Specialty one-liner generalizations

[v-tach]

From a Invasive Cardiologist about a Gastroenterologist...regarding procedures.

"GI Docs have it easy...all the holes are already made."

That's great!!

And here's one about colon and rectal surgeons: "You'd be cranky too if you had to deal with a**holes all day!!!"

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[mikegoal]

my favorite note from general surgeon:

endoscopy and colonoscopy today
I expect something bad

 

[izz-ay]

We consulted an ENT on a pt that had sinusitis and an associated cellulitis...his note went like this:

S/O: pt seen. puzzling infection
A/P: no intervention at this time

WTF am I supposed to do with that?

 

[Vriesea]

Actual surgical consult note (notice the lack of 1 complete word)
0 c/o, f/u prn

 

[GeneGoddess]

Dermatology.....

"If it is wet, dry it and if it is dry, wet it."

Chisel

And whatever you do, for goodness sake don't TOUCH it!

 

[AJM]

I can't believe no one said this one yet:

The ABC's of anesthesia: Airway, Breathing, Coffee.


Also:
What's the official tree of radiologists?
The Hedge.
(heard that one from a radiologist)

 

[MechE]

ENT: Early Nights and Tennis

 

[Blade28]

What's the official tree of radiologists?
The Hedge.
(heard that one from a radiologist)

That's great!

Saw a classic note last week from a surgeon...the team had just requested consults (renal, ID, pulm):


Reqs appreciated.
Cont current care.

 

[jvarga]

Speaking of abc's, here's the ER's
Airway
Breathing
Consult


Most worrisome surgery note.
No c/o. AFVSS. PE Benign. Labs- Too busy to look up. Will follow.

 

[14022]

Internists know everything but fix nothing.

Surgeons know nothing but fix everything.

Psychiatrists know nothing and fixes nothing.

Pathologists know everything but after its too late.

 

[bigfrank]

Also for Derm...

If you don't know what it is, WHY would you touch it???
If you know what it is, WHY would you need to touch it???

 

[MasterintuBater]

Speaking of abc's, here's the ER's
Airway
Breathing
Consult

You can go ahead and add the D to that one
Disposition

 

[peehdee]

med school:

"do you like people?"

 

[pikachu]

Rads: "Every radiologic test begets another test."

Truest statement ever.

 

[Bounty]

I can't believe no one said this one yet:

The ABC's of anesthesia: Airway, Breathing, Coffee.

I've also heard (for Anesthesia)

Airway
Book
Chair

 

[Apollyon]

How I heard the a couple of these:

This isn't a saying - this is the entire derm residency:

If it's wet, dry it.
If it's dry, wet it.
If they're on steroids, stop them.
If they're not on steroids, start them.
If these all fail, biopsy!

And the old saw:

Doctors know everything, and do nothing.
Surgeons know nothing, and do everything.
Psychiatrists know nothing, and do nothing.
Pathologists know everything, and do everything, but always a day too late!

And a slightly-collated list:

How do you hide a dollar from an IM doc? Put it under a bandage.
How do you hide a dollar from a radiologist? Put it on the patient. But, then again, can't say for sure it's a dollar; clinical correlation is recommended.
How do you hide a dollar from an ER doc? Put it-Hey, what's for lunch?!?!
How do you hide a dollar from an ER doc? You don't have to - no one pays, anyways.
How do you hide a dollar from an OB/GYN? Put it ANYWHERE above the patient's waist.
How do you hide a dollar from a surgeon? Put it in a journal.
How do you hide a dollar from an orthopedic surgeon? Put it in a book.
How do you hide a hundred dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon? Put it inside a book with no pictures.
How can you spot the orthopod's car in the parking lot? It's the Jaguar with the comic book on the front seat.
How do you hide a hundred dollar bill from a cardiothoracic surgeon? Tape it to their kids' forehead.
How do you hide a dollar from a plastic surgeon? You can't!

Whew! Time for some sleep before work!

 

[roja]

From Ortho attending:

What are the orthopods ABC's?

After the ED has done thier ABC's, you (meaning the ortho residents) get a C: check all bones.


It seemed funnier in confrence. Thats all I got.

 

[Febrifuge]

Q: How many cardiologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Half as many as you need to page in order to get them to come down and look at the light bulb.

 

[Leukocyte]

How do you hide a dollar from a plastic surgeon? You can't!

I never realy understood why this is so. Is it because plastic surgeons are "money fetching hounds"? They are certainly not all that smart. How about hiding the dollar in the patients's stomach? In a stethoscope? In a book (An EKG book or Harrisons)?

