Young black men who are pre-med or med students, why is it so hard to date???

[Dr SunDai]

Thanks! That makes a lot of sense. I haven't really been evaluating location in that sense with the schools I'm applying to/interviewing at but I think I will definitely do so when I ultimately decide where I want to matriculate. I have another question! From the interviews and student hosting experiences I have had so far, it seems like pretty much everyone is already married, engaged, or in a long term relationship with someone outside of the medical school. I found this to be especially true within the minority community (again, just from the med students I've spoken with). Would you say that this is the case from what you've seen? Roughly what percentage of students matriculate single and looking(/hopeful )? And did you find that you actually had time to go out and be social? I will likely be matriculating to a school and area in which I pretty much do not know anyone. I'm sure there's plenty of time to bond with classmates but even outside of dating do you have time to get out and meet people outside of your SOM?

A number of the minority students came in with long term relationships/engagements & marriages. Some that were single (mostly the men) found someone at school. Some of the black men don't date or seem to not date black women, to each their own. I choose to keep personal life outside of school as a precaution. I've seen many inter-school relationships go south and EVERYONE is witness to the fall out. There was more time in first year to be social and meet people outside of school, second year is a bit more challenging but not impossible. I think after boards, I'll have more time to actively date and see what's out there.

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[EMDO2018]

A number of the minority students came in with long term relationships/engagements & marriages. Some that were single (mostly the men) found someone at school. Some of the black men don't date or seem to not date black women, to each their own. I choose to keep personal life outside of school as a precaution. I've seen many inter-school relationships go south and EVERYONE is witness to the fall out. There was more time in first year to be social and meet people outside of school, second year is a bit more challenging but not impossible. I think after boards, I'll have more time to actively date and see what's out there.

There is no one for black men to date in med school, especially in the south.

 

[Dr SunDai]

There is no one for black men to date in med school, especially in the south.

I just re-read that sentence and it's not conveying my thought. I meant to say some black men don't date black women OR seem to not date black women based on who I see them flirting, spending time with and chatting up, etc. I'm not against interracial dating, men and women like who they like. It can be a bleak situation for women who will only date black men when they (black men) are almost scarce within medical schools (professional schools in general)

 

[Ambitionista]

A number of the minority students came in with long term relationships/engagements & marriages. Some that were single (mostly the men) found someone at school. Some of the black men don't date or seem to not date black women, to each their own. I choose to keep personal life outside of school as a precaution. I've seen many inter-school relationships go south and EVERYONE is witness to the fall out. There was more time in first year to be social and meet people outside of school, second year is a bit more challenging but not impossible. I think after boards, I'll have more time to actively date and see what's out there.

Hmmm, that's what it seemed like for the most part at the schools I've interviewed. At my undergrad, long term relationships/engagements/marriages (across all races) are rare. I couldn't believe how many 1st and 2nd years I met who were already engaged or married. Looks like I'm going to have to just get out more often in medical school. Haha

 

[EMDO2018]

I just re-read that sentence and it's not conveying my thought. I meant to say some black men don't date black women OR seem to not date black women based on who I see them flirting, spending time with and chatting up, etc. I'm not against interracial dating, men and women like who they like. It can be a bleak situation for women who will only date black men when they (black men) are almost scarce within medical schools (professional schools in general)

I wanna conduct a little survey, what would your "ideal" black man look like? What physical characteristics are you attracted to? Give me one example of a movies star that looks like your ideal black man.

 

[WaterIsGood]

A west African nation...I get embarrassed to say sometimes.

Lol are you Nigerian? Nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

[Dr SunDai]

I wanna conduct a little survey, what would your "ideal" black man look like? What physical characteristics are you attracted to? Give me one example of a movies star that looks like your ideal black man.

Hmmm...I don't think I have a type. I do prefer tall men (5'10"+), complexion doesn't make a difference for me, in shape/athletic. A beautiful smile will win every time! Columbus Short or Boris Kodjoe

 

[EMDO2018]

Ok, any other black women, your ideal black man???

 

[buttercup12]

A west African nation...I get embarrassed to say sometimes.

haha don't be embarrassed, I'm Nigerian and I ain't ashamed!

 

[HobbitJane]

haha don't be embarrassed, I'm Nigerian and I ain't ashamed!

