Sexual past matters for women, but not men

[The_Sunny_Doc]

I thought it was hilarious that nuns report fewer sexual partners than priests. I mean, who would think of collecting that kind of data?

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[Mad Jack]

I thought it was hilarious that nuns report fewer sexual partners than priests. I mean, who would think of collecting that kind of data?

I'd be curious about the average age of sexual encounters with nuns versus priests myself

Mandatory cheap shot at priests taken, my apologies.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Hehe. It's funny because in practice, I'm actually pretty sexually conservative. E.g. I've never had, and would never consider having, any sort of sexual contact outside of a long-term, committed relationship. I'm also probably one of the straightest girl in the world too Basically since I hit puberty, I was dating with the singular goal of eventual marriage and was therefore incredibly picky and wary. But as I've gotten older, I have realized there are a lot of other ways that people of the opposite sex (and same sex) interact, and that if it doesn't impact me directly I am in no position to judge. In fact, especially with regards to other women, I feel like we need to stand together and not be judgey bitches to each other all the time like we tend to be. We are harder on each other than men ever are - seriously. Women can be the worst misogynists there are...it's really sad.

 

[touchpause13]

I'd be curious about the average age of sexual encounters with nuns versus priests myself

Mandatory cheap shot at priests taken, my apologies.

You beat me to it

 

[touchpause13]

Hehe. It's funny because in practice, I'm actually pretty sexually conservative. E.g. I've never had, and would never consider having, any sort of sexual contact outside of a long-term, committed relationship. I'm also probably one of the straightest girl in the world too Basically since I hit puberty, I was dating with the singular goal of eventual marriage and was therefore incredibly picky and wary. But as I've gotten older, I have realized there are a lot of other ways that people of the opposite sex (and same sex) interact, and that if it doesn't impact me directly I am in no position to judge. In fact, especially with regards to other women, I feel like we need to stand together and not be judgey bitches to each other all the time like we tend to be. We are harder on each other than men ever are - seriously. Women can be the worst misogynists there are...it's really sad.

I'm not going to stop hitting on you.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Well ok. We did already establish in another thread that everyone is a little gay for tp

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

In fact, especially with regards to other women, I feel like we need to stand together and not be judgey bitches to each other all the time like we tend to be. We are harder on each other than men ever are - seriously. Women can be the worst misogynists there are...it's really sad.

Preach it, sister!

Do you think women are the more jealous/judgey sex, or that we're just better at psychological warfare so it seems that we're more jealous/judgey?

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

We are actually quite similar in our approach to sex and relationships.

Being nonjudgmental is a great way to live.



Preach it, sister!

Do you think women are the more jealous/judgey sex, or that we're just better at psychological warfare so it seems that we're more jealous/judgey?

I think a lot of the judgey-ness (is that even a word? Well, it is now) comes from all the societal pressures we've been talking about. Women are the gatekeepers to sex, women should be more emotional or committed, women need to be sexy but not slutty, all that stuff....we get very competitive with one another.

Of course, men are subject to similar pressures. I don't mean to insinuate that it is only women who are held to certain standards - I already alluded to some of the sexual performance pressures before. But I think men react to these pressures by trying to build themselves up (often to unrealistic standards, which hurts them) while women react to it by tearing each other down (which in turn also hurts them). Of course, this is completely my opinion. Just based on what I've seen.

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

I think a lot of the judgey-ness (is that even a word? Well, it is now) comes from all the societal pressures we've been talking about. Women are the gatekeepers to sex, women should be more emotional or committed, women need to be sexy but not slutty, all that stuff....we get very competitive with one another.

Of course, men are subject to similar pressures. I don't mean to insinuate that it is only women who are held to certain standards - I already alluded to some of the sexual performance pressures before. But I think men react to these pressures by trying to build themselves up (often to unrealistic standards, which hurts them) while women react to it by tearing each other down (which in turn also hurts them). Of course, this is completely my opinion. Just based on what I've seen.

Makes a lot of sense. There's so much pressure on us to live up to the sexy yet virginal standard that we lash out at one another.

