Urrrrgh ...single?

njac said:
It's optional. And some are rougher than others.
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You did an optional residency? Lol, you WERE messed up! :pirate:
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Go be social!

I was invited to a party where I knew one person at Halloween.

Last week I got an okcupid message "you look familiar, were you at xx party?"

Decent date last night.
 
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njac said:
Go be social!

I was invited to a party where I knew one person at Halloween.

Last week I got an okcupid message "you look familiar, were you at xx party?"

Decent date last night.
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Yeah, but ...you're female. Women get hit on every day of their lives.
 
I went to a Meet Up where we played Laser Tag, but not much happened. It was fun, however (although, wow, am I a bad shot!).
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Yeah, but ...you're female. Women get hit on every day of their lives.
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You know, I hear this all the time, but I don't think guys actually understand that this isn't exactly a good thing. Yes, overall, women get more attention than men. But that doesn't make things easy for us - because the vast majority of the people hitting on us are people we don't want. Especially in the online dating environment where all you get is message after message of "Hey wuts up baby", blatant sexual overtones, etc. I mean, if the tables were turned and you as a guy had millions of creepsters catcalling you all the time (or heck, not even creepsters, just people you aren;t interested in) would you consider that a plus? To your self-esteem maybe, but overall no because it is more noise that you have to filter through in order to find a proper partner. Hence why (and I think someone mentioned it before) women are always on the defensive in dating scenarios.

I'm not saying men don't have a slightly harder time of it (dating overall), but making it sound like we (women) are given this huge bounty of prospective mates isn't true. Guys have to deal with low volume, but that low volume has a higher proportion of potentials by the very fact that you like them and they like you back because they are responding. With women, we have a high volume and very low proportion of potentials that we have to muddle through to find.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
You know, I hear this all the time, but I don't think guys actually understand that this isn't exactly a good thing. Yes, overall, women get more attention than men. But that doesn't make things easy for us - because the vast majority of the people hitting on us are people we don't want. Especially in the online dating environment where all you get is message after message of "Hey wuts up baby", blatant sexual overtones, etc. I mean, if the tables were turned and you as a guy had millions of creepsters catcalling you all the time (or heck, not even creepsters, just people you aren;t interested in) would you consider that a plus? To your self-esteem maybe, but overall no because it is more noise that you have to filter through in order to find a proper partner. Hence why (and I think someone mentioned it before) women are always on the defensive in dating scenarios.

I'm not saying men don't have a slightly harder time of it (dating overall), but making it sound like we (women) are given this huge bounty of prospective mates isn't true. Guys have to deal with low volume, but that low volume has a higher proportion of potentials by the very fact that you like them and they like you back because they are responding. With women, we have a high volume and very low proportion of potentials that we have to muddle through to find.
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I'm pretty sure guys who get tons of female attention (not too many of these guys btw) have banged an endless number of those chicks. In other words, tons of female attention on a guy = manwhore.
Women have to carefully select... being very open and screwing every dude who hits on you, is what makes you a slut.

Also, standards vary... a lot of men take what they can get. A lot of women will sleep with above average looking guys (or better) only. Ultimately, only some men get lots of action while an overwhelming majority of women can get action within hours if they liked.

I mean, if it's sex.. you can certainly find a guy to bang you online.. it won't even take long. Sure most will be creeps, but it'll take you an hour tops to find an ideal guy (given somewhere like craigslist or POF gives you like 50+ options in an hour).
For guys, you're competing with the other 15 guys who are hitting on that one girl. If you're going online, that number is 3 times worse.

