Is this doable at all?

[cannelle]

I've searched around different med school forums a bit and I haven't found much that applies to our situation, so I need some help and advice. This will probably be long, but I'll try to be as succinct as possible.

Husband is 34 and is trying to get into med school. We're awaiting the results of his MCAT. Should he get in and decide to go, we'll be living off of student loans. Why? I'm 32 and currently struggling with awful chronic pain due to degenerative disc disease. I start seeing a neurologist at the end of the month, but right now, I can't work (I even had to drop the one class I was taking because the pain is just too overwhelming). I can't stand for long periods of time. Walking hurts. Sitting hurts. Laying hurts. Everything hurts, and I'm exhausted from just dealing with the pain 24/7.

My biggest concern is health insurance when dh is in school. I've heard some pretty awful things about student insurance. What does it cover? Will it cover regular doctor visits and things like neurologists? Will it cover follow-up MRIs? Pain medication? Anything?

To throw another spanner into the works, my dh wants me to have a baby while he's in med school. I would absolutely love another child (I have a 10 year old from my first marriage), but with my health problems, I'm not altogether convinced that this is a good idea, especially if A., the student insurance doesn't cover much and we rack up huge medical bills (I didn't have an easy pregnancy with my son, and my back problems present other challenges), and B., dh won't be available as much as I might need him due to my physical challenges.

This is causing a lot of grief and stress between us; we've just started seeing a marriage counselor over it. I'd like the opinion of people who have been there and done that, or are in the middle of it right now. I don't want to kill his dreams, but I also don't want to spend the next four plus years racking up huge medical bills and struggling with worse pain than I am now, you know? This whole past year has been a nightmare for me, pain-wise, and all this extra stress doesn't help.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading this far.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[docelh]

whatever happened to old-fashioned compromise?

As a man, I can say that I've seen plenty of women kill or discourage their partner's dreams because women prefer the known to the unknown. Your man wants to go to medical school... you should support him.

OTOH, your concerns about having a kid are totally valid. He should wait if he wants to go to medical school.

 

[nmnjr]

Here is the brochure for our student health insurance:
https://www.aetnastudenthealth.com/schools/vcu/REVISEDbrochure1213.pdf

tl;dr Covers 90% of charges for most things, 100% for things required by the ACA (i.e. contraceptives, well-child visits).

 

[IlDestriero]

My medical insurance was inexpensive as a medical student and I recall thinking it was generous, the details are vague. It was also inexpensive (<$1000/yr). When I was a resident and fellow, and married with children, they were also generous, covering my wife and the kids, and the plan was completely paid for by the University/Health System. It was the same plan, by report, that the physician faculty had. YMMV.
It might be something to consider when ranking residency/fellowship programs. $4-6000 is significant when you're living on a resident's income.

 

[nurse nancy]

We are MS4 (hubby is) and we have 2 children. This is extremely "doable" as long as he won't have to be taking care of you. That would be hard on him with any job. If you are a selfless wife and his biggest chearleader, this can be an amazing experience for you as a couple. Once he gets in to med school, I have a feeling he may re-think the baby idea. Financially you will be fine as long as he finishes!

I can tell you that these things are very important for YOU to be.

-supportive
-independant
-confident (in yourself and in your relationship)
-understanding
-NON "needy"
-NON "greedy"
- empathetic
-TRUSTING
The list goes on....

You will make sacrifices, and you have to be 100% Ok with that. That is non-negotiable. Good Luck and feel better!

 

[Mommy Doc 85]

So, there's a whole lot of talk about what YOU need to do and very little about what your husband needs to do. As someone who will be attending school to become a healer he should certainly have an understanding of your physical needs. And ultimately, he is your husband. Your health is his concern. Make sure you have pain management options lined up.

As far as having another child, that is between you and him, but you should bring your concerns to the table in a straight forward manner. If he insists, be clear about your expectations. Example: he has to do night feedings or bed and bath time, etc.

It sounds like lots of things HE wants. Be supportive, but be clear about what you want. I'm sure you want to see him succeed, but in his success he must recognize the sacrifices you will be making and he must also be willing to sacrifice. Sometimes he may go without sleep, because the baby needs fed and you need rest. Be realistic about what will be expected of you. The sacrifices you will have to make will also be monumental, but I'm sure you both can do it!!

Best of luck! It's a hard road, but the end, oh how lovely it will be.