To add to what you're saying, there's even a double standard for competitive behavior. When women are competitive and cutthroat, it's somehow even more unseemly than when men are. You just expect women to want to help each other, 'cause we're supposed to be nurturing and social and compassionate, but some women aren't like that and they shouldn't be called "bitchy" for it.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

You open up a very interesting tangent there. For example, women in the workplace who are more forward/outspoken/competitive are much more likely to be considered "bitchy" than a man who might have similar personality traits and would be praised for being a strong leader.

 

[Mad Jack]

Makes a lot of sense. There's so much pressure on us to live up to the sexy yet virginal standard that we lash out at one another.

To add to what you're saying, there's even a double standard for competitive behavior. When women are competitive and cutthroat, it's somehow even more unseemly than when men are. You just expect women to want to help each other, 'cause we're supposed to be nurturing and social and compassionate, but some women aren't like that and they shouldn't be called "bitchy" for it.

Dudes generally don't hate on one another for sexual activity or because of looks. Women, on the other hand, tend to get all up in each other's business and judge one another, which I mostly blame on societal pressures. Women generally don't dress up for men, as the saying goes, but rather, for other women.

 

[Mad Jack]

You open up a very interesting tangent there. For example, women in the workplace who are more forward/outspoken/competitive are much more likely to be considered "bitchy" than a man who might have similar personality traits and would be praised for being a strong leader.

There's some research I'll try and dig up in the morning on this, but basically traits that are traditionally masculine are seen as negatives in females and positive in males in the workplace. It's sad, really.

 

[jl lin]

Believe it or not, there's a lot of people out there of both sexes that remain virgins until marriage. Where you grew up and your family's culture largely determine your views on virginity and remaining chaste until marriage. With my first marriage, my wife was the first woman I'd been with, and it probably would have remained only her had I not chosen so poorly and ended up in an absolutely disastrous nightmare of a relationship.

Then I became a slore, because why not.

Sorry about your first situation. Hope you find/found what you want in a stellar relationship. Sound like you deserve that.

I know what you mean about the first part; but it was not just culture and such. For me it was a spiritual perspective and choice--and the fact that i had a very GOOD father that knew how to separate the wheat from the chaff. He was absolutely, intuitively uncanny. Although a kind and handsome man, he knew how to get instant respect---USMC thing? IDK. He took that stuff pretty seriously. Being his only daughter, well, he was pretty watchful; but no matter how charming, my dad always ended up be spot on with how pushy and presumptuous some could be--or if they were not right. He always liked/loved the man I married, the only one he really liked. I am glad he watched over me.

Had I been in your situation, I pretty much still would have been protective and cagey. But I has some unpleasant things happen to me when I was a little girl, and so, it's hard for me to trust easily. And there is just something in me that doesn't flow with casual sex. I'm not clingy at all, but I don't think sex is about some laughs and a handshake. It's just not how I relate to something so intimate. Weird to some I supposed. Oh well.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

That brings up another interesting point....our parents, especially the opposite sex parent, often really do affect our relationship needs and behaviors. My dad was very similar, and I think it set me up for good relationship patterns overall.

My fiance is truly an anomaly, though. His biological dad was a man-child philanderer who left his mom when he was a kid, has several kids by other women, dodging child support, and basically dropped off the map for the last decade. His mom herself, although not a malicious person in the least, was not the most loving and very hands-off. She then remarried with a man who basically treated him like crap because he wasn't "his" son, so he went to live with his uncle for most of his young adult life. But aside from being a total cuddlehound who needs to be touched all the time (which I attribute to not getting love from mom) he is surprisingly well-adjusted, caring, and independent. He has told me that his dad's behavior was actually what inspired him to be dead-set on a solid, loving marriage. So having an unpleasant family life early on is not a relationship death sentence.

 

[Hustler101]

I would think it's much harder for men to abstain till later in life due to sex drive, and because they can enjoy sex without commitment more so than women can. I know plenty of virgins in their 20s. Mostly religious women.

You make it sound like "having options" means you have a higher likelihood of losing your virginity. Not true. I have plenty of options as a woman in my 20s, but I don't partake due to my personal values.

