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Tips on how to become more extroverted/get a girlfriend (M2)
- Thread starter TiredOfBeingAnIntrovert
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Online dating is super easy and works great.
Download okc, bumble, and tinder.
Make a funny profile with good pics.
Make witty banter.
Done.
You can have a new date every night if you wanted.
Edit: I see you noted that you're like 5'5... yeah that will hurt in the online dating world.
Download okc, bumble, and tinder.
Make a funny profile with good pics.
Make witty banter.
Done.
You can have a new date every night if you wanted.
Edit: I see you noted that you're like 5'5... yeah that will hurt in the online dating world.
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From a girl's perspective:
Put yourself in situations to meet the kinds of people that you want to meet--even if you aren't very interested in the group, activity, whatever. It definitely helps if you like the group/activity, but it isn't required.
For example:
Case 1: My significant other's cousin. She is very pretty but comes from a very poor broken family. Her freshman year of college she joined the Polo club to meet a rich husband (she doesn't hide this fact). Obviously, she was never very interested in Polo (poor people can't afford to play Polo), but it landed her a boyfriend and now she is happy trophy wife to a millionaire. She does love her husband but she would have probably never met him if she didn't join that club.
Case 2: My best friend. She dated really non-physically impressive guys in high school and wanted a buff boyfriend. She decided to switch up her gym routine (she was a die-hard elliptical junky) and took a few boot camp classes (this girl is not a boot camp kind of girl) that one of the "sexy" trainers taught so she could talk to him. Although they didn't work out, the trainer introduced her to one of his friends and they dated for awhile.
So if you want to hang out with a specific group of people don't just walk up to them and say "Hey! Let's be friends!" Find out what they like to do and what groups they are in. Join those groups. The more stuff you join, the more likely you'll meet a girl organically.
Good luck!
Put yourself in situations to meet the kinds of people that you want to meet--even if you aren't very interested in the group, activity, whatever. It definitely helps if you like the group/activity, but it isn't required.
For example:
Case 1: My significant other's cousin. She is very pretty but comes from a very poor broken family. Her freshman year of college she joined the Polo club to meet a rich husband (she doesn't hide this fact). Obviously, she was never very interested in Polo (poor people can't afford to play Polo), but it landed her a boyfriend and now she is happy trophy wife to a millionaire. She does love her husband but she would have probably never met him if she didn't join that club.
Case 2: My best friend. She dated really non-physically impressive guys in high school and wanted a buff boyfriend. She decided to switch up her gym routine (she was a die-hard elliptical junky) and took a few boot camp classes (this girl is not a boot camp kind of girl) that one of the "sexy" trainers taught so she could talk to him. Although they didn't work out, the trainer introduced her to one of his friends and they dated for awhile.
So if you want to hang out with a specific group of people don't just walk up to them and say "Hey! Let's be friends!" Find out what they like to do and what groups they are in. Join those groups. The more stuff you join, the more likely you'll meet a girl organically.
Good luck!
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I'm 5'2. Just how tall do you think all women are? 5'5 is fine for about half of women at least.
You are right. There are plenty of average men who get into relationships with good women. I'm not saying it won't happen to OP. I'm just saying some of the road blocks he is encountering right now is a result of the way dating really is. Honestly, when I talk about money and status (we don't have to debate looks is factor that's a given), men generally have a hard time believing those are factors in attracting women mainly because most men aren't attract to those sort of things. However, if you ever been to a poorer country and women find out your American, they generally think you have money and it does give you some status. They will then try to establish a relationship thinking that they will get or experience things they have never had. Its the same reason why women fawn over guys who are famous, athletes, in America who seem to have a lot of money . Its because they think they will be able to get the things they want (car, vacations, lifestyle, house, etc) and so they willingly try to exchange their "time and beauty" for money. OP, in the end, you will find a good woman to settle down with. There are definitely good women out there. Just know, most women have these underlying thoughts and tendencies subconsciously if not consciously. Once you find your wife and if she is good looking just know that in her mind, she most likely thinks she is settling with you or/and feels that is no longer worth it to chase those things (looks, money, lifestyle) that she truly desires. She will love you however in relationships establishing feelings of love is only 1/10 of the whole battle. There will be more challenges ahead. Good luck.1. Go Out. Go Out. Go Out. It's natural human behavior and it's a solid natural source of happiness. Also, in your case, you'll meet more people and that's the only way to increase your chance of finding someone. The 4-5 times I did go out this year, I met nice female classmates and others girls and got a few of their numbers. While nothing serious ever came out of it, having female friends that really care about you will only make you better with women, less frustrated with them, and who knows, maybe you'll find someone through a mutual friend. If you don't want to go out, try inviting people to your place to do something you enjoy. It doesn't have to be super impressive. It could be a movie night where you all like watch the latest episode of a show. Then, slowly form a group that you're comfortable going to med school events with and from there keep going. Never underestimate the value of a true friend. You seem to kind do that when talking about your current medical school friends. Just accept them for what they are.