It doesn't change too much for dating (vs. casual sex). Women have a large number of options while men have very few. Just statistically, women have it WAY better not "slightly" as you say.
Also, I like how you call guys "creepsters." You basically mean any guy who isn't attractive, is a creepster.
Basically.. if an ugly or below average guy is sitting in a quiet and being quiet and looking around, he will be classified as "creepy" by girls. If however, that same guy is very attractive, he'll be classified as "mysterious" ... in other words, it'll actually be an additionally attractive feature for him. Identical personality.. but different perceptions based on attractiveness alone. I'm positive it's the same online, if a really hot guy messages you, I doubt you really care much for the content of the message.
I'm not a bitter ugly dude writing this either, more of a 7/10 face - 9/10 body, so nothing "bitter" about me.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
You know, I hear this all the time, but I don't think guys actually understand that this isn't exactly a good thing. Yes, overall, women get more attention than men. But that doesn't make things easy for us - because the vast majority of the people hitting on us are people we don't want. Especially in the online dating environment where all you get is message after message of "Hey wuts up baby", blatant sexual overtones, etc. I mean, if the tables were turned and you as a guy had millions of creepsters catcalling you all the time (or heck, not even creepsters, just people you aren;t interested in) would you consider that a plus? To your self-esteem maybe, but overall no because it is more noise that you have to filter through in order to find a proper partner. Hence why (and I think someone mentioned it before) women are always on the defensive in dating scenarios.

I'm not saying men don't have a slightly harder time of it (dating overall), but making it sound like we (women) are given this huge bounty of prospective mates isn't true. Guys have to deal with low volume, but that low volume has a higher proportion of potentials by the very fact that you like them and they like you back because they are responding. With women, we have a high volume and very low proportion of potentials that we have to muddle through to find.
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No, I totally understand that 98% of the guys who are hitting on you are probably guys who repulse you. All I meant was that advice for (or from) women doesn't necessarily translate to guys. Like, when I went to play Laser Tag, it was mostly guys and a few girls. Now, every guy was pretty much hitting on the girls. Now, as long as the guys aren't totally aggressive (and they weren't), it definitely is an esteem boost for them. To be honest, not to be mean or anything, but they were average looking at best. But an average girl can go somewhere and get loads of attention and it will definitely feel good, I bet. Even if they're usually ignored in the crowd, a girl just has to show up anywhere there's only one or two other girls around and suddenly they're supermodels. An average guy will go anywhere and just be totally ignored. I'm not saying "boo hoo, I went home and cried." I just mean that when you say "go out somewhere, you'll get some attention," that's not true for guys.
 
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studentp0x said:
It doesn't change too much for dating (vs. casual sex). Women have a large number of options while men have very few. Just statistically, women have it WAY better not "slightly" as you say.
Also, I like how you call guys "creepsters." You basically mean any guy who isn't attractive, is a creepster.
Basically.. if an ugly or below average guy is sitting in a quiet and being quiet and looking around, he will be classified as "creepy" by girls. If however, that same guy is very attractive, he'll be classified as "mysterious" ... in other words, it'll actually be an additionally attractive feature for him. Identical personality.. but different perceptions based on attractiveness alone. I'm positive it's the same online, if a really hot guy messages you, I doubt you really care much for the content of the message.
I'm not a bitter ugly dude writing this either, more of a 7/10 face - 9/10 body, so nothing "bitter" about me.
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Sigh. That's such a tired assumption trotted out by the "this is how you pick up the ladies PUA types". No, I categorize creepsters as men who continue to barrage me with dick pics and asking to see my boobs, or men who continue to try and get me to go out with them after I have politely turned them down several times, men who continue unwanted physical contact after I have said I don't want that, men who try and message me constantly even when I have told them not to, etc.

Being creepy isn't about being attractive or not. It is being disrespectful. It is about improper and unwanted behavior. If an unattractive guy hits on me, that isn't being creepy. However, it IS creepy if he continues to harass me after I have made it clear I am not interested.

And yes, you have told us several times about how jacked and attractive you are. We get it ;)
 
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ruralsurg4now said:
No, I totally understand that 98% of the guys who are hitting on you are probably guys who repulse you. All I meant was that advice for (or from) women doesn't necessarily translate to guys. Like, when I went to play Laser Tag, it was mostly guys and a few girls. Now, every guy was pretty much hitting on the girls. Now, as long as the guys aren't totally aggressive (and they weren't), it definitely is an esteem boost for them. To be honest, not to be mean or anything, but they were average looking at best. But an average girl can go somewhere and get loads of attention and it will definitely feel good, I bet. Even if they're usually ignored in the crowd, a girl just has to show up anywhere there's only one or two other girls around and suddenly they're supermodels. An average guy will go anywhere and just be totally ignored. I'm not saying "boo hoo, I went home and cried." I just mean that when you say "go out somewhere, you'll get some attention," that's not true for guys.
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Yes, from purely an attention perspective, women have it easier by a mile. I totally agree. But when it comes down to finding good quality partners, I think the field evens.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
But it IS gross, right? Come on, admit it. :)
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:laugh: actually, not really. For the exact reason you alluded to earlier. Even if the guy isn't my type, heck, even if he's ugly as sin, I still take it as a compliment. In the case of a very ugly dude, I actually admire him and give him mental props because it's obvious that he's not letting it hold him back and he's getting out there and being confident. It only become "creepy" if I turn said person down (attractive or not) and they keep persisting time after time after time, especially if it is in a disrespectful manner.
 