Options = temptation. I know girls who have unprotected sex with multiple guys a week and even a couple who do 2-3 a day sometimes. My mind is actually blown at thinking that options don't mean anything. Lot of guys would jump at the opportunity to do the same but good luck....

I spent a long time trying to get a high count and slept with anyone who was average and not necessarily attractive. Maybe 1 in 5 were...

I don't get why people would suck at sex if it's in a loving relationship. I would think that if two people loved each other madly, it would be hard to mess up. I imagine my wedding day will be mindblowing because there'll be no baggage, there'll be true love, and we'll just take our time...

lolno

obviously those "religious girls" arent religious LOL

My friend had a friends with benefits for months. She was a very religious family woman who was married with 4 kids and loved anal sex.

 

[Hustler101]

Most of these studies are based on self-reporting. Again, women (especially heterosexual women) are taught to repress their sex drives or at least not to talk about them to other people. Women will consistently under-report everything from partner count to masturbation frequency due to this. So I take all that with a grain of salt.

If women had equal sex drives as men then men wouldnt be so desperate for sex.

 

[deleted480308]

Yeah hustler, if by religious you mean christian?....your friend wasn't if she was cheating on her husband.

 

[Mad Jack]

If women had equal sex drives as men then men wouldnt be so desperate for sex.

Options = temptation. I know girls who have unprotected sex with multiple guys a week and even a couple who do 2-3 a day sometimes. My mind is actually blown at thinking that options don't mean anything. Lot of guys would jump at the opportunity to do the same but good luck....



I spent a long time trying to get a high count and slept with anyone who was average and not necessarily attractive. Maybe 1 in 5 were...

lolno


My friend had a friends with benefits for months. She was a very religious family woman who was married with 4 kids and loved anal sex.

You sound like you've got a pretty shallow, sad view of people and relationships.

 

[touchpause13]

I feel like guys don't get that having free dick anywhere you look isn't exactly an advantage. It's creepy and kinda scary. Plus it's not like all or even most girls are taking advantage of it. Sure I could catch a different dick every day of the week if:
1. I had no standands
2. I didn't care about my bodily safety/STIs/pregnancy

But that's not exactly something most girls are going to be interested in.

 

[touchpause13]

Yeah hustler, if by religious you mean christian?....your friend wasn't if she was cheating on her husband.

Meh, she could be Christian and a hypocrite.

 

[Hustler101]

You sound like you've got a pretty shallow, sad view of people and relationships.

Half of the population is like that.

 

[Hustler101]

I feel like guys don't get that having free dick anywhere you look isn't exactly an advantage. It's creepy and kinda scary. Plus it's not like all or even most girls are taking advantage of it. Sure I could catch a different dick every day of the week if:
1. I had no standands
2. I didn't care about my bodily safety/STIs/pregnancy

But that's not exactly something most girls are going to be interested in.

Of course it's an advantage. You can set your standards high and still get frequent sex. Are you suggesting guys can do the same without paying? Or without being a top tier male?

 

[deleted480308]

Of course it's an advantage. You can set your standards high and still get frequent sex. Are you suggesting guys can do the same without paying? Or without being a top tier male?

Are you in high school?

 

[deleted480308]

Meh, she could be Christian and a hypocrite.

Meh, if the guy beating me up every day tells me they're a pacifist I don't call them a pacifist and a hypocrite. I call them a bully and a liar

 

[Zweihander]

I don't really see anyone trying to be Hercules in bed in this thread.

Hey baby, how 'bout you slay my Hydra and let me clean out your Augean stables afterwards?


That's how you pick up the girls right???

 

[touchpause13]

Of course it's an advantage. You can set your standards high and still get frequent sex. Are you suggesting guys can do the same without paying? Or without being a top tier male?

I'm suggesting that the dating world isn't great for women interested in men.

So dudes don't get as many advances as women - well you don't have to scroll through tons of disgusting messages either. Cry me a river.

 

[deleted480308]

I'm suggesting that the dating world isn't great for women interested in men.

So dudes don't get as many advances as women - well you don't have to scroll through tons of disgusting messages either. Cry me a river.

