Kiss me goodnight and tell me I'm pretty

[lhargreavescrewe]

This is a shameless attention seeking style of please help me note.
Please note brief life story will follow - annoying, I know, but I would appreciate the read and comments, please bear with me.

I'm 25, long story short, standard dead mother by 7, evil step mother by 11, kicked out at 16, left school and got a full time waitressing job same year, second job in a bar next year, met a guy 12 years older (I dare anyone to say daddy issues!) moved in together by 18, pregnant at 19, first one turned out so good I had another at 21 (having been alone in the world and always knowing I wanted a sibling for any kid I would and did have and it just making sense to get on with it whilst I had all the stuff, was in the routine of not having a routine etc).

I don't regret any of the things I have done, I just wish that I had done more as well.

When I was 16 all my friends were worried about what they were going to do at A level, I was worried about whether I could afford electricity and food. When the choice came between continuing school or getting myself a very low paying but full time job - it never was a choice at that moment in time and I accept that.

I did very well in clawing my way up from waitressing to office admin work, progressing to reception and eventually a PA for a director of a very successful company.

I have always been very artistic, I lost my job of 3 years the same week I informally told my boss I was pregnant but figured, hey, I always wanted to be there for my kids before they started school, it just means I don't get the security of maternity pay.

My kids are now starting school.

I figured now its my turn to do something for me. I told my partner I wanted to go to university and get a degree, good job and do something with myself instead of returning to a low sector job. He supported this idea and since I was always drawing, suggested I do something in an arts field.

I got in and did really well for my first term but, it kind of became apparent I was doing that because I was good at it, not because I wanted to do it. Sounds daft I know but there it is.

So I left my course.

I want to be a fertility specialist.
I want to study medicine.

No one has ever expected anything from me in my life and I think that I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I expect something from myself?

My partner isn't the most supportive and doesn't think a lot of me in certain respects. But he isn't working and that isn't going to change any time soon. Both my kids are going to be in full time education.

I know a lot of people do but I have the drive and passion to succeed at this.

I just want someone to please say who gives a f*ck about your age?
So what you had kids young?
Yes you have kids, yes it will be hard finding balance - but not impossible
Stop whining and looking for an easy out on what you want to do.
You go do you and screw everything/one else.

Sort of.

please?

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[Dr. Death]

This is a shameless attention seeking style of please help me note.
Please note brief life story will follow - annoying, I know, but I would appreciate the read and comments, please bear with me.

I'm 25, long story short, standard dead mother by 7, evil step mother by 11, kicked out at 16, left school and got a full time waitressing job same year, second job in a bar next year, met a guy 12 years older (I dare anyone to say daddy issues!) moved in together by 18, pregnant at 19, first one turned out so good I had another at 21 (having been alone in the world and always knowing I wanted a sibling for any kid I would and did have and it just making sense to get on with it whilst I had all the stuff, was in the routine of not having a routine etc).

I don't regret any of the things I have done, I just wish that I had done more as well.

When I was 16 all my friends were worried about what they were going to do at A level, I was worried about whether I could afford electricity and food. When the choice came between continuing school or getting myself a very low paying but full time job - it never was a choice at that moment in time and I accept that.

I did very well in clawing my way up from waitressing to office admin work, progressing to reception and eventually a PA for a director of a very successful company.

I have always been very artistic, I lost my job of 3 years the same week I informally told my boss I was pregnant but figured, hey, I always wanted to be there for my kids before they started school, it just means I don't get the security of maternity pay.

My kids are now starting school.

I figured now its my turn to do something for me. I told my partner I wanted to go to university and get a degree, good job and do something with myself instead of returning to a low sector job. He supported this idea and since I was always drawing, suggested I do something in an arts field.

I got in and did really well for my first term but, it kind of became apparent I was doing that because I was good at it, not because I wanted to do it. Sounds daft I know but there it is.

So I left my course.

I want to be a fertility specialist.
I want to study medicine.

No one has ever expected anything from me in my life and I think that I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I expect something from myself?

My partner isn't the most supportive and doesn't think a lot of me in certain respects. But he isn't working and that isn't going to change any time soon. Both my kids are going to be in full time education.

I know a lot of people do but I have the drive and passion to succeed at this.

