Huge wall of text, there is a TLDR.
So my girlfriend (now ex because of this) and I are studying alone in China, we're the only two people here of our race and we can only speak survival chinese and it's really tough living conditions. We have been dating for 8 months now until this came up, our first semester together at Uni was great and everything was still great, we've never had a fight, we've planned out the whole future - it's just a natural effortless relationship as in we just clicked from day one. So she's been having major family issues back home (20hr flight) and it's lead her to crying in my arms etc many times. She asked me to move in with her, I said there's no real need we live a 5 min walk from each other and often stay over at each others regardless. Then more incidents back home happen and shes crying again. She's a mummy's girl, they chat everyday.
So recently in the last two weeks she just stopped communicating with me while I carried on how I normally would with her, I thought ok she's feeling down about an incident at home so that's why she isn't responding as per normal. My girlfriend is extremely into fitness but I noticed recently it's been dominating her life for example she must run 20km today and eat a certain number of calories basically giving up on things (I think it got to an unhealthy stage) she would come over and shes obviously feeling down but I easily cheer her up. Then she stops seeing me saying shes always doing something etc and finally tells me shes just sleeping all day. So just last week she came to my room and started crying and broke up with me and said she's leaving the University and most likely not coming back and it absolutely blindsided me and destroyed me, it came out of nowhere, we don't fight, never argue and share the same views on things and same interests, she talks to my mother regularly and we had everything planned out like couples match and we'd sacrifice one of us if the other got a favourable residency. A day after she comes back and says she regrets it and wants to stay together and that she was just super emotional so I thought yeah I forgive you etc you've been dealing with a lot and then we had a nice night together as we used to tells me she loves me and shows me our supposed wedding song. Things slightly improve at least as far as I know, she's now talking to me slightly more but she still is sleeping a lot and clearly depressed. Now four days later she's planning to cook for me and we were going to have a nice night together as per the norm and then cancels and sends me a long message breaking up with me again because she's going home and feels she can't give me what I want etc.
Now I never expect anything from her, I tell her she can do whatever she wants whatever makes her happy, I don't force her to do anything and always give her the option of declining, this is what first most attracted her to me. My issue is why didn't she tell me it was so severe, I knew something was wrong but had no idea it was so severe, she's going to sacrifice me (she wanted to get married) and her future (medicine). My response to this heart breaking news was just of pure support, I didn't get mad because i'm just heart broken and devastated, mostly about the fact that she hid this from me - she likes to think shes a very strong person and thinks she can deal with big issues on her own, I know she can't.
When I realised things were seriously getting wrong, I made the effort to try go do fun things but she declined every time. I know she still loves me and there's no problems with our relationship but what can I do? Now she won't really even speak to me at all - I think to protect me from getting hurt even more but I love this girl and I want to help her through this phase - she has about two weeks before we have a break where she'll go home for good, the saddest part is it's her birthday on Friday and I think she's gonna struggle even more.
She did say there is hope for the future as we were talking about moving to another University prior to this bombshell, where we would have a much easier time (living conditions) now she did tell me she's applying to that University and even said she'll likely see me there but that doesn't begin till August - we're both highly likely to get in. So what's my next move? I haven't got long till she may potentially be gone for good and now she won't reply at all - i'm just offering support and saying we didn't have to break up and that i'm suppose to help her through these bad times as a boyfriend should but i'm not bombarding her or anything she even thanked me and said she didn't deserve it. I'm starting to get really worried about her mental state because she must be in a terrible place to throw not only our perfect relationship away but potentially her future as well.
What do I do? She won't speak to me, maybe one messaged a day if i'm lucky. Also how can I regain some functionality after this, i'm absolutely crushed and have to fight off tears 10+ times a day.
TLDR: Perfect relationship been destroyed by family issues back home being too hard on my girlfriend, she hid how bad she was feeling from me because she thinks she can deal with it all and then decides to throw her career and me away completely out of the blue, how do I support her and try calm her down?
I have my interview for the new med school very soon and i'm extremely depressed as we had our own little perfect bubble and now I have nothing, what can I do to regain some life back in me even just temporarily to get through this interview?