Maybe I just don't understand the 18-22 year old women/girls today. Maybe they are even more superficial than they appear. But I would never label a guy creepy just because he was unattractive. And I can't think of anyone else in my age group (25-30) who would do that. It smacks of absolute immaturity.
 
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WhtsThFrequency said:
:laugh: actually, not really. For the exact reason you alluded to earlier. Even if the guy isn't my type, heck, even if he's ugly as sin, I still take it as a compliment.
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Huh, I can't relate to that. This may make me a bad person, but if an ugly girl approached me, I'd probably be like "eww."
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Maybe I just don't understand the 18-22 year old women/girls today. Maybe they are even more superficial than they appear. But I would never label a guy creepy just because he was unattractive. And I can't think of anyone else in my age group (25-30) who would do that. It smacks of absolute immaturity.
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Uh oh, gotta delete my last post quickly!
 
Nah, you're good. There's a big difference between "Ew. You're not attractive" and being "Omg you're a creep." One is a personal observation of physical attributes, the other is based on actions and interpersonal respect.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Yeah, but ...you're female. Women get hit on every day of their lives.
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But the moral of the story - boy saw me at party. Wasn't sure if I was single. 2 weeks later saw me on dating website proclaiming my singleness. We went on a date.

If I hadn't looked familiar maybe he would've been less inclined to hit me up? Or maybe he would have any way. But it was an icebreaker if nothing else.
 
njac said:
But the moral of the story - boy saw me at party. Wasn't sure if I was single. 2 weeks later saw me on dating website proclaiming my singleness. We went on a date.

If I hadn't looked familiar maybe he would've been less inclined to hit me up? Or maybe he would have any way. But it was an icebreaker if nothing else.
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That's actually amazing that he saw you on a dating website, since if you're in a populated area the odds are low, I would imagine, that he would stumble on your profile. I would have just approached you at the party, if I was interested. My problem is that for some reason women like to withhold their dating status on me. Like, if they said "yeah I just went to blah blah for vacation" and I ask "did you go alone?" they just say "no, I went with some friends!" And I'm like "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, WOMAN, TELL ME NOW OR I'LL THROW A CHAIR AT YOUR HEAD!!"
 
ruralsurg4now said:
That's actually amazing that he saw you on a dating website, since if you're in a populated area the odds are low, I would imagine, that he would stumble on your profile. I would have just approached you at the party, if I was interested. My problem is that for some reason women like to withhold their dating status on me. Like, if they said "yeah I just went to blah blah for vacation" and I ask "did you go alone?" they just say "no, I went with some friends!" And I'm like "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, WOMAN, TELL ME NOW OR I'LL THROW A CHAIR AT YOUR HEAD!!"
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I live in a populated area, but work in a wasteland for educated attractive people.

I take that back, there are lots of engineers, they just don't socialize with the rest of the world.
 
Sigh, engineers. I love engineers.

No, seriously. Practicality and problem solving are hot.

Mmm. Do that Fourier transform. That's it.

(Just kidding, I really do love engineers)
 
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njac said:
I live in a populated area, but work in a wasteland for educated attractive people.

I take that back, there are lots of engineers, they just don't socialize with the rest of the world.
Click to expand...

Then where do new engineers come from?? :scared:
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Sigh. That's such a tired assumption trotted out by the "this is how you pick up the ladies PUA types". No, I categorize creepsters as men who continue to barrage me with dick pics and asking to see my boobs, or men who continue to try and get me to go out with them after I have politely turned them down several times, men who continue unwanted physical contact after I have said I don't want that, men who try and message me constantly even when I have told them not to, etc.