Yep, I am Nigerian, specifically Itsekiri...

 

[Ambitionista]

Ok, any other black women, your ideal black man???

I'm curious as to where this survey is going.

 

[WaterIsGood]

..

 

[Dr SunDai]

I'm curious as to where this survey is going.

Oh geez, I thought about this after I posted my response.

 

[HobbitJane]

I should have figured. Your avatar colors remind me of the flag.

@HobbitJane, there is nothing to be ashamed about. I'm Nigerian and proud : )

I used to be very proud, but I had a few incidents where I told someone where I was from and they either brought up something bad about the country, started treating me differently or stopped talking to me. I am a bit sensitive...

 

[WaterIsGood]

I used to be very proud, but I had a few incidents where I told someone where I was from and they either brought up something bad about the country, started treating me differently or stopped talking to me. I am a bit sensitive...

If someone treats you negatively after you tell them your background, they weren't worth your time. Think of it as a screening process.

 

[HobbitJane]

Anyway, I would like to keep this thread light and upbeat. I am glad to have people to discuss these things with. I personally prefer a guy who is at least 5'7, any complexion, he doesn't have to be in shape, but I prefer a guy who is active and not obese. Honesty, a sense of humor, intelligence, the ability to dance and good hygiene are a plus lol.

 

[DentalElle]

lolz. this thread has taken a surprisingly pleasant turn!

Ok, any other black women, your ideal black man???

hm. I'll bite!
height doesnt really matter, I'm short, so everyone is tall to me haha. Gotta be attractive, witty, smart, charming and have a wonderful smile. I'm a sucker for guys with nice smiles. Nice teeth =/= nice smile btw. I've met lots of people with not the straightest teeth have the most charming of smiles.

Annd funny. I'm incredibly corny and bubbly, so I'm always laughing and making jokes and need a sense of humor.

My boyfriend is 6'0" , about 1000 shades lighter than I am (not even kidding), and has this ability where, I can never be mad at him for a long time because he's so silly...irritates me when i'm really trying to be mad.

can we reverse the question and ask the guys what their ideal black women consists of?

 

[Trillmatic]

I'd expect most black females say "Tupac in a Business Suit is their ideal black man".

j/k

 

[Dr SunDai]

I'd expect most black females say "Tupac in a Business Suit is their ideal black man".

j/k

Ehh.. He's too short, and his facial piercings probably wouldn't have gone well w/ a pinstripe suit

 

[Trillmatic]

If you were approached by

You'd be like

.
Where did this expression come from anyway?

 

[HobbitJane]

If you were approached by...

To be 100% honest, I don't know that much about Tupac. I did hear that he was involved in the East Coast vs. West Coast rivalry in the mid-1990s (thank you Google). If Tupac was a regular engineering or biochemistry major, and he was living a good life, I wouldn't see anything wrong with dating him. This is of course a very fictional scenario. My dream guy would be science-oriented like me, so we could speak nerd to each other

 

[Cheetah13]

Tupac was fine as hell. Only man I know that could rock a nose ring

 

[Dahling]

I did not read the entire thread

 

[EMDO2018]

I did not read the entire thread but I would love to share and anecdote...
but first let me give you my background... i am 100% West Indian ( Caribbean) but i was raised in the "dirty south" of Atl, GA..... side note [ all races of American women are nicer than a Caribbean women, we were groomed to be more critical of our spouses and family, we are a bit more abrasive secondary to a very turbulent history], and I suppose I could pass as an intellectual person . Im 21 y/o and obtained a B.S Biology this past summer... and my next step is MED School.
okay now that's out the way the anecdote:
I was riding in the car with my AA Adonis AKA Ex, the guy who I foolishly left my studies at times to assist, feed,
chauffeur, Tutor , cater to whenever he asked me too... yea that Pre-MED AA male....
and as I was telling him how proud I am of myself for finally having a 4.o semester ... he cut me off and told me ..." you know for every one of me ( educated AA male) there is over 100 of you ( Educated AA F), not many AA males make it to college, when i am ready to settle down, all I have to do is choose"...
its an euphoric feeling to be in the company of an educated..pre med AA, but it is an even better feeling to be in the presence of someone that is humble

Wow, you're cute. Why were you feeding and chauffeuring some dude?


