'He's not on your level"

[ilovefishing]

Hi guys, I am having an issue and was hoping there was someone out there who is in a similar situation who can give me some insight. I've been dating a great guy for two years. I really think that we can have a future together. The only problem is my family thinks that because he isn't a doctor or lawyer, he's not good enough. I will be going to med. school (hopefully) next year, while he's in his freshman year of college to be an engineer (we are the same age but both his parents passed away and it took him a while to be able to move on). He is also working full-time and making enough to support both of us. My dad just told me that he thinks I should leave my boyfriend because he will never understand what I'm going through since he has never had to study this hard. I really love this guy, and he has always been there for me, but I guess I see where my family is coming from as well. I just figured that by the time I get out of med school, he'll be in grad school. I guess my question is, can things work out between two people who are on "different levels?"

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[ozzie20]

Your dad is wrong, period. Sure, some people who aren't in med school won't understand completely, but his logic is wrong. It seems that the underlying issue may be a little bit of sexism on your dad's behalf. Think about it, how many wives of doctors are themselves doctors? There are some, but there are a LOT more of them who have never set foot inside a med school.

Either there is something else your dad doesn't like about this guy, or he doesn't understand medical school at all. Having someone there for you while in med school is very valuable, regardless of his job.

 

[ilovefishing]

Thanks for your insight! The crazy thing is my dad (and everyone else) admits that my boyfriend is a great guy. And I don't think my dad even knows what med school is about considering that he only has a high school diploma. My boyfriend and I had a talk about it and came to the conclusion that it's us against the world, so let my folks have their opinion but don't take it to heart.

 

[poky]

I apologize in advance for being crude, but this pisses me off. As an engineer who is supporting a former engineer through med school, I'm tempted to tell your dad he can kiss my ass and then **** off. He's so wrong it isn't even funny. If he can't come up with a *very* specific example of something your boyfriend did that made him think he's so clueless he can't understand studying hard, he needs to give you his REAL reason for trying to get you to break up with him, or STFU about it, already.

My guesses: 1) he thinks you'll be too distracted to study "properly" while in med school if you have a boyfriend (any boyfriend) or 2) he wants you to be free to find a doctor to hook up with while in school and/or residency, for some reason (maybe so you won't have to be the "primary" breadwinner? If so, how sexist is that?)

I'm glad you've decided together to ignore him. It's exactly what drivel like that deserves.

ETA: My husband just looked over my shoulder and told me that the ONLY thing he's found harder about med school studying than engineering studying (he did electrical) is the huge amount of memorization of unconnected random trivia. The concepts? Not nearly as difficult.

 

[darkangel77]

I understand where you're coming from...in fact, your dad reminds me of my mom. I'll be attending physical therapy school in June, and my boyfriend is finishing up his third year of undergrad to get his psychology degree (he attended college for 2 years, then withdrew for another 2 years because of some family issues, and just recently went back to complete his degree). I grew up in a family full of engineers, lawyers and doctors, and my mom's side of the family is very pushy about me finding somebody "better", as my boyfriend currently has no plans to attend graduate school at the moment after graduation, though he isn't against attending in the future.

They have met my boyfriend and obviously love him, but they tell me he's not good enough for me (my mom especially. She constantly makes comments about how he'll never be able to be a suitable husband because he won't be making enough money). I've tried to tell her that I would love him no matter what career path he went down, but she just shakes her head and says "You're so young, what do you know about love?" (I'm 24).

So I just ignore her when she starts saying things like that, because it really pisses me off.

 

[ilovefishing]

Thanks everyone for your input. A little bit about my background: I'm the first one in my family to attend college. I come from a long line of maids, waitresses, teachers and construction workers. It seems like everyone is living through me. My family has made many comments that my boyfriend is just like them, and they want me with someone who isn't like them (not sure how wanting to become an engineer is being like them ,but i guess). Either way, ultimately I am the one who has to live with my decision, so I'm not understanding why they won't just let me live my life. If anything they are stressing me out and distracting me more than my boyfriend is

 

[EyEnStein 07]

Im not in this situation, but have been through similar conversations (where i was very mean and critical with my parents for there false logic) because of my brother.

Do YOU think you guys are on different levels? I mean you say you've been with him for 2 years, and you can have a future with him, how true do you think this is? As long as you can make it work along with your BF, then i dont see what the problem is really. Its you thats going to marry him, not your mom or dad. I know you dont want to upset your family or want this to lead to a bad relationship with them, but i think they really do need better reasons. Also, if he has been through the past 2 years with you applying to med schools and studying, im sure you two will be fine in the future.

