So I just failed Anatomy

[dirigo]

Yes. Male stripper.

A...are you still available for this? Because me and some friends were going to hire one. Show up with a nurses uniform and a stethoscope please.

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[qtpai]

That's not what people are debating. He has a very antiquated view on how women should be and act. That's fine if he lived in the 1950s/1960s but he doesn't. It's why he has to turn to arranged marriage and he thinks he can put all these mandates on her bc he'll be a doctor.

I don't think what he wants out of a woman is very different from what many women want. I am married with a kid, and my wife is very traditional--while at the same time being better educated than most of my female classmates.

Whether a woman will take that role depends on the quality of the man, though. To be blunt, I feel that Ark lacks the kind of personality necessary to persuade a woman to do that. I think it takes a strong, self-aware kind of man to take on that kind of responsibility--if I may say so myself.

One also needs to find a woman who has not been too hardened by life, and who has experienced strong, positive male figures, especially her father, throughout life. I think this is, sadly, much less common today than it used to be--and that a lot of resistance of women to taking more traditional roles in the 21st century, is in not feeling that they can rely on the male. That is why maturity in the man is especially important, which, if I am reading correctly, Ark lacks.

This disconnect is probably one of the things that also causes some of Ark's difficulties.

 

[WildZoo]

I don't think what he wants out of a woman is very different from what many women want. I am married with a kid, and my wife is very traditional--while at the same time being better educated than most of my female classmates.

Whether a woman will take that role depends on the quality of the man, though. To be blunt, I feel that Ark lacks the kind of personality necessary to persuade a woman to do that. I think it takes a strong, self-aware kind of man to take on that kind of responsibility--if I may say so myself.

One also needs to find a woman who has not been too hardened by life, and who has experienced strong, positive male figures, especially her father, throughout life. I think this is, sadly, much less common today than it used to be--and that a lot of resistance of women to taking more traditional roles in the 21st century, is in not feeling that they can rely on the male. That is why maturity in the man is especially important, which, if I am reading correctly, Ark lacks.

This disconnect is probably one of the things that also causes some of Ark's difficulties.

Not really feeling that statement. Or...really a lot of what you said. But that statement in particular.

This "resistance" you talk about is more likely due to the fact that women no longer have to rely on a man. Way to imply that every woman who isn't traditional or doesn't want to be a housewife has been "hardened by life" though, guess those of us who have other ambitions are just broken. And why are we broken? Oh, because there weren't enough strong men in our lives.

 

[dirigo]

Sounds like a live-in hooker.

I get why people disagree with him but why go after him or stating his opinion? There are still a number of traditional people who prefer the housewife dynamic. Whoever he marries will know what she's getting into--and its pretty obvious from his post that he has an inferiority complex. Which by the way dude, I hope you get over because it's going to make life hard to enjoy.

 

[qtpai]

Not really feeling that statement. Or...really a lot of what you said. But that statement in particular.

This "resistance" you talk about is more likely due to the fact that women no longer have to rely on a man. Way to imply that every woman who isn't traditional or doesn't want to be a housewife has been "hardened by life" though, guess those of us who have other ambitions are just broken. And why are we broken? Oh, because there weren't enough strong men in our lives.

I find it hard to believe that you truly prefer independence. Not as a woman, but as a human. We are built to rely on each other, and being able to do so is a wonderful thing. Desiring total independence, as an end in itself, which is what many "strong women" seem to want, seems perverse to me.

Yes, I think trauma and hardening causes many women (and men) to be unable to rely on others--or worse, to do so in very dysfunctional ways, creating relationships that are even more unequal than traditional, "patriarchal" ones, and even more concealed in their inequality. It breaks my heart to see and think about this.

That said, when I spoke of hardening, I was only accounting for what a woman *shouldn't* be, when a man is selecting for a mate for a more traditional relationship. I didn't say that all women who are not of the traditional frame of mind are necessarily hardened or traumatized, and I think that this, and much else in your post, is a dishonest characterization of what I wrote.

