There is a charming social psych experiment where respondents were asked how intelligent a one night stand would need to be to have sex with them. Something like 90% of men answered "far below average" whereas 0 women said that.
Well if you're interested in neuroscience, it's been found that both men and women who have sex will experience an "addiction" to their sexual partner. That "addiction" causes brain activity similar to a chemical addiction. Based on what I read, it wears off after 6-9 months. Might explain why relationships have a "honeymoon" period.
Then again, I read that in a neuroscience book intended for "lay people" - I've never hunted for a scientific article with proof of that concept. It could be a misinterpreted or stretched truth.
To get to your issue, what did you ever do to show that
you were trustworthy? Your date is a resident in some medical field, and you're a poor pre-med. The thought probably crossed his mind that you might have wanted money out of him, or that you wanted to use him to help get you into medical school. Based on what you've written, you withheld physical intimacy from him, and you seemingly became jealous, insecure, and demanding, wanting him to show that he was committed to you when your own commitment to him probably seemed questionable.
The guy isn't a stone with no feelings. When you withhold physical intimacy, he may interpret it to mean that you're not really interested in him, or that you don't find him attractive. Those sorts of thoughts hurt, and can easily kill a fledgling relationship. Did you ever do anything to reassure him that it wasn't the case? Based on what you've written, you also accused him of just dating you to sleep with you. I'd personally find that very offensive. Combined with your reluctance to engage in physical intimacy, yes, I'd probably think that you had issues, too.
Your views about sex aren't "wrong" or messed up, but I disagree with them. I was raised with the idea that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, but as an adult, I think it's garbage. (God help me if I have a change of heart as a parent and my children ever trace this message back to me.) Sex is a very important part of a relationship, and sexual compatibility is almost as important as being compatible with a person in terms of personality and lifestyle. Some would probably argue that it's just as important, and they might be right. I think it's a foolish idea to marry someone without fully understanding what you're getting into.
Don't misunderstand: I think that sex is something special... but I also think that America's overemphasis on it has really messed up some people and their relationships.
As to your worry about having sex and falling even harder for the guy, that's what a relationship is all about. The reason it's so hard is that it's the ultimate game of trust. Nobody wants to experience the pain of investing all of yourself, only to have the relationship crumble. If you can't trust your partner to go all-in, or if you don't feel that your partner is worth the risk, then you're less willing to give more of yourself. But you can't have it both ways; as the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you're not willing to invest more of yourself in the relationship, it won't progress or deepen. Obviously you should be smart about it (don't go all in on the first few dates), but you're going to need to risk yourself if you ever want to have a really strong relationship.
My credentials for advice... I haven't dated a ton of women in my life, but I've been in a relationship for close to seven years now, and I've been happily married to the lady for close to two years
(More importantly, she's happily married to me!) Every person and every relationship is different, so always take relationship advice with your grains of salt.
