Tired of being single

[deleted245139]

Don't try too hard, don't **** where you eat, go out more.


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Was going to reply and say EXACTLY that lol, good call

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[fancymylotus]

Was going to reply and say EXACTLY that lol, good call

Twinsies

 

[TedStark]

I'm sorry but if you're in med school, look like Hugh Jackman, and can't find a date, you're just a weirdo. The good news is that's an easy fix. Just stop being a weirdo. So just go practice being casual and cool on whoever will date you, get good at small talk and being funny, and once you're ready tackle the big fish.

 

[Anicetus]

If you're tired of being single in medical school you're being tired for the wrong reasons.

 

[Crayola227]

I'm sorry but if you're in med school, look like Hugh Jackman, and can't find a date, you're just a weirdo. The good news is that's an easy fix. Just stop being a weirdo. So just go practice being casual and cool on whoever will date you, get good at small talk and being funny, and once you're ready tackle the big fish.

Yeah, I mean, from the description of his abs I was ready to overlook the height thing but then it got all weird with too much Call of Duty.
Like one poster said OP, lead with your strengths,

Going out on a date doesn't commit you to marrying someone or even kissing a girl! It's fine to "practice" some coffee or drink dates.
I bring this up because so much has gone in this thread about what the girls look like or the "big fish."

Go after a girl with low self esteem. Take it from me, some really hot girls can have serious self esteem issues. (purposefully ironic statement)
Up to you if there's any pudge factor.

One little piece of advice I got somewhere - learn to get really good at giving sincere little compliments. You can start with people you know or you don't know, whatever is easier. Notice a necklace or earrings. Shoes. Guys and girls. None of this will come off too sexual unless you make it that way. Make that your new "thing" with your social interaction outside work. (with patients it could go wrong, it can always go wrong).

Also, there's this theory on "negging" or telling a girl bad stuff to hurt her self esteem, or that if you compliment the girl she loses interest in you. Not at all.
Rather than trying to make a secure one feel bad and go for you, it's better to find one who *already* has low self esteem and compliment her.

80% of the sexual arousal a woman feels for you is directly related to how sexy you make her feel, not how sexy you are
I made up that number but I swear this is how it works

what's more important than what you think she thinks about how you look naked
is what she thinks about how you think she looks naked

here's the thing too, people don't perceive people that give compliments as weak - they see them as confident in my experience

now we've looped it around to this confidence everyone is talking about

in any case, people like people who make them feel good about themselves, and what makes them feel good about themselves is talking about themselves (usually), and feeling like you like them, more than any particular thing about you! So a few well placed compliments and a good ear can get you a lot further than you think socially.

 

[deleted780189]

1. Learn to get out of your own head. More than lacking confidence, this whole post reads like a giant introspection of your entire life situation. The more you stay inside your head, the more the cycle perpetuates and makes you feel bad about yourself. If you like to be alone, playing instruments and working out does wonders to distract you from constant rumination.

2. Go Out. Go Out. Go Out. It's natural human behavior and it's a solid natural source of happiness. Also, in your case, you'll meet more people and that's the only way to increase your chance of finding someone. The 4-5 times I did go out this year, I met nice female classmates and others girls and got a few of their numbers. While nothing serious ever came out of it, having female friends that care about you will only make you better with women, less frustrated with them, and who knows, maybe you'll find someone through a mutual friend.

3. 5' 9" is not short. There are millions of guys with your exact plight on Reddit who range from 5'0"-5'4". At 5' 9", there's absolutely no excuse but your lack of game.

4. Don't even think about nurses. I had a good buddy who tried to pick up a nurse as a 1st year intern. He's a hell of a guy, but he subscribes to all that POA stuff you see online so naturally he came on too strong. The next week, he was called in by the director or something and was given a warning. I'm not saying it can't happen, but there are definitely risks that I think outweigh the reward. I never understood why nurses are such coveted hook ups for male doctors anyway.

Overall, you sound like a good guy, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, and I wish you the best. If you want to talk more, feel free to inbox me

Thanks. Going out more is probably the best way to connect; people are looser and just more eager to talk (i.e. more so than the anatomy lab or hallway). Yeah I'm between 5'8 and 5'9 and have never been called short- I guess there are just so many tall guys in my class that I started to notice the height thing. That nurse incident sounds awful, would not want to be fired for that- I guess all the confidence or being a resident and media portrayal of hospital relationships can screw with reality.