I understand where you're coming from...in fact, your dad reminds me of my mom. I'll be attending physical therapy school in June, and my boyfriend is finishing up his third year of undergrad to get his psychology degree (he attended college for 2 years, then withdrew for another 2 years because of some family issues, and just recently went back to complete his degree). I grew up in a family full of engineers, lawyers and doctors, and my mom's side of the family is very pushy about me finding somebody "better", as my boyfriend currently has no plans to attend graduate school at the moment after graduation, though he isn't against attending in the future.

They have met my boyfriend and obviously love him, but they tell me he's not good enough for me (my mom especially. She constantly makes comments about how he'll never be able to be a suitable husband because he won't be making enough money). I've tried to tell her that I would love him no matter what career path he went down, but she just shakes her head and says "You're so young, what do you know about love?" (I'm 24).

So I just ignore her when she starts saying things like that, because it really pisses me off.

If you are going to marry for money, then obviously someone will always be better. if you love him and you think you can have a future with him, after 2 years, then you should listen to yourself. You are marrying the guy, not your mom or dad. Also i understand your frustration.."if i marry him, i dont want a bad relationship with my family"...ofcourse, thats 100% understandable. But imagine how you would feel if you were in your BF's shoes, and though he loved you, because he was going to med school and you were doing something different (income in the future would not be as high), he said good bye to you.

Being with someone is not about how much they make or what there job title is. What if you married someone who your parents picked, and lets say they had an accident that probhibited them from working. You are bringing the money in the family now, would your mom and dad tell you to divorce him because he has now become disabled and not making any money?

Im sorry but you need to be on your on for this one. Ofcourse you will probably make more money due to the career path you choose, but that doesnt mean he wont be contributing to your family. It definately doesnt mean that he wont along the road find a reputable job. Again, i dont think being a husband means you need to make more than your wife, or you need to make a lot of money period.

 

[DrJD]

I'm sorry medical school just isn't that hard... Once you are there you'll see, you can become a great doctor without putting in 100 hour weeks studying in medical school. I am in an SMP right now (taking medical school classes) and I am getting Honors and I am working less than my wife who is working full time.

I work really hard during the day, really hard... It is about time management and efficiency.

You are right to not listen to your parents on this one, they are absolutely wrong.

PS.
My brother majored in Engineering and the stuff he told me about that he was studying was intense. I think they have it backwards actually, he is going to be working harder than you!

 

[UES Girl]

I couldn't even get through this thread, it bothered me so much and I already could predict where exactly it is going. In short: your dad is a ***** suffering from a pre-God complex that parents of many apisiring pre-meds seem to pocess. The nearly complete lack of education on his part seem to only hyperinflate his skewed messed up view of medical profession.

Be happy that have an awesome relationship with a great guy and ignore your dad. Think about how many people in this world seek love and compatibility and try to cherish what you have.

 

[xanthines]

Let's try to keep the name-calling down to minimum please!

Anyway, I'd venture say that engineering is more difficult than medicine in an intellectual sense. Those chemical engineers are certainly geniuses to me! (yes, I know that's not correct pluralization of genius! )

If you're both happy, then I don't see any reason an engineer and a doctor can be in a healthy relationship. You'll both be professionals which require a lot of hardwork and intelligence. You'll both be respected by the public. You'll both most likely have high incomes, although yours will probably end up being higher, while his will start off higher.

Basically, just politely ignore your Dad and try not to let him bother you. Unless he's completely set in his ways, he'll come around eventually. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, but eventually.

-X

 

[Brodie919]

Just the notion of people being on different "levels" really hits a cord with me and is rather insulting. As the husband of a fourth year, it is hard to keep myself up, especially when some her colleagues share the same sentiments as your dad. It is sad that med school creates such a stigma for students to live up to. You both a just people, does there have to be levels?

 

[Bloomin Onion]

Hi guys, I am having an issue and was hoping there was someone out there who is in a similar situation who can give me some insight. I've been dating a great guy for two years. I really think that we can have a future together. The only problem is my family thinks that because he isn't a doctor or lawyer, he's not good enough. I will be going to med. school (hopefully) next year, while he's in his freshman year of college to be an engineer (we are the same age but both his parents passed away and it took him a while to be able to move on). He is also working full-time and making enough to support both of us. My dad just told me that he thinks I should leave my boyfriend because he will never understand what I'm going through since he has never had to study this hard. I really love this guy, and he has always been there for me, but I guess I see where my family is coming from as well. I just figured that by the time I get out of med school, he'll be in grad school. I guess my question is, can things work out between two people who are on "different levels?"