Being creepy isn't about being attractive or not. It is being disrespectful. It is about improper and unwanted behavior. If an unattractive guy hits on me, that isn't being creepy. However, it IS creepy if he continues to harass me after I have made it clear I am not interested.

And yes, you have told us several times about how jacked and attractive you are. We get it ;)
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Not how it is in society though... most girls think any guy messaging them or looking at them is creepy.
 
studentp0x said:
Not how it is in society though... most girls think any guy messaging them or looking at them is creepy.
Click to expand...

Creepy unless hot, that is. If hot, then he's confident if messaging them and mysterious if just looking at them.

Oy, the superficiality!
 
studentp0x said:
Not how it is in society though... most girls think any guy messaging them or looking at them is creepy.
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Maybe it's just you if you're sitting there doing curls on a bench while staring them down. :)
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Maybe it's just you if you're sitting there doing curls on a bench while staring them down. :)
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I don't stare down girls...
Since you mention lifting, why don't you get into it? Add 25-30 pounds of muscle (and dress to show it) and combine that with being a surgeon.. you'll certainly attract A LOT more women. I mean it's virtually guaranteed as long as you have average social skills and have a decent face.
You can listen to women all day about what they want (or think they want), but when it comes down to it, the more attractive you are the better.

In this thread you're saying basically that you're presenting yourself as an average guy, but yet you expect to somehow get a quality woman? Even though I'm in a relationship, I always valued intelligent/ambition/success as well as attractiveness obviously... and I'm a dude. I wouldn't want to date an average looking girl who's average all around UNLESS that was the best I could do. Now realize any quality woman has A LOT more options than me, so they certainly can do better than the average guy.
 
studentp0x said:
I don't stare down girls...
Since you mention lifting, why don't you get into it? Add 25-30 pounds of muscle (and dress to show it) and combine that with being a surgeon.. you'll certainly attract A LOT more women. I mean it's virtually guaranteed as long as you have average social skills and have a decent face.
You can listen to women all day about what they want (or think they want), but when it comes down to it, the more attractive you are the better.

In this thread you're saying basically that you're presenting yourself as an average guy, but yet you expect to somehow get a quality woman? Even though I'm in a relationship, I always valued intelligent/ambition/success as well as attractiveness obviously... and I'm a dude. I wouldn't want to date an average looking girl who's average all around UNLESS that was the best I could do. Now realize any quality woman has A LOT more options than me, so they certainly can do better than the average guy.
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Eh, I consider being a physician as being above average. Now, you could argue that women apparently disagree, but that's not really the case. As I said, a lot of it was my fault because I never went out anywhere, so it's not really like I was out trying to hit on women in bars or clubs and they were shooting me down left and right. Like I said, I ran in a road race the other day, I went out to Laser Tag with a Meet Up group, and I'm going to be running in another road race next week. But beyond that, I don't really have plans to do too much in the short term. I guess I've sort of settled into apathy again since not much seems to be working for me. Meaning, online dating has been a total bust -- I only tried it for one month, but I literally got zero interest -- and when I go to outside activities, I have fun at the activities, but I don't meet new people or anything. (And that's what people say anyways, "if you go somewhere, just go to have fun and not necessarily to meet women.") So we'll see how it goes. Probably I won't be doing anything really focused on meeting people until after the New Year. We'll see.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Eh, I consider being a physician as being above average. Now, you could argue that women apparently disagree, but that's not really the case. As I said, a lot of it was my fault because I never went out anywhere, so it's not really like I was out trying to hit on women in bars or clubs and they were shooting me down left and right. Like I said, I ran in a road race the other day, I went out to Laser Tag with a Meet Up group, and I'm going to be running in another road race next week. But beyond that, I don't really have plans to do too much in the short term. I guess I've sort of settled into apathy again since not much seems to be working for me. Meaning, online dating has been a total bust -- I only tried it for one month, but I literally got zero interest -- and when I go to outside activities, I have fun at the activities, but I don't meet new people or anything. (And that's what people say anyways, "if you go somewhere, just go to have fun and not necessarily to meet women.") So we'll see how it goes. Probably I won't be doing anything really focused on meeting people until after the New Year. We'll see.
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You have to "show off" what you have and even exaggerate it.
Online dating is more of an attractiveness game.. you gotta be attractive (face or body or both) and really show it off effectively with the right pics (angles etc.). And even then.. you're pulling mediocre looking chicks and certainly not girlfriend material ones (unless you consider girls who talk to 20 different guys and flirt with half to be girlfriend material).
 