Yeah, I mean, from the description of his abs I was ready to overlook the height thing but then it got all weird with too much Call of Duty.
Like one poster said OP, lead with your strengths,

Going out on a date doesn't commit you to marrying someone or even kissing a girl! It's fine to "practice" some coffee or drink dates.
I bring this up because so much has gone in this thread about what the girls look like or the "big fish."

Go after a girl with low self esteem. Take it from me, some really hot girls can have serious self esteem issues. (purposefully ironic statement)
Up to you if there's any pudge factor.

One little piece of advice I got somewhere - learn to get really good at giving sincere little compliments. You can start with people you know or you don't know, whatever is easier. Notice a necklace or earrings. Shoes. Guys and girls. None of this will come off too sexual unless you make it that way. Make that your new "thing" with your social interaction outside work. (with patients it could go wrong, it can always go wrong).

Also, there's this theory on "negging" or telling a girl bad stuff to hurt her self esteem, or that if you compliment the girl she loses interest in you. Not at all.
Rather than trying to make a secure one feel bad and go for you, it's better to find one who *already* has low self esteem and compliment her.

80% of the sexual arousal a woman feels for you is directly related to how sexy you make her feel, not how sexy you are
I made up that number but I swear this is how it works

what's more important than what you think she thinks about how you look naked
is what she thinks about how you think she looks naked

here's the thing too, people don't perceive people that give compliments as weak - they see them as confident in my experience

now we've looped it around to this confidence everyone is talking about

in any case, people like people who make them feel good about themselves, and what makes them feel good about themselves is talking about themselves (usually), and feeling like you like them, more than any particular thing about you! So a few well placed compliments and a good ear can get you a lot further than you think socially.

Great advice here. The whole self-esteem thing reminded me of the arrested development episode of "girls with low self-esteem." I honestly just think way too hard about these things and then end up not saying anything to avoid any potential awkwardness. Come to think of it, yeah I can be pretty loserish- I skipped going out to play call of duty, who does that.. (and people in my class know since my roommate told them). I'll work on the subtle complimenting thing.

 

[Redpancreas]

Thanks. Going out more is probably the best way to connect; people are looser and just more eager to talk (i.e. more so than the anatomy lab or hallway). Yeah I'm between 5'8 and 5'9 and have never been called short- I guess there are just so many tall guys in my class that I started to notice the height thing. That nurse incident sounds awful, would not want to be fired for that- I guess all the confidence or being a resident and media portrayal of hospital relationships can screw with reality.



Great advice here. The whole self-esteem thing reminded me of the arrested development episode of "girls with low self-esteem." I honestly just think way too hard about these things and then end up not saying anything to avoid any potential awkwardness. Come to think of it, yeah I can be pretty loserish- I skipped going out to play call of duty, who does that.. (and people in my class know since my roommate told them). I'll work on the subtle complimenting thing.

Yeah man, I was worried you might take my advice as too patronizing because you already seem pretty well put together, but you took it well. I'm actually an inch or so shorter than you so I just had to say something about the height thing. A lot of what I said is the kind of stuff that helps me personally and I'm in that phase where I've accepted who I am and am working on me to improve myself. In fact, I think long ago, I posted a question about dating and med school. Maybe apply what I'm saying to make your period between being single and finding someone tolerable. I think the key is really staying out of your head because the self-hate can really get cyclical if you let it.

Also, in regards to your analysis of the COD thing, I think it's completely ridiculous for your roommates and classmates to judge you for that. There's a line between understanding that you need to be more social vs. caving in and accepting the their interpretation as the right way to live. Please continue to have PLENTY of days where you stay in and play COD. I know tons of dudes that get women that do the same thing as you, but hide it. Don't feel guilty for that. The key is really just the frequency at which you choose staying in vs. going out. Adjust that!

 

[Crayola227]

Thanks. Going out more is probably the best way to connect; people are looser and just more eager to talk (i.e. more so than the anatomy lab or hallway). Yeah I'm between 5'8 and 5'9 and have never been called short- I guess there are just so many tall guys in my class that I started to notice the height thing. That nurse incident sounds awful, would not want to be fired for that- I guess all the confidence or being a resident and media portrayal of hospital relationships can screw with reality.



Great advice here. The whole self-esteem thing reminded me of the arrested development episode of "girls with low self-esteem." I honestly just think way too hard about these things and then end up not saying anything to avoid any potential awkwardness. Come to think of it, yeah I can be pretty loserish- I skipped going out to play call of duty, who does that.. (and people in my class know since my roommate told them). I'll work on the subtle complimenting thing.

ah sweets I'm sorry about the COD thing. I wouldn't have teased you about it if I didn't think it was cute. But, video games will get in the way of dating, for sure, unless you meet a gamer girl.