There should be humility in this process. For AA males there are so many traps set by society that ensure we end up in jail, dead, or forever unemployed that those who dodge those traps are really proud. I remember being in grade school, all the black girls would get encouraged to achieve academically, and all the young black boys would get encouraged to do sports. You never heard black teachers telling young black boys to achieve and compete academically. This led to guys thinking their only way to get out of a situation of poverty was to make it to the pros or be a rapper. While focusing on academics has a high rate of success, focusing on sports will not help you in life since so few guys make it to the pro level. So you end up with a lot of young black women in college and not a lot of young black men.

Also a huge percentage of young black women like thuggish dudes. So if you're a young black man are you gonna be the nerd who makes A's, gets picked on, and doesn't get the girl... or are you gonna act like a thug to start getting girls? Don't get me wrong, white male nerds get picked on too but their parents encourage them to achive academically because they know that education pays off. Smart women who get A's don't have a problem dating. Society tends to glorify thug culture and sports which make the situation even worse. The fact that young black men are failing right now is not good.

 

[Dahling]

lol

 

[DentalElle]

Also a huge percentage of young black women like thuggish dudes. So if you're a young black man are you gonna be the nerd who makes A's, gets picked on, and doesn't get the girl... or are you gonna act like a thug to start getting girls? Don't get me wrong, white male nerds get picked on too but their parents encourage them to achive academically because they know that education pays off. Smart women who get A's don't have a problem dating. Society tends to glorify thug culture and sports which make the situation even worse. The fact that young black men are failing right now is not good.

HEY!

....cool nerds exist.

 

[Dahling]

good

 

[YoungGregory]

There should be humility in this process. For AA males there are so many traps set by society that ensure we end up in jail, dead, or forever unemployed that those who dodge those traps are really proud. I remember being in grade school, all the black girls would get encouraged to achieve academically, and all the young black boys would get encouraged to do sports. You never heard black teachers telling young black boys to achieve and compete academically. This led to guys thinking their only way to get out of a situation of poverty was to make it to the pros or be a rapper. While focusing on academics has a high rate of success, focusing on sports will not help you in life since so few guys make it to the pro level. So you end up with a lot of young black women in college and not a lot of young black men.

Those are great points.. At some medical schools the ratio may be 3:1 black females to males.. In 2011, I read somewhere that ~2,500 black females applied to medical school, compared to ~1,100 black males. And if you look at the percentages, less black males applied to medical school in 2011 compared to 2002. Let me see if I can find the article.

So for many of us (AA males), making it out of our situations and proving society wrong and excelling academically is a HUGE achievement.

 

[HobbitJane]

I think if we want the education gap to close between males and females we have to change the culture. As an immigrant, education was and still is everything for males and females in my culture. Being cool will not pay the mortgage lol. If you are a nerdy black guy, be true to yourself and encourage your male friends to pursue the STEM fields, but as Dahling said, humility goes a long way.

 

[FrenchyM.D/D.O]

From my experience Caribbean =/= AA in a lot of cultural ways. Perhaps OP and SonofSteroli are talking about AA women in the south as opposed to people of Caribbean or African descent...I'd argue there's a big difference that is leading to some mis-communications.

Just the $0.02 of a Puerto Rican

You're right!! My AA friends can never tell. But I am of Carib descent.Furthermore, my wife (who is an AA from Georgia) tells me that I have Southern attributes all the time. lol

 

[EMDO2018]

Hopefully, Ill be in med school near Atlanta, being single is starting to get old. Hell Im starting to get old .

By the way.... IN!!!!!!!

 

[FcFabRegion]

Those are great points.. At some medical schools the ratio may be 3:1 black females to males.. In 2011, I read somewhere that ~2,500 black females applied to medical school, compared to ~1,100 black males. And if you look at the percentages, less black males applied to medical school in 2011 compared to 2002. Let me see if I can find the article.

So for many of us (AA males), making it out of our situations and proving society wrong and excelling academically is a HUGE achievement.

This!!!! Encourage the little man, who studies instead of plays ball. If as many people came to the Football game as the Honor Roll celebration it would all change. Men do these things for women. In the words of Dave Chapelle, "If men could have sex in a cardboard box, there would be no houses".

For some men attraction from the opposite sex (especially black women) happens later. NOW I get play, but in school (which had like 35 black students), not so much. Same girls in rotation with the ball players.

