted to belong and I thought that maybe I would find that among American Blacks, but I feel nothing but rejection from some black guys. I don't understand what I am doing wrong.
 
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I've never heard of this problem. I would love to date a pre-med. Mostly because I'm pre-dental. Only "problem;)" is I'm married. Someone snatched me up lol. There are plenty of pre-professional ladies waiting to date a man on their level.
 
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Can you help me? Please elaborate on what makes a woman attractive within traits that can be controlled. If a person find someone attractive just because of their race, hair color, or eye color, I think that person should dig deep and reflect on the racial messages that the media has fed them their entire lives and how their peers have reinforced this bias in them. Out of a staff of 108 people, I work with 3 black females and 9 black males. The black males are non-science majors and are more concerned with pop culture than current issues. From the way some of them talk, black women are aliens and only deserve sadness and isolation. When my other non-black female coworkers (even the overweight ones) come in, the black men's faces light up and engage the girls in conversation and invite them out to places even after these non-black females are mean or rude to them. On the contrary, I am nice and sweet to all of the guys at work, and they seem afraid to be nice to me (except two guys). I am not physically distorted or obese, and I smile and let people make jokes about me. All of my life I have wanted to belong and I thought that maybe I would find that among American Blacks, but I feel nothing but rejection from some black guys. I don't understand what I am doing wrong.

I am sorry to hear that you are having this experience with the black males you meet. from my experience attractiveness is certainly something varied from individual to individual. In addition, a person's personality might even help to make the more attractive or completely turn someone off. When I was younger I struggled to fit in because my peers didn't find my personality all that attractive even if physically I was. (I was outspoken, major teachers pet, and kind of intruded on a bond the kids had formed since kindergarten when I became the new girl in the 5th grade.). But eventually, entering middle and high school, I met people who's personalities and interests were just like mine and had no problem fitting in. In high school, my personality was no longer an issue and luckily I had many friends and started dating someone as intelligent, corny and outspoken as myself, and we've been together ever since! interestingly enough he swore he would never date a black girl because he was used to the stereotypes of them being loud, obnoxious and unintelligible...then he met me;) .

It just takes time to find your niche. Don't ever change yourself to fit in. It's more worth it to be yourself and have someone fit you! :)

:luck::luck::luck:
 
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Can you help me? Please elaborate on what makes a woman attractive within traits that can be controlled. If a person find someone attractive just because of their race, hair color, or eye color, I think that person should dig deep and reflect on the racial messages that the media has fed them their entire lives and how their peers have reinforced this bias in them. Out of a staff of 108 people, I work with 3 black females and 9 black males. The black males are non-science majors and are more concerned with pop culture than current issues. From the way some of them talk, black women are aliens and only deserve sadness and isolation. When my other non-black female coworkers (even the overweight ones) come in, the black men's faces light up and engage the girls in conversation and invite them out to places even after these non-black females are mean or rude to them. On the contrary, I am nice and sweet to all of the guys at work, and they seem afraid to be nice to me (except two guys). I am not physically distorted or obese, and I smile and let people make jokes about me. All my life I wanted to belong and I thought maybe I would find that among American Blacks, but I feel nothing but rejection from some black guys. I don't understand what I am doing wrong.

It may not be fair, but physical attractiveness is important even in traits you can't control. Im sure there are many girls that take one look at me and decide they are not physically attracted to me, and I accept that. Some people like a certain height, skin color, hair type, whatever. There is nothing I can do about it. Attraction has to be there and you can't force it.
As far as the reason why certain people find certain traits attractive, those are many and varied. A lot of black men tend to find lighter skinned women with straight, curly, or "good" hair attractive. The media could play a part in this or maybe they are just biologically attracted to these traits. White and Asian women tend to like guys who are , what they call "tall, dark, and handsome." They like men within their race that have darker features (darker skin, dark hair, dark eyes) etc.
Personality Characteristics that make a woman attractive to me are a lot of the characteristic that preprofessional people tend to have- intelligence, determination, honestly, compassion, and a healthy lifestyle. But at the end of the day , even if a girl has all these things and I'm not physically attracted to her, its not going to happen.
There are a lot of negative emotions between black men and black women in America usually because most people have been hurt by an "ex" that was a bm or bw. Then that hurt is associated with anybody that looks like that ex( or those exes). I have had only 2 gfs in my life and they were both black women and both of those relationships ended badly. So when dating back women its like "here we go again" even though I'm fully aware not all black women are the same. Usually with dating other races that history of hurt isn't there, so you don't make those subconscious connections. But dating is complicated, attraction is complicated. You seem like a nice sweet girl, all we can do is be ourselves and stay positive that we will find someone.
 
