Medical Terminology as Spoken by the Layperson...

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My all time favorite name ...

Regus Patoff Bone

Taken from the side of a bottle of a new miracle pain killer that apparently worked for the mother. The new drug of course being aspirin.

Reg. US Pat. Off.

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I know I’m from another field (eyes :laugh: ), but heard about this thread from my hubby who’s going into EM. I had to add a few to the list.

1. “... just minding my own business when some dude stabbed me in the eye with a pencil”
2. 3 year old child’s name: Desire Dick
3. Me: What brings you in to have your eyes examined today?
PT: “It’s been five years since I’ve been to the eye doctor and my regular doctor told me I needed sex. “ (This was my bad... I was reading this thread before I saw her and misheard her when she was really saying “my doctor told me I needed checked”
4. LASIK = LASIX written by my techs all the time interchangeably in both the prior procedures list and medication lists
5. Although not related to medicine... a campaign sign gracing the front yard as I was passing by read..”Bonecutter for Sheriff” Oh, if only he were an orthopod!
6. Dictated on chart: breasts were equal round and reactive to light
:laugh:
 
Horrified said:
This is not funny at all. I cannot believe you are sitting here making fun of people who rely on you to help them because of their cultural differences or their socioeconomic challenges. I mean, damn. Make fun of them for something they can help, like sticking lightbulbs in their rectum. That's funny. This is not.

Oh, and after all, they can't read this, right? :rolleyes: Think again. I found it, and I could be any one of these patients and recognize my story being told here.

Makes me really rethink how I view doctors. Thank you, you're doing a great service to your profession here.

Oh, and I have tattoos AND teeth. Do I still qualify for mandatory sterilization?

Just a few thoughts:

"...Look, without humor we would all have committed suicide. We made fun of everything. What I'm actually saying is that that helped us remain human, even under hard conditions..."
"...But don't think that it is possible for people in such situations not to have any humor and satire. This is impossible, it is a kind of defense mechanism..."
"...At the Ghetto we were looking under ground for things to laugh at, even when there weren't any..."
"...When I was interviewed for Spielberg and they asked me, what I thought was the reason I survived, they probably expected me to answer good fortune or other things I said that I thought it was laughter and humor, not to take things the way we were living but to dress them up as something different. That was what helped me I wasn't thinking about miracles and wasn't thinking anything, I only thought how not to take things seriously, as if I thought that this was the proportion that I was giving, and I guess it (this attitude) helped me. Because it was absurd all that time, it was unconceivable, that they could do those things to people..."

"...Humor was one of the integral ingredients of mental perseverance. This mental perseverance was the condition for a will to live, to put it in a nutshell. This I am telling you as a former prisoner. However little it was, however sporadic, however spontaneous, it was very important, very important. Humor and satire played a tremendous role, in my opinion. It was a cemetery all right and exactly for that reason, the mere fact that we wanted somehow to preserve our personality, they wanted to make robots out of us..."
"...This was the integral part of our inner, mental struggle for our human identity, the fact that we could still laugh at things like these..."
"...Look, the ghetto showed that people have great vitality, as soon as a moment's time passed separating one trauma from the other people were already laughing, they maybe, even laughed more..."

From: Humor as a defense mechanism in the Holocaust. Thesis confirmed by the Senate of Tel-Aviv University to conferred the Degree "Doctor of Philosophy" to:
Chaya Ostrower, supervision: Prof. Avner Ziv Date: January 2000 (http://web.macam98.ac.il/~ochayo/absractf.html)

So basically, come off your high horse...

- H
 
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my favorite transcription error to date:

heterogenous liver = had an erogenous liver
 
Okay, I agree with Flipchick...these posts are really unprofessional. And yes, I have worked in very urban ER settings. I also agree that as residents, you need to blow off steam. But remember, we are all very lucky to have the "privilege" of practicing medicine. Before you laugh at your patients behind their backs to "blow off steam"..remind yourself that the shoes could have easily been on the other foot. You could be the one in their shoes. "WERE IT NOT FOR the GRACE of God/Allah/Jehovah/etc...go I...
 
AnneMD said:
Okay, I agree with Flipchick...these posts are really unprofessional. And yes, I have worked in very urban ER settings. I also agree that as residents, you need to blow off steam. But remember, we are all very lucky to have the "privilege" of practicing medicine. Before you laugh at your patients behind their backs to "blow off steam"..remind yourself that the shoes could have easily been on the other foot. You could be the one in their shoes. "WERE IT NOT FOR the GRACE of God/Allah/Jehovah/etc...go I...