To further clarify, although I have contempt for many "strong women" (they often seem driven by some kind of mental problem, and are more hierarchical than virtually any man I know of), there are others who have my tremendous respect, and I do think they, rightly, should be the ones in charge of their relationships. And may these sorts of relationships flourish. I don't judge the character of these women negatively at all. They have always existed and always will exist.

As for women needing more strong men in their lives, that was not what I said. To correct your misreading, I used the word "positive" with "strong", meaning that the men were also responsible and caring--and not just authorities. My wife's father, who is a very strong, traditional man, is indeed also extremely indulgent and has always treated his daughter like a princess. It was not for nothing that I included the adjective "positive"! Please read. No, I am certainly not talking about strong, cruel men; these are the kinds that nobody likes.

To finish, I should say this. That although my relationship is unequal in a sense, if I could wind my life back several years and take my wife's position, I would not be against it and could see much of great value in it. I would have a lot of time to do the things I enjoy--which I certainly don't have time for now! Who is more subordinated: the one in med school, totally at the whim of professors and a constant barrage of study material, with few (if any) real hobbies outside of the slavish dedication to a craft-- or is the one more subordinated the one who leisurely supports the medical student and gets to read and relax and talk with friends and take care of a baby that one loves tremendously! My wife and I are both in a wonderful position in life, and I wish the same happiness for everyone else! Perhaps each of us has learned that we do not work for our independence, but that we are constantly serving one master or another--and, in some kind of perverse way, enjoying it.

No, I think people should re-think the notion of independence. Are women really more independent when they are under the yoke of a 9-5, no less in an economy when job security is increasingly unstable? Do they really, at this point, have no master, or is their master simply a different one than it was? As the great philosopher Bob Dylan once put it, "They may call you Doctor or they may call you Chief // But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed"

Did women really choose this situation, were they really empowered? Median real wages have been rock stagnant ever since the second wave of feminism began (I believe the numbers say the stagnation began in the late 60s, even as per-worker productivity has risen ever since). If we follow the economics, there was no choice: women had to work, or else the middle class would have long ago collapsed.

Yes, ambition. That's what I call it when I'm fighting tooth and nail for a decent life. Ambition! I chose it! It's a good way to see things positively. I sincerely mean that. But I think reality is more complicated, if we take the moment to think about it...

Now, like my wife, you are probably tapping your foot or skimming to get to this point. What's the point? This: that while what I wrote may disturb you, I want you to know that your reaction disturbs me just as much. I do not believe that second wave feminism in the latter half of the 20th century was an unalloyed march of progress; I don't believe that the current equalist ideology (which you seem to assume I have to accept as a reasoning person, given the snarkiness of your snarky comments) is anything short of deeply problematic. And if you don't respect my views on the matter without resorting to snide, sarcastic, disingenuous remarks, you can kindly **** off.

 

[WildZoo]

I find it hard to believe that you truly prefer independence. Not as a woman, but as a human. We are built to rely on each other, and being able to do so is a wonderful thing. Desiring total independence, as an end in itself, which is what many "strong women" seem to want, seems perverse to me.

Yes, I think trauma and hardening causes many women (and men) to be unable to rely on others--or worse, to do so in very dysfunctional ways, creating relationships that are even more unequal than traditional, "patriarchal" ones, and even more concealed in their inequality. It breaks my heart to see and think about this.

That said, when I spoke of hardening, I was only accounting for what a woman *shouldn't* be, when a man is selecting for a mate for a more traditional relationship. I didn't say that all women who are not of the traditional frame of mind are necessarily hardened or traumatized, and I think that this, and much else in your post, is a dishonest characterization of what I wrote.

To further clarify, although I have contempt for many "strong women" (they often seem driven by some kind of mental problem, and are more hierarchical than virtually any man I know of), there are others who have my tremendous respect, and I do think they, rightly, should be the ones in charge of their relationships. And may these sorts of relationships flourish. I don't judge the character of these women negatively at all. They have always existed and always will exist.