This guy's an ENGINEER and your parents don't think he's "good enough"?!?!?!?! No offense but that is one prejudiced, snobby, liberal elite family you must come from. Are you from someplace like Long Island or Orange County? I grew up around a lot of them people I know what its like. Its great that you love this person despite your parents and even if nevers makes as much as you, you can see that money is not everything. So many people go to med school (and dental and pharmacy school) motivated by money and their desire for an elite lifestyle rather than to help patients.

Keep in mind that its YOUR life. At your age your parents have no right to make decisions for you and tell you what to do. They can offer you suggestions and you should take their suggestions and opinions into account but the final decision is yours and its not something they will have to agree with. I've had a lot of differences with my mom too but now she understands that only I know what I want for myself, she might think she knows whats best, or maybe if she was me she would do things a certain way but I'm my own person. Being in a loving family relationship, including with your parents, includes accepting boundaries and individualism. Put it this way. If you go with this guy and it doesn't work out, at least it was your decision and you are responsible for it. If you listen to your dad and break off the relationship, you will always wonder what if. You will always wonder what would have happened if you had stood up and make the decision for yourself.

Plus with residencies and stuff, there's a good chance this guy will be making more money than you for quite a few years. Now personally, as a guy, and coming from a more regular family and going to pharmacy school I actually don't want one of those yuppie or high-powered girls that dominate in my school and most of the other professional schools on my campus. I'd prefer someone with my same income and education level or lower but not higher. My family just wants me to find someone who Im happy with, who is loyal and moral and has the right values. It doesn't even matter if she never went to college or does not have a high paying job.

 

[Bloomin Onion]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFFl0VBY3jc

 

[Bloomin Onion]

Thanks everyone for your input. A little bit about my background: I'm the first one in my family to attend college. I come from a long line of maids, waitresses, teachers and construction workers. It seems like everyone is living through me. My family has made many comments that my boyfriend is just like them, and they want me with someone who isn't like them (not sure how wanting to become an engineer is being like them ,but i guess). Either way, ultimately I am the one who has to live with my decision, so I'm not understanding why they won't just let me live my life. If anything they are stressing me out and distracting me more than my boyfriend is

Oh hey I wrong guessed what your family was like! Actually my dream girl is not another health professional like me but more like a teacher, secretary or waitress...or on the glamorous side maybe a stewardess but that's probaly beyond my reach

 

[soulofmpatel]

What ethnicity are your parents?

My guess is Asian or Indian.

 

[natesgirl]

Just the notion of people being on different "levels" really hits a cord with me and is rather insulting. As the husband of a fourth year, it is hard to keep myself up, especially when some her colleagues share the same sentiments as your dad. It is sad that med school creates such a stigma for students to live up to. You both a just people, does there have to be levels?

insulting and sad, people are people. but stuff like this annoys me anyway being a military wife and knowing some wives wear their husbands rank or vice versa...
You guys love each other then I would just continue on, I mean both of you are adults...

 

[ULTRON]

Listen to your heart. At the same time, I must say that medical school takes a LOT of time.....I mean studying 50 hours a week. Will you be able to hold a committed relationship during medical school?

Maybe....you could tell your boyfriend to do what I did: attend medical school after engineering school! I used to work as an electrical engineer before landing in medical school. Sure, it hurt my brain really bad when I switched from studying HF electromagnetics to cardiac pathology, but I feel better now

Good luck!

ULTRON

Hi guys, I am having an issue and was hoping there was someone out there who is in a similar situation who can give me some insight. I've been dating a great guy for two years. I really think that we can have a future together. The only problem is my family thinks that because he isn't a doctor or lawyer, he's not good enough. I will be going to med. school (hopefully) next year, while he's in his freshman year of college to be an engineer (we are the same age but both his parents passed away and it took him a while to be able to move on). He is also working full-time and making enough to support both of us. My dad just told me that he thinks I should leave my boyfriend because he will never understand what I'm going through since he has never had to study this hard. I really love this guy, and he has always been there for me, but I guess I see where my family is coming from as well. I just figured that by the time I get out of med school, he'll be in grad school. I guess my question is, can things work out between two people who are on "different levels?"

 

[ilovefishing]

Not that it matters, but I'm black (that's me in the picture). Another funny thing is that I'm really interested in family medicine, so there is a pretty strong possibility that he'd be making more than me anyway And I definitely think that we can make it through med school. He pretty much keeps me sane since I tend to stress out a lot and he's more of the laid back type.

 

[soulofmpatel]

Not that it matters, but I'm black

Wow...elitist ignorant black parents...I haven't come across too many of those. Just tell them he's a champ in the sack

 

[ilovefishing]

Yeah, this likely has more to do with your dad's concern over future income disparity than personality issues (which is the opposite of what most folks seem to be interpreting). Many people (older people especially) want the man to be the primary breadwinner, or the one making the most cash money..