studentp0x said:
You have to "show off" what you have and even exaggerate it.
Online dating is more of an attractiveness game.. you gotta be attractive (face or body or both) and really show it off effectively with the right pics (angles etc.). And even then.. you're pulling mediocre looking chicks and certainly not girlfriend material ones (unless you consider girls who talk to 20 different guys and flirt with half to be girlfriend material).
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I'm confused. If a girl in single and trying to find a boyfriend, what is wrong with talking to and flirting with multiple guys in order to decide which one you want to date seriously? Men cast their nets widely online, why shouldn't women? As long as you aren't shagging them left right and center, talking and flirting with people in order to determine which one you want is fine.
 
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studentp0x said:
You have to "show off" what you have and even exaggerate it.
Online dating is more of an attractiveness game.. you gotta be attractive (face or body or both) and really show it off effectively with the right pics (angles etc.). And even then.. you're pulling mediocre looking chicks and certainly not girlfriend material ones (unless you consider girls who talk to 20 different guys and flirt with half to be girlfriend material).
Click to expand...

Yeah, but that's the thing. People have told me that online dating is rough because of that. It's so easy to reject someone and move on to the next person's profile that you have to basically be a total douche to get attention (no offense). Like, the women have to be totally slutty and shoot down-blouse shots of their chests (which I've seen) and the guys have to do the whole "woah, I happen to be shirtless and I took a photo" thing. I'll pass because that's not me and also I'm not really sure I'm interested in someone who is only attracted to shirtless guys who are flexing in front of a mirror. I think for me I have to meet someone basically in real life or not at all. We'll see how it goes. I'll probably still be single a few years from now when I leave this place, but whatever.

The main thing that's frustrating is how everyone's advice pulls me in different directions. Like, a lot of people say "you're trying too hard, just don't even worry about meeting someone and it'll work out." OK, fine, that's what I'll do. But then I write that and then everyone goes "well, if you're not being pro-active, then of course you're not meeting anyone." I'm like "uh ...OK." Or if I say "tell me where to go to meet women," people say, "you don't go to meet women, just do something fun and you may or may not meet women." So that's what I do ...but I don't meet women. :p
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
I'm confused. If a girl in single and trying to find a boyfriend, what is wrong with talking to and flirting with multiple guys in order to decide which one you want to date seriously? Men cast their nets widely online, why shouldn't women? As long as you aren't shagging them left right and center, talking and flirting with people in order to determine which one you want is fine.
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I never really get that women think that men can cast their nets widely. Like, be honest. If you liked some guy and weren't going out with him and you saw him talking to some other girl, you'd probably be glaring at the girl. Women call dibs on guys all the time and they fight over guys who aren't even their boyfriends. It's never all casual like "oh, he's talking to her, but it's OK because I'm sure he'll talk to lots of girls around here and I'm cool with it." It's more like "I'm going to meet her out back and then bang her face into the nearest wall until she realizes that she can't talk to him."
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Yeah, but that's the thing. People have told me that online dating is rough because of that. It's so easy to reject someone and move on to the next person's profile that you have to basically be a total douche to get attention (no offense). Like, the women have to be totally slutty and shoot down-blouse shots of their chests (which I've seen) and the guys have to do the whole "woah, I happen to be shirtless and I took a photo" thing. I'll pass because that's not me and also I'm not really sure I'm interested in someone who is only attracted to shirtless guys who are flexing in front of a mirror. I think for me I have to meet someone basically in real life or not at all. We'll see how it goes. I'll probably still be single a few years from now when I leave this place, but whatever.
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There's not a single cleavage shot on any of my online dating profiles. I think you're playing into some stereotypes.

I also immediately "next" on anyone with shirtless selfies or motorcycle pics.