 

[Apollyon]

I never realy understood why this is so. Is it because plastic surgeons are "money fetching hounds"? They are certainly not all that smart. How about hiding the dollar in the patients's stomach? In a stethoscope? In a book (An EKG book or Harrisons)?

Plastic surgery (on the cosmetic end) is a cash business, period. It is virtually impossible to get insurance to pay for a cosmetic procedure that has no functional value (if you are burned by acid, or have a huge growth on your face that socially paralyzes you, or you're a female with huge breasts that keep you out of work with back pain (just some examples), insurance will pay for reconstruction or breast reduction, but, if it's for rhinoplasty when you have 2 patent nares, or lip implants, no dice).

 

[phoenixsupra]

I never realy understood why this is so. Is it because plastic surgeons are "money fetching hounds"? They are certainly not all that smart. How about hiding the dollar in the patients's stomach? In a stethoscope? In a book (An EKG book or Harrisons)?

Leukocyte, wake up. These are stereotypes. Not reality. Let the jokes continue.


Q. What do you call an internal medicine doc who has completed his training?

A. A General Surgeon

 

[imtiaz]

Leukocyte, wake up. These are stereotypes. Not reality. Let the jokes continue.


Q. What do you call an internal medicine doc who has completed his training?

A. A General Surgeon

hahaha! excellent!

 

[Gene Queen]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one... but they need 15 sessions to do it.

 

[maxheadroom]

Orthopedics:

Strong as an ox and twice as smart.

 

[MechE]

Orthopedics:

Strong as an ox and twice as smart.

Now I thought it was: "Strong as an ox and half as smart."

 

[spikyhairedgirl]

Anethesiology: Sitting on your ass, passing gas

Also, I've never seen a radiology report that doesn't include..."cannot rule out [fracture, cancer, pneumonia], clinical correlation recommended."

 

[phoenixsupra]

Now I thought it was: "Strong as an ox and half as smart."

Nah, 'twice as smart' is much funnier.

 

[Whisker Barrel Cortex]

Anethesiology: Sitting on your ass, passing gas

Also, I've never seen a radiology report that doesn't include..."cannot rule out [fracture, cancer, pneumonia], clinical correlation recommended."

Haven't read many radiology reports then have you.

And god forbid we ask you to use your clinical judgement after you see the patient.

 

[phoenixsupra]

Haven't read many radiology reports then have you.

And god forbid we ask you to use your clinical judgement after you see the patient.

These are stereotypes, jokes etc. Don't take them personally. They don't apply to real people. Here are some more.

FLEA (aka IM doc):F$#king Lazy Egotistical A$$hole

AOA: Academy Of Arrogance

Phd.: Pig Headed Dork

And yes there are pleanty of fleas that I like.

 

[Apollyon]

Haven't read many radiology reports then have you.

And god forbid we ask you to use your clinical judgement after you see the patient.

Dude, it's all jokes! Hell, I'm EM, and I busted on my specialty in my voluminous post.

 

[Espion]

Dude, it's all jokes! Hell, I'm EM, and I busted on my specialty in my voluminous post.

Heh, we could make a joke about radiologist's inability to relate to human beings...but that would be mean. Oh, I love radiologists because of my distinct and crippling inability to relate to ultrasounds and MRI's. (A lot of those interventional guys rock my socks, yes they do.)

 

[Whisker Barrel Cortex]

I'm a big fan of jokes about any specialty, including my own. But how is the following sentance a joke:



"Also, I've never seen a radiology report that doesn't include..."cannot rule out [fracture, cancer, pneumonia], clinical correlation recommended."

Sounds more like a gripe to me.

 

[spikyhairedgirl]

I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I was just making reference to the fact that the radiologists at the hospital we rotate at seem to hedge their bets with every single report. It's a rarity to get much more than "Infiltrate in RLL, cannot rule out ... (lists twelve things)." The docs complain and joke about it all the time here.

But if that's a phenomenon limited to this hospital, then thank goodness and I look forward to moving on.

 

[Kosmo]

Neurosurgeons know nothing but do everything...
Neurologists know everything but do nothing...
Psychiatrists know nothing and do nothing

The one I heard was:
Internists know everything but don't do anything.
Surgeons know nothing but do everything.
Pathologists know everything and do everything, after the person is dead.

 

[Kosmo]

We consulted an ENT on a pt that had sinusitis and an associated cellulitis...his note went like this:

S/O: pt seen. puzzling infection
A/P: no intervention at this time

WTF am I supposed to do with that?

These are all great, but I really lol'd at this one.

But there really isn't any problem, the plan is clear: watch and wait.

 

[bustbones26]

How does an orthopod use a stethoscope?

To test reflexes

 

[Boomer]

Phd.: Pig Headed Dork

I always thought this one was

PhD: PeckerHead Deluxe......