Also keep in mind for MANY dads, no man will ever be good enough for their daughter

Has your boyfriend spent a lot of time around your family? Maybe he gave them more opportunities to show them how awesome he is, and how happy he makes you, your parents would come around. Good luck

We (my boyfriend and I) live with my dad since his wife is in a coma and he's having a hard time with money right now, so we help out with the bills and food for my younger siblings. Which is another reason why my boyfriend is so great, because not too many guys would do what he's doing!

 

[pianola]

We (my boyfriend and I) live with my dad since his wife is in a coma and he's having a hard time with money right now, so we help out with the bills and food for my younger siblings. Which is another reason why my boyfriend is so great, because not too many guys would do what he's doing!

Hey, I just wanted to say that I'm kind of in your shoes with a guy who's also an engineer.

Hang in there. I know I'll never meet a guy as great as the one I'm dating, so for me I'm willing to take what my parents say with a grain of salt. I understand that it's gonna be hard, so I'm rooting for you..

 

[Bloomin Onion]

Wow...elitist ignorant black parents...I haven't come across too many of those. Just tell them he's a champ in the sack

Yeah I'm surprised black parents could be thsi way. My first image was a rich country club like white liberal elite family from someplace like Connecticut or Boston or Long Island.

 

[AttyHubby]

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, just want to reiterate that anyone who thinks an engineering major isn't "on the same level" as a pre-med student clearly has no idea what they're talking about.

 

[yaah]

(we are the same age but both his parents passed away and it took him a while to be able to move on). He is also working full-time and making enough to support both of us. My dad just told me that he thinks I should leave my boyfriend because he will never understand what I'm going through since he has never had to study this hard.

Maybe you should tell your dad that he has no idea what your boyfriend goes through when he lost his parents before college, got a job to support himself and you, and then went on to start college anyway in a tough field. Sounds to me like the guy has already outclassed your dad.

 

[not so calm now]

The way I interpreted it, and because I've witnessed similar situations, her dad isn't upset because she's dating a "lowly" engineer, it's because she's almost graduated from college and he just started. Even though there were mitigating factors and he IS in college now, I could understand why a parent might have reservations about why a person couldn't get it together at the "appropriate" time of life. Parents generally just want the best for their kids.

It's incredibly rude what some people are saying about op's dad. The "lawyer or doctor" mentality is really common in families where there generally hasn't been a high level of education achieved (my family included - except add "preacher" to this category). There tends to be a perception that these 2 professions are the best one can be. This is probably because the average person has interactions with doctors and lawyers, but not with scientists, engineers, humanities professors, etc.

Op, if you explain to your dad what it is that your boyfriend is studying to be and what an engineer does, it might help. Otherwise, I totally agree with the other people in that it's your life. Once he graduates/gets a little further along in college your dad will probably loosen up a little anyway.

 

[mattorama]

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, just want to reiterate that anyone who thinks an engineering major isn't "on the same level" as a pre-med student clearly has no idea what they're talking about.

Repeated again... The average engineer would (and does) excel in medical school. The average medical student would probably fail out of freshman engineering.

 

[NonTradMed]

I understand where you're coming from. My mom's the same way. She wants me to marry someone 'on my level'. In her traditional feminist view, a woman who makes more than her husband will not only have to put in a full day's work but then come home to more housework. She believes that a man, no matter how much the wife makes, will always expect the household chores to be done predominately by the woman. I think she really underestimate men here. Some men may find it "degrading" to have their wives make more than them and to "have to" cook/clean more, but I think most men, especially those under 35, are more understanding of gender dynamics.

Repeated again... The average engineer would (and does) excel in medical school. The average medical student would probably fail out of freshman engineering.

Apples and oranges. I was compsci and premed in college but it was from the school of engineering. I notice that while engineering students tended to be smarter, premeds worked harder.

Yes, some med students would fail freshman engineering because the concepts are difficult to understand, but I know some of my engineering friends would fail out of med school because they have such lax work ethic.

Also, while medicine is far less difficult conceptually than engineering, I find many of my fellow students have a quick grasp of concepts when given the opportunity to learn them.

 

[NonTradMed]

My mom holds the same views, and while sometimes I wish things were different, I disagree that the majority of men would not prefer a 'traditional' wife. It's one thing to say that these things are okay/be *understanding* and another thing to live it. People are more politically correct these days, but I think the average American man would still love to marry a woman who will stay home with the kids, keep a clean house, and cook a "family dinner" every night...sounds like a good deal to me too

Not saying that men who do not think this way don't exist, or that every man who seems enthusiastic about sharing housework is FOS...but often there is a gap between thinking that sharing *gendered* duties is okay, and how people would actually like to live.

