Sexual past matters for women, but not men

[josephpx]

So you're implying that, as a guy, because I had several sexual partners prior to my current gf, I've just morphed into some uncaring adulterous monster that can't feel a damn thing and has no respect for the boundaries of a relationship?

Guys, I banged too many girls and lost my ability to to think with anything above my waist, haaaaalp!

Little more difficult to judge a guy but most guys who sleep around don't suddenly stop doing so once in a relationship.

If you really think being a ***** says nothing about someone's character then you've either become overly brainwashed or you're delusional.

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[Mad Jack]

Little more difficult to judge a guy but most guys who sleep around don't suddenly stop doing so once in a relationship.

If you really think being a ***** says nothing about someone's character then you've either become overly brainwashed or you're delusional.

I slept around precisely because I wasn't in a relationship and it was fun, not because of some insatiable desire to bang everything that moves that can only be sated by getting my **** wet. Sex is just sex. It's not some magical thing like so many manchildren make it out to be. It's a game for two or more players in which you quest for orgasms and hope to god nothing goes horribly wrong along the way, not an inextricable intertwining of souls from which you emerge forever changed lol.

 

[touchpause13]

Little more difficult to judge a guy but most guys who sleep around don't suddenly stop doing so once in a relationship.

If you really think being a ***** says nothing about someone's character then you've either become overly brainwashed or you're delusional.

And now we've got to your real agenda.

You think women who have more (than what? 1, 2, 10?) sexual partners are ******.
See wouldn't it have been just as easy if you would have been upfront about that in the beginning? You don't care about studies or facts - you just want to cling on to your ideas. It's precious that you say you have slept with more women than average, yet you degrade women who exhibit the same behaviors.

 

[touchpause13]

You can apply that to every aspect in life. Just switch one factor around and boom. Fact remains that we all judge people based on their past. Someone's character doesn't suddenly change when in a relationship. If they lie to their friends and parents a lot, they will lie to their bf/gf.
Someone who desires sex with many people will continue to desire that even when in a relationship. Someone who has sex outside of a relationship won't have any problem doing that eventually even when in a relationship.

Tis all about someone's character. You wouldn't trust a bankrupt individual with your money or a convicted pedophile to watch your kids.

You are making these assumptions about sleeping with more than one person - it doesn't have to involve lying! We are talking about someone sleeping with a few people while they aren't in a relationship. There is no disloyalty or deceitfulness there.

It's absolutely normal to want to have some fun while you aren't in a relationship and experience new things, that doesn't mean you will still want to once you are in a committed relationship (if you are then you can always find a relationship where that is kosher). You are making this into a way bigger deal than it really is

 

[touchpause13]

I'm in a happy and successful long term relationship. I've got what I want and am very much in love. I've literally never asked my gf how many partners she had had, because I just don't care. Could be two, could be two hundred, I wouldn't give a damn either way. I know we're happy together, that we get along like the best of friends, and that we have a great time when our relationship goes more horizontal than vertical.

I certainly don't love her any less or find sex any less satisfying because of my past experiences, nor do I lament my past lovers. Why, then, would I believe women to feel inherently different in the same situation? Unless you're a misogynist that believes men and women are so fundamentally different as to be completely alien to one another emotionally, there really isn't any reason to.

this is the root problem

 

[Mad Jack]

The wordfilters are killing me by the way. I'm reading everything you type as if you're a character in A Christmas Carol.

 

[touchpause13]

The wordfilters are killing me by the way. I'm reading everything you type as if you're a character in A Christmas Carol.

The ghost of hook-ups past?

 

[Mad Jack]

The ghost of hook-ups past?

Nah, the Ghost of Orgasms Future.

 

[WildZoo]

I love you guys

 

[deleted480308]

Ok so reading the article.... do guys really suck that bad at sex or what?

Of the women who had never had sex with anyone else half of them were not satisfied! Half! You don't even know what's out there and you think what you have sucks.
It went down the more partners you had. Sooo basically what I'm seeing is that married dudes really need to step up their dick game

Yeah, if after 5years with the same woman you still can't handle business.....you aren't paying attention

 

[Daneosaurus]

The article and graph are two different sources. There's more sources on this exact topic as well.
I think anyone who disagrees with using someone's sexual past should also disagree with using things like credit history in society since apparently the past means nothing.
If someone opened her legs up to everyone for years, what suddenly makes her partner think that she's going to stop doing that for the rest of her life to everyone else? It's obvious that common sense is being struck down by feminism.

What an idiotic, misogynistic, sex negative perspective.

 

[Daneosaurus]

I would be iffy on getting involved with a virgin, but other than that no, I don't really care about someone's sexual past as long as they are STI free

I would never ever want to sleep with a virgin.

 

[touchpause13]

I would never ever want to sleep with a virgin.