I just want someone to please say who gives a f*ck about your age?
So what you had kids young?
Yes you have kids, yes it will be hard finding balance - but not impossible
Stop whining and looking for an easy out on what you want to do.
You go do you and screw everything/one else.

Sort of.

please?

Do it. It'll be easier now that your kids are a little older. With a spouse not working balancing home life will be a little easier than most. You aren't that old and the road is rocky but achievable. Go for it!

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

He "doesn't think a lot of you in certain respects"? Why are you with someone who looks down on you?

Why can't he work? Is he disabled? Or just lazy?

This doesn't sound like the type of supportive environment you need to embark on this endeavor.

 

[lhargreavescrewe]

He "doesn't think a lot of you in certain respects"? Why are you with someone who looks down on you?

Why can't he work? Is he disabled? Or just lazy?

This doesn't sound like the type of supportive environment you need to embark on this endeavor.

I feel I already covered most of this in your response to the other thread, but I feel the need to expand considering the slightly more personal aspect of your choice of wording in this one.

My partner is not working currently and, further to my OP, will not be doing so any time soon.
I feel more than a slight antagonism coming from your rather ad poplus points, but I would venture as much as to say that what I stated is fact and what is necessary as far as information goes on that point and that if I had wanted to expand further I would have done so, but the expansion of that point would not add any to the conversation, for example it makes no difference to either point if he is in a wheelchair, if he is just lazy, or if he is other wise impaired. The fact of the matter remains the same, he is at home which is the important part.

I'd also like to further add on this that, whilst I have readily shared my personal points, the specific one you queried is his ad not mine to share. It is not my business to go sharing with the internet at large personal information of his, especially when it doesn't add any further to the point that I am making.

I sincerely hope that I have given you some clarity on this issue that is clearly so befuddling to you.

If you need any further clarity offered on appropriate manners, please feel free to message me and I shall be happy to oblige as you clearly seem sorely in need of the lesson.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Your passive-aggressive tone is not becoming. Especially when it is unwarranted.

You are talking about embarking on a serious career change, and you insinuated that things are not supportive at home. It may not have been the thrust of your question, but it is something that needs to be addressed. Pursuing higher education in any form is extremely stressful on relationships, whether they involve children or not. Based on your other post, it seems that he doesn't view you as intelligent and prefers women to stay at home (or something like that given your use of the word "archaic"and somehow, even though he stays home himself, he can't even seem to handle the kids). This lack of support for you will seriously hinder any advancement you want to make, which is why I brought it up.

You say it isn't your business to share your personal affairs, yet that is the very thing you have done here. You can't blame people for asking for further clarification. If someone looks down on you in a relationship, it will not survive the stress that is medicine, and your kids will suffer for it. Hence why I asked.

It sounds like you want simple justification and affirmation rather than any real introspection.

 

[lhargreavescrewe]

Your passive-aggressive tone is not becoming. Especially when it is unwarranted.

You are talking about embarking on a serious career change, and you insinuated that things are not supportive at home. It may not have been the thrust of your question, but it is something that needs to be addressed. Pursuing higher education in any form is extremely stressful on relationships, whether they involve children or not. Based on your other post, it seems that he doesn't view you as intelligent and prefers women to stay at home (and somehow, even though he stays home himself, he can't even seem to handle the kids). This lack of support for you will seriously hinder any advancement you want to make, which is why I brought it up.

You say it isn't your business to share your personal affairs, yet that is the very thing you have done here. You can't blame people for asking for further clarification. If someone looks down on you in a relationship, it will not survive the stress that is medicine, and your kids will suffer for it. Hence why I asked.

It sounds like you want simple justification and affirmation rather than any real introspection.

The very start of my OP reads:
attention seeking

Unfortunately this time, rather than deep introspection you are correct in surmising that what I need is a little affirmation, affirmation I cannot get from a non existent immediate family (ie. the standard gushing parents, my baby wants to be a doctor routine) and that is not available from my partner - hence the mention of his view point. It's a big deal, surrounded by intense negative connotations, and what I needed and asked for, was a little positive mental attitude and some bolstering, non of which is a crime.