To any black men looking on here. CONTINUE STUDYING! I promise, the rewards are coming.

 

[jakeislove]

Quite the contrary. I'm just saying that I could never date egotistical, self absorbed bitches. Sadly, just about all black women (and the smart ones even more) fit that mold.

It's medicine. Everyone is self-absorbed and egotistical, LOL!

There are a ton of reasons why I wouldn't date a woman (owning cats, owning cats, owning cats, cigarette smoking, being mean, and owning a cat) but race isn't among them.

 

[MedPhys2MD]

I just read through some of this thread and to me it seems like both black men and women are complaining about the same thing... That they're seeking an AA counterpart, but educated people of the other gender aren't interested in them. Kinda ironic, don't you think?

I hate to think or say this but from my experiences - including the sentiments carried in this thread - it seems like many times we as a people bring ourselves down by these notions. It only perpetuates that stereotypes that are out there. Personally, I love to see a black "power couple". But if we keep feeding into the thought that 'no black man/woman is good enough' or keep telling ourselves that we'll never find an AA partner, then that's exactly what will happen

Then there are those who don't want to find an AA mate and that's their own prerogative... But I think if your desire is to date someone within your race, we should find venues to come together instead of condemning the other gender

 

[MedPhys2MD]

Oh and also, there are organizations that bring like minded AA people together, which although aren't aimed at match making, could potentially be a way to find a man/woman with common interests... Let's support these groups instead of complaining about our situation

* NSBE
* Black in the Ivy League
* National Society of Black Physicists
* National Black MBA Association
* And many, many more

 

[NontradCA]

I just re-read that sentence and it's not conveying my thought. I meant to say some black men don't date black women OR seem to not date black women based on who I see them flirting, spending time with and chatting up, etc. I'm not against interracial dating, men and women like who they like. It can be a bleak situation for women who will only date black men when they (black men) are almost scarce within medical schools (professional schools in general)

This thread is gold, how did I miss it? I'm one of those black men whose grown up around white people my entire life. I did travel extensively throughout my early 20s and now that I'm slightly older I've learned and come accustomed to dating women of all races. I'm not reluctant to date black women, but there is a scarcity of them in premed situations and it's harder for a nontrad to meet someone with equal life experience who is equally driven in their goals. The few that I have met outside of school (clubs, church etc) always seem to have a chip on their shoulder, and I just can't put up with that. I'm looking forward to meeting some strong black women in med school this year though. Not for dating purposes, but for the sake of conversation and comfort.

 

[EMDO2018]

This thread is gold, how did I miss it? I'm one of those black men whose grown up around white people my entire life. I did travel extensively throughout my early 20s and now that I'm slightly older I've learned and come accustomed to dating women of all races. I'm not reluctant to date black women, but there is a scarcity of them in premed situations and it's harder for a nontrad to meet someone with equal life experience who is equally driven in their goals. The few that I have met outside of school (clubs, church etc) always seem to have a chip on their shoulder, and I just can't put up with that. I'm looking forward to meeting some strong black women in med school this year though. Not for dating purposes, but for the sake of conversation and comfort.

Let's hope you don't end up in a school in the south.

 

[NontradCA]

Let's hope you don't end up in a school in the south.

Why?

 

[EMDO2018]

Why?

You'll have a lot more problems if you want to date outside of your race around here. A lot of non black girls here aren't into black guys and if they are, they won't admit it or date you for fear of being disowned by daddy or ostracized by the white community.

 

[NontradCA]

You'll have a lot more problems if you want to date outside of your race around here. A lot of non black girls here aren't into black guys and if they are, they won't admit it or date you for fear of being disowned by daddy or ostracized by the white community.

That's anywhere. Not just the South.

 

[DoctaJay]

I went to a majority white med school, but happened to be part of the largest group of blacks they ever accepted, 15 people. Out of all of us 3 were male and I'm sure this situation is played out everyone. I came into medschool married but was the minority in that respect out of all 15 people. What I noticed was that there were 2 types of blacks: 1) The person who was looking for someone to date, but honestly couldn't find one that wasn't weird or taken or promiscuous 2) The person that says, "I need to focus on my studies and can't possibly balance a relationship right now". Then by the time they are ready, all the good people to date are gone. Unfortunately I felt that most people were #2's. I was always a bit different, and felt that being in a stable relationship helped me to focus more on my studies because I didn't have to run around looking for "fun". It probably helps to be in cities where there are a lot of professionals who are minorities so that you can branch out of your medical field to date other people. Just my .02.

