desi jokes.............

[hopeful05]

WAYS TO Annoy PEOPLE

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ask people what gender they are.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Blow your nose when some one is eating.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Name your dog "Dog."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[saffronrain]

you guys post some good ones!

 

[DrGarfield]

A young Indian guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big
department store looking for a job.

The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home".

Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him
the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we
close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit
of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for
toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or
shaving cream etc.
You get the idea?"

”Of course," the young man said.

On his first day on the job was rough but he got
through it. After the store was locked up, the manager
came down. "How many sales did you make today?

The kid says, "One"

The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people
average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale
for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.64."

The manager exclaims, "What? $ 101,237.64? What did
you sell him?"

The kid said , "First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a
larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he
said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to
need a boat, so we went down to the boat department,
and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he
said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so
I took him down to the automotive department and sold
him that 4X4 Pajero."

The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a
fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"

The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a
medicines for his wife and I said, "Well, since your
weekend's already screwed up, you might as well go fishing."

 

[Dr.shaily]

What will two Sardars tell each other if they have a common Girl Friend..............
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Simple
Assi Tussi Same Pu$$y

 

[Dr.shaily]

Banta's son : Papa papa , tussi papa kaise bane ?

Banta : Puttar , Pa Pa ke !!!

 

[Dr.shaily]

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee


Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu?


Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

============================================

Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.


I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.

============================================

Sardar 2 Salesman, I Need Pink curtains for my computer.


Salesman Sardarji Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.


Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed.

============================================

Why does sardarji open his lunch box while Walking on the road?

To Check if he is going to work or Coming Back.

 

[Dr.shaily]

Pappu : Papa , papa today i had sex with my teacher .

Santa Singh : Oye balle balle , ye hui na mardaan wali gall ... chal party ho jaaye.

Pappu : Oh no, papa , not today ... my a$$ is paining today .

 

[saffronrain]

hmm.. i'm sure they're funny but i can't understand a word of hindi.

 

[Premedtomed]

hmm.. i'm sure they're funny but i can't understand a word of hindi.

Some of them are flat out disgusting but funny nevertheless

 

[DrGarfield]

Some of them are flat out disgusting but funny nevertheless

Ya- like the last one- which gets a chuckle but did shut off the thread in a way!

 

[nimeshshingala]

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Sell One And Buy A Bull.
Your Herd Multiplies And The Economy Grows.
You Retire On The Income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Worship Them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You Don't Have Any Cows.
You Claim That Indian Cows Belong To You.
You Ask The US For Financial Aid, China For Military Aid, British For Warplanes,
Italy For Machines, Germany For t=Technology, French For Submarines, Switzerland
For Loans, Russia For Drugs And Japan For Equipment.
You Buy The Cows With All This And Claim Exploitation By The World.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Sell One And Force The Other To Produce The Milk Of Four Cows.
You Profess Surprise When The Cow Drops Dead. You Put The Blame On Some
Nation With Cows And Naturally That Nation Will Be A Danger To Mankind.
You Wage A War To Save The World And Grab The Cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Go On Strike Because You Want Three Cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Re-Engineer Them So That They Live For 100 Years, Eat Once A Month
And Milk Themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
They Are Both Mad Cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Don't Know Where They Are.
You Break For Lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You Have 5000 Cows, None Of Which Belong To You.
You Charge Others For Storing Them.

But Enjoy Free Milk.


JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Redesign Them So That They Are One-Tenth The Size Of An Ordinary Cow
And Produce Twenty Times The Milk.
You Then Create Cute Cartoon Cow Images Called Cowkimon And Market Them Worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Count Them And Learn You Have Five Cows.
You Count Them Again And Learn You Have 42 Cows.
You Count Them Again And Learn You Have 17 Cows.
You Give Up Counting And Open Another Bottle Of Vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Have 300 People Milking Them,
You Claim Full Employment, High Bovine Productivity And Arrest Anyone
Reporting The Actual Numbers.

BANGLADESH ECONOMICS
You Have Two Cows.
You Don't Know Economics.
You Choose One Of Them As The Prime Minister Of The Country And The
Other As The Leader Of The Opposition

SWEDISH ECONOMICS:
You Have Two Lesbian Cows
You Wonder Why The Population Is In Decline.

Cheers! Have A Wonderful Day!

 

[nimeshshingala]

 

[Premedtomed]

Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.
[STRONGLY, AGREE WITH THE ABOVE ONE]

Freshman: Looks forward to the first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to the first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not *quite* failing his Complex Analysis midterm.

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Offers to 'tutor' conscientious frosh of the opposite sex.

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.

 

[Premedtomed]

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.

 

[Premedtomed]

Raj and Saj, now pilots are trying to land an airplane at Heathrow Airport.

They start descending and as they touch the ground Saj screams ‘Oye Raj, the runway is ending...".

Raj swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, Saj screams again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". Raj swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again...

During their fourth descent Raj says : "Look at those stupid Brits, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "I know" answers Saj, "But look how wide they made it...."

 

[data]

letter to god

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted 95%.

 

[sunny123]

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your $hitty ideas from!

 

[data]

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your $hitty ideas from!

is that a desi joke?

 

[sunny123]

is that a desi joke?

nope, as it applies to all of god's creatures.

 

[data]

nope, as it applies to all of god's creatures.

god bless america

 

[sunny123]

god bless america

Santa loves us all.