2. Get out of you own head. Your initial post is quite all over the place. This comes as a product of like talking to yourself continuously and letting the same thoughts reverberate around your head. If you prefer to be introverted, playing an instrument and working out will do wonders because it will reduce the time you're in that mode.
3. Be very careful about what you reveal to others. I enjoyed reading your post and it sounds like you're a very friendly dude, but be careful with how much you tell your non-close family & friends. It's perfectly o.k. on here where your identity is protected, but when talking to others, don't tell them that you're "ADHD", used to use psychotropic medication, etc. There's still a huge stigma for it in society and unfortunately that's not changing anytime soon no matter how many try to raise awareness for mental health. Even with people who are understanding, you will come off as weak and people will subconsciously see you as inferior after revealing these kinds of things and will seek to exploit you in subtle ways. Also, did you tell your psychiatrist you stopped taking Ritalin? I feel like you need to channel all this energy you have and display it to your psychiatrist or possibly counselors/therapists. Don't feel bad about doing it. Mental health problems are EXTREMELY common in medicine and it's best to get such things sorted out now than later.
4. Take TwoSpadz advice with a grain of salt. The guy seems like someone who I'd love to have a beer with while discussing my problems and I'm not saying he's got the wrong idea. I actually agree with him for the most part and humor is definitely a healthy way of looking at your situation of being single. On the other hand, don't be so close-minded about how women are. Society's rapidly changing and there are millions of women who don't conform to the general trend described above. There are plenty of guys who I know with average looks, aren't even built well, aren't setting themselves for success who still end up getting good looking women because they're just good people to be around. Strive to be that kind of guy. Always try to look on the bright side and always look for positive relationships.
5. Focus on Your Boards. SDN can forgive you for mixing up a sugar with a synthetic drug, but the boards won't.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk
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I'm 5'2. Just how tall do you think all women are? 5'5 is fine for about half of women at least.
I'm referring to OP (who is male).
There is exponentially less "discrimination" against a woman that is 5'2 than a guy that is 5'5.
If you're personally blind to height, that's cool. But when it is pasted on your profile as a man, for a ton (TON) of women it's a dealbreaker within the conveyor belt-esque nature of online dating... hell I think it is one of the biggest complaints women have regarding dudes misrepresenting themselves after finally meeting up: adding on a few inches to their height.
...I say this from an unbiased vantage point well over 6'.
Tons of articles on this topic are out there... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...tners-8in-taller-men-prefer-gap-just-3in.html
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Being short as a guy is unfortunately a huge detriment to his dating success. However, I have seen some shorter guys with awesome women. You have to bring as much of the full package to the table as possible. If you are lacking in some areas, you need to make it up in others. Unless you are among the top 10% of guys in terms of attractiveness, online dating is a COMPLETE waste of time. It is a very superficial marketplace that simply awards status based on looks. Again, as I've mentioned in the other thread (I'm assuming this is the same OP that just made a new account), you need to work on self improvement first. While doing social activities that you thoroughly enjoy, look for opportunities, and make a move.
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Location plays a large role... but in any city of >200k, I think your average dude could do well online.
I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near this top 10% designation of attractiveness you mention, but before my current gf, for like 5 months I went on 2-3 dates per week.