Go for an older chick. Someone who can appreciate the type to stay in and play video games, not go out and get loaded.

 

[Brahnold Bloodaxe]

3. 5' 9" is not short. There are millions of guys with your exact plight on Reddit who range from 5'0"-5'4". At 5' 9", there's absolutely no excuse but your lack of game.

It depends where you are. In some barrio in California 5'9 borders on tall. In Minnesota or Wisconsin it's manlet territory.

 

[bertino]

Dude, from your description it seems you are quite a good looking guy. i can't see why anyone would not like to go out with you. And you have the patience to listen to some mild criticism in a positive way. its just that girls are weird in their choice of bf, i have noticed this. some just like to be with guys who treat them like ____. there are some of my friends who are very cool but are single, and then there are some guys in our class whom every other girl like though i don't know why. take it from me you are OK and there is no need to change who you are. although getting more social is not a bad advice( but not at the cost of your grades). And notice in the movies how some guys act confident. appearing to be confident is not difficult. and one last advice: in life those people are happy who are content with what they have. enjoy your life as a single person. then when you get a girlfriend enjoy it too, you know

 

[bertino]

and yes, don't try to spend all your nights at a pub, it will just give you a tough time at school. take it slow and casual. from time to time thing

 

[Crayola227]

and yes, don't try to spend all your nights at a pub, it will just give you a tough time at school. take it slow and casual. from time to time thing

lol after this dating thread, I envision the OP selling their xbox and just chomping at the bit to become the next pub hopper
ever ever so rightly and every so nightly

there's no stopping him now

nah, it's true sometimes people figure out the rubric to use Tinder for home delivery ass for the first time that they go on binges that go out of control

 

[TedStark]

nah, it's true sometimes people figure out the rubric to use Tinder for home delivery ass for the first time that they go on binges that go out of control

"Home delivery ass." Wow. Lol.

 

[bertino]

lol after this dating thread, I envision the OP selling their xbox and just chomping at the bit to become the next pub hopper
ever ever so rightly and every so nightly

there's no stopping him now

nah, it's true sometimes people figure out the rubric to use Tinder for home delivery ass for the first time that they go on binges that go out of control

LOL, i just imagined the picture while reading your description

 

[Ligament]

Between the nurses comment and this, may I suggest analyzing how you speak to women, or at least how you speak about them?

 

[GadRads]

If you're not getting laid now, don't expect to magically start getting laid when you become a resident. In fact, the longer you don't get laid, the less likely getting laid becomes for you.

Might as well "flash cash" at this point just to get the monkey off your back, even if it attracts the "wrong crowd." You want to build some momentum, and once it's built you can discard the gold diggers and have a better chance with your target audience.

Too funny

 

[Swish16]

If you go out with the mindset that you need a girl in your life you're going to repel all attractive women that you pursue. Have some confidence in yourself and see yourself as the prize. Not saying you should walk around thinking you're God's gift to mankind but have a high level of self respect and charisma. It seems to me that you could benefit from friends that are well connected and can facilitate you meeting women.

Additionally you need to put yourself out there more in terms of a social life. Explore new clubs, bars,etc. No ordinary guy is successful with 100% of women so don't be afraid to talk to ladies you haven't met before.


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[RadOncDoc21]

My advice to you and take it for what it's worth (free advice): If I was you (and single), I would go after younger women (18-20). Definitely use your "title" and have at least 3 or 4 you rotate around.

Don't go out on dates because that's too much money and time (for a med student). Every Friday night do a dinner and a movie thing at your place with one of them and place your effort on the one that give it up the fastest/easiest and cheapest. Do this for about 3-4 years, then after awhile it gets old and then you can start focusing on finding "the one."

 

[Crayola227]

My advice to you and take it for what it's worth (free advice): If I was you (and single), I would go after younger women (18-20). Definitely use your "title" and have at least 3 or 4 you rotate around.

Don't go out on dates because that's too much money and time (for a med student). Every Friday night do a dinner and a movie thing at your place with one of them and place your effort on the one that give it up the fastest/easiest and cheapest. Do this for about 3-4 years, then after awhile it gets old and then you can start focusing on finding "the one."

gross, not everyone can roll like this, and if the dude isn't super hot then the ladies that are most likely to give it up that easy, will make you regret it half the time, plus in my mind it's easier to have casual sex with attractive people, or to form some sort of emotional bond to make having sex with less atttractive people more palatable, trying to have casual sex with ugly people does not sound like the sort of dating solution that is gonna turn around whatever dating dread this guy has

 

[Mad Jack]

 

[Dr Nicholas Riviera]

place your effort on the one that give it up the fastest/easiest and cheapest.