Agreed.
My friends always joke that sleeping with a virgin is a great way to get a stage 5 clinger.
Sleeping with a virgin in a casual setting just seems like setting yourself up for problems, and feelings are likely going to get hurt. Also the whole knowing what you are doing thing tends to be important.

 

[Daneosaurus]

Because I don't see promiscuity as a negative trait. Actually I think it's kinda hot. If you've had a good number of partners you've probably learned some fun stuff.

Nailed it.

 

[Daneosaurus]

Why would it go against loyalty?

How can you be disloyal if you aren't claiming to be loyal to anyone? That doesn't make any sense

OP thinks sex happens only in the context of a relationship, clearly. I assume he is the type that would be attracted to TRP movement. Effing gag me.

 

[touchpause13]

OP thinks sex happens only in the context of a relationship, clearly. I assume he is the type that would be attracted to TRP movement. Effing gag me.

Oh I'm sure. We've had a few TRPs/MRAs around here. That nonsense always skyrockets my blood pressure.

 

[Daneosaurus]

Oh I'm sure. We've had a few TRPs/MRAs around here. That nonsense always skyrockets my blood pressure.

Me too. I read up on that stuff on reddit. TRP thrives on the idea that women are emotional buffoons who need a man to show them what they like. It's utter sexist bull****. I fancy myself a super egalitarian male (wife is a sociology major, so I feel I'm pretty enlightened on women's issues). It is incredible what insecure jackasses will do to make themselves feel better. The women who fall for this crap are not women I would have interest in for very long.

 

[Daneosaurus]

OP read this and all of its comments. At that point, you may understand why you look insane to the rest of us:

http://www.reddit.com/r/everymansho...j/emsk_why_the_red_pill_will_kill_you_inside/

 

[touchpause13]

OP read this and all of its comments. At that point, you may understand why you look insane to the rest of us:

http://www.reddit.com/r/everymansho...j/emsk_why_the_red_pill_will_kill_you_inside/

Wow I haven't read this before because it's fantastic. It really laid out a lot of the **** in a way that I haven't been able to before. Really, TRP is a manifesto for how to be an abuser in a lot of ways. Thanks for sharing this I am going to save it for future use when these types of discussions come up

 

[Daneosaurus]

Wow I haven't read this before because it's fantastic. It really laid out a lot of the **** in a way that I haven't been able to before. Really, TRP is a manifesto for how to be an abuser in a lot of ways. Thanks for sharing this I am going to save it for future use when these types of discussions come up

I also thought it was stated in a great way that I couldn't articulate. I'm glad you find it useful.

 

[Mad Jack]

I would never ever want to sleep with a virgin.

I dated a girl that was one when we got together. I insisted I didn't want to be "that guy" that was her first, and that we should give it some time before she decided on whether to do it or not. The reason wasn't so much worrying about her (though there was a great deal of worrying about what would go on with her emotionally if things went south), as it was myself, since damn near every girl that I knew that had sex with only one guy eventually got curious and either broke up with said guy to sleep around and see the grass on the other side, or was resentful and felt like they'd missed out on something by not getting some experience before settling down. I told her as much while she was thinking it over. But after a couple weeks of dating, I figured, what the hell, she was being persistent and we both really liked each other so why not.

Fast forward three years, and I called it. The sex was great, but she couldn't shake the curiosity. Relationship went bad because of it, and she later lamented that she'd made a massive and terrible mistake, but she couldn't have lived with herself without having made said mistake- just like I'd predicted (and never again brought up until after things went bad), we were doomed to either breaking up or her resenting my having slept around prior to us getting together for the rest of our lives.

Never again. I mean, I'm old enough that I'm not exactly going to come across any virgins in the dating market should I ever re-enter it, and if I did find one in the dating pool I'd be fairly concerned, because they're probably either very religious or something is off (probably).

 

[touchpause13]

Hmm...

http://www.salon.com/2015/01/10/the...many_awkward_shy_guys_end_up_hating_feminism/

 

[lazyindy]

Didn't read but I'll just leave this here:

A key that can open any lock is a master key, a lock that can be opened by any key is a lousy lock.

 

[touchpause13]

How are you not banned?

 

[Mad Jack]

Didn't read but I'll just leave this here:

A key that can open any lock is a master key, a lock that can be opened by any key is a lousy lock.

People's genitals aren't keys and locks. We're human beings that are ever so slightly more complicated than a few springs and tumblers. If you need such simplistic analogies to try and comprehend the complexities of human interaction, you might be lacking somewhere mentally or emotionally.