I took a heavy interest in the culture at the time, reading online communities, talking to friends about it, chatting up classmates... hell, even asking some of my dates about it hahah... when it comes to guys and online dating -- being short, a minority, and already having kids are things that make it a lot harder than it should be.
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I don't think your average dude with respect to looks will do well online. I've done my fare share of online dating. I'm certainly not in the top ten percent either, but did manage to go on some dates. If you are an average looking man, you will simply do much better out in the real world where you can allow your personality to shine. You simply don't get that with the online experience. Women will immediately disqualify you based on the profile picture. I've had the most success going out and simply talking to women. Sure the rejections sting, but my odds were so much better than when I was mostly online dating. Also, the vast majority of men would rather die than go and talk to a beautiful women due to fear of rejection. A man's greatest tool in the dating world is to overcome this fear.
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I'm 5'2. Just how tall do you think all women are? 5'5 is fine for about half of women at least.
Yeah you'd think so but if a guy is not 6 feet tall they're going to have a bad time. And the less desirable a girl is, the more entitled they seem to be.
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I don't think online dating is a total waste of time for dudes. If you're the right height (yes I can't argue with that) and not fat, and have a decent face, and you are the one to message first, you haven't really invested much and girls will read your profile.
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Honestly, I think it depends. I'm actually the tallest of four sisters. We're all short French girls. Some guys like petit women like me. It really depends on your preferences. Your pool of available dates also depends on the website.
I'd be pretty put off if someone lied to me on their bio. It looks desperate or even just untruthful.
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Here's the advice I give everyone. It works. Just do it.
1. Make yourself presentable. Shave, shower, haircut, deodorant and mild cologne. If you don't know what to get, go to Neimans or Saks and ask the people at the perfume counter for a nice scent that is inoffensive and not too strong. Ideally something obscure is better than generic designer as it may have the little extra something that the Aqua de Geo crowd doesn't. That may make you memorable. Memorable is good, that's 1/2 the battle. If you're out of shape, get to work on turning that around. It's time well spent.
Go out somewhere where women are socializing. Bar, club, charity event, award ceremony, funeral, water cooler, park, anywhere. Though I don't recommend dating in your own workplace, school is fine, your own class may be risky.
Walk up to them and say hi. Make some small talk, don't use stupid pick up lines, don't tell jokes unless you're a comedian. Keep it simple, get a vibe, always move along. Always.
Move on to other women. Every attractive woman in the place. Some woman there with some guy, maybe her boyfriend? Who cares, wait until he goes to the bathroom. Your goal is to try to make brief small talk to every attractive woman in the room without a ring on their finger.
All the while scanning the place and following up on your contacts from afar. Eventually you find yourself circling back around or someone comes up to you, or your suddenly next to someone you already said hi to. Then your starting round 2. Who gave you a good vibe, who did you see in the mirror checking you out, who had her friends check you out? Those are your primary targets for the second round. You know what to do, go flirt with them again, brief, simple, small talk, ask them things about them, confirm your vibe and move on. Repeat. It's a job, it requires real effort. Eventually ask for someone's number, or offer to drive her home, meet next week for coffee, a movie, etc. you'll know. Who cares if they say no. Move on, but no today is not no forever, so keep them on the radar in the future.
Eventually the very awkward approaches and small talk will get better, you'll develop a style, you'll get smoother, you'll handle rejection better. Now you're in the game. Meeting people, dating, making new friends. One builds on the next.
The power of this technique is that even if you go home alone and get no digits, you've made contact with 20, 30 women. They've seen you, they know your name. Mission accomplished. You will see them again. Now you're starting way ahead of the game. They're your in for meeting new women that they go out with in the future. You know what to do, go to work meeting people. Move on. Repeat.
If someone is particularly interesting or attractive, remember their name. Write it down later, text it to yourself, whatever it takes. If you run into someone somewhere and say, "hey Xxxxxx, what's up?" You just made a big impression. You know their name, they may recognize you and not know yours, that's fine. But they recognized you. Again, now you're starting in a much better position for your small talk.
