Short and Asian for men is pretty much the kiss of death for dating in America

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SunsFun said:
I came to the US when I was teenager and spoke zero English so I know exactly what learning new language entails and how hard it is to know what someone is really about without being able to have a deep conversation.

Why are you getting insulted though? I am giving OP advice while disagreeing with yours. My advice had zero to do with him being Asian. Read my comment again if you don't believe me. I advised him to look for an Asian girl if he is looking for a foreign bride because he had zero experience with women. It is more common in those cultures and women likely will not be "working him". Brazilian women are pretty but as someone who dated one and met a lot of her friends, I can tell you that once OP and her are on equal footing (she gets the green card) he is very likely to get owned. There is not much stigma against divorce as it is in many Asian cultures. Most of the successful men with those women are much older, more experienced, and are pretty open to marrying a girl with kid(s) whose first priority is to secure her kids future.
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I don't think a virgin should jump into marriage right away... It's good to experiment with a couple or few girls (dating/sexually) first.
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studentp0x said:
I don't think a virgin should jump into marriage right away... It's good to experiment with a couple or few girls (dating/sexually) first.
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I don't disagree with you. I just think if OP wants to look for a foreign bride Asian countries are a better place to start for him than Brazil.
 
jt66250 said:
All of you have provided some interesting solutions but here is my $.02. If I had it to do over again I would not have had sex as a teenager and definitely not be a dad at 20. If you want to have the most healthy sexual relationships then developing intimacy with one person is the way to go.
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Agreed. It sucks to not have had a relationship, but I much prefer that to, for example, being like guys in the NBA who have eight kids with eight women. Sure, you can say "yeah, but they had sex with lots of women," but they don't actually like or love any of them and they're stuck raising kids with them now. Obviously I envy people who are in solid relationships with people they care about, but on the other hand there are a LOT of people out there who are in relationships and even marriages who don't particularly care for each other and their lives are hell and I don't envy them at all. If they want to bust on me for sitting around at home watching television alone, go right ahead. That's seriously got to be miserable.
 
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ruralsurg4now said:
Agreed. It sucks to not have had a relationship, but I much prefer that to, for example, being like guys in the NBA who have eight kids with eight women. Sure, you can say "yeah, but they had sex with lots of women," but they don't actually like or love any of them and they're stuck raising kids with them now. Obviously I envy people who are in solid relationships with people they care about, but on the other hand there are a LOT of people out there who are in relationships and even marriages who don't particularly care for each other and their lives are hell and I don't envy them at all. If they want to bust on me for sitting around at home watching television alone, go right ahead. That's seriously got to be miserable.
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Luck of the draw. Who you are and who you meet determines what you end up with, which determines how good your relationship/marriage will be. A very significant number of people aren't with someone who's the most ideal person for them.
 
studentp0x said:
Luck of the draw. Who you are and who you meet determines what you end up with, which determines how good your relationship/marriage will be. A very significant number of people aren't with someone who's the most ideal person for them.
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No, not luck of the draw. Usually poor decision-making. For example, I'm not going to deny that I'm horny as heck. If I was most guys, I would just go "eff this" and go out and get laid by some drunk girl who looked ugly. Decision making like that leads to a lot of poor relationships, on both the part of men and women.
 
There's a big difference between being with someone who isn't the most ideal for you and being with someone who you don't care for and your lives are hell. You guys aren't talking about the same thing.
 
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WhtsThFrequency said:
There's a big difference between being with someone who isn't the most ideal for you and being with someone who you don't care for and your lives are hell. You guys aren't talking about the same thing.
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Nah. Look, if you care for someone and vice versa, then they're ideal for you. That's really the end of it.
 
I agree with that in a philosophical sense, but what I was getting at was this idea of the "perfect person"

I.e, the person who is the best fit for you is in all likelihood not going to fulfill every single trait you desire in an idealized partner, because that's just not possible. Women are particularly awful at doing this, I will be the first to admit. A Prince Charming "soulmate" does not exist, ladies. That doesn't mean you have to date a loser or someone you don't love, but it does mean you have to be realistic and that no one is perfect. You love them anyway - that makes them "ideal" even if they aren't "perfect" or "the most ideal on paper"

Therefore yeah, most people are in relationships with people that aren't their "most ideal" but they're perfectly happy. I know many more people in happy relationships than unhappy (then again my age demographic for friends is 25-35 and therefore usually more adjusted - most high-school/college relationships are hot messes).
 
