So divorces just happen then? You should spend more time choosing the right person over choosing the right (wrong) career. Of course there is a poor life choice that leads to divorce. And if isn't your "fault" well then I guess you just chose wrong.
Is residency and medical school worth it?
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So you think that somehow has to make a mistake for a divorce to happen? How about the cheating man that chooses to go and leave his wife and have an affair? Or the people who chose to simply leave? Please said as someone with no life experience who lives in a bubble
A cheating man= you chose wrong.
A person just leaving= you chose wrong.
We are a sickened culture in the fact that we spend more time analyzing our careers over who we choose to spend our lives with. Choose better and you eliminate risks. Of course nothing is a guarantee. But the logic of pursing medicine for the fact that someone might leave you is completely bogus.
That’s beyond idiotic
Or the person that leaves and cheats is a pig and it’s their fault
As if people didn’t change etc throughout life
You desperately need life experience
And it’s obvious you are single
You still aren't understanding. Hmm how else can I put this.
Yes the act of cheating is WRONG. We can all get that.
But, why would you ever have chosen someone that would consider this? Is it just left to random chance? Again, risk mitigation.
I'll just give up beyond this as I think I've stated my case pretty straight forward.
By the way, I am married with a child.
15 years on here. I don't appreciate the attacks because we simply disagree.
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What I find most interesting here is the interplay between having a hardcore career (like medicine) and having the sort of relationship trouble that leads to a divorce.
I’m on my second marriage. You’d better believe that my medical training contributed to the end of my first marriage (it wasn’t the only issue at play, but it was the elephant in the room). In that marriage, nobody was cheating, but my ex gradually became more and more disenchanted with being in a marriage where the other spouse was gone 90+% of the time (you could make the case that people should be patient in these situations - that this was only a temporary situation, and would get better once medical school/residency etc was over - and I’d agree, but the fact of the matter is that a lot of folks out there will run out of patience in these situations, perhaps rightfully).
I think that doggedly pursuing medicine because you’re afraid of finances after a divorce only dramatically increases the chances of that divorce becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
As I’ve stated before, UMC professionals tend to have a lot of blind spots around their careers, as well as how their careers can affect the folks around them. I find that there is also a bizarre tendency among some UMC types to almost believe that the career is the most important thing in your life, almost to the exception of anything else (“A man is his job” - Glengarry Glen Ross) and that marriages and relationships are disposable to an extent as long as the “crown jewel” - your career - is protected. I think this belief was more common among Boomers and such, but you can definitely still see it to an extent among Millenials etc too. I used to feel this way before my divorce, but the end of that marriage was the death knell for the “work like a dog” mentality in my life. I don’t like it or agree with it anymore, and my job as a doctor is now something I carefully contain to a corner of my life where it belongs. I don’t let it expand and balloon to contaminate and overwhelm everything else any longer.
There’s more to life than working.
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Yes actually, they do.
People change over time, life circumstances change, someone makes a stupid mistake the other person can't forgive, the non-medical spouse can't make it through their spouse going to med school/residency.
There is literally no way to anticipate everything that could cause marital difficulties and choose a spouse that is guaranteed to be OK with all of it.
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Again, how can you find a partner that you know 100% will never ever ever cheat no matter the circumstances?
This thread has turned into a marriage 101 thread.
"Changing over time"
"Making a stupid mistake"
"Can't make it through residency"
If these are the reasons for someone to divorce, I've already predetermined the value that this person has placed on marriage up front. Pretty simple honestly. Not for some I guess.
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Yes and no.
One of my colleagues loves to remind me that the divorce rate of two doctor couples is almost 90% (not sure if this is accurate, but he is convinced it is). What does this tell us? Medicine sucks as a profession? A lot of doctors make poor choices in choosing a marriage partner? A lot of doctors are poor choices as a marriage partner? Discuss…
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The divorce rates of dual physician couples are lower than the general population…
Edit: removed conjecture
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Those aren't things people say upfront. We had a number of divorces in my med school class and I doubt that those spouses said they would not be able to handle it if they went to med school.
What ended up happening in at least 2 of those cases is the spouses said they would be okay with the partner going to med school and then realized it was much more all encompassing than they could have imagined.
Similarly, you cannot predict how people will change as life circumstances change. There's no possible way to predict how someone will behave in every single possible scenario of adult life.
I've been married for 11 years and have 2 elementary ages kids. I know what's worked for us (mainly my wife's almost infinite patience with my *******ery), but it might not work for others.
Exactly. No one says - hey if things go south, I'm going to leave and divorce you, or I won't support you, or I might change my mind if things get tough.
People make a commitment, but not infrequently change throughout life, change their views, thoughts, feelings, depending on the situation.
No one can predict that.
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Probably just depends if there’s a prenup at this point tbh
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Op hasn't posted again and last time she looked on here was December.
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She probably saw enough people telling her what she wanted to hear but was afraid to do…and said “I’m out”.