Look two posts above and get over yourself. If humor was used in the concentration camps, it can be used here.

- H
 
AnneMD said:
Okay, I agree with Flipchick...these posts are really unprofessional. And yes, I have worked in very urban ER settings. I also agree that as residents, you need to blow off steam. But remember, we are all very lucky to have the "privilege" of practicing medicine. Before you laugh at your patients behind their backs to "blow off steam"..remind yourself that the shoes could have easily been on the other foot. You could be the one in their shoes. "WERE IT NOT FOR the GRACE of God/Allah/Jehovah/etc...go I...


Yeah, step off that high horse, Anne. They NEED to act like bigots or they'll commit suicide. :rolleyes: Those of us who can't justify racism in the name of "blowing off steam" are just uptight. :laugh: Y'all are ridiculous.
 
Horrified said:
Yeah, step off that high horse, Anne. They NEED to act like bigots or they'll commit suicide. :rolleyes: Those of us who can't justify racism in the name of "blowing off steam" are just uptight. :laugh: Y'all are ridiculous.

Why don't YOU get off YOUR high horse, since, by your insults to us and your "horrified" nature (apparently, you choose to not respond to my post as to what is truly horrifying), you imply (or state outright) that you feel that you are superior to us. That makes you a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite because you only criticize from your "superior" position, and are destructive, not constructive. If we did not treat these people at all hours of the day and night (think I'm kidding? Go to your local peds ED tonight/early this morning (Saturday over Sunday) and see the trivial complaints at 2am), then you would have a leg to stand on - but you don't. Because we provide a service to all people, that service is the main thing, and what we may say (as in this thread) is secondary, whereas you just shriek in a shrill voice that we are "racists" and "bigots". If we didn't help these people, and all we did was "make fun of them", then we would be wrong.
 
Horrified said:
Yeah, step off that high horse, Anne. They NEED to act like bigots or they'll commit suicide. :rolleyes: Those of us who can't justify racism in the name of "blowing off steam" are just uptight. :laugh: Y'all are ridiculous.
How is it "racism" when we see just as many examples of "poh white trash" ignorance as we do "ghetto black" or "barrio hispanic" ignorance?

Let's face it, MOST people in this day and age still don't get a full 4 year college degree, much less undergrad pre-med or 4 year nursing degrees, plus medical school, plus residency/internship, nor are they exposed to professions where they pick up the highly specialized "work jargon", and they often do their damnedest to repeat what they THOUGHT they heard,k having come to the conclusion that that is what they heard partially due to the fact that they just are never given the chance to pick up a several thousand word "technical jargon language", due to the lives they live and the educations they recieve.

I'd expect 90% of the doctors I speak to to have their eyes glaze over and to make some hilarious mistakes in trying to explain what a professional in any of several fields I've picked up a good technical vocabulary for to make damned near as much a fool of himself...for instance, I like to work on "performance modified tuners" for fun, I have an A.S. in ET from a tech school (that turned out to be professionally useless), and a couple IT certs I've picked up...so I can keep up in a conversation with professional mechanics, IT guys, and tech weenies, but I've met more than a few medical doctors I'd literally trust with my life when I had no clue what they were trying to explain to me who would honestly try to explain to me that the digital dictophone/voice note recorder they were using was incapable of workign with their office PCs, or even their lapop because of an "inner faze problem", and would believe this had somethign to do with the relative internal clock speeds of the hardware involved.



I posted some ebonicisms above that came from members of my own family (granted, a branch I consider to be pretty white trash), but my family has always, since the first one set foot in the ciuntry, been considered "white", since the line leading to me has always had a higher percentage of western european bloodline than Amerind, or even African, in each individual instance of "family" individuals, despite a consistant and constantly added to influx of red and brown bloodlines...hell, the current recor5d holder for most ignorant and least able to properly comprehend anythign not said in the basic 1200 word English language vocabulary in my family is my father's neice....Irish/Scotts/Welsh, with a smattering of Amerind from her mother and pure Pole/Italian from her father...and she married a "full blood" Italian dumber than SHE is (I suspect he's lost utside the basic 850-1000 general use English language words, a smattering of "pidginized" Italian phrases, and the specialized jargon used by tool&die workers with some C&C/Machining familiarity..God knows *I* don't know what he's talking about when he starts talking in what, to him, is "trade language")
 
Horrified said:
Yeah, step off that high horse, Anne. They NEED to act like bigots or they'll commit suicide. :rolleyes: Those of us who can't justify racism in the name of "blowing off steam" are just uptight. :laugh: Y'all are ridiculous.