It's true, online dating has made us pickier, but more than anything, I'll hit "next" due to someone's craptastic music taste...
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Yeah, but that's the thing. People have told me that online dating is rough because of that. It's so easy to reject someone and move on to the next person's profile that you have to basically be a total douche to get attention (no offense). Like, the women have to be totally slutty and shoot down-blouse shots of their chests (which I've seen) and the guys have to do the whole "woah, I happen to be shirtless and I took a photo" thing. I'll pass because that's not me and also I'm not really sure I'm interested in someone who is only attracted to shirtless guys who are flexing in front of a mirror. I think for me I have to meet someone basically in real life or not at all. We'll see how it goes. I'll probably still be single a few years from now when I leave this place, but whatever.

The main thing that's frustrating is how everyone's advice pulls me in different directions. Like, a lot of people say "you're trying too hard, just don't even worry about meeting someone and it'll work out." OK, fine, that's what I'll do. But then I write that and then everyone goes "well, if you're not being pro-active, then of course you're not meeting anyone." I'm like "uh ...OK." Or if I say "tell me where to go to meet women," people say, "you don't go to meet women, just do something fun and you may or may not meet women." So that's what I do ...but I don't meet women. :p
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I think you're right to a degree, but not everyone that does online dating is the same. I never took anything even close to a down the blouse shot and had several wonderful long term relationships start out online (including my fiancé, who didn't have a shirtless flexing pic ;) ). Honestly I was kind of turned off by the guys that did that. It was an automatic black mark indicating self absorption in my book. It immediately signals "I'm a dumb bro and I just want you for sex" when you're putting up all these pictures of your body.

Anyway, I know how hard it is in the region you're in - I'm also in a small area of Appalachia, but luckier in that it is a university town as well as a decent "mature" demographic. When I was in Texas, it was absolutely terrible.
 
njac said:
There's not a single cleavage shot on any of my online dating profiles. I think you're playing into some stereotypes.
Click to expand...

I'm not saying everyone does it, just like not every (or even the majority) of guys are posting shirtless pics of themselves, I imagine. But you certainly run into those shots. It's basically that some women are trying to maximize their assets, so to speak. A lot of times, it's honestly a woman whose face isn't very good-looking, so she's trying to draw attention away from it. But that's sort of no different from real life, it's just that people are more pronounced about it online.

I tend to avoid those people, too. But that's why I wouldn't go with the shirtless pic myself, as I said.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
When I was in Texas, it was absolutely terrible.
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I'm sure it depends on where in Texas you are. Honestly, I can envision that in a lot of places outside of major cities, it's basically women who look like strippers or prostitutes. That's actually the most depressing thing for me when I go on online dating sites. I think a lot of those women would look OK if they weren't into garish makeup with skimpy, inappropriate clothing and a suggestive pose, but that's what they think is hot. I'm like "do you frequent street corners?"
 
I was in a small college town full of very annoying cookie cutter undergraduates, no town culture to speak of other than football and beer within 90 or so miles, and a very "if you're not Texan/from our school you are a second class citizen" type of attitude. The number of attractive, at least semi-educated young men who weren't also crazy religious conservative (I'm a centrist and pretty tolerant, but you know the type I mean) to outright bigoted was catastrophically low. I was immensely lucky to find my fiancé and thank the stars for that. He was in the same place as me and was about ready to move because he couldn't take it anymore. So I stole him back to my hometown after residency :laugh:
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I'm sure it depends on where in Texas you are. Honestly, I can envision that in a lot of places outside of major cities, it's basically women who look like strippers or prostitutes. That's actually the most depressing thing for me when I go on online dating sites. I think a lot of those women would look OK if they weren't into garish makeup with skimpy, inappropriate clothing and a suggestive pose, but that's what they think is hot. I'm like "do you frequent street corners?"
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It's so funny that as women, we think this is what men want, and men think that women want all the brotastic shirtless flexing and fancy cars. No wonder we have trouble understanding each other, hah. If we'd all just settle down and stop playing games it would be so much easier. And you know, if pigs could fly and all that ;)
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
It's so funny that as women, we think this is what men want, and men think that women want all the brotastic shirtless flexing and fancy cars. No wonder we have trouble understanding each other, hah. If we'd all just settle down and stop playing games it would be so much easier. And you know, if pigs could fly and all that ;)
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****ing brilliant.
 
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