As for women needing more strong men in their lives, that was not what I said. To correct your misreading, I used the word "positive" with "strong", meaning that the men were also responsible and caring--and not just authorities. My wife's father, who is a very strong, traditional man, is indeed also extremely indulgent and has always treated his daughter like a princess. It was not for nothing that I included the adjective "positive"! Please read. No, I am certainly not talking about strong, cruel men; these are the kinds that nobody likes.

To finish, I should say this. That although my relationship is unequal in a sense, if I could wind my life back several years and take my wife's position, I would not be against it and could see much of great value in it. I would have a lot of time to do the things I enjoy--which I certainly don't have time for now! Who is more subordinated: the one in med school, totally at the whim of professors and a constant barrage of study material, with few (if any) real hobbies outside of the slavish dedication to a craft-- or is the one more subordinated the one who leisurely supports the medical student and gets to read and relax and talk with friends and take care of a baby that one loves tremendously! My wife and I are both in a wonderful position in life, and I wish the same happiness for everyone else! Perhaps each of us has learned that we do not work for our independence, but that we are constantly serving one master or another--and, in some kind of perverse way, enjoying it.

No, I think people should re-think the notion of independence. Are women really more independent when they are under the yoke of a 9-5, no less in an economy when job security is increasingly unstable? Do they really, at this point, have no master, or is their master simply a different one than it was? As the great philosopher Bob Dylan once put it, "They may call you Doctor or they may call you Chief // But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed"

Did women really choose this situation, were they really empowered? Median real wages have been rock stagnant ever since the second wave of feminism began (I believe the numbers say the stagnation began in the late 60s, even as per-worker productivity has risen ever since). If we follow the economics, there was no choice: women had to work, or else the middle class would have long ago collapsed.

Yes, ambition. That's what I call it when I'm fighting tooth and nail for a decent life. Ambition! I chose it! It's a good way to see things positively. I sincerely mean that. But I think reality is more complicated, if we take the moment to think about it...

Now, like my wife, you are probably tapping your foot or skimming to get to this point. What's the point? This: that while what I wrote may disturb you, I want you to know that your reaction disturbs me just as much. I do not believe that second wave feminism in the latter half of the 20th century was an unalloyed march of progress; I don't believe that the current equalist ideology (which you seem to assume I have to accept as a reasoning person, given the snarkiness of your snarky comments) is anything short of deeply problematic. And if you don't respect my views on the matter without resorting to snide, sarcastic, disingenuous remarks, you can kindly **** off.

Look, I can't read your mind, I can only read what you wrote. If you want to say that I interpreted it incorrectly, that's fine. And I appreciate the clarification of your stance, because I honestly was not getting most of it from your first post.

Nowhere did I say that I prefer independence for independence's sake. I have been in a relationship for 4 years. I know I can rely on my SO if I need to, just as know that I can rely on my family. But there is a difference between knowing that I can rely on someone and being obligated to.

The way that your earlier post was written strictly referred to women (and in a generalizing way) with a lot of what you talk about, whereas clearly you meant for your thoughts to apply to men and women. I don't disagree that the kind of hardening you talk about can be the root of someone's choice to do things more on their own. But it doesn't have to be. You may not have intended for that implication to be in your earlier post, but it was there, and there isn't much accounting for author's intent.

We have a fundamental difference in the way we view relationships if you think that anyone, man or woman, should be "in charge" in the relationship at all. But again, I appreciate the clarification of your stance.

It seems you may have misunderstood some parts of my response as well. I understood what you meant when you said strong, and I certainly did not think you meant women needed more cruel/strict/etc. men in their lives. It goes back to the fact that the post was unbalanced, placing too much importance, I think, on the specific role of a certain type of male in a woman's life. But maybe I am biased--I was raised by a single mother, and I found her strength to be more important in my life than that of any of the positive male figures that I had. Rest assured, you don't have to tell me to read.