 

[data]

Santa loves us all.

Santa singh?

 

[sunny123]

Santa singh?

I was thinking of St.Nick, but sure, St. Sardar-ji will do.

 

[data]

I was thinking of St.Nick, but sure, St. Sardar-ji will do.

Hey did you know the national animal of india is tiger? are they extinct in india?

 

[sunny123]

Hey did you know the national animal of india is tiger? are they extinct in india?

It's the peacock isn't it?

 

[sunny123]

correction, that is the national bird.

But yes, India has parks to protect their tigers.

 

[data]

correction, that is the national bird.

But yes, India has parks to protect their tigers.

does canada have a national bird? i know our national animal is the beaver..is the bird Canadian geese? the one flies over to america for 7months a year.

 

[sunny123]

^ yep its the geese...what does this have to do with desi jokes? we talking about God's creatures here? Where's the punchline?

 

[data]

^ yep its the geese...what does this have to do with desi jokes? we talking about God's creatures here? Where's the punchline?

nothing really i was thinking about the easter bunny and somehow tiger popped up in my head.

 

[sunny123]

randomness

 

[data]

randomness

stop spamming the sdn

 

[sunny123]

you gave me SDNitis. I need to get me a vaccine.

 

[data]

you gave me SDNitis. I need to get me a vaccine.

naw a good night sleep is all you need

 

[sunny123]

all right then.. g'nite dude... start your voyage where no man has gone before... the holodeck

 

[data]

all right then.. g'nite dude... start your voyage where no man has gone before... the holodeck

sweet dreams to u too.........another night and i still haven't seen the sun rise. I'm GOING TO BEAT YOU ONE DAY.

 

[Premedtomed]

What does one Desi Canadian say to another?












U better stay in your Kanneda and stay away from my Canadia

lame joke

 

[SilvrGrey330]

what do you call a guju with 6 guns?
-chagun

what do you call a guju with 6 red guns?
-chagunlal

what do you call a guju with 6 red guns thats lost?
-chagunlal mistry

what do you call a girl who takes her dad around in a wheelchair?
-pushpa

 

[Premedtomed]

what do you call a guju with 6 guns?
-chagun

what do you call a guju with 6 red guns?
-chagunlal

what do you call a guju with 6 red guns thats lost?
-chagunlal mistry

what do you call a girl who takes her dad around in a wheelchair?
-pushpa

 

[Premedtomed]

DTC Jokes


From: Montek Singh ([email protected])

Q: How does DTC promote family planning?
A: It requires that people "peechhe se chadhen"

From: Micky Singh ([email protected])

How about the varioous buses where the mischieviuos scratched and made
'Kewal Hilayen' out of 'Kewal Mehilayen' !!!!

From: Podury Satyanarayana ([email protected])

My wife narrated this one. And even though I thought it was
very funny, I had to cluck my tongue and say "how dare he...?"

Well, she and few of her friends were travelling on DTC one day.
As usual, the bus was packed. And these guys were occupying
the ladies seats. Well, my wife, being a woman of a strong
will, asked one of the guys sitting in a ladies seat:
Bhai, yeh ladies seat hai. Ooper likha hai, dikhai nahi
deta?

To which he replied, "to jahaan likha hai, wahin baitth jao"!!

 

[Premedtomed]

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek Will
dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by
the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one
Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't
sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said "Hum ek hi to maang rahen
hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".

 

[data]

ELEMENTS
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

 

[saffronrain]

^^ hahaha that's clearly the best one i've read all day.

 

[data]

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, " I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care) . She goes for the tennis braceoet. The husband says " but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it. ' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. " The husband says, " no -- no -- no, honey we ' re not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. " Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!!!!!!!!

 

[data]

Construction Site Sign Language
There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

 

[data]

Getting Married:
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Difference between Men and Women

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

 

[data]

A NEW TRANSLATION



Moses' account of the creation in the book of Genesis is so familiar and so entrenched in our cultural heritage that many accept as actual historic fact the assertion that Woman was created from one of Adam's ribs. Science has railed against such simple beliefs for centuries. Last week, at a dig in the escarpments along the western shore of the Dead Sea, archeologists have uncovered ancient, original texts that pre-date Moses' writings by 1,300 years. Translated, their account of life's beginnings on earth are much more scientifically plausible ...

"... and God created Woman, giving her three breasts to succor her young. And God spake, saying to her, "I have created thee as I see fit, but mine is no longer the only opinion in the universe (sigh). Is there anything about thee that thou would prefer differently?"

And Woman spoke, saying, "Lord, I am not made to birth whole litters; I do not need but two breasts."

And God said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created thee with wisdom."

There was a crack and a lingering odor of ozone, and it was done, and Woman stood holding her third breast in her hand. "Now just what am I gonna do with this useless boob?" Woman exclaimed.

And so it was, God created Man."

 

[data]

does anyone know if this has been done. I know its a joke but in real life has it?
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely.

The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before!

She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you!!!

He replied, "Oh don't worry, honey, I get plenty of thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"

 

[desikudi]

ELEMENTS
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

grt one

 

[fido!]

good one,dude!keep it up!

ELEMENTS
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

 

[data]

Two atoms are walking down the road when one accidentally bumps into the other.

First atom: "Oh no! I think you've stolen some of my electrons!"

Second atom: "Are you sure?"

First atom: "I'm positive!"