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ruralsurg4now said:
No, not luck of the draw. Usually poor decision-making. For example, I'm not going to deny that I'm horny as heck. If I was most guys, I would just go "eff this" and go out and get laid by some drunk girl who looked ugly. Decision making like that leads to a lot of poor relationships, on both the part of men and women.
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Most men don't exactly have many decisions/options available to them. They take what they can get. Beggers can't be choosers.
 
studentp0x said:
Most men don't exactly have many decisions/options available to them. They take what they can get. Beggers can't be choosers.
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No, for example, I'm a beggar but I'm not going to hook up with a fat chick, for example, as a result. But, yeah, most people would.
 
studentp0x said:
You mean sense of reality?
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Nope, I mean toolishness. Y'all are a bunch of superficial pricks. You need to watch Shallow Hal again. It teaches you that if you are Jack Black, you do not get to date regular Gwyneth Paltrow. You will date Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit, and you will like it, because she has a beautiful soul and you are not conventionally attractive yourself. Also at the end you will go to the Peace Corps or something?

I didn't pay that much attention to Shallow Hal.
 
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ruralsurg4now said:
No, for example, I'm a beggar but I'm not going to hook up with a fat chick, for example, as a result. But, yeah, most people would.
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Give it some time... I'm sure if you weren't gonna pay for sex and had to go through years of celibacy, you wouldn't care about the chick's weight. Unless of course, you had a below average to low sex drive, that can be dealt with as long as you're not a virgin.
 
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VenusinFurs said:
Nope, I mean toolishness. Y'all are a bunch of superficial pricks. You need to watch Shallow Hal again. It teaches you that if you are Jack Black, you do not get to date regular Gwyneth Paltrow. You will date Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit, and you will like it, because she has a beautiful soul and you are not conventionally attractive yourself. Also at the end you will go to the Peace Corps or something?

I didn't pay that much attention to Shallow Hal.
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pls go
 
VenusinFurs said:
Nope, I mean toolishness. Y'all are a bunch of superficial pricks. You need to watch Shallow Hal again. It teaches you that if you are Jack Black, you do not get to date regular Gwyneth Paltrow. You will date Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit, and you will like it, because she has a beautiful soul and you are not conventionally attractive yourself. Also at the end you will go to the Peace Corps or something?

I didn't pay that much attention to Shallow Hal.
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So women aren't superficial at all? Women are just as, if not more, superficial as men.
 
studentp0x said:
pls go
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No U

Yeah guys, women and men are both superficial to varying extents. It's really not a gender thing. Both women and men can be tools. But yeah, if you're going to be massively superficial you'd better have qualities that attract the superficial to you as well. Otherwise you're basically just deluded.

Attraction is completely subjective and different people are attracted to different things so rating people on a scale is dumb. Yes, it's important to find the person you're with attractive. But people of the opposite gender (whichever one we are talking about) are PEOPLE. They are not 5s or 6s or what have you. They are not ****-holes and poles. If you see a young lady in the club and she makes your penis want to sing, that's not ONLY an opportunity to get it wet. That's a human being with hopes and dreams, and you are interacting with her in a way that might or might not be deeply meaningful to her life. And I am using gendered examples because we are specifically talking about men who are looking to have sex with women in this thread, but of COURSE women can use men and not respect them and I'm not ok with that either.

So if you're going to have sex with someone you have to respect their personhood; at least that's how I think. Which is not to say that you can't have casual sex and still respect the person you are having sex with. But I am really put off by people who are basically just hounding for sex and they don't really care who they get it from as long as that person looks good, and I think that is toolish behavior. That is my opinion. If you think there's nothing wrong with how you're talking, good for you.
 
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VenusinFurs said:
But people of the opposite gender (whichever one we are talking about) are PEOPLE. They are not 5s or 6s or what have you. They are not ****-holes and poles. If you see a young lady in the club and she makes your penis want to sing, that's not ONLY an opportunity to get it wet. That's a human being with hopes and dreams, and you are interacting with her in a way that might or might not be deeply meaningful to her life.
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I lol'ed because you wrote this and then added "...of course, you can still have casual sex." Yeah, I'm sure all the people engaging in casual sex are like "this is a HUMAN BEING with hopes and dreams!" LOLOLOLOLOL.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I lol'ed because you wrote this and then added "...of course, you can still have casual sex." Yeah, I'm sure all the people engaging in casual sex are like "this is a HUMAN BEING with hopes and dreams!" LOLOLOLOLOL.
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Why do you think it's impossible to have casual sex without degrading the person you are having sex with??
 
