I think the poop just hit the fan

[MedWonk]

I'm currently a post-bacc student, and my fiancee got her visa so she can come over, but it expires next week. She has a plane ticket, with return, but I'm starting to have misgivings about it working right now from a financial standpoint.

I just got a full-time job, but it pays poorly ($10/hr), and she won't be able to find work until she gets her work permit, which takes about four months to get. Between us, we have about 16k in savings, and I wouldn't be entering med school for another 18 months.

I had been living with my parents throughout my post-bacc, which isn't ideal, but it saves money. My parents are very much against us marrying, mainly because they think don't have the resources to do so, which is understandable. This was after asking my parents if we could live their while I apply to med school. Of course, we would be paying for utilities, our own food, etc., but they don't seem keen on the idea. The cheapest rent I can find is about $700, and there's no easy access to public transportation, which is a little problematic, since my fiancee can't drive (she's lived her entire life in a large city with easy access to public transport; obviously she would have to learn).

I don't want to put us both in debt before I would actually have to put us in debt due to med school, and she isn't very keen on waiting it out for another couple years (we haven't been together for 2.5 years, only a two-week visit last year).

So, I've come down to three options that I can think of:

1) Take the $700 apartment (Not ideal, but maybe manageable)
2) Ask to live with sister in spare room in exchange for rent (I don't like this option)
3) Let her come over for a visit, and send her back on her way, potentially straining the relationship beyond repair (I hate this option)

Any advice? What would you do in my position?

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[LADoc00]

This is a good one. Poor people always do better single. When I was poor and in an LTR, it was a nightmare.

You can only handle 1 stressor at a time: poverty or a GF, but dont try to eat both at once.

Lots of fish in the sea. Just send her back home with a note that says "I cant afford you honey, good luck!".

Damn, alot of so called men on this website need to harden their hearts up a bit...I blame modern society and the weakness it creates...

 

[TotallyAnnoying]

First, I wouldn't kick her to the curb, not before she arrives and you see how your parents react to her presence.
Second, the sister option is better than the apartment. However, you need to pay her a set amount, and that must all be worked out in advance, or there will be bad blood and much nastiness at family gatherings.
Third, Just because the girl can't get a traditional job without a work visa, doesn't mean she can't work. She can cut grass (yeah, it's march, but it won't always be) she can babysit, walk dogs clean houses, she speaks a foreign language (just guessing, but likely, since a travel visa is required she's probably eastern bloc) Get her up to your university to tutor.
Fourth, do not underestimate the importance of having someone there for you who actually believes in you. When school is in session, I do nothing around the house unless I need a break from Organic.
Before we started back down this road, we sat down and discussed what it was going to take for me to refresh my pre-reqs and then 3 years of program. He knows that for us to have the life we want in five years, we both have jobs to do now. He works and takes care of the house. I study and make great grades. I should add that this isn't our first discussion. You can see how long I've been a member here. I was ready to start Pharmacy school - in 2008, but I got hit by the illness Whammy, and lost a year. So I lost my spot, and then my sciences got stale. So, yeah, we had to decide IF we still wanted the life we had planned enough to reset that goal to finish in 2018 instead of 2011.:cry:

So when your girl gets here, sit her down, and figure it out. If it's not right, she'll go home herself. If it's right, and she stays, sell that ticket back. Then suck it up and talk to your sister, and best of luck.

 

[type12]

I make roughly 7x what you make (working two jobs, mind you) and was also "kicked" out of my family because of different views on things (in quotes because I still support them now). I'm married now to someone my parents would NEVER approve of because she's an "outsider". I told her to stop working so she can focus on getting into medical school like me. I normally max out my Roth IRA, but last year, almost all of that money went to applications.

Your salary puts you in a position where you're not able to take care of yourself AND apply, nevermind living with someone else. There are more expenses than you realize, such as cell phones and the like, and just "keep my sanity" purchases that are spontaneous or nice.

If you are serious about medicine and your fiance, then you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to live at home. Do not live beyond your means with the expectation that things will improve, because that stress will show, that desperation will make people hesitant to hire you or your fiance.

 

[docelh]

Is this an online relationship? Visa?

Listen to your parents. While your fiancee loves you in that feel good kind of way, your parents love you in the looking out for your best interest kind of way.

 

[MedWonk]

Is this an online relationship? Visa?

Listen to your parents. While your fiancee loves you in that feel good kind of way, your parents love you in the looking out for your best interest kind of way.

We met while I was working in Japan and were together for three years. The past two have been long-distance. She has a visa.