As for the rest, I read it (with no foot-tapping involved!) and I can respect your views. I would only say that personally, though I may be exchanging one type of subservience for another as you say, I am deeply protective of my right to make that choice. I don't put much, if any, stock in traditional gender roles. Were women empowered? I think so. If only because we are maybe moving towards a time where, for example, the default won't be for a woman to be questioned about who will take care of her family as she pursues her career, while it is assumed that in a man's case, that is what his wife is for.

As for my snarkiness, I will not apologize for that...i enjoy a healthy dose of sarcasm

 

[jakeislove]

What did ruralsurg do wrong?

He thought becoming a doctor would cure insecurity.

I see no problems with someone wanting a housewife, though.

If looking for a woman; I'd hang out in Manhattan and look for one of those trust fund chicks and find a sugar-mamma.

 

[touchpause13]

Not really feeling that statement. Or...really a lot of what you said. But that statement in particular.

This "resistance" you talk about is more likely due to the fact that women no longer have to rely on a man. Way to imply that every woman who isn't traditional or doesn't want to be a housewife has been "hardened by life" though, guess those of us who have other ambitions are just broken. And why are we broken? Oh, because there weren't enough strong men in our lives.

I had this same reaction, which was then confirmed by his longer post. I have nothing against women who chose to be stay at home moms, personally, I think doing so is devaluing women's work and sexist in itself. However, I hate this idea of someone convincing their spouse to do such a thing, and the idea that one person has to be the subservient in a relationship. Not everyone works like that and it's not because of hardening or brokenness or lack of strong men in our lives (whatever that means, I'm assuming traditional, my dad is my favorite person in the world but I have a feeling you wouldn't say he counted because he's not traditional or conservative). Many women want equal partnerships in their relationships and marriages, I think in a lot of ways that's the norm.

And your really going to shet on 2nd wave feminism? So the fact that jobs where listed as for women or for men only doesn't bother you? The lack of ability of women to pursue higher education? What the fight for access to birth control? I'm not saying that it was perfect and I actually have a lot of issues with some of the 2nd wave stuff (transphobia, not being inclusive of black feminists, anti porn) but to say that none of it was helpful for society seems insane.

 

[WildZoo]

I had this same reaction, which was then confirmed by his longer post. I have nothing against women who chose to be stay at home moms, personally, I think doing so is devaluing women's work and sexist in itself. However, I hate this idea of someone convincing their spouse to do such a thing, and the idea that one person has to be the subservient in a relationship. Not everyone works like that and it's not because of hardening or brokenness or lack of strong men in our lives (whatever that means, I'm assuming traditional, my dad is my favorite person in the world but I have a feeling you wouldn't say he counted because he's not traditional or conservative). Many women want equal partnerships in their relationships and marriages, I think in a lot of ways that's the norm.

And your really going to shet on 2nd wave feminism? So the fact that jobs where listed as for women or for men only doesn't bother you? The lack of ability of women to pursue higher education? What the fight for access to birth control? I'm not saying that it was perfect and I actually have a lot of issues with some of the 2nd wave stuff (transphobia, not being inclusive of black feminists, anti porn) but to say that none of it was helpful for society seems insane.

You have a positive male figure in your life and you still don't want to be a housewife? Tp you are doing it WRONG

 

[altitudinarian]

I get where Ark is coming from because many men who have a strong connection with their cultural background and rely heavily and/or heavily influenced by parents within that culture will have certain viewpoints of marriage, relationships, gender roles, etc. that is shaped by the culture, parents, and their own life experiences.

Ark's position is what I hear from many men who have parents who want their sons to be successful, strong, be a leader, and ultimately, have a good wife and a good family that reflects cultural "standards". I don't know if Ark is feeling pressure from his folks, but there is some pressure in finding a wife that fits the bill culture wise, your parents' expectations, and also your expectations. The men I hear from talk about how they want a woman who hasn't "slept around" that much, are good examples of integrity, can cook, clean, will be there for them, etc. These same sentiments are echoed by their parents, even if both parents are professionals themselves; there is still a level of woman must take care of man's needs and be household keeper despite both of them working two jobs.