Exactly. This way, you might have some of that dinner money left over to pay for your Valtrex.

 

[StrongIslandDoc]

Tinder.

 

[MyAtypicalJourneyToMD]

.

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Hi, I am not sure if this is the right forum, but I am getting really depressed with the dating scene at my us md school in a small city. There just isn't anyone available or a good match. Furthermore, my family is very judgmental on who I marry in regards to looks and status.. They are bigshots and they are already disappointed with me for being a loner throughout high school and college (last gf was in middle school), and not finding someone last year because it makes them look bad in their social circle (I am an MS2). I've already told them I don't want them to set me up with someone because I need to do this myself, and I'm not interested in flashing money because that would attract the wrong crowd. I tried online dating but I just feel too awkward doing it at my age (22 but I look 17) and girls have way too many options there and tend to flake on me even if we match and make plans to meet. I'm above average in looks but only like 5'9 and not white (half persian) so that also makes the online stuff hard, and they don't seem to care about the med student title. Any ideas? I read here that nurses tend to go for residents but that's like 3 years away still..

Maximize your looks by improving your skin, hair, jawline (lose body fat), clothing then go and approach + swipe right endlessly on tinder after you get some pics with a real camera (no cell phone selfies). Wear lifts if your height bothers you. Girls don't care about height, muscles or you being in med school. And vast majority of women make their own money and consider big money a little bonus. It's only your looks and personality that matter.
Also here's the reality, you're not above average in looks if you aren't successful with girls. That's only possible if you have horrendous interpersonal and social skills. It's very common for people to rate themselves (especially guys) above what they actually are. You're obviously just average like most people so just go for the average girls and you'll do very well. There's nothing wrong with that.

If you're not getting laid now, don't expect to magically start getting laid when you become a resident. In fact, the longer you don't get laid, the less likely getting laid becomes for you.

Might as well "flash cash" at this point just to get the monkey off your back, even if it attracts the "wrong crowd." You want to build some momentum, and once it's built you can discard the gold diggers and have a better chance with your target audience.

What "cash" does the OP have that would appeal to gold diggers? Sure if you're willing to spend 50k at a high end club for a single night... then maybe.

You're only 22, you've got a long time to find your mate. Relax, it'll happen when it happens.

OP does have time but that's a false concept that early 20s = lots of time left. There are very few quality and attractive single people beyond even 20 years old let alone beyond early 20s. If someone is appealing to the opposite sex and has a solid personality, they will quickly attract equal quality and pair off.

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Dude, from your description it seems you are quite a good looking guy. i can't see why anyone would not like to go out with you. And you have the patience to listen to some mild criticism in a positive way. its just that girls are weird in their choice of bf, i have noticed this. some just like to be with guys who treat them like ____. there are some of my friends who are very cool but are single, and then there are some guys in our class whom every other girl like though i don't know why. take it from me you are OK and there is no need to change who you are. although getting more social is not a bad advice( but not at the cost of your grades). And notice in the movies how some guys act confident. appearing to be confident is not difficult. and one last advice: in life those people are happy who are content with what they have. enjoy your life as a single person. then when you get a girlfriend enjoy it too, you know

It's posts like these that create false expectations which lead to frustration when it all fails. Unless OP has tons of success with women then there is no reason to assume he is above average. That's a good thing because it means he can aim for girls in his league and actually get laid/get a gf vs. be frustrated for another few months.

My advice to you and take it for what it's worth (free advice): If I was you (and single), I would go after younger women (18-20). Definitely use your "title" and have at least 3 or 4 you rotate around.

Don't go out on dates because that's too much money and time (for a med student). Every Friday night do a dinner and a movie thing at your place with one of them and place your effort on the one that give it up the fastest/easiest and cheapest. Do this for about 3-4 years, then after awhile it gets old and then you can start focusing on finding "the one."

Being a med student like any other achievement is just a bonus if she finds you attractive to begin with. You can't overcome the initial attraction requirement with a title or with money.

 

[JoannePrada]

Sure OP does have time but that's a false concept that early 20s = lots of time left. There are very few quality and attractive single people beyond even 20 years old let alone beyond early 20s. If someone is appealing to the opposite sex and has a solid personality, they will quickly attract equal quality and pair off.