Oh, it's not the end of the world that medical professionals laugh at patients' behaviors and comments. Honestly, do you think you aren't laughed at by other people you encounter? I work for a major insurance company (The Devil, I know) and have daily contact with clients...these same poor, misunderstood souls are the same ones that cuss me for asking for a member ID number, ask questions without giving me information to research, and demand we pay for a gastric bypass because they can't stand another diet (it's too hard!)...the list goes on.

So, yeah, your friendly insurance rep is probably laughing at you, too. Keep that in mind the next time you call and yell at "you people."

I deal with physicians' offices and facilities, also--and no, the staff isn't always the nicest or brightest. (If a caller is going to use medical acronyms, s/he ought to know what they stand for. We will ask.) I do find, however, that the doctors and nurses generally know their stuff, and I'll take brains over bedside manner any day, if I must pick one.

--Kim, who owes everything to the "at first, kind of distant--but very knowedgable" staff of Thomasville Medical Center; especially the night nurse who realized my baby had Group B strep, the physicians who treated him, and the nurses who administered the meds. He'll be a year old in May, and I would let them parade me down Main and mock me if it would make them happy.
 
Horrified said:
This is not about being thin-skinned. This is about racism/classism. Surely you are educated enough to know that.

This has nothing to do with -isms. The mistake you, and others, make is equating a comment about (here merely quotations of) an individual with a statement about a group that that individual belongs to. While there is frequently a bad apple in a large enough basket, for the most part people here are not making statements about marginalaized groups, NOR ARE THEY SAYING THE MISSTATEMENTS OCCUR BECAUSE THE INDIVIDUAL BELONGS TO A PARTICULAR GROUP. People misspeak all the time. Often the substituted words form a pun or other humorous malaprop. Sharing such things with colleagues can brighten an otherwise dismal day.


[I will, however, say that I think it is less than optimal to be discussing patient names, no matter how humorous, especially when a surname is included]
 
I cant believe anyone would think this thread is racist.....ebonics has to do with education levels, not race. you automatically assume these individuals are from a particular race, which makes you racist.

this might be mean, but not racist....but we all have a mean side so i like it.

This is hilarious...keep em coming...i might have to go into ER for the comedy relief.... i'm lovin it!
 
Had a patient once: Yiu, Mai Di
Best chief complaint by a homeboy: "My **** be hurtin'"
 
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That was...
"My **** be hurtin' "
 
That was...
"My **** be hurtin' " = my penis is full of gonorrhea and herpes
 
I have one-- the Vapors- used in two completely different contexts as an EMT in NYC.

For those of you jumping on the what was he huffing spray paint-- that is not it- although would have been clever.

1. Elderly gentlemen called 911 for his wife when EMS arrived he told us that she had a "case of the womanly vapors"-- syncope. Fortunately, I had heard about this from some 19th century literature-- that was a quaint throw back.

2. An african american woman informed our crew that her daughter "done need the vapors"-- nebulizer treatment for her asthma.
 
Just heard this fro some OB residents:

***** Jack = vaginal speculum
De doc done fixd' up my sh1t pocket, now I can sh1t real good = A and P repair
 
Another one and this is from a 17 yo's hx. (I should've known better)

Her: Can you get de burn wit' a condom?
Me: You mean friction burn?
Her: Nah, I mean de burn, de burn, when you get de drippin...
Me: ... Oh (Gonorrhea)
 
vtucci said:
1. Elderly gentlemen called 911 for his wife when EMS arrived he told us that she had a "case of the womanly vapors"-- syncope. Fortunately, I had heard about this from some 19th century literature-- that was a quaint throw back.
Yay for medical people with liberal arts backgrounds!
 
For all those "Holier than thou" people and such, who are unable to appreciate the humor of this topic...here is my point of view:

Any ethical doubts I have about medical people (doctors, techs, drivers, etc.) laughing and such about events in the past, I can dismiss with this situation. If I had hurt myself, been attacked, whatever, and had to go to the ER, there would be people there to try to fix me up. I would be alive because of these people, and if they can get enjoyment out of anything I do, then I welcome them to laugh about it.

It is NOT racism, mostly it is making fun of the dialects feeble attempts at properly repeating words they could never spell. I can't spell or pronounce half of them, but I'm not in the medical profession. If these people refused to treat the illness/wounds of people because of these errors and rough speaking, THEN you have a case for complaining. But these are stories of people they have HELPED!