 

[phoenixsupra]

I always thought this one was

PhD: PeckerHead Deluxe......

Ha ha I like that one.

 

[MechE]

I always thought this one was

PhD: PeckerHead Deluxe......

I had a teacher who told me the higher degree you possess the more full of $hit you are:

B.S: Bull$hit
M.S: More $hit
PhD: Pile high deep in $hit.

 

[ecpiii]

Wow, good to see the thread still going. Guess there is no shortage of jokes about our future profession. I am quite impressed by the number of ortho digs. Those poor guys (and occasional gal) in ortho: No respect, I tell ya'...

Joke recently told to me by a anesthesiologist:
What is the difference between an anesthesiologist and urologist?
The urologist holds someone else's penis during the operation.

 

[HamOnWholeWheat]

Wow, good to see the thread still going. Guess there is no shortage of jokes about our future profession. I am quite impressed by the number of ortho digs. Those poor guys (and occasional gal) in ortho: No respect, I tell ya'...

Joke recently told to me by a anesthesiologist:
What is the difference between an anesthesiologist and urologist?
The urologist holds someone else's penis during the operation.

That was the best one yet!!!!!

 

[ecpiii]

OK, I had another one that I forgot to put on the last post.

Would someone please help me figure out why the doctor's that seem to work on the ears, nose and throat can't decide if they want to be called:

1) ENT
2) otorhinolaryngology
3) head and neck surgeons

Head and neck surgeon is my favorite. While I know there is a fellowship for it, it looks funny on your white coats. Overheard by myself in the halls one fine day, somewhat paraphrased for effect...

Medical student: "So Dr. X, you are a Head and Neck surgeon. Wow, what an all-encompassing specialty. Being a head surgeon, it must be satisfying to work on the surgical disorders of the brain."
Dr. X at a big name institution: "Well, we don't work on the brain, that's neurosurgery."
MS: "Well, as I remember from anatomy 1st year, the spine is an incredibly fascinating part of the body, and so interconnected with structures in the neck."
Dr. X: "Neurosurgery again, son, with ortho."
MS: "The eye is a deeply complex structure, is it not sir?"
Dr. X: "Yes, the eyes are in the head, but that's ophtho."
MS: "But to be able to perform miracles on people with bad carotid arteries in the neck and prevent strokes, wow!"
Dr. X: "No, vascular and neurosurgery fight over that one."
MS: "I've always wanted to meet a doc in the specialty that cured my mom of her esophageal cancer."
Dr. X: "No, GI surgery does that."
MS: "Dare I ask, sir, if you work on people with injuries to the mouth?"
Dr. X: "No, oral and maxillofacial surgery takes most of those."
Pause...
MS: "Dr X., what exactly do you do?"
Dr X: "Mostly, we treat surgical disorders of the ears, nose and throat...oh, and alot of us become facial plastics experts!"

To all the ENT prospectives out there, you do amazing work. It's just that ENT is easier to say for the rest of us...

 

[FoughtFyr]

Neurosurgeons know nothing but do everything...
Neurologists know everything but do nothing...
Psychiatrists know nothing and do nothing

And pathologists know everything and do everything... just 2 days too late.

- H

 

[phoenixsupra]

And pathologists know everything and do everything... just 2 days too late.

- H

Internists know everything but fix nothing.

Surgeons know nothing but fix everything.

Psychiatrists know nothing and fixes nothing.

Pathologists know everything but after its too late.

 

[scooter31]

Cant remember where I heard this one, if its from SDN or from my box doc ex-G/F:

OB/GYN= Oh Boy Got You Naked

 

[phoenixsupra]

Cant remember where I heard this one, if its from SDN or from my box doc ex-G/F:

OB/GYN= Oh Boy Got You Naked

Box doc. Never heard that before. That's sort of funny.

 

[DistantMets]

Got a CXR on a kid and the report came back complete situs inversus, mild hyperinflation, no acute process. It apparently didn't occur to the radiologist to ask the technician if he screwed up (he did) or actually call the attending to find out the kid had asthma and about 10 prior CXRs!!!! That's 300Gs a year well spent!

 

[surge]

Told to me by a CT surgeon while I was scrubbing in on a CABG:

Do you know the three great lies of cardiothoracic surgery?
1. Last time we saw him, he was dry...
2. No, honey, I'm not cheating on you... and
3. Anesthesia, you did a great job...

 

[kutastha]

"No one wants to kill grandpa before the holidays" -

Surgery resident on why our vascular surg service is slow right now.

 

[Doc Ivy]

"No one wants to kill grandpa before the holidays" -

Surgery resident on why our vascular surg service is slow right now.