Now the question I always have is, "Well, are they worthy of such a woman?" Because regardless of whether a woman is working or not, is a stay at home mom or works various shifts that fit around her kids' schedules, the men, (and also women) who have expectations for a certain type of partner sometimes aren't the greatest of people. Some of them act entitled to have such a person who is selfless, hardworking, takes care of themselves and the family, has a heart of gold, etc. when they themselves do not personify such characteristics. And that's where I see the disconnect with Ark. I feel as if the woman Ark wants could possibly be one of the sweetest, most down to Earth women ever, who is willing to give her all in the marriage and family, but though I don't know Ark personally, how he comes off here makes me wonder if he is taking advantage of/not realizing/taking for granted the beauty of a woman he has.

 

[Arkangeloid]

Now the question I always have is, "Well, are they worthy of such a woman?"

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

As it stands, an overweight "Aspie" Indian dude has little chance in the American dating market. But throw in a muscles, MD, and money, and put me in an arena where I hold the cards, and all the women will fall for me like wheat before the scythe.

 

[WildZoo]

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

As it stands, an overweight "Aspie" Indian dude has little chance in the American dating market. But throw in a muscles, MD, and money, and put me in an arena where I hold the cards, and all the women will fall for me like wheat before the scythe.

And this is what makes you come across as an dingus, Ark. I'm fairly certain you completely missed the point of altitudinarian's post.

 

[DermViser]

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

As it stands, an overweight "Aspie" Indian dude has little chance in the American dating market. But throw in a muscles, MD, and money, and put me in an arena where I hold the cards, and all the women will fall for me like wheat before the scythe.

What could possibly go wrong in that iron-clad plan?

You seem to relish power (not surprised, based on your gaming) and "holding all the cards" when it comes to your future relationships. Not exactly a good foundation - and no I don't care how Indian conservative you are - no woman doesn't want to be loved by her husband.

 

[DermViser]

I get where Ark is coming from because many men who have a strong connection with their cultural background and rely heavily and/or heavily influenced by parents within that culture will have certain viewpoints of marriage, relationships, gender roles, etc. that is shaped by the culture, parents, and their own life experiences.

Ark's position is what I hear from many men who have parents who want their sons to be successful, strong, be a leader, and ultimately, have a good wife and a good family that reflects cultural "standards". I don't know if Ark is feeling pressure from his folks, but there is some pressure in finding a wife that fits the bill culture wise, your parents' expectations, and also your expectations. The men I hear from talk about how they want a woman who hasn't "slept around" that much, are good examples of integrity, can cook, clean, will be there for them, etc. These same sentiments are echoed by their parents, even if both parents are professionals themselves; there is still a level of woman must take care of man's needs and be household keeper despite both of them working two jobs.

Now the question I always have is, "Well, are they worthy of such a woman?" Because regardless of whether a woman is working or not, is a stay at home mom or works various shifts that fit around her kids' schedules, the men, (and also women) who have expectations for a certain type of partner sometimes aren't the greatest of people. Some of them act entitled to have such a person who is selfless, hardworking, takes care of themselves and the family, has a heart of gold, etc. when they themselves do not personify such characteristics. And that's where I see the disconnect with Ark. I feel as if the woman Ark wants could possibly be one of the sweetest, most down to Earth women ever, who is willing to give her all in the marriage and family, but though I don't know Ark personally, how he comes off here makes me wonder if he is taking advantage of/not realizing/taking for granted the beauty of a woman he has.

Beautifully stated, altitudinarian.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

Sincere question about arranged marriages.

My impression was that the "modern" Indian arranged marriage often more resembles two people being set up for a date. I.e. parents find and vet the pairing, but the couple still spends some time getting to know each other before sealing the deal. And both parties still have clear choice in the decision.

Or are you referring to a true arranged marriage where you might meet only once or twice, and there is basically a contract to wed before you've even met?