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touchpause13 said:
Why do you think it's impossible to have casual sex without degrading the person you are having sex with??
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That's a funny question because the person claiming superficiality is degrading is her, not me. In fact, your question is avoiding my point and attempting to make a false premise. The reality is that casual sex is superficial and meaningless, much like the "number rating" she was outraged about. You accept her argument and then turn a blind eye to the irony of her hypocrisy. Good job.
 
I disagree that casual sex is superficial and meaningless. We just have different perspectives on it
 
touchpause13 said:
I disagree that casual sex is superficial and meaningless. We just have different perspectives on it
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Then you also have to disagree that rating people by attractiveness is superficial and meaningless.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
You'd have to demonstrate that, not just throw it out. This isn't kindergarten.
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How on earth would artificial ratings of human beings be equivalent to having sexual intercourse with someone?
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Asking me to prove your contention for you is hardly how it works.
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Actually it kind of is because you brought up the point before I even commented. The burden of proof lies with you not me
 
touchpause13 said:
Actually it kind of is because you brought up the point before I even commented. The burden of proof lies with you not me
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Not at all, but that's a cute attempt at masking your failure to prove your contention.
 
I sincerely believe that how women perceives us is largely based on our own aura/confidence.
I'm 6'3 Asian.
 
ChineseKid said:
I sincerely believe that how women perceives us is largely based on our own aura/confidence.
I'm 6'3 Asian.
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Yes and no. It's no secret that a confident anyone is more attractive than an unconfident same person. But simultaneously that doesn't mean that a confident guy who is 5'0" will be attractive to a woman. He'll just be more attractive than the same guy being unconfident. People too often act like the deciding factor is confidence, but it's not really. It's like if a guy is attracted to large-breasted women. Sure, technically you can argue that a very confident flat-chested woman could land him, but the odds are pretty low regardless.
 
ruralsurg4now said:
I lol'ed because you wrote this and then added "...of course, you can still have casual sex." Yeah, I'm sure all the people engaging in casual sex are like "this is a HUMAN BEING with hopes and dreams!" LOLOLOLOLOL.
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What I'm saying specifically is I think it's better to get to know people before having sex with them, even if it is casual sex. I don't define casual sex as a one night stand. So I'm not saying you have to be in a relationship with everyone you have sex with, but if you aren't considerate of them and don't care about them in a general sense you're a jerk. In my moral code, it's not ok to dehumanize the person you're having sex with. There are many reasons you might have sex with someone but not want to be in a relationship with them, and most of them boil down to selfishness, but I think you can be selfish to the mutual benefit of both parties and still not be a jerk.

And sure, one night stands happen, often when there is alcohol involved, and it's not wrong to have one, but it does run into problems when there is a question of consent.

And the whole number rating system just grinds my gears, I can't say why. I just think people are attractive, or I don't. I also don't like when people talk about "leagues." If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it's because it places a value on someone based purely on their sexual attractiveness and it turns them into a commodity. And let's face it, women are subjected to this far more often than men are.

Superficiality is an inborn part of human nature, but I think it should be balanced by respect for others and an attempt to understand them. And of course superficiality is degrading, girls are told every day that their value lies purely in their looks and their primary goal should be to attract boys. They are told this by the media and society at large. I'm definitely not saying boys don't suffer from that as well, but the brunt of it is borne by girls.
 
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ruralsurg4now said:
Yes and no. It's no secret that a confident anyone is more attractive than an unconfident same person. But simultaneously that doesn't mean that a confident guy who is 5'0" will be attractive to a woman. He'll just be more attractive than the same guy being unconfident. People too often act like the deciding factor is confidence, but it's not really. It's like if a guy is attracted to large-breasted women. Sure, technically you can argue that a very confident flat-chested woman could land him, but the odds are pretty low regardless.
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Well yea. Just as we are all so identical, yet so different, it's the same thing in the mating scene. No golden rule for anything. But in general, confidence is good. Overconfidence bad.
 
VenusinFurs said:
I don't define casual sex as a one night stand.
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Yeah, and your post seems to imply you classify them as being close to rape (as you ask about "a question of consent"), which is quite odd. So you think "casual sex" is a relationship that is with someone you care about and are considerate of? That sounds like what the majority of people would classify as a serious relationship.