For instance, imagine for every decent potential mr. Tp she meets, tp has to suffer through 800 idiots who idolize jersey shore and the pickupmaster

 

[Zweihander]

Meh, if the guy beating me up every day tells me they're a pacifist I don't call them a pacifist and a hypocrite. I call them a bully and a liar

Or, depending on the relationship, you pay him for his trouble and say "Same time next week?"

 

[WildZoo]

Meh, if the guy beating me up every day tells me they're a pacifist I don't call them a pacifist and a hypocrite. I call them a bully and a liar

All sin and fall short. Doing so does not make someone not a Christian as far as I know. The fact that it doesn't is kind of the point.

 

[dpmd]

All sin and fall short. Doing so does not make someone not a Christian as far as I know. The fact that it doesn't is kind of the point.

Yeah,but i think you are at least supposed to feel bad about it and try not to keep doing it.

 

[WildZoo]

Yeah,but i think you are at least supposed to feel bad about it and try not to keep doing it.

You are, and to be clear I'm not trying to justify her actions at all. I just don't think it's correct to say she's not a Christian (assuming that is the kind of religious hustler was talking about) because of it, because that's not how it works. Basically what tp said - she's a hypocrite for sure.

 

[deleted480308]

You are, and to be clear I'm not trying to justify her actions at all. I just don't think it's correct to say she's not a Christian (assuming that is the kind of religious hustler was talking about) because of it, because that's not how it works. Basically what tp said - she's a hypocrite for sure.

I understand the subtle and sensitive topic here but christianity does require things...a conscious decision to continue doing something contrary to the claim without intention of stopping means you aren't what you claim.

 

[Mad Jack]

I understand the subtle and sensitive topic here but christianity does require things...a conscious decision to continue doing something contrary to the claim without intention of stopping means you aren't what you claim.

Some of us have inherent struggles we'll likely never overcome. Doesn't make us any less Christian. I'll be a sinner until I die, because that's just the reality of it.

 

[deleted480308]

Some of us have inherent struggles we'll likely never overcome. Doesn't make us any less Christian. I'll be a sinner until I die, because that's just the reality of it.

I accept that not everyone will agree on this

 

[Hustler101]

Are you in high school?

Can you elaborate in detail what part of my statement is wrong?
@touchpause13 pointed out already that females can get laid far easier, im sure she can explain why looks are also #1 if you hope to have high standards.

I'm suggesting that the dating world isn't great for women interested in men.

So dudes don't get as many advances as women - well you don't have to scroll through tons of disgusting messages either. Cry me a river.

Check out engineering faculties. Lots of nerdy average looking guys who are legit husband material (very serious). Of course... females dont really like that do they.

Also I have personally witnessed average looking female friends constantly meet very attractive guys from the internet for sex. The opposite is virtually impossible. So sure you have some difficulties to deal with... but in no way would it compare to sexual frustration.

The difference isn't so light either. Female escorts have 8 male clients a day - each paying 200$. Male escorts have 0 female clients ever.

For instance, imagine for every decent potential mr. Tp she meets, tp has to suffer through 800 idiots who idolize jersey shore and the pickupmaster

No one idolizes guidos and most guys laugh at anything to do with pickup. This stuff came around in the past decade... before that it was all about being "tall, dark and handsome" + financially stable. The latter is less of a factor now that women make their own money but the rest holds true and always will. Do you disagree with this statement?

 

[WildZoo]

Why can't this thread just die and stay dead

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Check out engineering faculties. Lots of nerdy average looking guys who are legit husband material (very serious). Of course... females dont really like that do they.

Um....almost every single guy I have dated/slept with in my entire life was a engineer. Mostly EEs and ECEs, so not exactly the "bro" civils either. The only two that weren't were a scientific writer and a research biologist. I'm married to a programmer. I like it very much. Go take the "nice guys finish last" wah-wah bull**** somewhere else; it's tiring.


Sidenote - is this what's his face again? Studentpox? Sheesh.

Probably is, in which case I don't even know why I'm trying. Some brick walls you can't even napalm sense into.

 

[Rogert]

Um....almost every single guy I have dated/slept with in my entire life was a engineer. Mostly EEs and ECEs, so not exactly the "bro" civils either. The only two that weren't were a scientific writer and a research biologist. I'm married to a programmer. I like it very much. Go take the "nice guys finish last" wah-wah bull**** somewhere else; it's tiring.