 

[Arkangeloid]

Sincere question about arranged marriages.

My impression was that the "modern" Indian arranged marriage often more resembles two people being set up for a date. I.e. parents find and vet the pairing, but the couple still spends some time getting to know each other before sealing the deal. And both parties still have clear choice in the decision.

Or are you referring to a true arranged marriage where you might meet only once or twice, and there is basically a contract to wed before you've even met?

No, you're right, both parties have a house in the matter.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

No, you're right, both parties have a house in the matter.

In that case, I wouldn't be quite as cocky about your chances for success in that arena. You'll still have to prove yourself a desirable partner - not just for money or your MD, but as someone your wife can foresee spending their life with. Having conversations over dinner, raising children, etc.

 

[DermViser]

In that case, I wouldn't be quite as cocky about your chances for success in that arena. You'll still have to prove yourself a desirable partner - not just for money or your MD, but as someone your wife can foresee spending their life with. Having conversations over dinner, raising children, etc.

Except he plans on marrying an Indian woman from India, not an Indian woman born in the United States (who has likely had sex with other men), probably bc he believes they'll have lower standards. My guess is a poor village somewhere, where the family will essentially encourage their daughter to marry him due to perceived wealth or easier pathway to a green card. Either way, not a good thing to build a marriage off of.

 

[Arkangeloid]

In that case, I wouldn't be quite as cocky about your chances for success in that arena. You'll still have to prove yourself a desirable partner - not just for money or your MD, but as someone your wife can foresee spending their life with. Having conversations over dinner, raising children, etc.

Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty kind and respectful person IRL, I just use SDN as a post pad for all my neuroses and insecurities.

So I should have no trouble with that part.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty kind and respectful person IRL, I just use SDN as a post pad for all my neuroses and insecurities.

So I should have no trouble with that part.

Then why, as you've told us previously, do your classmates think you're an alcoholic creeper?

 

[jakeislove]

Except he plans on marrying an Indian woman from India, not an Indian woman born in the United States (who has likely had sex with other men), probably bc he believes they'll have lower standards. My guess is a poor village somewhere, where the family will essentially encourage their daughter to marry him due to perceived wealth or easier pathway to a green card. Either way, not a good thing to build a marriage off of.

If he doesn't need someone from a good family or particularly light-skinned, promising to feed her regularly might be enough.

 

[WildZoo]

Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty kind and respectful person IRL, I just use SDN as a post pad for all my neuroses and insecurities.

So I should have no trouble with that part.

Those neuroses and insecurities are going to come through in a long-term relationship. It is very difficult to hide yourself from someone you spend every day with.

 

[Arkangeloid]

Then why, as you've told us previously, do your classmates think you're an alcoholic creeper?

Turns out they don't, and that statement was a product of my failure-induced rage and hate.

Maybe I'm wrong about what people think of me.

 

[Roxas]

Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty kind and respectful person IRL, I just use SDN as a post pad for all my neuroses and insecurities.

So I should have no trouble with that part.

I do believe that it's possible you are a good person. However, having the attitude that you need to find a sex partner and someone to clean your house for you is the wrong attitude. You can value those attributes, but constantly keep asking yourself what YOU can do to be a better husband. Without that attitude, it doesn't matter who you marry, you will have a miserable marriage.

 

[DermViser]

Then why, as you've told us previously, do your classmates think you're an alcoholic creeper?

I missed that. I thought it was just creeper only (w/o alcohol).

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

I missed that. I thought it was just creeper only (w/o alcohol).

He's said a couple of times that his classmates have commented on his alcohol abuse

 

[DermViser]

Turns out they don't, and that statement was a product of my failure-induced rage and hate.

Maybe I'm wrong about what people think of me.

So in other words your rage and hate distorts your thinking?

 

[DermViser]

He's said a couple of times that his classmates have commented on his alcohol abuse

Just what a future marriage needs, alcohol problems. Sigh...

