Just started dating a med student

[c-1000]

I just started dating a med student that has about a year and some change left and was wondering if you guys had any tips for me. I am in a different field completely but I want to make sure that I have a good understanding of what I am facing here.

I understand I will never get to see her and things will be really tough but I do like her and am willing to make sacrifices so I am hoping someone can tell me what to expect. AND most importantly tips to help make it work for the long term.

Our relationship is still in its infancy but then again I am really willing to do what is in my power to make it work.

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[j4pac]

Not many guys can contend with a woman breadwinner...especially with one who also has prestige, which comes with being a doctor. The divorce rate amongst women physicians with non-medical professionals is upwards of 90% if I remember correctly. There are a number of reasons for this...I'm not going to get into it...but I think you should know what you are up against. If you are just looking for fun...then by all means. But if you are looking for marriage...it will be a challenge on practically every level.

 

[deleted245139]

That rate seems astronomical... but even assuming it's true...
I married a bartender. You gotta know what you're getting into.... I never get jealous, I'm easy going, and I take it as a compliment when people would hit on my wife.
If you can put ego aside, if you have some personal career satisfaction, if you can deal with a bit of emotional and physical distance, it can work.
It takes the right person, and definitely takes work.

 

[J ROD]

As a man, can you swallow your balls and not be the man? In many ways, she will be. If she does not throw that in your face ever, then you have a chance.

Also, she will be busy and you can't be a obstacle. She will need your support. And don't be that needy guy.......

You got to be very confident and comfortable in your skin. What do you do for a living?

 

[c-1000]

Well I am currently working in Finance so I have a VERY strong and promising career myself. We would probably make around the same money by the time she is done with her residency. Haha everyone on here always assumes the outsiders are not making as much or have a job with much prestige. I have a very strong personality so I am confident and don't see that as an issue.

 

[J ROD]

I have a MBA as well. Worked for several years in business. It is different when you are a MD. Unless you get to be a CFO of a decent size company then she will be treated with more prestige. In business, you can have an even greater career but it is not as guaranteed. Overall, it depends on you and her. Nobody can work on your relationship but yourselves. Like you may have to sacrifice your career for her. Usually in the corporate world, you have to move around to move up. That may be a problem for her. Usually you move for residency and then establish a practice. Most MDs dont move around that much. But, depending on what she does as a specialty, it might not matter.

 

[j4pac]

Well I am currently working in Finance so I have a VERY strong and promising career myself. We would probably make around the same money by the time she is done with her residency. Haha everyone on here always assumes the outsiders are not making as much or have a job with much prestige. I have a very strong personality so I am confident and don't see that as an issue.

The prestige is an issue. Unless you are Warren Buffett's son...you won't have as much prestige as your wife. Pride gets in the way...either from the doctor wife or the guy. Money is not near the issue as prestige.

Here's a big issue...are you willing to assume the traditional responsibilities of a woman in the relationship? Before you say "yes"...I want you to think again. Not many guys can. I am INCREDIBLY patient...and I absolutely love my children. Can I take care of my children as well as my wife? Heck no. You will go to work...get home exhausted only to be the primary caretaker of children...a role that an INCREDIBLY low percentage of men are cut out for. Many men in this type of position will resent their wives. I at least am a physician, so I can empathize with the struggles that my wife is going through. You can't. You can try to pretend that you can...but you can't. Your relationship has a very good chance of failing...even if you feel like you are the type of guy who can buck the trend. Every guy thinks that they are that guy.

And even if you don't have children...you are still going to need to make ENORMOUS sacrifices. Chances are that your girlfriend is very well rounded...most people going to med school are. You probably think you have it all...stay tuned. You are going to spend SIGNIFICANT time away from her. She will be frequently on call...not just for the next few years...but potentially for the next 20 years. When she's not on call...she's likely to be exhausting and/or grumpy. Your not going to understand it...and you can't...because you have never worked q3day 30 hour calls on critically ill patients before. Good luck.