In terms of people being valued based solely on their attractiveness, you may dislike that and it may be disagreeable, but it is reality. And women may suffer for it, but they also undeniably benefit from it (and never complain when they are on the benefitting side). I always say that if you live by the sword, you die by it. Women generally revel in their desirability when they are young and then become angry when men continue to be attracted to younger women when they get older. That's silliness, as far as I'm concerned.

By the way, I would agree with you that people should care about and know the people they are having sex with. Because they generally don't.
 
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SunsFun said:
I don't disagree with you. I just think if OP wants to look for a foreign bride Asian countries are a better place to start for him than Brazil.
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Brazil has a far more openly sexual culture. It is unlikely they would share his values. There's some large Japanese Brazilian communities that are a bit more traditional, but even their younger generations look wild in comparison to the youth in Northeast Asia.
 
I saw this and I lol'ed. My friend who's short and asian is doing ok for himself. He has a quite good looking gal.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN Mobile.
 
VenusinFurs said:
What I'm saying specifically is I think it's better to get to know people before having sex with them, even if it is casual sex. I don't define casual sex as a one night stand. So I'm not saying you have to be in a relationship with everyone you have sex with, but if you aren't considerate of them and don't care about them in a general sense you're a jerk. In my moral code, it's not ok to dehumanize the person you're having sex with. There are many reasons you might have sex with someone but not want to be in a relationship with them, and most of them boil down to selfishness, but I think you can be selfish to the mutual benefit of both parties and still not be a jerk.

And sure, one night stands happen, often when there is alcohol involved, and it's not wrong to have one, but it does run into problems when there is a question of consent.

And the whole number rating system just grinds my gears, I can't say why. I just think people are attractive, or I don't. I also don't like when people talk about "leagues." If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it's because it places a value on someone based purely on their sexual attractiveness and it turns them into a commodity. And let's face it, women are subjected to this far more often than men are.

Superficiality is an inborn part of human nature, but I think it should be balanced by respect for others and an attempt to understand them. And of course superficiality is degrading, girls are told every day that their value lies purely in their looks and their primary goal should be to attract boys. They are told this by the media and society at large. I'm definitely not saying boys don't suffer from that as well, but the brunt of it is borne by girls.
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In your first point, I find that having sex is a great way to get to know someone.

On your second, arbitrary rating scales exist everywhere and in all things in life. Some people live by them, others ignore them. Getting all bent of of shape about the all too human tendency to place things in categories is just silly.
 
VenusinFurs said:
No U

Yeah guys, women and men are both superficial to varying extents. It's really not a gender thing. Both women and men can be tools. But yeah, if you're going to be massively superficial you'd better have qualities that attract the superficial to you as well. Otherwise you're basically just deluded.

Attraction is completely subjective and different people are attracted to different things so rating people on a scale is dumb. Yes, it's important to find the person you're with attractive. But people of the opposite gender (whichever one we are talking about) are PEOPLE. They are not 5s or 6s or what have you. They are not ****-holes and poles. If you see a young lady in the club and she makes your penis want to sing, that's not ONLY an opportunity to get it wet. That's a human being with hopes and dreams, and you are interacting with her in a way that might or might not be deeply meaningful to her life. And I am using gendered examples because we are specifically talking about men who are looking to have sex with women in this thread, but of COURSE women can use men and not respect them and I'm not ok with that either.

So if you're going to have sex with someone you have to respect their personhood; at least that's how I think. Which is not to say that you can't have casual sex and still respect the person you are having sex with. But I am really put off by people who are basically just hounding for sex and they don't really care who they get it from as long as that person looks good, and I think that is toolish behavior. That is my opinion. If you think there's nothing wrong with how you're talking, good for you.
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Well nothing I said really goes against this technically... I was actually talking about a lot of different things..

Now, your post has too much idealism. Many many many people think of their spouses as 5s and 6s (before old age btw) once they're into the marriage. But because it was the best they could do, they settled for that. And if a chance comes for something better, there's a pretty solid chance they'll go for it, as we see in society.

End of the day, humans gonna human
 
ruralsurg4now said:
Then you also have to disagree that rating people by attractiveness is superficial and meaningless.
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How can you not rate people? How would you differentiate between a somewhat attractive chick and a super hot one?
 