If you work a job, any job dealing with people (strangers, co-workers, anyone else), eventually you will have some stories that are funny...like in school when the kid chewwing on his pen makes it explode and he has a blue tongue...medical workers (especially ER) have one of the hardest situations to deal with...because nobody calls them with good news, not really...they get sick, injured, dying, poor...and nobody is meeting with a doctor because they want to, its not that they enjoy it, its because they have a problem. And these doctors, techs and med students can and will help them. Everyday until they are old, these people will help people in need. Why deny them a few laughs??
 
My best friends are black and even they make fun of some of this stuff sometimes...they got me speaking ebonics just to laugh at me...but anyway. Not medically related but my brother is a mechanic for GM which has the onstar system in their cars....They had problems with all of these people returning their cadillacs and stuff saying the onstar didn't work. The mechanics (of every race since it is Miami) were so confused and couldn't figure out what was possibly wrong with it...then they realized every person returning the car happened to be black. The next day they had a memo sent out saying "Remember...OnStar does not understand Ebonics"..and they did a demonstration " Ohsta...dil fo fo fo, fi tree tree sic" or something....
 
Some names I've seen:

-when I worked at a museum: Written out on his credit card: "Harry Butt". I kid you
not! Why he didn't go by Harold, I have no idea... but he seemed like a very friendly, happy guy with a great sense of humour - I guess you would have to!

-twins names Polly and Esther

-a friend of a friend, born in the '60's. Last name Rose, so parents named her Wild. Sounds pretty, right? Wild Rose? Only she grew up to marry a guy who's last name was Boar! She went by it too :) I think she got pleasure out of seeing peoples' reactions when she said her name was Wild Boar!

-twins named Mike and Mike

PS- None of these were patients
PPS- Anatomy names... after undergrad anatomy I swore if I got a cat I would name it Lacuna! LOL. Which perhaps is why I still don't own a cat...
 
In EMS when we'd get a call for a psych patient my friend would always refer to the calls as "Granola Patrol" - looking for nuts and flakes!
 
tiger_lily said:
Some names I've seen:

-when I worked at a museum: Written out on his credit card: "Harry Butt". I kid you
not! Why he didn't go by Harold, I have no idea... but he seemed like a very friendly, happy guy with a great sense of humour - I guess you would have to!

-twins names Polly and Esther

-a friend of a friend, born in the '60's. Last name Rose, so parents named her Wild. Sounds pretty, right? Wild Rose? Only she grew up to marry a guy who's last name was Boar! She went by it too :) I think she got pleasure out of seeing peoples' reactions when she said her name was Wild Boar!

-twins named Mike and Mike

PS- None of these were patients
PPS- Anatomy names... after undergrad anatomy I swore if I got a cat I would name it Lacuna! LOL. Which perhaps is why I still don't own a cat...

twin brothers peter and andy nuss....firefighters
you can guess what their id's say...yup
a.nuss
p.nuss
rough life......
 
emedpa said:
twin brothers peter and andy nuss....firefighters
you can guess what their id's say...yup
a.nuss
p.nuss
rough life......

Honestly... Do parents not THINK??? C'mon. What are the odds, with the last name "Nuss", that you would happen to end up with an Anus and a Penis?! LOL. Wow. Poor guys. I bet they get sick of the jokes...
 
Something tells me their parents did think, if you know what I mean.
 
One of our techs was screening a pt for an MRI a few years ago, and she wrote under symptoms: neck pain, headaches" and for diagnosis "the small and mighty Jesus." Huh?

It took the techs a while to figure out she meant spinal meningitis.
 
I've always wondered why, with all the strange, ridiculous, truely bizarre names some parents seem compelled to inflict on their kids (I mean, Typhani?!? I now associate her with otitis media and the tympanic membrane), no one has yet stumbled across 'melena.' The kid would probably get away with it for most of her life, too...
 
no one has yet stumbled across 'melena.' The kid would probably get away with it for most of her life, too...

Met a croatian girl by that name once.
 
Seen that before as well. I doubt most people know what that means.
 
f_w said:
Met a croatian girl by that name once.
I met a Russian (OK, Latvian...) girl with that name...I about pissed myself laughing when my friend introduced me to her.
 
Tzips said:
I've always wondered why, with all the strange, ridiculous, truely bizarre names some parents seem compelled to inflict on their kids (I mean, Typhani?!? I now associate her with otitis media and the tympanic membrane), no one has yet stumbled across 'melena.' The kid would probably get away with it for most of her life, too...
I met a kid from Australia named Splash. I seriously made him pull his drivers license out and prove that was his legal name. "Dude, were your parents hippies or something?" "No, just Aussies. Why?" :laugh:
 
I met a Russian (OK, Latvian...) girl with that name...I about pissed myself laughing when my friend introduced me to her.