 

[Ismet]

So in other words your rage and hate distorts your thinking?

Gasp! What a revelation.

 

[Arkangeloid]

I do believe that it's possible you are a good person. However, having the attitude that you need to find a sex partner and someone to clean your house for you is the wrong attitude. You can value those attributes, but constantly keep asking yourself what YOU can do to be a better husband. Without that attitude, it doesn't matter who you marry, you will have a miserable marriage.

Heh, I think you're right. My father talked to me about this. He says that I'm a fool if I think that after residency I'll be free to smoke marijuana and game all day. He says that a man is never free of his commitments and obligations to his family.

Sadly, I think he's right.

 

[Roxas]

Heh, I think you're right. My father talked to me about this. He says that I'm a fool if I think that after residency I'll be free to smoke marijuana and game all day. He says that a man is never free of his commitments and obligations to his family.

Sadly, I think he's right.

Is that really all you want to do?

 

[circulus vitios]

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

As it stands, an overweight "Aspie" Indian dude has little chance in the American dating market. But throw in a muscles, MD, and money, and put me in an arena where I hold the cards, and all the women will fall for me like wheat before the scythe.

Uhh, they aren't falling before you. They're being forced into an arranged marriage because of cultural norms.

 

[Arkangeloid]

Is that really all you want to do?

No lol. I want to help my kid grow up to be a better man than myself.

 

[Ismet]

No lol. I want to help my kid grow up to be a better man than myself.

By smoking pot and playing video games?

 

[Roxas]

No lol. I want to help my kid grow up to be a better man than myself.

lol ok good. But going back to the above post, it still sounds as if you're talking about your future wife as if she will be nothing but a burden to you. Yeah, you won't be able to do everything you want all the time, but that's part of being in a relationship. It takes a lot of selflessness to make that ish work, and usually its worth it.

 

[Kahreek]

Those neuroses and insecurities are going to come through in a long-term relationship. It is very difficult to hide yourself from someone you spend every day with.

tah dah relationships aren't perfect.
If you spend time arguing in a random internet forum as an outlet, I am sure you all have your fair amount of neurosis, me included. And if you don't you will have them too. XD

The meaning of life is a lifelong achievement, I know plenty of docs who a have a much more dysfunctional life than what ark's dreams of marijuana and games would be.

 

[D4C]

By smoking pot and playing video games?

You have to set the bar somewhere. Why not set it high?

 

[Ismet]

You have to set the bar somewhere. Why not set it high?

 

[WildZoo]

tah dah relationships aren't perfect.
If you spend time arguing in a random internet forum as an outlet, I am sure you all have your fair amount of neurosis, me included. And if you don't you will have them too. XD

The meaning of life is a lifelong achievement, I know plenty of docs who a have a much more dysfunctional life than what ark's dreams of marijuana and games would be.

Never said they were. And I don't see having discussions in an internet forum as inherently more neurotic than having discussions in real life. But Ark does have issues, and he uses SDN as an outlet, and that's fine. But his post seemed to imply that he thinks that, since people in real life don't see his issues, he will have no problem maintaining his marriage to his "perfect" wife. I was simply pointing out that it is very unlikely that he would be able to hide his issues from her. I'm of the belief that people should strive to be as mentally stable and healthy as they can be on their own before they bring someone else into the equation.

 

[Kahreek]

Never said they were. And I don't see having discussions in an internet forum as inherently more neurotic than having discussions in real life. But Ark does have issues, and he uses SDN as an outlet, and that's fine. But his post seemed to imply that he thinks that, since people in real life don't see his issues, he will have no problem maintaining his marriage to his "perfect" wife. I was simply pointing out that it is very unlikely that he would be able to hide his issues from her. I'm of the belief that people should strive to be as mentally stable and healthy as they can be on their own before they bring someone else into the equation.

arguing with strangers regularly on a internet message board is major criteria for personality disorder, according to DSM-6 project document

 

[sinombre]

tah dah relationships aren't perfect.
If you spend time arguing in a random internet forum as an outlet, I am sure you all have your fair amount of neurosis, me included. And if you don't you will have them too. XD

That's a ridiculous assumption. I post here frequently for many reasons, a major one being that it's a unique way of connecting with a large number of people who I can relate to in ways I can't relate to most non-medical people who work 9-5 jobs. I also post here to get advice, to share experiences, to learn from those farther along in the process than myself, and to contribute what I can along the way. I don't post here because I'm neurotic or looking for validation. You may not be alone in your neurosis, but assuming most people who post here share your imperfections and motives for using an anonymous forum is foolish.