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It may not be fair, but physical attractiveness is important even in traits you can't control. Im sure there are many girls that take one look at me and decide they are not physically attracted to me, and I accept that. Some people like a certain height, skin color, hair type, whatever. There is nothing I can do about it. Attraction has to be there and you can't force it.
As far as the reason why certain people find certain traits attractive, those are many and varied. A lot of black men tend to find lighter skinned women with straight, curly, or "good" hair attractive. The media could play a part in this or maybe they are just biologically attracted to these traits.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but what is the point to life if you know you are too dark (anything darker than Rihanna or Beyonce lol) for anyone to love and you will die alone at no fault of your own? If the reason is biologically based why did dark-skinned black men and women have happy marriages for thousands of years prior to European influence? Now with our Eurocentric, Willy Lynch society, women are given value based on how white they appear to be. With the knowledge of racism that exists, why are black people constantly racist to each other and cannot see past color? Many people in other races have bad dating experiences but they don't associate a bad ex with race, just with the particular individual and their faults. I am not complaining but if this is the way life is going to be, I don't see a point to living.
 
I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but what is the point to life if you know you are too dark (anything darker than Rihanna or Beyonce lol) for anyone to love and you will die alone at no fault of your own? If the reason is biologically based why did dark-skinned black men and women have happy marriages for thousands of years prior to European influence? Now with our Eurocentric, Willy Lynch society, women are given value based on how white they appear to be. With the knowledge of racism that exists, why are black people constantly racist to each other and cannot see past color? Many people in other races have bad dating experiences but they don't associate a bad ex with race, just with the particular individual and their faults. I am not complaining but if this is the way life is going to be, I don't see a point to living.

There are lots of black men that like dark skinned black women, you're being over dramatic. You can always date interracially. It would be interesting to see a picture of you.
 
There are lots of black men that like dark skinned black women, you're being over dramatic. You can always date interracially. It would be interesting to see a picture of you.

Sorry for the theatrics but I just read an article and it just seems like the world hates black women and I have been in la-la land up until now. I grew up watching PBS so I always thought that it's whats on the inside that counts and there is someone for everyone; boy I have been so naive.
 
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Sorry for the theatrics but I just read an article and it just seems like the world hates black women and I have been in la-la land up until now. I grew up watching PBS so I always thought that it's whats on the inside that counts and there is someone for everyone; boy I have been so naive.


What lol. that PBS line was funny.

You're not even that dark. Just try to put effort into meeting people, you should be okay.
 
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Can you give me some suggestions on how to meet people to go out with (dance club, comedy club etc.) without coming off "thirsty" for friends lol? In my culture, women do not initiate outings; men usually do the asking even when they are just your friends.
 
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Can you give me some suggestions on how to meet people to go out with (dance club, comedy club etc.) without coming off "thirsty" for friends lol? In my culture, women do not initiate outings; men usually do the asking even when they are just your friends.
You may have to go out to events solo or at least intend to at first. Most times people will ask to join. That takes the pressure off planning a group thing and having people back out since you were going either way.
 
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Looking back through this thread, all I can say is wow!:eek: This is definitely a hot topic people love to debate/argue/fling fireballs/go supersaiyan but since it looks like more positive vibes are flowing around here,

I have a question for @Dr SunDai or any other health students of color circulating around this thread...

You mentioned going out to events and meeting new people is key to keep up with the dating scene. How much has the location of your medical school played a role in that?
 
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Looking back through this thread, all I can say is wow!:eek: This is definitely a hot topic people love to debate/argue/fling fireballs/go supersaiyan but since it looks like more positive vibes are flowing around here,

I have a question for @Dr SunDai or any other health students of color circulating around this thread...

You mentioned going out to events and meeting new people is key to keep up with the dating scene. How much has the location of your medical school played a role in that?
I go to school in my home state. So I have the benefit of gravitating back to my comfort area closer to where I'm from vs immediately around the school. We're also near 3 major cities NYC, Philly and Atlantic City, so the opportunities to meet people are there and everywhere, when you have the down time to go. I made a conscious decision to turn multiple schools down because of their location. Living in rural areas or cities with low minority populations is not for me. BUT, if you're a pre-med and your only acceptance is in one of those places, GO!!
 
I go to school in my home state. So I have the benefit of gravitating back to my comfort area closer to where I'm from vs immediately around the school. We're also near 3 major cities NYC, Philly and Atlantic City, so the opportunities to meet people are there and everywhere, when you have the down time to go. I made a conscious decision to turn multiple schools down because of their location. Living in rural areas or cities with low minority populations is not for me. BUT, if you're a pre-med and your only acceptance is in one of those places, GO!!

Thanks! :) That makes a lot of sense. I haven't really been evaluating location in that sense with the schools I'm applying to/interviewing at but I think I will definitely do so when I ultimately decide where I want to matriculate. I have another question! From the interviews and student hosting experiences I have had so far, it seems like pretty much everyone is already married, engaged, or in a long term relationship with someone outside of the medical school. :wow: I found this to be especially true within the minority community (again, just from the med students I've spoken with). Would you say that this is the case from what you've seen? Roughly what percentage of students matriculate single and looking(/hopeful :rolleyes:)? And did you find that you actually had time to go out and be social? I will likely be matriculating to a school and area in which I pretty much do not know anyone. I'm sure there's plenty of time to bond with classmates but even outside of dating do you have time to get out and meet people outside of your SOM?
 
Hopefully, Ill be in med school near Atlanta, being single is starting to get old. Hell Im starting to get old :meh:.
 
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