A Polish immigrant goes to the Wisconsin Department of Motor Vehicles in Milwaukee to apply for a driver's license and is told he has to take an eye test. The examiner shows him a card with the letters:

C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the examiner asks.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I went to school with the guy!!"
 
This one's not so much funny as scary. I had a 30 yo F with abd pain say she had had a "tubilization." Now I've heard that a lot and every time the patient meant that she had had a tubal ligation. This time, I came to find out because she asked me later if she was pregnant, she meant she had had an ectopic that was removed. I almost CTd her without a preg test. She wasn't pregnant but still.
 
These are TRUE interactions:

1)...."Ms. Smith, with your bad legs, how do you get around at home?"

"No worries, Doctah! I got wanna them special chairs that ejaculates me out 'da chair."

2) Trying to obtain consent from a right-handed man going to the OR for surgery on his broken right hand....

"Here doc, lemme see your pen. I can sign with my left hand, being amphibious."
 
Tzips said:
no one has yet stumbled across 'melena.'

the fourth year sub-intern when i was on my third year surgery clerkship was named melena. she pronounced it 'meleeeeena' though.
 
I've got a good one from the dictation department.
Pt comes in and is admitted for belly pain. Previous H&P from 3 weeks ago for same complaint is on chart. Reading through, nothing really interesting until you get to the PE.
Under GYN: Swollen Bartholin's gland. No ***** discharge noted.

You would think that they would have used purulent. Or maybe that is what they wanted it to say.
 
CC: I have history of rapid apical inflibilation and my deflippilator keeps blowing up.

This was written by patient on his ER admit paper.

Also heard of this one: Nucky nack nuss times 3 days.

No idea what that's supposed to be.
 
It's obviously a case of "Yucky Sack Puss", AKA Scrotal abscess written by a patient who has Hammer-Feldenbergers syndrome.

What's hammer-Feldenbergers syndrome you ask? Well it's a very specific type of stroke that affects the lower posterior ankoram. The result is that these patients begin every word with an 'N'.

Yes, I'm a dork and no, I don't have anything better to do right now.

-mike
 
Febrifuge said:
I stand by the idea that it's fair to laugh about something we observe at work. It's not inherently racist, condescending, or hurtful to do it, and it's even possible we might gain some understanding that helps patients.

The thing is, there is a definite air of superiority that comes across with this kind of humor. It can be subtle or overt buts its there..."ha ha, look how stupid these poor/black/redneck/etc people are!" That is certainly condescending and racist.

About the difficult patients...people often times come at you (as a health care professional) with a certain defensiveness and belligerence because of the paternalistic and condescending way that many health care professionals have treated them in the past.

I also question the assertion that people can just 'turn it off' at work. If you happen to be one who speaks condescendingly about different races, classes, or subcultures of people in one area of your life, then those same thoughts are surely affecting your actions in all areas of your life to some degree. Two 35 year old men come to your ER with chronic tooth pain, one black and in sweatpants and a t-shirt, the other white and in a suit and tie. Who's more likely on average to get drugs? Why?

Anyway, I'm not trying to call you guys terrible racists or anything like that. I'm just trying to examine why you are getting some strong reactions to the thread.

Take care,

Red
 
tonem said:
Correction....only Southern Californians!!!

...and New Yorkers! Here people always say "the FDR" (meaning FDR Drive)

E
 
Took me a few minutes to figure out what my (college educated) boyfriend was trying to tell me his mom (former Neuro ICU nurse) about his sister's ED visit over the weekend.

He said she was on eyedrops for an eye hernia. HMMM...something wrong with her cornea maybe???

No definately not a scratch on the cornea.

Does she wear contacts?

Yeah

Ulcer was it a corneal ulcer???

Yeah, one of those things that goes wrong in your "stomach" Ulcer, hernia same thing....
 
More on the different names.... One I heard about but didn't see was "ABCDE," pronounced 'Absidy.'
 
50 year old black female who grew up in the south: risers = abscess. Who knew?
 
So I'm being told this medical story about someone's friend (a frequent occupational hazard). The story teller gets to the punch line where she says what the pateint finally ended up having and it was "immaculate degeneration." I smiled an nodded which is what you do when your mother in law says something like that.:rolleyes:
 
"immaculate degeneration." .:rolleyes:

Is that what happened to the parochial school girl in "training day?"

OK, I know it's a reach, but I'm posting it anyway.
 
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