I did share personal information, but it was mine, about myself and all relevant to my point. However, that said, I accept the fact that I opened myself up to the internet at large and thus I have to accept opposing and varied view points. This is not what I personally took offence to. I welcome your view point, but in a polite and respectful manner, non of which your wording was indicative of. According to the information under your picture you are a veterinarian, I assume this means you have a degree of education and I would expect an educated person (especially one who deals with consultation of people) to have manners.

I would like to further stress the point that I highlighted previously that the nature of the reason my partner stays at home is non consequential to the point and does not add further to the conversation. The relevant part is that he is at home, the nature by which he is there does not change or effect this fact. If you had asked in a somewhat sincerer, or quite frankly just plain polite, manner than I may have been more inclined to divulge further on the point.

Your point is valid, that I am going to have to address this with my partner, but do you really think the manner you went about raising this issue was a well intentioned or helpful one? Perhaps you should consider both of these points in your phrasing before responding to other people.

Unless of course it is that higher education means you no longer need be considerate of other people? A fact I was unaware of, so you will have my apologies should this be the case.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

The very start of my OP reads:
attention seeking

Unfortunately this time, rather than deep introspection you are correct in surmising that what I need is a little affirmation, affirmation I cannot get from a non existent immediate family (ie. the standard gushing parents, my baby wants to be a doctor routine) and that is not available from my partner - hence the mention of his view point. It's a big deal, surrounded by intense negative connotations, and what I needed and asked for, was a little positive mental attitude and some bolstering, non of which is a crime.

I did share personal information, but it was mine, about myself and all relevant to my point. However, that said, I accept the fact that I opened myself up to the internet at large and thus I have to accept opposing and varied view points. This is not what I personally took offence to. I welcome your view point, but in a polite and respectful manner, non of which your wording was indicative of. According to the information under your picture you are a veterinarian, I assume this means you have a degree of education and I would expect an educated person (especially one who deals with consultation of people) to have manners.

I would like to further stress the point that I highlighted previously that the nature of the reason my partner stays at home is non consequential to the point and does not add further to the conversation. The relevant part is that he is at home, the nature by which he is there does not change or effect this fact. If you had asked in a somewhat sincerer, or quite frankly just plain polite, manner than I may have been more inclined to divulge further on the point.

Your point is valid, that I am going to have to address this with my partner, but do you really think the manner you went about raising this issue was a well intentioned or helpful one? Perhaps you should consider both of these points in your phrasing before responding to other people.

Unless of course it is that higher education means you no longer need be considerate of other people? A fact I was unaware of, so you will have my apologies should this be the case.

Absolutely. It is a realistic one. I don't coddle people, and if I see a serious potential issue I bring it up rather than pussyfooting around it.

Being considerate does not mean simply petting someone on the head and telling them everything is fine. It means calling them out when there seems to be a significant kink in the works they are ignoring.

Long story short, you are hinting at an unsupportive partner who does not stand behind your intelligence and abilities, and that will be a serious impediment to a medical career. That's why no, I'm *not* going to just tell you "you go do you and screw everyone else" and give you a high five. This is something that needs to be addressed.

 

[prettylittlebird]

I gotta agree with @WhtsThFrequency on this one OP, it's not just that you don't have a supportive partner, it's that you seem to have an actively UNsupportive partner and that will drag you down so fast you'll be in the dirt before you know it. Sometimes these things are hard to hear but honestly, for all of your defensiveness you haven't said anything to make this important person in your life sound worth being with (he doesn't work, doesn't help with childcare, thinks poorly of your intelligence etc.). Whatever the reasons for this may be, it doesn't bode well for your career dreams.

 

[Dahresto]

Seems like you need to address some of your personal issues before you embark on your journey.

 

[Michael_Scott]

you seem like a smart person BUT that only takes people so far...it seems that life threw things at you and you handled it well but have become a little angry in the process and that has come out in the thread so far....and that WILL certainly come out when you engage with your patients....
I would say go for your dreams to 9/10 people and you seem to be a person with drive but you need to really think if you can manage it...med school in england (if you are from UK) is vastly different than in the US..
Medical school is a serious commitment which requires serious time out of your other commitments and support from family and friends.
I wish you nothing but the best and there are many other careers if medicine is not for you.
Stay positive