While a lot of things have changed, I think many people who hold more traditional views now keep their opinions to themselves for fear of being lambasted as chauvanist pigs, and their silence is interpreted as agreement.

But what people fantasize about and what reality is also different. Men do more at home than they've ever done in the previous generations because women are entering the work world. My own father, who have openly envied men with stay at home wives does most of the cooking and all of the shopping in our house. My mother works full time and it is unspoken my father picks up the slack at home. Everyone has fantasies of how they'd like to live. I'm sure plenty of medical students who mouth the ideals rural primary care would kill for a chance to do high-end cosmetic derm work in Beverly Hills 3 days a week. But that doesn't mean they end taking in medicare patients in Kansas City a reality or that it is less enjoyable.

Also, I was in a conversation recently where some medical student girls were talking about wanting a stay at home spouse, they thought it would be great, but couldn't bring themselves to ever date a guy who had such aspirations. Our fantasies aren't always in synch with what reality dictate.

 

[osli]

Repeated again... The average engineer would (and does) excel in medical school. The average medical student would probably fail out of freshman engineering.

Ditto.

Medical school is about stamina and retain large numbers of facts to regurgitate on exams. Thinking is minimally required, at least until your third year. You might be required to think a bit more throughout residency, and then when you enter practice chances are that thinking will be once again at a minimum.

Engineering has relatively few facts to remember, but the conceptual and critical thinking demands are much higher.

If by "on your level" your dad means jobs with a certain prestige level, then so be it. Be your own judge of what is important to you. If by "on your level" he means intellectually, then he's flat wrong. Your boyfriend might not pull as many all-nighters as you in med school, and his job will likely never be as demanding timewise and as physically exhausting as residency, but you may never have to solve a problem quite as difficult as he will face every week.

 

[error404]

I'm sorry medical school just isn't that hard... Once you are there you'll see, you can become a great doctor without putting in 100 hour weeks studying in medical school. I am in an SMP right now (taking medical school classes) and I am getting Honors and I am working less than my wife who is working full time.

I agree that engineers work very hard. However, I can't believe that a premed taking medical "classes" has the perspective to comment on the time commitment involved.

Classes are one thing. Two years of rotations are another.

 

[sumstorm]

Wow! This thread amazed me on so many levels:

1) You have to decide who you want to be with, what is important to you in a partner. Obviously.

2) Your partner and you have to be able to manage interactions with your family. My suggestion here is that you have a very clear conversation with them about what you are willing to tolerate. IE "Mom/Dad/family member, I love you and respect your opinion, and if you have genuine concerns based on factual observations, I would appreciate you mentioning them. If I then say that I am aware of the situation and am ok with it, the topic is ended. If it is brought up again, I will hang up the phone/leave the room/etc. I am sorry, but when you insult the individual I am with to me or around me, you are insulting me and my choices." Then follow through. You don't need to be dramatic or angry or anything else, just patient and consistent. The less you react, the easier it is.

3) Do NOT complain about your partner to your family and/or close friends. (not saying you have, just that I see this as a trigger.) It puts family/friends in very awkward situations. It gives people a false impression of your partner. If you need to vent, find a counselor. There are occasional people who can sort good times vs bad times, but it is hard for most people.

4) Obviously, as stated, 'levels' are absurd. My father never graduated high school and worked 2 full time jobs in the diesel mechanic field. In his career he has moved from a floor mechanic to an evaluator to the primary computer person in his company (before IT people were easy to hire) then an instructor for the largest engine manufacture in the country, then a tech writer for the same. He can't get decent pay because he doesn't have a degree. He can do 6 digit long division in his head. He is amazing, but didn't get the opportunities he has helped me get (since I didn't have to drop out of HS to work.) We all know the reality is, as much as we want to believe we are the single cause of our own sucess, that the circumstances of our lives affect the opportunities we have.

5) the idea that a socio-economic, race, or geography is responsible for the idealogy of an individual is just as judgemental as the individual who is being judged. My husband grew up on the east end of long island, in bridge hamptom. That was BEFORE it became known as 'the hamptons' back when it wasn't easily accessible (no major highway) and the primary crop was potatos, not tourists.

6) the idea that gender determines what one wants is just as bad as the above. The 'new' trophy wife (yes, technically, I am a trophy wife, in the terms of my husband is a high powered executive) according to several sociological studies is a full time employee often in the non-profit, health care, or social services sectors of society. The brag is not 'beautiful arm candy' but 'beautiful sucessful professional.' Surveys have shown that power players are prefering htat over stay-at-home traditional wife. Why? because the ability to select an intelligent and successful spouse implies that the individual is successful. Secondly, if you are able to afford a trophy wife, you can also afford prepared meal delivery and housekeeping.