 

[jl lin]

OK, I'll stand alone here. UM sorry. Previous sexual partners will matter in any serious relationship--it will matter, in general, for both males and females IMHO. For the exceptions, whatever, but it's just my opinion, and I'm gonna stick with it. Mind you, I'm not ashamed to say that I don't believe in sex outside of committed relationship. If I am in the minority, Oh well. Way it goes. But that is IF. No one wants to be compared with anyone else--either consciously or subconsciously; but it's more than that in my belief system. So for all those that forgo all of that--carry on with, um whatever. But gender shouldn't be the issue one way or the other. LOL Now, let the scathing responses begin. All I can say is I've been way blessed, and then some.

 

[touchpause13]

OK, I'll stand alone here. UM sorry. Previous sexual partners will matter in any serious relationship--it will matter, in general, for both males and females IMHO. For the exceptions, whatever, but it's just my opinion, and I'm gonna stick with it. Mind you, I'm not ashamed to say that I don't believe in sex outside of committed relationship. If I am in the minority, Oh well. Way it goes. But that is IF. No one wants to be compared with anyone else--either consciously or subconsciously; but it's more than that in my belief system. So for all those that forgo all of that--carry on with, um whatever. But gender shouldn't be the issue one way or the other. LOL Now, let the scathing responses begin. All I can say is I've been way blessed, and then some.

I don't have a problem being compared to someone else. I'm confident enough in my skills that I don't worry about who else they have been with. Honestly this whole thing reeks of jealousy and insecurity imo. Like I said earlier I think it's hot when someone has been with a good number of people

 

[jl lin]

I don't have a problem being compared to someone else. I'm confident enough in my skills that I don't worry about who else they have been with. Honestly this whole thing reeks of jealousy and insecurity imo. Like I said earlier I think it's hot when someone has been with a good number of people

Nah, I think I misrepresented things, but you have to understand that I am coming from a more spiritual/religious standpoint. That's not something here that many I've seen will understand much less appreciate. How can I say this? In my belief system, the union is as much spiritual-emotional as physical. Don't know if that helps for seeing my POV. I truly wouldn't want to be with someone that has been with a lot of other people--for a number of reasons. Thank God I am with someone that feels the same way. So, yea, we clearly have different POV on this.

 

[touchpause13]

Nah, I think I misrepresented things, but you have to understand that I am coming from a more spiritual/religious standpoint. That's not something here that many I've seen will understand much less appreciate. How can I say this? In my belief system, the union is as much spiritual-emotional as physical. Don't know if that helps for seeing my POV. I truly wouldn't want to be with someone that has been with a lot of other people--for a number of reasons. Thank God I am with someone that feels the same way. So, yea, we clearly have different POV on this.

You are hardly the only religious person here.
Honestly it's whatever. Different people have different ideas about sex. It just pisses me off when people slut shame. I don't think you are necessarily doing that by any means but that's really the only point I'm here to make.

 

[jl lin]

You are hardly the only religious person here.
Honestly it's whatever. Different people have different ideas about sex. It just pisses me off when people slut shame. I don't think you are necessarily doing that by any means but that's really the only point I'm here to make.

I see what you are saying. I take exception to the posted information saying that "Sexual past matters for women, but not men." I know both men and women that would find this problematic. And if more women are "getting around" so to speak, maybe part of it is the double standard that has gone on forever. Personally, I don't see the point in making a marriage vow if you can't keep it--certain bizarre situations being the exception--like you married a serial ax killer, or some abuser, or some person that can't take their vows seriously and sleeps around. It's funny. I saw a thread where a guy didn't think he could extend his research into what his PI wanted. The dude got reamed out one end to the other on that thread. The point from the reamers was, "You made a commitment," which apparently the OP said he never really made. It's just so funny that a professional commitment would mean more than a spiritual-emotional commitment that you are supposed to really give a lot of thought about before taking.

 

[THP]

Like I said earlier I think it's hot when someone has been with a good number of people

This is so foreign to me that I can't begin to comprehend how you can think this way!

 

[THP]

OK, I'll stand alone here. UM sorry. Previous sexual partners will matter in any serious relationship--it will matter, in general, for both males and females IMHO. For the exceptions, whatever, but it's just my opinion, and I'm gonna stick with it. Mind you, I'm not ashamed to say that I don't believe in sex outside of committed relationship. If I am in the minority, Oh well. Way it goes. But that is IF. No one wants to be compared with anyone else--either consciously or subconsciously; but it's more than that in my belief system. So for all those that forgo all of that--carry on with, um whatever. But gender shouldn't be the issue one way or the other. LOL Now, let the scathing responses begin. All I can say is I've been way blessed, and then some.

I would even take it a step further and change it to outside of a marriage.

 

[touchpause13]

This is so foreign to me that I can't begin to comprehend how you can think this way!

Different people have different ideas about sex. I have a feeling we are pretty much on complete polar opposite sides on this. I think it's hot, I know not everyone feels like that, but I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to.

I would never have sex with someone who it's their first time. That's my line in the sand.

 

[THP]

Different people have different ideas about sex.

I nominate this line as the understatement of the year.

