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I'm a current resident (R2) who now has a girlfriend who is a general surgery intern.
The problem/question is that she gets stressed out very easily- daily work irritations when dealing with patients nurses families co-residents attendings, being on call, getting out later than expected from work, upcoming in-service exams... And when she gets stressed out, she gets bitchy. And when she's bitchy, she complains about me. Examples include not calling her right back when she pages, going out to the store myself on a night she's on call and not being available to bring her food right away when she starts to get hungry and irritable, bringing her her pager that she accidentally left at home and then getting blamed for leaving it in the wrong conference room and causing her to not be able to go home on time.
Sounds bad, but what keeps me going? That when she's not at work and stressed out she's a wonderful person and the greatest joy in my life... her real personality comes out and I love her for it. More over, without me saying anything, she recognizes her bitchy behavior herself and apologizes often. I don't take her bitchiness personally (for the most part).
However, apologetic or not, it DOES wear me down. Especially because I'm also a resident and have my own life/stresses that I deal with. My friend who was in a similar situation advised me that "it's hard enough to handle one residency but two will ultimately wear you down."
I would like to hear anyone else's related stories or advice they may have for my situation.
As a discussion point, it also makes me wonder if this is one of the reasons why many women in medicine gravitate toward partners/spouses with low-key jobs outside of medicine. The same may actually be true for men in medicine, actually, so I definitely don't want to overgeneralize or be gender insensitive. The deal is, that when she has stress and complaints about work, not only do I understand the problem well, but I've also dealt with all of these problems first-hand as an intern on surgery rotations myself and remember being able to cope without turning into a bastard to other people or becoming so demanding of others.
But everyone responds differently, and I'm here to be supportive. But I'm also a busy resident and need to head this off early on to avoid feeling abused and like a doormat and keep my own stress level manageable.
Thanks!
The problem/question is that she gets stressed out very easily- daily work irritations when dealing with patients nurses families co-residents attendings, being on call, getting out later than expected from work, upcoming in-service exams... And when she gets stressed out, she gets bitchy. And when she's bitchy, she complains about me. Examples include not calling her right back when she pages, going out to the store myself on a night she's on call and not being available to bring her food right away when she starts to get hungry and irritable, bringing her her pager that she accidentally left at home and then getting blamed for leaving it in the wrong conference room and causing her to not be able to go home on time.
Sounds bad, but what keeps me going? That when she's not at work and stressed out she's a wonderful person and the greatest joy in my life... her real personality comes out and I love her for it. More over, without me saying anything, she recognizes her bitchy behavior herself and apologizes often. I don't take her bitchiness personally (for the most part).
However, apologetic or not, it DOES wear me down. Especially because I'm also a resident and have my own life/stresses that I deal with. My friend who was in a similar situation advised me that "it's hard enough to handle one residency but two will ultimately wear you down."
I would like to hear anyone else's related stories or advice they may have for my situation.
As a discussion point, it also makes me wonder if this is one of the reasons why many women in medicine gravitate toward partners/spouses with low-key jobs outside of medicine. The same may actually be true for men in medicine, actually, so I definitely don't want to overgeneralize or be gender insensitive. The deal is, that when she has stress and complaints about work, not only do I understand the problem well, but I've also dealt with all of these problems first-hand as an intern on surgery rotations myself and remember being able to cope without turning into a bastard to other people or becoming so demanding of others.
But everyone responds differently, and I'm here to be supportive. But I'm also a busy resident and need to head this off early on to avoid feeling abused and like a doormat and keep my own stress level manageable.
Thanks!