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None of your issues, nvnme, are unique to black male pre meds, and I think that was the purpose of this thread.
It's hard for us to date because we like intellectual women, well most of us. The vast majority of black intellectual females are weary of dating a black man, especially one who is educated. They stereotype black men the same way non-black people do. Other non-black intellectual women aren't used to interacting with, let alone dating a black man. We aren't "hood" enough nor are we "white" enough to fit snugly in anywhere. Oh well, can't please everyone!
Stereotyping intellectual black women while claiming they are the ones guilty of stereotyping? That's cool, I guess. Black always seems to go hardest on black unfortunately.
But as some one who has many friends currently in med school of many ethnicities, it seems like dating can be tough no matter what color you are. The demands of med school aren't very light on anyone's social life.
I'm not stereotyping "black intellectual women." I'm just basing my judgements off of observations and accounts that I and my colleagues, who are also AA, have experienced. My opinions aren't based on conjecture, they are based from conversations that I have had with these women, I mean how could I know that someone is an intellectual unless I have had an extensive conversation with them? These women have already come to a conclusion about what type of people AA men are before they even say a single word to them! They are stereotyping! I am making an assessment of their personality based on conversations Ive had with these individuals.
Also, I'm sure it's hard for everyone to date in medical school, but for some it is harder than others, and the reasons go far beyond being busy with studying, its much deeper than that.
I started this thread a while ago and erased it because I felt I was just venting. But, I think if you are a young AA male going into medicine, its best to be content being single. Most "educated" black women have extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage, and most white women can't relate to you.
Where do you people hang out?? geez. PLEASE elaborate on these extremely unrealistic expectations and loads of baggage. I can't even begin to understand what you mean by this...
I mean clearly there is an issue here. You can't sit there and pretend that what we are talking about doesn't exist, don't be ignorant, we're all very smart people. While it may be true that YOU don't have this problem or even that this isn't an issue at your school (which I doubt), this is a huge issue in most places. Trust me I hear AA males venting about it everywhere I go. I feel that what you experience is the exception, not the rule. I find in most cases that AA women are threatened by a AA man who can challenge them intellectually. It's almost as if they would prefer to date a person whom is less refined who they can dominate intellectually, in this way they retain a sense of power.
seriously...where do you hang out??
I have NEVER met an AA female who didn't appreciate a man who they could actually have conversations with. Not in high school, not in college (and the two are over a thousand miles a part so its certainly not just where I reside) and I doubt the AA females i'll meet in professional school will be any different! The statement that intelligent AA females can't tolerate intelligent AA males is not only ignorant, it's insulting. How can an AA female be truly intelligent if she can only survive in a relationship where her spouse is intellectually inferior? That's a personal self confidence issue that should not be a generalization to all or even most AA females...
You are right...we are all smart people. But in no way shape or form am I being ignorant to the fact that you are repeatedly insulting intelligent african american females by basically calling them insecure and power hungry.
If you haven't met the AA females that we are talking about, you haven't met many AA females, and that is a devastating fact.
I'll leave you with this, the issue that was to be discussed in this thread is indeed an ISSUE, otherwise there wouldn't be a thread. You seem to deny the fact that ALL women can be very insecure and power hungry, let alone AA women who have been taking a back seat in this country for hundreds of years. They have good reason to be this way, and if they are honest with themselves they will admit it (I've met some that have!). To say that there is no such thing as the flavor of AA women that we are talking about is completely ignorant, you should at least be intelligent enough to say that, "there might be women who are threatened by smart AA men and adopt a personality similar to the one that is being discussed here, but for the most part, my personal experience has led me to believe that the opposite is true." Instead of making a statement like that, you completely jump to one end of the spectrum and deny the existence of AA women with this type of personality! That my friend is ignorant! You are clearly unaware of this breed of women! I have at least acknowledged that all AA women aren't like this, but many are.
I digress, I'm not here to argue, just wanted to give my opinion.
"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."-Aristotle
Please tell me where I said that they don't exist? My main problem with your statements are that you generalize every AA female to be this way, which is completely untrue. Don't put me or the people I know in a boat with the arrogant AA females YOU know. EDIT: me not meeting any of the AA females you describe just means that in my life, AA females like me are the majority. Of course you saying the otherwise would be very hard to believe.
And really? I have never met many AA females? Let's see....caribbean parents....grew up in brownsville Brooklyn... yeah you are absolutely correct. Only met about 5 of them my entire life.