When I was in college and medical school, everyone knew my name. Not because I was the starting quarterback, but because I said hi to them and told them.
--
Il Destriero
1. Make yourself presentable. Shave, shower, haircut, deodorant and mild cologne. If you don't know what to get, go to Neimans or Saks and ask the people at the perfume counter for a nice scent that is inoffensive and not too strong. Ideally something obscure is better than generic designer as it may have the little extra something that the Aqua de Geo crowd doesn't. That may make you memorable. Memorable is good, that's 1/2 the battle. If you're out of shape, get to work on turning that around. It's time well spent.
Go out somewhere where women are socializing. Bar, club, charity event, award ceremony, funeral, water cooler, park, anywhere. Though I don't recommend dating in your own workplace, school is fine, your own class may be risky.
Walk up to them and say hi. Make some small talk, don't use stupid pick up lines, don't tell jokes unless you're a comedian. Keep it simple, get a vibe, always move along. Always.
Move on to other women. Every attractive woman in the place. Some woman there with some guy, maybe her boyfriend? Who cares, wait until he goes to the bathroom. Your goal is to try to make brief small talk to every attractive woman in the room without a ring on their finger.
All the while scanning the place and following up on your contacts from afar. Eventually you find yourself circling back around or someone comes up to you, or your suddenly next to someone you already said hi to. Then your starting round 2. Who gave you a good vibe, who did you see in the mirror checking you out, who had her friends check you out? Those are your primary targets for the second round. You know what to do, go flirt with them again, brief, simple, small talk, ask them things about them, confirm your vibe and move on. Repeat. It's a job, it requires real effort. Eventually ask for someone's number, or offer to drive her home, meet next week for coffee, a movie, etc. you'll know. Who cares if they say no. Move on, but no today is not no forever, so keep them on the radar in the future.
Eventually the very awkward approaches and small talk will get better, you'll develop a style, you'll get smoother, you'll handle rejection better. Now you're in the game. Meeting people, dating, making new friends. One builds on the next.
The power of this technique is that even if you go home alone and get no digits, you've made contact with 20, 30 women. They've seen you, they know your name. Mission accomplished. You will see them again. Now you're starting way ahead of the game. They're your in for meeting new women that they go out with in the future. You know what to do, go to work meeting people. Move on. Repeat.
If someone is particularly interesting or attractive, remember their name. Write it down later, text it to yourself, whatever it takes. If you run into someone somewhere and say, "hey Xxxxxx, what's up?" You just made a big impression. You know their name, they may recognize you and not know yours, that's fine. But they recognized you. Again, now you're starting in a much better position for your small talk.
When I was in college and medical school, everyone knew my name. Not because I was the starting quarterback, but because I said hi to them and told them.
--
Il Destriero
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Imagine if you had the experience you have now when you were in high school and college
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Sorry bro,
this is too much game
your professional-level working-the-room is a little more advanced than where I think OP is
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You have to start somewhere.
His first attempts will be awkward and sad, his rejections will hurt, but then he will see a glimmer of hope, some positive feedback, and then he's going to actually get some success. He already tried online dating and swiping right. It's time for a new strategy. This will also help him overcome his anxiety and shyness. Knowing how to "work a room" will help him forever.
He can try it, take his chances, and go home alone or just stay home and be alone and unhappy. I'd take my chances. It doesn't sound like he wants to keep living the sheltered celibate life anymore.
Keep in mind that this method requires you to be able to make a decent first impression. If you're tired, unkempt and just out for happy hour with the class, take the night off.
This gets easier as you get older as you have more to offer, and the aging egg professional type and/or recently divorced soccer mom crowd looks at a well put together, stable, single physician like a lion looks at a slow moving zebra.
--
Il Destriero
Hey OP. If you are still single 5-8 years from now, i would highly recommend looking into ukrainian women overseas. Literally best kept secret. You will find some real jewels over there. Dont question me just look into yourself. Culture and expectations are different. Dating is also different and way more favorable for men. People will doubt you and call you crazy. That is very good thing because it automatically lowers the competition and excludes most men. I wish i could show you some of american ukrainian couples and their kids. You would be amazed at the quality of their partner. If you want sonething special in life you gotta take the road less traveled time and time again. Until then, have fun in the dating game. Its gonna be painful here, i would never lie to you on this subject. I usually never drop jewels like these but sometimes men need a glimmer of hope to sustain them. Good luck.