No one needs to find their life partner right now. 20 somethings do have quite a bit of time and it doesn't matter whoever else is coupling up. Whoever you're supposed to end up with, you'll end up with. So it's best to stay in your own lane and not constantly compare your life to others unless you want to go crazy. The best thing for anyone to do in this situation is to work on liking themselves. To work on getting to a place where you like your own personality, you like your own looks, you like how you feel. And by that point, no one will feel like they "need" someone and usually that's when the right person comes around. But, this is just my opinion.

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

No one needs to find their life partner right now. 20 somethings do have quite a bit of time and it doesn't matter whoever else is coupling up. Whoever you're supposed to end up with, you'll end up with. So it's best to stay in your own lane and not constantly compare your life to others unless you want to go crazy. The best thing for anyone to do in this situation is to work on liking themselves. To work on getting to a place where you like your own personality, you like your own looks, you like how you feel. And by that point, no one will feel like they "need" someone and usually that's when the right person comes around. But, this is just my opinion.

Well we don't have a predetermined fate in this world. We're all just animals at the end of the day... But what I said holds true nonetheless and almost anyone could admit it. There is no reason for a quality attractive person to be single throughout their 20s. It just doesn't happen. And if that person is dumped or cheated on, they carry major baggage in the emotional sense and have a difficult time bonding in the future. The lucky guys are the ones who sweep up a nice cute girl when they're both young.

 

[JoannePrada]

Well we don't have a predetermined fate in this world. We're all just animals at the end of the day... But what I said holds true nonetheless and almost anyone could admit it. There is no reason for a quality attractive person to be single throughout their 20s. It just doesn't happen. And if that person is dumped or cheated on, they carry major baggage in the emotional sense and have a difficult time bonding in the future. The lucky guys are the ones who sweep up a nice cute girl when they're both young.

I just don't think it's THAT serious. Just because someone is nice and cute doesn't mean they're a good fit for you. So, let's all focus on ourselves and let the rest take care of itself.

 

[dozitgetchahi]

In most aspects of life the harder you work, the more success you will achieve. Paradoxically in dating the harder you try, the worse you will do. Your best bet it to relax, focus on yourself, and the relationships will follow.

Not sure I agree.

Some people who have zero success with the ladies have serious 'deficiencies' - for instance, if you dress like a slob, smell like straight up BO, have no confidence and don't socialize well, your chances for success with today's female cohort are asymptotally low. People like this definitely need to 'work harder'.

Likewise, any guy who's gotten to the OP's age without any success with the ladies needs to be trying something different. At this point, your experience has essentially proven that whatever you're doing isn't going to just randomly result in you finding someone and hitting it off. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, etc etc etc.

 

[VenusinFurs]

My advice would be to make more friends, male and female, and try to actually experience life outside of studying and playing video games.

 

[Derberry]

My advice would be to make more friends, male and female, and try to actually experience life outside of studying and playing video games.

Playing video games is the best way to passing the time.

 

[Johan90]

Hmm this is not the best forum to ask that haha but it is okay! I think you can try to go out more and make new friends, try to enjoy your life and see if there is someone that worths it out there, NEVER go for golddiggers! Try not to think bad things about yourself, be confident, girls like that.

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Hmm this is not the best forum to ask that haha but it is okay! I think you can try to go out more and make new friends, try to enjoy your life and see if there is someone that worths it out there, NEVER go for golddiggers! Try not to think bad things about yourself, be confident, girls like that.

You make it sound like gold diggers are abundant. They're really not. Almost all of them are escorts/have sugar daddies.

 

[julie walker]

Enjoy the single life. Some of these poor excuse for men are not worth the try. Love them then leave them! Love yourself enough to note red flags! They are there for a reason. Most men are scared of witty women, we see deep within the emotions and know that there is nothing there.

 

[julie walker]

Some of these men looking for a "Sugar Mama". I am very careful as to whom I date. I run a test on them all the time and dump them if they are fake. Online dating can be disastrous too....Many psychos are there to prey on innocent women.

 

[BruceWaynMD]

Hey I can fix your problem I'm single my last 2 boyfriends disappeared want to go out?

 

[DrGoon]

Did OP finally get his dick wet?

 

[julie walker]

Enjoy your single life. You are single for a reason. Being single can be a life saver. There are many impostors who call themselves men out there. They are liars on the down low and too coward to speak the truth. I have seen pastors come to the hospital as patient and his wife visits him in the days and his man sleeps with him at nights. Now you tell me who would want to be in that mess?