I'll leave you with this: if the only AA females you meet that are intelligent can't handle your own intelligence, then you need to look elsewhere because whatever you are doing is clearly not working. Maybe I could give you some helpful suggestions (I kid, I kid)
And for the record, African American or not, I have never taken a back seat to anyone.
PM if you have further issues with my opinion.
Oh boy, I didn't mean for this thread to be black man and black woman at each others throats again. No side wants to take blame, and then places all the blame on the other side. But what I mean by "baggage" is educated black women try to treat educated black men the same way they treated all their thuggish exes. I'm not Pookie on the block. Don't come at me that way. If a woman tries to yell at me, treat me like a child, or belittle me Ill dump her. Plain and simple. Black women are wayyy to embattled. They have been mistreated by thug after thug(which they pick), and develop nasty attitudes towards most black men.
From my experience Caribbean =/= AA in a lot of cultural ways. Perhaps OP and SonofSteroli are talking about AA women in the south as opposed to people of Caribbean or African descent...I'd argue there's a big difference that is leading to some mis-communications.
To be honest.. Ever since I decided to become a physician my dating life has been easier? It seems like AA females (the college educated ones) are more attracted to AA males that have something going on for them..
Again, this is just from my personal experience as a college educated African American male that has only dated black women.
AA male here. Just my 2 cents on the matter
I would consider myself of above intelligence and thoroughly enjoy being around people who are equally smart or above me intellectually. But when it comes to dating, there is no possible way I could have a serious relationship with an African-American female who is of equal or higher intelligence as me. In my experience, black women who are of lower intelligence believe themselves to be amazing and black women of higher intelligence honestly believe they are God's gift to the Earth and they literally know everything. I would never be able to handle a smart black woman in a million years. My mind would be lost.
Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.No, what you just explained is that no matter how smart or dumb a black woman is, you would never date one, period. It's cool though; I could never date an egotistical, self-absorbed prick no matter what race he is.
Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.
Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.
^^ and you know this because you personally know all black women? The saddest thing about you is that you have the audacity to refer to any female as an animal. So in essence, you don't deserve a female partner at all, much-less one who is black because clearly you are entirely too weak and feeble minded to be able to handle being in the presence of one. Instead of putting the blame on the attitudes or pride of black women, you should probably be putting the blame on your own inferiorities. It's okay to admit it.
I really was trying to not dignify your statement with a reply....but really?
P.S. - you are absolutely correct. I do think very highly of myself and that has nothing to do with my race/ethnicity. I'm sorry men like you can't keep up with a female like me. It's a damned good thing I'm with a man who can.
(actually, I'm not all that sorry.)
The bitch was in reference to my being called a prick.Stop it; your aggressiveness is showing. If calling a woman a bitch is the only way you could feel masculine, I pray for any woman who crosses your path ESPECIALLY a black woman.
The bitch was in reference to my being called a prick.
Oh and thank you both for exemplifying the exact qualities that push smart black men away from black women. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Stop it; your aggressiveness is showing. If calling a woman a bitch is the only way you could feel masculine, I pray for any woman who crosses your path ESPECIALLY a black woman.
Oh and thank you both for exemplifying the exact qualities that push smart black men away from black women. Ain't nobody got time for that.
AA male here. Just my 2 cents on the matter
I would consider myself of above intelligence and thoroughly enjoy being around people who are equally smart or above me intellectually. But when it comes to dating, there is no possible way I could have a serious relationship with an African-American female who is of equal or higher intelligence as me. In my experience, black women who are of lower intelligence believe themselves to be amazing and black women of higher intelligence honestly believe they are God's gift to the Earth and they literally know everything. I would never be able to handle a smart black woman in a million years. My mind would be lost.
I've seen evidence that black men are not stupid monkeys so it wouldn't phase me in the least bit.Hey bro...
What do you think about this? "All black men are stupid monkeys" from a white men I know.
I am sure you will say that ain't true.
So.....
To be honest.. Ever since I decided to become a physician my dating life has been easier? It seems like AA females (the college educated ones) are more attracted to AA males that have something going on for them..
I've met some black women on the interview trail that were pleasant to talk to. They weren't attractive though..... to me anyway.