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Point taken and 100% agree. I just said what I did because it's easy for anyone to see that and then spiral down a path of cynicism. Your advice was on point and I'm glad you gave it because it's very true.
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I'm getting confused it's the same problem too different dudes, we should merge the threads
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/tired-of-being-single.1207156/page-2#post-17875757
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/tired-of-being-single.1207156/page-2#post-17875757
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OP, I overlooked the height part, but as a fellow shorter male, I have some advice on that may help.
1.) Don't ever mention it in public OR agree with anyone complaining about it. If a guy starts complaining, ignore it. If a girl accidentally lets her preferences slip, maintain a calm and happy demeanor and avoid her if you can't get over it.
2.) If you're 5' 5", clothing will definitely be a problem. If you work out, your pecs may pop out and while it may look good in some instances or right after chest day, it's not a good thing to have that stand out all the time. For the better clothes you care about, select medium sizes and have them tailored down for your height. Luckily with pants, the height and waist are custom so you'll have fewer issues there.
3.) In regards to the height itself, if're you'e 5' 5" every bit helps. I would highly recommend you invest in a pair of insertable lifts. Don't go above 3/4" because otherwise it may look disproportionate. Also, don't feel that it's weird or too superficial. If you're a short guy, chances are you have short tibial bones so using them might actually make your appearance look more "normal".
4.) Don't restrict yourself to only girls shorter than you. At the back of your head it's good to know and respect that women taller than you may not be interested, but that should never stop you from going up to them and flirting a bit.
1.) Don't ever mention it in public OR agree with anyone complaining about it. If a guy starts complaining, ignore it. If a girl accidentally lets her preferences slip, maintain a calm and happy demeanor and avoid her if you can't get over it.
2.) If you're 5' 5", clothing will definitely be a problem. If you work out, your pecs may pop out and while it may look good in some instances or right after chest day, it's not a good thing to have that stand out all the time. For the better clothes you care about, select medium sizes and have them tailored down for your height. Luckily with pants, the height and waist are custom so you'll have fewer issues there.
3.) In regards to the height itself, if're you'e 5' 5" every bit helps. I would highly recommend you invest in a pair of insertable lifts. Don't go above 3/4" because otherwise it may look disproportionate. Also, don't feel that it's weird or too superficial. If you're a short guy, chances are you have short tibial bones so using them might actually make your appearance look more "normal".
4.) Don't restrict yourself to only girls shorter than you. At the back of your head it's good to know and respect that women taller than you may not be interested, but that should never stop you from going up to them and flirting a bit.
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That is true that girls will most likely read your profile if you are an average guy. The real question is will they go on a date with you? I've used OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder. I've spent months on each of these sites. I've spent hours experimenting with different types of profiles to see what the most effective was. I would also use my very best pictures, and be sure to make my bio as interesting as possible. I consider myself a pretty decent looking guy, and relatively successful when it comes to dating (in the non-online world). So what happened after I made my profiles? After taking the time to look at each of the girl's profiles I would carefully craft a message to let her know that I've read her profile. Of thirty or so messages that I would send out a week, I would get MAYBE 5 responses. Of those, three would stop talking to me randomly, and two I would actually have plans to meet and go on a date with. Of those two, one would flake, and one would turn into a date. I would go to a restaurant and meet my date, only to be disappointed that she is completely different in person compared to online (Of course men do this too such as lying about their height). Also a girl would almost never ever message me first. I think it happened twice during my online dating era. Overall the ratio of the amount of time spent on a date with a decent person versus the amount of time spent acquiring the date was pathetically low.