7) whoever said there may be a different underlying thought (such as distraction from school) may be very correct...and the person making the statements may not even know thier own internal intentions. Also, because a woman is working full time does not mean a man is 'picking up the slack' What on earth does that imply? A woman has more responsabilities to the home than a husband? Each person needs to contribute 100% to thier home lives to have a successful and happy marriage. In some marriage that may mean dividing outside of home and inside of home activities down the middle, others may end up with one spouse on one end of the spectrum and other other on the other end.

On a personal note, I am going to vet school next year, which obviously isn't a really high paying job. My husband, who is a very successful executive, hopes to retire 5-10 years after I complete vet school and be a stay at home dad. I love it, think it is the best thing for both of us. I have supported his career, and he is supporting mine. We both understand there is a balance. Oh, if anyone is curious, he was an engineer out of school. He makes as much as many doctors. I am a biologist who worked in non-profit.

 

[La fea]

The spouse and I are engineer and dentist respectively. As are several couples in my group/circle.

Engineers also have long hours, intense competition, deadlines, gunners...the whole nine yards. As long as you and SO are happy with each other...well that's all matters right?

 

[Dr. Dai Phan]

Hello all,

As a former aerospace engineer I can tell that making it through engineering school is quite tougher than in professional school. Talking exams in ES is way way more stressful than PS where all the answers are infront of you. DP

 

[tkim]

Electrical/Computer engineering > JD > MD (in terms of intellectual challenge)

How many of these are you?

 

[TropicalFish]

The spouse and I are engineer and dentist respectively. As are several couples in my group/circle.

Engineers also have long hours, intense competition, deadlines, gunners...the whole nine yards. As long as you and SO are happy with each other...well that's all matters right?

I agree. I'm currently an ophthalmology resident, and my husband is an engineer. We're very happy! We started dating before I got accepted into medical school. There were a lot of my fellow female medical students married to engineers. Don't believe what people say. We're very compatible intellectually. I'm glad my husband is not in medicine, I get sick of it just working, studying, and breathing medicine, I can't imagine having to come home to it too!

 

[tkim]

None. It's just my opinion that the thinking process involved with various forms of engineering outstrips that of most medical specialties. I've taken classes in both (med school and engineering) and I've spent a lot of time around both. To be a good engineer requires more creativity/problem solving skills than does being a good primary care MD/DO. I don't think it's even close.

Ah, I see, so you're neither an engineer or a physician. Okay, thanks.

 

[atomi]

-

 

[doctorlover]

In my situation, I am the one with the high school diploma, and my husband is about to finish his intern year of residency. We have been together since he was an MS1. At first, I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for him. I was a dental assistant at the time and able to support myself, and that was good enough for him. I helped support him emotionally and financially through med school, and we got married at the end of his fourth year. Now that we've moved to another state for his residency, I am back in school and it's my turn to be a student. Being with him inspires me to do something better for myself.

The point is, no one's opinion matters but yours! If he is a garbage man and still makes you happy, that's all that matters!

 

[bigDinLV]

We (my boyfriend and I) live with my dad since his wife is in a coma and he's having a hard time with money right now, so we help out with the bills and food for my younger siblings. Which is another reason why my boyfriend is so great, because not too many guys would do what he's doing!

Yea, the boyfriend seems like a good guy. You think he should go find a girlfriend with a family and can support themselves and not judge him?

 

[Goober]

Hello all,

As a former aerospace engineer I can tell that making it through engineering school is quite tougher than in professional school. Talking exams in ES is way way more stressful than PS where all the answers are infront of you. DP

"Professional school" is a very broad category. It is so broad that your comparison is meaningless. You might be right in your particular situation for dental school. But you might completely change your mind if say you had to go through say Johns Hopkins for med school. I think you would find it a lot more mentally and physically challenging.

 

[Goober]

Repeated again... The average engineer would (and does) excel in medical school. The average medical student would probably fail out of freshman engineering.

The very small subset of engineers that already go to med school certainly does not represent your "average engineer". Your statement presumes if you took your middle of the road engineer and put them in medical school they would excel. Problem solving is only one part of succeeding in medical school. Actually it is a pretty small part in the first 2 years. To excel in the first two years requires a great memory and ability to synthesize all the stuff thrown at you into some sort of meaningful framework. It is more about stamina and determination than anything else. To excel in the clinical years requires something completely different and if anything I would argue that your "average engineer" would be at disadvantage in dealing with patients if anything.

