Furthermore, my family is very judgmental on who I marry in regards to looks and status.. They are bigshots and they are already disappointed with me for being a loner throughout high school and college (last gf was in middle school), and not finding someone last year because it makes them look bad in their social circle (I am an MS2). I've already told them I don't want them to set me up with someone because I need to do this myself, and I'm not interested in flashing money because that would attract the wrong crowd. I tried online dating but I just feel too awkward doing it at my age (22 but I look 17) and girls have way too many options there and tend to flake on me even if we match and make plans to meet. I'm above average in looks but only like 5'9 and not white (half persian) so that also makes the online stuff hard, and they don't seem to care about the med student title. Any ideas? I read here that nurses tend to go for residents but that's like 3 years away still..
You're right to some extent here but like one poster above said, I'm not going to get anywhere if I just sit at home all day and play call of duty. That's pretty much what I did in MS1 apart from going to required classes and the gym. Also, I tried tinder over the past 2 weeks since its summer break and got a little over 50 matches by suicide swiping, but 90% are overweight and the other 10% stopped replying after a few messages. As for flashing cash, I don't know why I suggested doing that since I don't really even know how to flash cash; what I meant is I want someone to like me not my parent's success. And I realize I sound desperate here only because I am, but it's not like that in everyday life because I honestly don't try at all (apart from middle school gf and a few random drunk hookups in high school/college parties).
Look, here's what's glaringly obvious: 1) you're really hard on yourself, 2) you're distrustful of others' motivations, and 3) you only mention
superficial symbols of value (your parents' status, flashing money, your height, your skin colour, med student title, how overweight your matches are, etc.). I think 1-3 are all related and it ends up with "
I sound desperate here only because I am."
The problem isn't meeting more women. The problem isn't you.
The problem is how your parents taught you to value yourself, and by extension, other people.
Who are you
as a person? This is the picture
you present: you spent MS1 playing Call of Duty, studying, and going to the gym. That's it. Not appealing. And you know it, because it's not appealing to you
--because it could never be appealing to your parents. That's why you're so desperate.
You think a relationship will fix that? No. It's the opposite. A (healthy) relationship emerges from being
a content human being. That doesn't mean driving a nice car or owning a Rolex or being tall; it means having opinions, values, thoughts, ideas, hobbies, passions, goals, etc. that somebody else can
share,
enjoy,
value,
nurture,
appreciate, and hopefully even
love (and vice versa). A relationship based on anything else will return you back to where you started: lonely. And you're lonely because you're miserable with
yourself, because you were never taught to value those things in you.
Put another way: you write, "I want someone to like me not for my parent's success."
Then stop valuing others in terms of how your parents' outwardly value you (i.e. rooted in
superficial symbols and not
who you are). This is also probably why you're distrustful of others--as if anybody could really love you for reasons
other than those superficial symbols?
I'm not "blaming your parents." I bet they really, truly, deeply love you. Exactly for who you are. Because you're their child.
But they've made it seem like strings and conditions attach. And so you're now attaching those same strings and conditions on yourself and other people.
(Also, your parents aren't actually
"disappointed with you for being a loner." This is likely a projection of your
own disappointment and
insecurity about their love.)
Try this: instead of Tinder, join a book club or got to a low-key concert or a charity event or an animal shelter or whatever, and just be a friendly person. Don't look for love. Just look for friends. Expand your social circle. You'll gain soft skills in communicating with people; you'll do things you enjoy; you'll have interesting things to share with others; and maybe you can even invite a date when you're ready. You'll also start to see
past superficial symbols of value in others
as well as yourself.
This isn't meant to be harsh.
I've been where you are. I know you're hurting. I'm sorry you're hurting. Part of it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do
with being 22 and having judgemental parents. Hopefully things will get better. Maybe they won't. I think the difference will be how much you end up being content with who
you are.