My success has been so much better in the real world. The great thing about meeting girls out and about is that it takes no extra effort. You simply go about your day and talk to attractive interesting women who you run into. My chances of finding a girl to go on a date were at least 5x higher with this strategy. What makes this strategy so successful is that most mid 20's reasonably attractive men are too scared to ask a girl out on a date. You immediately set yourself ahead of the pack by taking the INITIATIVE. Confidence is key. In conclusion I would say that it is ok to online date. However for most guys I don't think it should be the primary way of meeting women. I would rather take all the time that I spent making online dating profiles and using it to study more for boards, publish research, or work on another aspect of my life.
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There's been some good advice on this thread, but if you're still hanging out watching YouTube videos while eating subway and finding it hard to take said advice, spend some of that YouTube time watching all the videos by Coach Corey Wayne. He gives some good advice and will motivate you to be better in your life all around while meeting women/men and not settling because you don't have options.... Meeting women, and actually friends in general is a numbers game, and is similar to sales because you are actually selling your personality. Expect a fair amount of "No's" but don't give up and each step will build your confidence. I guess I'm a semi-introvert, I have great communication/social skills but actually prefer my alone time or hanging with a very close knit group of individuals. I dipped into a social decline for about a year and a half after getting out of a 6 year relationship, but found myself extremely motivated to get back out there, similar to you.
About 18 months ago I forced myself to get back out there, watched the videos of Corey Wayne on a regular basis, read his book, and created a Match.com account. I also started introducing myself/striking up convos with random people, men and women that I would meet out in public. I would go to coffee shops/cafes by myself, and even spent last 4th of July at a concert by myself that I spontaneously decided to drive about 1.5hrs to approximately 2.5 hours before it started, and actually met like 3 different groups of people that night that I'm now FaceBook friends with. Eventually it became second nature to confidently and unapologetically, but not skeezy-like, complement women and even ask for numbers/make plans.
Match.com actually worked out very well for me though. I think it's something about being in a pool of people that are paying for the service rather than relying on a free hookup app. About 3 months after creating my account and going on several dates I started seeing my new GF of almost a year now, and she's not only awesome and fun but Hot too. So it can work out, but you have to make the effort and be willing to take the rejections to build your confidence.... trust me, everyone has a story and you're half-way through med school so you definitely have a lot going for you... ambition and confidence together will overcome almost all issues with looks (almost) and when the time comes and you're deciding which girl to go out with that week when you have free time, the smile and pat on the back you give yourself will probably be equal to when you got your acceptance to med school, you just might have to endure a little pain to get to that point.
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Destriero,
This seems like the most methodical and practical ways to meet women and ultimately find a GF. Eventually, though, won't you gain the reputation as the "creeper" guy who like tries to hit on every girl. If it wasn't for this, I'd try employing your method more often. I'm not arguing, I just want to here what you think about this. Do you just not care and keep going? Do you feel like that girls forgive the creepiness as long as you're confident? What's the deal?
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Don't try to be something you're not. If you're not an extrovert, nothing will make you one. And if you try being an extrovert and go to places and do things that they do, you'll probably end up surrounded by extroverted types that drain the life out of you and the sort of lifestyle you're comfortable with just doesn't work for. Trust me, I tried the "fake it 'til you make it" approach for years- it never stops feeling like work, and it required a lot of hepatic fortitude to keep up, as alcohol was the coolant that kept me from burning out in social situations. When I did end up with highly extroverted girlfriends, it never worked out because the very things that I had to force myself to do to meet them were the sorts of things that they liked doing all the damn time, and I'm only up for that sort of stuff on a once a week or so basis.
I don't know what to tell you to do, aside from be yourself so that you'll actually attract someone who's into you for who you are, but I can certainly tell you what not to do.
I don't know what to tell you to do, aside from be yourself so that you'll actually attract someone who's into you for who you are, but I can certainly tell you what not to do.
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I agree with Backtothebasics8's post. The part I bolded is specifically creepy in my opinion. If I'm on a date with my boyfriend, I don't want some random guy approaching me to chat about random things. Especially, when they're talking to every single women there and then they wait until my guy leaves to approach me. It doesn't matter what the guy is telling me, even if he only says "Hi. Bye" then leaves, it's very clear that his intent was to hit on me and I'm telling every single one of my girlfriends that he did so.