 

[Mad Jack]

I would even take it a step further and change it to outside of a marriage.

If you add the missionary position and only for the purpose of procreation to that, I think I'd officially rather die.

 

[touchpause13]

If you add the missionary position and only for the purpose of procreation to that, I think I'd officially rather die.

Don't forget with the lights off, and you can't use your hands, or your mouth.

I couldn't last a week.

 

[THP]

If you add the missionary position and only for the purpose of procreation to that, I think I'd officially rather die.

Don't forget lights off and shirts on.

I'm not sure why you would add those things.

 

[Daneosaurus]

Don't forget with the lights off, and you can't use your hands, or your mouth.

I couldn't last a week.

...and with a circle cut into the sheet. Don't want to actually feel the other person's body.

 

[Mad Jack]

Don't forget lights off and shirts on.

I'm not sure why you would add those things.

Because it's all equally as ridiculous to me.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Wait a second. I thought we all just said that different people have different ideas about sex and that's ok.

If THP believes in sex inside marriage only, what the hell is wrong with that? That's his or her opinion. Doesn't make it right to belittle it.

 

[Mad Jack]

Wait a second. I thought we all just said that different people have different ideas about sex and that's ok.

If THP believes in sex inside marriage only, what the hell is wrong with that? That's his or her opinion. Doesn't make it right to belittle it.

Not belittling it. We were just saying, we couldn't live like that. Not that his views were wrong or anything. We can all poke fun at each other's opinions as long as it stays civil and we're not actually being mean. His views aren't objectionable in the slightest, they're just highly disconnected from what I could live with, and that's fine.

 

[NeedToStudy]

It's interesting that many of the men here say they don't want to date virgins. What about the women? How would you ladies feel about dating a man who is still a virgin and is in his late 20's or early 30's? I give the age range because I'm assuming being a virgin before 25 is pretty normal.

As for the OP I don't see why any man would ask a woman how many men she's been with. As long she's clean I'm cool. I don't need a specific number. I don't see how you can ask a woman this question and not come off as a jerk.

 

[touchpause13]

It's interesting that many of the men here say they don't want to date virgins. What about the women? How would you ladies feel about dating a man who is still a virgin and is in his late 20's or early 30's? I give the age range because I'm assuming being a virgin before 25 is pretty normal.

As for the OP I don't see why any man would ask a woman how many men she's been with. As long she's clean I'm cool. I don't need a specific number. I don't see how you can ask a woman this question and not come off as a jerk.

I would not date a virgin, period.
Also the average age of first intercourse is 17. So I would say being a virgin in your 20's is certainly uncommon. (I wouldn't say abnormal because I don't believe in calling consentual sexual activity or lack or activity as abnormal)

 

[NeedToStudy]

I would not date a virgin, period.
Also the average age of first intercourse is 17. So I would say being a virgin in your 20's is certainly uncommon. (I wouldn't say abnormal because I don't believe in calling consentual sexual activity or lack or activity as abnormal)

Are you a man or woman? I assumed you were a man that's why. The question was directed towards women.

 

[touchpause13]

Are you a man or woman? I assumed you were a man that's why. The question was directed towards women.

I am a woman. I like men and women.

 

[NeedToStudy]

I am a woman. I like men and women.

I see. Sorry to hear the answer. I guess it is what it is.

 

[touchpause13]

I see. Sorry to hear the answer. I guess it is what it is.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume you are a virgin then.

If you are for religious reasons (like you want to wait until marriage) I don't think it really makes that much of a difference, because you can always look for girls in your faith community, and that's probably what you are interested in regardless.

 

[touchpause13]

I don't want to speak for all women #YesAllWomen so here are some lady friends who could provide some other perspectives

@WildZoo @brightimpressio @WhtsThFrequency @dpmd @dyachei

 

[WildZoo]

Hmmm. I haven't really thought much about it. My instinct says I wouldn't really care. Someone choosing to remain a virgin for whatever reason wouldn't bother me - it would be rather hypocritical of me if it did. I guess you could say that being one despite all efforts might be a red flag of some kind but meh. I guess I can see why someone wouldn't want to deal with being someone's first. But for me, stuff like previous infidelity, asshattery or idk, being a serial killer would be way more important to me than whether or not the person has had sex before as long as they're not super repressed or something.
-insert Backstreet Boys "As Long As You Love Me" lyrics-

 

[NeedToStudy]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume you are a virgin then.

If you are for religious reasons (like you want to wait until marriage) I don't think it really makes that much of a difference, because you can always look for girls in your faith community, and that's probably what you are interested in regardless.

Unfortunately I am a virgin. Religion is only part of the reason. I wanted to wait till marriage when I was younger but got over it in my 20's. Since then it's mostly just shyness and social awkwardness. I'm thinking of just not mentioning it if I get the chance. Virginity in men seems to creep women out.