Your average med student is probably a bio major with good grades as an undergrad. If you took your average 3.7 gpa bio premed from a decent university I would bet they could pass the first year in engineering. Maybe some of them would fail but I bet a large number could pass at least-probably a majority. I was in a lot of pre-engineering classes and took physics and math with engineering majors. They definitely didn't blow me away with how much smarter they were. Some of them were brilliant, but a lot were just regular students who were better than average in math and science.

 

[confuse]

ilovefishing,
To a parent who is very proud of his/her child, noone may be a good enough suitor. Your parents may say what they want but it's you who have to live with your decisions so take your family's comments with a grain of salt. From what you describe, your bf seems to be a good guy. If you are able to connect with him on an emotional, intellectual, and social level, who cares about his education. Income potential may be a factor in a committed relationship since it determines potential family lifestyle. If you are comfortable about what yours and his potential will be like in the future, then you have nothing to worry about. Just have fun and enjoy your relationship.

I agree with Goober. I think it's a HUGE assumption to say that med students can't do math and engineering. Whether it'd be engineering school or med school, in order to succeed, you need to work hard. The average med student works very hard so I highly doubt that the majority of them will fail an engineering class. The way that students are tested in med school is different from engineering school, but it's nothing that a hard working student doing multiple practice problem sets can't overcome. I think academic success is 10% intelligence and 90% hard work. An overly gifted engineering student may be able to sleep through an undergrad engineering class and still ace the test, but that's not going to fly in graduate or higher level engineering classes nor will it determine potential future success.

 

[bakanoisha]

You know him better than your parents. If you believe he can/will stand by you, then it doesn't matter what your parents say. And, I'm sure an engineering student working full time to support two people knows what hard works is, so that is just silly of your dad to say IMO.

And, just an FYI you're not on "different levels" because you chose two different paths. That's an illogical conclusion to draw. One of the things I despise the most about people with higher education (MD/PhD/etc) is that they somehow think they're 'special' and almost 'superhuman'. I'm glad to say that I've learned it's just not true in any way/shape/form. Your personal influences play a much larger role in where you're end up in life than your actual brain power. So, to me the fact that someone attains higher level education is (more likely than not) the result of their upbringing. And, of course there are exceptions to that rule, I'm most definitely one of them.

Hi guys, I am having an issue and was hoping there was someone out there who is in a similar situation who can give me some insight. I've been dating a great guy for two years. I really think that we can have a future together. The only problem is my family thinks that because he isn't a doctor or lawyer, he's not good enough. I will be going to med. school (hopefully) next year, while he's in his freshman year of college to be an engineer (we are the same age but both his parents passed away and it took him a while to be able to move on). He is also working full-time and making enough to support both of us. My dad just told me that he thinks I should leave my boyfriend because he will never understand what I'm going through since he has never had to study this hard. I really love this guy, and he has always been there for me, but I guess I see where my family is coming from as well. I just figured that by the time I get out of med school, he'll be in grad school. I guess my question is, can things work out between two people who are on "different levels?"

 

[bakanoisha]

Repeated again... The average engineer would (and does) excel in medical school. The average medical student would probably fail out of freshman engineering.

Mmmkay. Med students are typically pretty bright and hard working, I'm sure they'd manage.

 

[confuse]

Both engineering and medicine are respectable careers; they are also very different modes of thinking.

I agree with this statement totally. My only argument is that it is a huge assumption to say that most medical students will not do well in engineering. I think you prove my point; you are a medical student and yet in your previous life, you excel in engineering. Don't forget that 20% of med students comes from an engineering background and average 3.6-3.7 GPA in their major versus a typical 3.0-3.3 GPA for an average engineering student. Even among those without an engineering major, they did well enough in college math and physics classes and on the physical section in MCAT to be accepted into med school, so I don't think it's fair to say an average med student will not do well in engineering school. Human intelligence is not either or, it's evolutional and adaptive.

 

[RxRunner]

All that I feel matters is that he is willing to support you and be there for you through med school and residency. If that's the case you're in good shape.