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To be fair, I think @llDestriero was exaggerating/using humor to emphasize how systematic you may have to be. I don't think he actually waited until a girl's boyfriend went to the bathroom to hit on a girl. I really want to hear his take on whether the appreciation he received from girls for being confident outweighed the creepiness factor.
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Thanks for your reasoning on it, it was helpful. I admit I could of been too gung ho about it, but when the above has happened to you several times - you tend to get appalled at how some people can act.
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Exactly. I was exaggerating to make a point. Though I have certainly hit on women who were out with a man when it is very clear from their body language if they are not a couple, or won't be for long. That's advanced game though, and I don't think the OP's ready for that kind of action. A lot of how you are perceived is how you present yourself, are you casual, fun, flirtatious, or are you Ted Bundyesque, intense and creepy. Big difference.
You're also not trying to score a phone number or actually score with everyone you meet like an aggressive player at a meat market. You're meeting people and chatting them up. You go in for the kill later, when the time is right and only with the higher probability targets.
Someone may say, "didn't you hit on me last week/month/at Joe's party?" Time to turn on the charm. "Of course I hit on you, you're eyes are stunning." If you remember some detail about the conversation, that's the time to put that out there. They might say, "but you never came back and talked to me again." They just gave up that they were interested and disappointed you didn't come back. Your efforts are paying off. You think that girl should be on your radar now?
I have advanced tactics, but they're way beyond what the op it's ready for. He needs to work on the basics of meeting people and being able to flirt and make small talk. Women like confidence and they're intrigued by some mystery. Why is this guy not all over me like every other dude tonight? Why is he hitting on other women? If they're seeing this, guess what? They're interested.
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Il Destriero
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omg
Back in the day, I had some game, but compared to a couple of my friends I was a mere amateur. They were on 24/7. But their goals were different. I was girlfriend shopping, they were trophy hunting.
It would be so much easier now as I'm much more interesting, interesting is good.
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Il Destriero
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Please tell us more
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How do you figure? Average height for a man in the US is a shade over 5'9''. OP is 5'6''; and if I know anything about posting anonymously online he's likely 5'3''
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_average_human_height_worldwide
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dammit, this is like when you have 2 LOL's w/ PNA on service
(2 little old ladies with Pneumonia)
"Damn, the sputum came back on rm 205, need to change coverage."
"The LOL w/ PNA?"
"Yeah, the LOL w/ PNA. Wait, maybe it's the one in 461....."
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I completely agree with this! Until your desire to get women overcomes your fear of rejection you will never get out of that uncomfortable zone of fear/embarrassment. It honestly all comes down to confidence and the hardest part to building confidence is the start of it. Why? Because you actually have to get out of your comfort zone and do things you haven't done before, like hitting on girls you don't know or simply striking up conversations with girls you don't know. It can be quite terrifying at first. But once you do it a few times you'll think hey this isn't so bad and you'll become more comfortable in that type of social setting.
I have a couple of friends who are able to hook up with girls that are a notch or 2 above them in physical appearance and it is because they are confident and have good social skills and those are developed overtime my friend (so get started). They are also not afraid of rejection they have the attitude that if they get rejected oh well it's her loss, and move on. The don't let it affect their pride or confidence... They chalk it up as being more of an issue with the girl than themselves. Which is a great attitude to have and you are crazy to think that every girl you are attracted to or hit on will want you back it will never happen, no one bats one thousand. So just work on getting yourself out there and being yourself and focus on being social, and portraying that outgoing attitude... Be confident in who you are and people will see that you are a confident, good human being and will be attracted to it.
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getting a gf is overrated
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I think redpill will actually alienate him from women in general due to the paranoia towards women that one can foster from that forum
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Its different for a short woman . There is a huge segment of men who loves short women aka men loves a "shawty". With women this group is considerably smaller.