Sidenote - is this what's his face again? Studentpox? Sheesh.

Probably is, in which case I don't even know why I'm trying. Some brick walls you can't even napalm sense into.

To be fair, napalm isn't very good at destroying structures in general. Unless it's made of wood.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

To be fair, napalm isn't very good at destroying structures in general. Unless it's made of wood.

Fair enough. We can nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

 

[WildZoo]

Sidenote - is this what's his face again? Studentpox? Sheesh.

Sounds exactly like him.

 

[dpmd]

To be fair, napalm isn't very good at destroying structures in general. Unless it's made of wood.

This reminds me of a particularly politically incorrect army running cadence
napalm,napalm sticks like glue
sticks to women and children to
then we would all call out
napalm sticks to kids

Infantry guys aren't right in the head

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

Some of us have inherent struggles we'll likely never overcome. Doesn't make us any less Christian. I'll be a sinner until I die, because that's just the reality of it.

There's sinning, and then there's being married with 4 kids and carrying on with an affair for months, lol. That's not Christian-like, whatever way you spin it.

 

[Rogert]

This reminds me of a particularly politically incorrect army running cadence
napalm,napalm sticks like glue
sticks to women and children to
then we would all call out
napalm sticks to kids

Infantry guys aren't right in the head

Cadences
They aren't. But I simultaneous hate and love every single one of them.

 

[WildZoo]

There's sinning, and then there's being married with 4 kids and carrying on with an affair for months, lol. That's not Christian-like, whatever way you spin it.

I don't think anyone was trying to say it was Christian-like

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

I don't think anyone was trying to say it was Christian-like

My mistake. That's the impression I got.

 

[WildZoo]

My mistake. That's the impression I got.

My point is that your Christianity isn't revoked because of sin. That's not to say it's ok or that there isn't a responsibility to repent, etc - as I said, I wasn't trying to justify her actions. But if someone says "Hey this Christian I know is involved in this activity that isn't Christian-like" we can say they have lost their way, that they need to stop what they are doing and repent. We don't get to say "Well, they're not really a Christian." That's not our judgment to make and the line between what is or is not forgivable sin is not our line to draw.

Anyway, that's what I've always been taught and it's what I believe. Others may not agree.

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

We don't get to say "Well, they're not really a Christian." That's not our judgment to make and the line between what is or is not forgivable sin is not our line to draw.

Anyway, that's what I've always been taught and it's what I believe. Others may not agree.

Well said!

 

[deleted480308]

My point is that your Christianity isn't revoked because of sin. That's not to say it's ok or that there isn't a responsibility to repent, etc - as I said, I wasn't trying to justify her actions. But if someone says "Hey this Christian I know is involved in this activity that isn't Christian-like" we can say they have lost their way, that they need to stop what they are doing and repent. We don't get to say "Well, they're not really a Christian." That's not our judgment to make and the line between what is or is not forgivable sin is not our line to draw.

Anyway, that's what I've always been taught and it's what I believe. Others may not agree.

I'm not saying it wasn't forgivable....I'm saying that while engaging long term in unrepentant sin, they are not christian. They can always choose to repent and address the issue

 

[WildZoo]

I'm not saying it wasn't forgivable....I'm saying that while engaging long term in unrepentant sin, they are not christian. They can always choose to repent and address the issue

I disagree, but that's fine. Honest questions though because I'm curious ...How long is long term? Or is it that any time we sin, our Christianity is revoked until we repent, in your opinion?

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

I'm not saying it wasn't forgivable....I'm saying that while engaging long term in unrepentant sin, they are not christian. They can always choose to repent and address the issue

This is an interesting viewpoint.

It feels intellectually dishonest to say that someone like, say, the SS soldiers who sorted out the Jews to be sent to gas chambers were Christian. Or that Hitler was Christian. Can anyone doing anything call themselves a Christian? I haven't read enough theology to come up with an answer.

Like @WildZoo said, it's not our place to judge. However, using the label "very religious" for a married woman with 4 kids carrying on a long term affair is something I'm uneasy with.