 

[NinaGucci]

Hi guys,
So funny this situation...mum..well for my pers experience, i've been through engineering (uni + work) then switched to med school (nearly finishing with med school now) and i experienced both academic/life situations. As for engineering...mum..we worked hard but we were partying hard too lol it's all about team work, your life and work success is based on your interaction with your colleagues and that is why we spent a lot of time together working on projects and then going to the local bar at 1am..(yes..was possible in London back then!)...anyways..it makes you strong and ready to face difficult and stressful situations but i wouldnt say that it is harder/easier than med school...Medicine is hard too but with much less interactions with colleagues..unfortunately...a lot of individualism and competition at my school, which makes u less REAL friend with colleagues...but much more interactions with the society.
Bottom line is..from your side, you are not a doctor yet, from your bf's side, he is not an engineer yet...both of you can either fail or succeed..imagine you fail and your bf succeed...your parents will be begging you to marry this guy as they base their criterias on financial levels...now imagine the other way around..you behave like a stubborn girl...you say NO to the evil parents and u go out with the guy who ends up failing his school...not because of real prob (death of family member..etc) but because he gets into carelessness, drugs, bad influence from uni peers...etc...now you certainly dont want this guy to be the father of your children, with no money, no respect and no decency (he would still love you but not respect you enough)...it will be a total disaster...so my final advice is:
1/ Base your choices on feelings + logic (your school is your futur, no man in this world will ever be able to give you the respect you deserve if you dont get that respect yourself as a woman by achieving high places in the society
2/ Trust me, life changes people, now you're gonna get to diff adult environnements (uni is not high school, and med/engineering uni is not normal uni) and see if your life choices convert or divert with time
3/ You need to PROOVE to your parents that this relationship is bringing you success in ur life (good grades or good ambitions...etc) and not just say NO as they will never give up just with the Romeo/Juliette lecture you're giving them everyday...what is import for them if the happiness of their daughter...not how much you love a doll that you see in a sparkeled store (hope you understand the metaphore)
4/ I pers experienced dating the smart guys and the, not my level guys...let me tell u that the 1st type is pissed off to see challenging girls lol most of the time..the 2nd well there is a honeymoon period that fades away after some time (quick or slow) and at the end..finding myself only talking about sports...leasure...non intellctual/politics..etc is quite boring...i am an intellectual woman and wanting to have a break is human..but it is not my nature...i hope you too you will be an intellectual woman one day
5/ no matter what your decision is...try to picture your futur from time to time...see which values u want to pass to ur children..would u want them to have a father they ll be proud of or not...and trust me..science, intellectualy are things to be strongly proud of..even if their father is a jurk..life changes people..but what we have in our brains will never change...remember..science is to be applied in our lives..to make us noble people...
Think about your future dear stranger

 

[MNresident]

i think some people are just too caught up with this social status mentality. the way i see it, if she/he has a good paying job that can support a small family and willing to understand a marriage takes work and compromising...then they are good.

it reminds me of a story. i had a college professor that always bashed her niece's boyfriend b/c he was a pizza deliver going to school for a degree "just" (the way she put it) in music...her niece was in school to become a dietician.

i thought to myself...wow, i dont care who this boyfriend is but i already like him better than i do you. i withdrew from her class after the first week of "bashing" lectures.

also, maybe in the future you two will be on different levels financially, but mentally and ?family/relationship-orientedly? he might be on a different level than all of you guys.

relationships based soley on money/prestige dont sound too enticing for me. it would be rather foolish to give up on someone you love just b/c family is pressuring you....stand tall...

just look at it from a career point of view...you dont pursue a job for all the wrong reasons...you pursue a job "mainly" b/c it's a job you love and you can see yourself in.

be an independent individual make your own move now. your first move was medical school...

 

[Megas]

I got my PharmD, spouse got PhD in molecular biology/immunology, both were very difficult. So many people don't understand how intense it is to get an advanced degree in any field, even music. Forgive your parents, they don't understand the demands of academe in any field, give them time, they will be very grateful you have a happy life and a loving relationship with an engineer in ten years.

 

[megaFox]

I have a friend who failed calc I after getting into med school. It was a pre-req. Yes, med students can fail engineering classes.

ilovefishing,
To a parent who is very proud of his/her child, noone may be a good enough suitor. Your parents may say what they want but it's you who have to live with your decisions so take your family's comments with a grain of salt. From what you describe, your bf seems to be a good guy. If you are able to connect with him on an emotional, intellectual, and social level, who cares about his education. Income potential may be a factor in a committed relationship since it determines potential family lifestyle. If you are comfortable about what yours and his potential will be like in the future, then you have nothing to worry about. Just have fun and enjoy your relationship.

I agree with Goober. I think it's a HUGE assumption to say that med students can't do math and engineering. Whether it'd be engineering school or med school, in order to succeed, you need to work hard. The average med student works very hard so I highly doubt that the majority of them will fail an engineering class. The way that students are tested in med school is different from engineering school, but it's nothing that a hard working student doing multiple practice problem sets can't overcome. I think academic success is 10% intelligence and 90% hard work. An overly gifted engineering student may be able to sleep through an undergrad engineering class and still ace the test, but that's not going to fly in graduate or higher level engineering classes nor will it determine potential future success.