So my girlfriend (now ex because of this) and I are studying alone in China, we're the only two people here of our race and we can only speak survival chinese and it's really tough living conditions. We have been dating for 8 months now until this came up, our first semester together at Uni was great and everything was still great, we've never had a fight, we've planned out the whole future - it's just a natural effortless relationship as in we just clicked from day one. So she's been having major family issues back home (20hr flight) and it's lead her to crying in my arms etc many times. She asked me to move in with her, I said there's no real need we live a 5 min walk from each other and often stay over at each others regardless. Then more incidents back home happen and shes crying again. She's a mummy's girl, they chat everyday.
So recently in the last two weeks she just stopped communicating with me while I carried on how I normally would with her, I thought ok she's feeling down about an incident at home so that's why she isn't responding as per normal. My girlfriend is extremely into fitness but I noticed recently it's been dominating her life for example she must run 20km today and eat a certain number of calories basically giving up on things (I think it got to an unhealthy stage) she would come over and shes obviously feeling down but I easily cheer her up. Then she stops seeing me saying shes always doing something etc and finally tells me shes just sleeping all day. So just last week she came to my room and started crying and broke up with me and said she's leaving the University and most likely not coming back and it absolutely blindsided me and destroyed me, it came out of nowhere, we don't fight, never argue and share the same views on things and same interests, she talks to my mother regularly and we had everything planned out like couples match and we'd sacrifice one of us if the other got a favourable residency. A day after she comes back and says she regrets it and wants to stay together and that she was just super emotional so I thought yeah I forgive you etc you've been dealing with a lot and then we had a nice night together as we used to tells me she loves me and shows me our supposed wedding song. Things slightly improve at least as far as I know, she's now talking to me slightly more but she still is sleeping a lot and clearly depressed. Now four days later she's planning to cook for me and we were going to have a nice night together as per the norm and then cancels and sends me a long message breaking up with me again because she's going home and feels she can't give me what I want etc.
Now I never expect anything from her, I tell her she can do whatever she wants whatever makes her happy, I don't force her to do anything and always give her the option of declining, this is what first most attracted her to me. My issue is why didn't she tell me it was so severe, I knew something was wrong but had no idea it was so severe, she's going to sacrifice me (she wanted to get married) and her future (medicine). My response to this heart breaking news was just of pure support, I didn't get mad because i'm just heart broken and devastated, mostly about the fact that she hid this from me - she likes to think shes a very strong person and thinks she can deal with big issues on her own, I know she can't.
When I realised things were seriously getting wrong, I made the effort to try go do fun things but she declined every time. I know she still loves me and there's no problems with our relationship but what can I do? Now she won't really even speak to me at all - I think to protect me from getting hurt even more but I love this girl and I want to help her through this phase - she has about two weeks before we have a break where she'll go home for good, the saddest part is it's her birthday on Friday and I think she's gonna struggle even more.
She did say there is hope for the future as we were talking about moving to another University prior to this bombshell, where we would have a much easier time (living conditions) now she did tell me she's applying to that University and even said she'll likely see me there but that doesn't begin till August - we're both highly likely to get in. So what's my next move? I haven't got long till she may potentially be gone for good and now she won't reply at all - i'm just offering support and saying we didn't have to break up and that i'm suppose to help her through these bad times as a boyfriend should but i'm not bombarding her or anything she even thanked me and said she didn't deserve it. I'm starting to get really worried about her mental state because she must be in a terrible place to throw not only our perfect relationship away but potentially her future as well.
What do I do? She won't speak to me, maybe one messaged a day if i'm lucky. Also how can I regain some functionality after this, i'm absolutely crushed and have to fight off tears 10+ times a day.
TLDR: Perfect relationship been destroyed by family issues back home being too hard on my girlfriend, she hid how bad she was feeling from me because she thinks she can deal with it all and then decides to throw her career and me away completely out of the blue, how do I support her and try calm her down?
I have my interview for the new med school very soon and i'm extremely depressed as we had our own little perfect bubble and now I have nothing, what can I do to regain some life back in me even just temporarily to get through this interview?
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