 

[WildZoo]

arguing with strangers regularly on a internet message board is major criteria for personality disorder, according to DSM-6 project document

Even if that is true, let me know when people start being diagnosed with personality disorder because they fit one criteria

 

[Kahreek]

@WildZoo high risk though, keep yourselves in check.

 

[alpinism]

I don't think what he wants out of a woman is very different from what many women want. I am married with a kid, and my wife is very traditional--while at the same time being better educated than most of my female classmates.

Whether a woman will take that role depends on the quality of the man, though. To be blunt, I feel that Ark lacks the kind of personality necessary to persuade a woman to do that. I think it takes a strong, self-aware kind of man to take on that kind of responsibility--if I may say so myself.

One also needs to find a woman who has not been too hardened by life, and who has experienced strong, positive male figures, especially her father, throughout life. I think this is, sadly, much less common today than it used to be--and that a lot of resistance of women to taking more traditional roles in the 21st century, is in not feeling that they can rely on the male. That is why maturity in the man is especially important, which, if I am reading correctly, Ark lacks.

This disconnect is probably one of the things that also causes some of Ark's difficulties.

Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over.

Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil.

 

[Psai]

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

As it stands, an overweight "Aspie" Indian dude has little chance in the American dating market. But throw in a muscles, MD, and money, and put me in an arena where I hold the cards, and all the women will fall for me like wheat before the scythe.

wtf...

 

[jakeislove]

I'm already getting multiple arranged marriage offers, so I would say that I have proved my worth, provided that I successfully complete medical school (which I very much intend to do). After that, if what I've heard from people in my community is any indication, I expect dozens of offers, and I will be able to choose a woman.

As it stands, an overweight "Aspie" Indian dude has little chance in the American dating market. But throw in a muscles, MD, and money, and put me in an arena where I hold the GREEN cards, and all the women will fall for me like wheat before the scythe.

FIFY, LOL!

 

[AnonDocTrip]

Calm down guys, everyone has a different perspective on life shaped by their own upbringing and beliefs, let others be. Don't resort to online hatred of others's points of views just because you have a screen to hide behind, millions of people have had arranged marriages and been perfectly happy. Ark brought up a ton of great points that you guys are seemingly ignoring just because its not the "American way." Let people play to their strengths, and calm down.

Life is like a game of poker--you have to make the best of the cards you're dealt with, and it's clear Ark is doing that really well. Just don't get pissed because he knows his hand and can play to its advantage in his own life.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

Calm down guys, everyone has a different perspective on life shaped by their own upbringing and beliefs, let others be. Don't resort to online hatred of others's points of views just because you have a screen to hide behind, millions of people have had arranged marriages and been perfectly happy. Ark brought up a ton of great points that you guys are seemingly ignoring just because its not the "American way." Let people play to their strengths, and calm down.

Life is like a game of poker--you have to make the best of the cards you're dealt with, and it's clear Ark is doing that really well. Just don't get pissed because he knows his hand and can play to its advantage in his own life.

Don't use multiple handles, Ark

 

[Arkangeloid]

Don't use multiple handles, Ark

Uh, that's not me...ask the mods to check his IP if you don't believe me.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

Uh, that's not me...ask the mods to check his IP if you don't believe me.

I find it a wee bit suspicious that a handle that was registered just after your previous handle was banned, and has not had any posts in a year and a half, all of a sudden jumps to your defense...