Can you help me? Please elaborate on what makes a woman attractive within traits that can be controlled. If a person find someone attractive just because of their race, hair color, or eye color, I think that person should dig deep and reflect on the racial messages that the media has fed them their entire lives and how their peers have reinforced this bias in them. Out of a staff of 108 people, I work with 3 black females and 9 black males. The black males are non-science majors and are more concerned with pop culture than current issues. From the way some of them talk, black women are aliens and only deserve sadness and isolation. When my other non-black female coworkers (even the overweight ones) come in, the black men's faces light up and engage the girls in conversation and invite them out to places even after these non-black females are mean or rude to them. On the contrary, I am nice and sweet to all of the guys at work, and they seem afraid to be nice to me (except two guys). I am not physically distorted or obese, and I smile and let people make jokes about me. All of my life I have wanted to belong and I thought that maybe I would find that among American Blacks, but I feel nothing but rejection from some black guys. I don't understand what I am doing wrong.
Can you help me? Please elaborate on what makes a woman attractive within traits that can be controlled. If a person find someone attractive just because of their race, hair color, or eye color, I think that person should dig deep and reflect on the racial messages that the media has fed them their entire lives and how their peers have reinforced this bias in them. Out of a staff of 108 people, I work with 3 black females and 9 black males. The black males are non-science majors and are more concerned with pop culture than current issues. From the way some of them talk, black women are aliens and only deserve sadness and isolation. When my other non-black female coworkers (even the overweight ones) come in, the black men's faces light up and engage the girls in conversation and invite them out to places even after these non-black females are mean or rude to them. On the contrary, I am nice and sweet to all of the guys at work, and they seem afraid to be nice to me (except two guys). I am not physically distorted or obese, and I smile and let people make jokes about me. All my life I wanted to belong and I thought maybe I would find that among American Blacks, but I feel nothing but rejection from some black guys. I don't understand what I am doing wrong.
It may not be fair, but physical attractiveness is important even in traits you can't control. Im sure there are many girls that take one look at me and decide they are not physically attracted to me, and I accept that. Some people like a certain height, skin color, hair type, whatever. There is nothing I can do about it. Attraction has to be there and you can't force it.
As far as the reason why certain people find certain traits attractive, those are many and varied. A lot of black men tend to find lighter skinned women with straight, curly, or "good" hair attractive. The media could play a part in this or maybe they are just biologically attracted to these traits.
I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but what is the point to life if you know you are too dark (anything darker than Rihanna or Beyonce lol) for anyone to love and you will die alone at no fault of your own? If the reason is biologically based why did dark-skinned black men and women have happy marriages for thousands of years prior to European influence? Now with our Eurocentric, Willy Lynch society, women are given value based on how white they appear to be. With the knowledge of racism that exists, why are black people constantly racist to each other and cannot see past color? Many people in other races have bad dating experiences but they don't associate a bad ex with race, just with the particular individual and their faults. I am not complaining but if this is the way life is going to be, I don't see a point to living.
There are lots of black men that like dark skinned black women, you're being over dramatic. You can always date interracially. It would be interesting to see a picture of you.
Sorry for the theatrics but I just read an article and it just seems like the world hates black women and I have been in la-la land up until now. I grew up watching PBS so I always thought that it's whats on the inside that counts and there is someone for everyone; boy I have been so naive.
You may have to go out to events solo or at least intend to at first. Most times people will ask to join. That takes the pressure off planning a group thing and having people back out since you were going either way.Can you give me some suggestions on how to meet people to go out with (dance club, comedy club etc.) without coming off "thirsty" for friends lol? In my culture, women do not initiate outings; men usually do the asking even when they are just your friends.
A west African nation...I get embarrassed to say sometimes.Just curious, @HobbitJane where are you from originally?
I go to school in my home state. So I have the benefit of gravitating back to my comfort area closer to where I'm from vs immediately around the school. We're also near 3 major cities NYC, Philly and Atlantic City, so the opportunities to meet people are there and everywhere, when you have the down time to go. I made a conscious decision to turn multiple schools down because of their location. Living in rural areas or cities with low minority populations is not for me. BUT, if you're a pre-med and your only acceptance is in one of those places, GO!!Looking back through this thread, all I can say is wow! This is definitely a hot topic people love to debate/argue/fling fireballs/go supersaiyan but since it looks like more positive vibes are flowing around here,
I have a question for @Dr SunDai or any other health students of color circulating around this thread...
You mentioned going out to events and meeting new people is key to keep up with the dating scene. How much has the location of your medical school played a role in that?
I go to school in my home state. So I have the benefit of gravitating back to my comfort area closer to where I'm from vs immediately around the school. We're also near 3 major cities NYC, Philly and Atlantic City, so the opportunities to meet people are there and everywhere, when you have the down time to go. I made a conscious decision to turn multiple schools down because of their location. Living in rural areas or cities with low minority populations is not for me. BUT, if you're a pre-med and your only acceptance is in one of those places, GO!!