LabratABQ said:
Perhaps talk to the person?
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We're talking about rating attractiveness, not as a person lol. Plenty of people have told me they think their wife/gf is a 7, or used to be a 7 and now is a 5.
 
studentp0x said:
We're talking about rating attractiveness, not as a person lol. Plenty of people have told me they think their wife/gf is a 7, or used to be a 7 and now is a 5.
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Lol idk look at their faces? Sounds shallow hahaha.
 
LabratABQ said:
Lol idk look at their faces? Sounds shallow hahaha.
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Everyone is shallow to some degree, at least at first. And many people would like to be "more shallow" in picking their partners, as in seek out a more attractive partner, but they would be unsuccessful and hence settle with a 5 instead of the 8 they'd want.
 
studentp0x said:
Everyone is shallow to some degree, at least at first. And many people would like to be "more shallow" in picking their partners, as in seek out a more attractive partner, but they would be unsuccessful and hence settle with a 5 instead of the 8 they'd want.
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I guess hahaha.
 
Mad Jack said:
On your second, arbitrary rating scales exist everywhere and in all things in life. Some people live by them, others ignore them. Getting all bent of of shape about the all too human tendency to place things in categories is just silly.
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Her point is that people are humans and not things and shouldn't only be viewed/talked about in terms of where they fall on a numerical scale. I can agree that everyone rates another person's physical attractiveness on some level, even if subconsciously. But to only ever refer to a woman (or a man) by her (or his)designated "hotness number" as studentpox does all day every day is a pretty craptastic way to be.
 
that redhead said:
Her point is that people are humans and not things and shouldn't only be viewed/talked about in terms of where they fall on a numerical scale. I can agree that everyone rates another person's physical attractiveness on some level, even if subconsciously. But to only ever refer to a woman (or a man) by her (or his)designated "hotness number" as studentpox does all day every day is a pretty craptastic way to be.
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It's an arbitrary rating scale to say how attracted you are to a person physically. It simplifies the whole process of, "well how hot were they?" which would otherwise leave you saying stuff like, "well, they were hot, but not as hot as X, but more attractive than Y." It is an entirely subjective number that allows you to tell how attractive one person is in the eyes of another physically. As I've stated before, I'm not a big fan either, and am a big proponent of the binary system. Looks and personal preferences in regard to looks matter very much in dating and the world in general. That's just a fact. To pretend it isn't and say we should all look at who a person really is and not focus on the shiny wrapper on that package of a person is just ignoring reality. People initially judge your looks. Then they judge your initial interaction. Then they judge the person deep down underneath. It sucks, and it isn't fair, but that's just how us humans roll.
 
Mad Jack said:
It's an arbitrary rating scale to say how attracted you are to a person physically. It simplifies the whole process of, "well how hot were they?" which would otherwise leave you saying stuff like, "well, they were hot, but not as hot as X, but more attractive than Y." It is an entirely subjective number that allows you to tell how attractive one person is in the eyes of another physically. As I've stated before, I'm not a big fan either, and am a big proponent of the binary system. Looks and personal preferences in regard to looks matter very much in dating and the world in general. That's just a fact. To pretend it isn't and say we should all look at who a person really is and not focus on the shiny wrapper on that package of a person is just ignoring reality. People initially judge your looks. Then they judge your initial interaction. Then they judge the person deep down underneath. It sucks, and it isn't fair, but that's just how us humans roll.
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I understand how the scale works and I acknowledged that people will always judge another person by their physical appearance on some level. What I'm saying is that it's skeevy to continue to define a person by their looks alone for any period of time after making their acquaintance. At that point, you're treating them like an object and not a person. Just because there is precedent for the behavior from other people does not mean it is OK to continue to do and decent human beings should make at least somewhat of an effort to change themselves for the better. Not saying you cannot and should not ever recognize another person as attractive or unattractive or even "grade" them as such (even though I think that's rather repulsive), but that should not determine their worth.
 
that redhead said:
I understand how the scale works and I acknowledged that people will always judge another person by their physical appearance on some level. What I'm saying is that it's skeevy to continue to define a person by their looks alone for any period of time after making their acquaintance. At that point, you're treating them like an object and not a person. Just because there is precedent for the behavior from other people does not mean it is OK to continue to do and decent human beings should make at least somewhat of an effort to change themselves for the better. Not saying you cannot and should not ever recognize another person as attractive or unattractive or even "grade" them as such (even though I think that's rather repulsive), but that should not determine their worth.
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I can agree with most of that.
 
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