 

[jakeislove]

DoctaJay's post reminds me of how much I miss Baltimore.

 

[EMDO2018]

I went to a majority white med school, but happened to be part of the largest group of blacks they ever accepted, 15 people. Out of all of us 3 were male and I'm sure this situation is played out everyone. I came into medschool married but was the minority in that respect out of all 15 people. What I noticed was that there were 2 types of blacks: 1) The person who was looking for someone to date, but honestly couldn't find one that wasn't weird or taken or promiscuous 2) The person that says, "I need to focus on my studies and can't possibly balance a relationship right now". Then by the time they are ready, all the good people to date are gone. Unfortunately I felt that most people were #2's. I was always a bit different, and felt that being in a stable relationship helped me to focus more on my studies because I didn't have to run around looking for "fun". It probably helps to be in cities where there are a lot of professionals who are minorities so that you can branch out of your medical field to date other people. Just my .02.

I know I will probably be attending a majority white school in a small-medium sized city with hardly any other professional minorities. So, with the few black girls in my class, chances are slim there will be romantic interest there. I'm in the south so a LOT of the white girls in the class will not consider interracial dating. I won't have time to run around trying to find someone, so I guess online dating, or a lot of self love will be the way to go. But im over that lifestyle.

 

[Dahling]

In retrospect it all makes sense

 

[starfar]

I'm in the south so a LOT of the white girls in the class will not consider interracial dating.

You'd be surprised.. in fact, i think it's actually easier for black men to attract white women, than the other way around..

 

[Froglegs]

Well this thread has been an interesting read. Some of the stereotyping and generalizations in the beginning are def not what I would expect to see on sdn… Anyway, I came to give some advice as a med student about to graduate. The whole feeling sorry for yourself thing is not going to get you anywhere and its probably a big turn off since its usually palpable in social interactions. So if you go out thinking all the Black girls are going to suck, look down on you, or whatever and all the white girls are going to be secretly racist you're going to approach them all in that way. If any women(esp Black women) you were interested in read these posts do you think they would be more or less likely to want to date a Black male med student…? They'd probably run for the hills. It all sounds a little…. pathetic… bitter... kind of like some of you "have a chip on your shoulder"… sound familiar? As some posters already mentioned its hard for everyone who comes into med school single to meet people. (Seriously half of my class is utilizing some sort of online dating app/site). Socialize with people outside your class and within, be open minded, and try to think the best of people. If your class is lacking in the diversity department there is usually a Black/minority organization for graduate students on most campuses, there are nursing students, there are public health students, there are undergrads… and of course there is always online. Honestly, I think the guys in med school have it easier in this department than the women who feel like they may need to "date up". No male in medical school should be complaining about getting dates.

 

[EMDO2018]

In retrospect it all makes sense

What makes sense?

 

[La Presse]

This thread delivered like Dominos. Damn.

I'm considering including my own commentary to some of the sentiments expressed here.

 

[HobbitJane]

What I would like to know is what is considered attractive these days and what is your definition based on? As a Sociology minor, I tend to question many of my beliefs when it comes to issues of race and status. I agree that some attributes are subconscious but, with the strong influence of the media, our idea of an attractive man/woman may be significantly influenced by who we see on television and in the movies.

 

[EMDO2018]

What I would like to know is what is considered attractive these days and what is your definition based on? As a Sociology minor, I tend to question many of my beliefs when it comes to issues of race and status. I agree that some attributes are subconscious but, with the strong influence of the media, our idea of an attractive man/woman may be significantly influenced by who we see on television and in the movies.

This is true. Unfortunately we live in America where the ones who have most of the power and created the American culture(white men) have made white women the standard of beauty. Thus it has been subconsciously programmed into us since childhood to think that the closer a woman is to white, the more attractive she is. Its the reason you hear rappers and lot of other black men obsess over "redbones" Beyoncé, Rihanna etc. It also has a lot to do with why a lot of Asian Americans hate the way their eyes look and try to make them look as "big" as possible. By the time most people are adults its too late to reverse the brain washing.