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I think while alot of advice on here is good some of them might get you more discouraged , like trying to talk to random women at bars, coffee shops etc.. The best advice I think is being social and getting a good network of friends especially female friends. Throughout college the vast majority of girls ive been with are the friends of girls whom I know. This is especially beneficial if you are a genuine guy who cares about your friends and is there for them when they need it, such as giving advice when they are confused and being a shoulder to cry on. Similar be reliable friend to your male friends as well.Trust me when you like one of their friends they will put in a good word for you sometimes even get the number for you hence when you make a move on her friend her guard will be down because she had confirmation from someone whom she trust you are a good person. I suggest starting with this before you move out trying to pick up girls at public places.
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Yeah but then the guy has to deal with rejection in a social circle which can be a lot more awkward for everyone involved compared to rejection from someone you may never see again. Your method is probably the easier way if you're already a social butterfly and part of an "in group", but OP has said that he is already on the outside of the social circles to begin with, so to interject yourself into a group of friends and immediately start hitting on all the women in that circle will probably come off as being "player like" at best and really creepy at worst. Plus when you're "that guy" that's always the shoulder to cry on you basically set yourself up to being "friend zoned" over and over again which can be a huge waste of time if you're actually looking for a girlfriend or to get laid.... it's totally fine to be that guy if you're genuinely just looking for female friends though. Not to mention break-ups among people that date within circles of close friends are always always awkward for the whole group.
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Well looks like I was wrong
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Im a guy lol.. Chelsea FC stands for Chelsea Football Club
I think you are missing the point im making. First he needs to form a social circle if he wants to be better at talking to girls . I never said he should hit on the girls in his immediate circle I actually said he should be a genuinely good friend to them... Girls always have a ton of female friends who arent apart of their immediate social group but they are friends non the less(girls specialize in this sometime they call them acquaintances) , these are the people you target not the people you will see everyday. Plus the guys you will get to know from that social circle you should try and hang out with then they will have tons of female friends to get to know and improve on. They arent apart of your social circle to make u feel awkward but close enough so you have a support group to help you get your foot through the door.
Yeah I believe in being friend zoned by girls, girls love to have a male companion who dosnt want to get in their pants and they value this alot. These girls will be your best help in landing other girls and help you to identify what you are doing wrong when u mess up with the opposite sex... The girls whom I have relationships with like this, when I say I like a chick I see her hanging out with once or in a picture they will go above and beyond to make sure that connection is made because when the chips were down you had her back . There are alot of ways to do this , im just sharing mine
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I agree with this. Personally, loner guys kind of put off red flags. It may not be a bad thing, but it makes you wonder if there is some sort of problem. I'd be more apt to go out with a guy one of my girlfriends suggested to me in one of my friend networks, if only because they suggested him. It just seems more reliable. I can't tell you how many times I've told a guy friend another girl was bad news when he asked me about her. Sometimes heeding that advice will save a whole lot of unnecessary pain later.
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For the love of god, no. That place took kernels of truth about self-improvement and made them explode into a cesspool of bitterness and misogyny.
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OP, why won't you just ask your friends who are girls to introduce you to someone who they think matches you?
This is a normal thing that doesn't involve online dating, meeting people for the first time, crazy socializing, and also puts you at an advantage if a friend vouches for you...
You said you have some friends...well ask them! Just talk to them how tough the dating world is, and if they know someone who might be interested? It's better to ask girls than guys for this, and it is even less awkward and increases your chances if you ask a girl who is either in a strong committed relationship with someone else (i.e., engaged or married!) I'm sure they have a lot of single friends who they can match for you.
I know plenty of relationships set up this way. It's a lot less awkward, and the "prescreening" definitely helps instead of some random or online stranger.
This is a normal thing that doesn't involve online dating, meeting people for the first time, crazy socializing, and also puts you at an advantage if a friend vouches for you...
You said you have some friends...well ask them! Just talk to them how tough the dating world is, and if they know someone who might be interested? It's better to ask girls than guys for this, and it is even less awkward and increases your chances if you ask a girl who is either in a strong committed relationship with someone else (i.e., engaged or married!) I'm sure they have a lot of single friends who they can match for you.
I know plenty of relationships set up this way. It's a lot less awkward, and the "prescreening" definitely helps instead of some random or online stranger.
