Funniest thing you've heard in your day-to-day

[chris03333]

Actually, this brings up a question -
One of my professors uses "auscult" and another uses "auscultate" for the same verb.
I'm never sure which form to use so I start to say it and then trail off at the end (which is so professional, I know...)

Any votes on correct usage?

On a separate story:

We have a seriously ancient Histo prof - little hunched over silver haired denture sporting man who has to be at least 80. Anyways he always kids about how he was born in prehistoric times, very good naturedly about it, but one time he stops dead in mid-sentence and starts to act like he's having a heart attack, huddled over, wheezing - which rouses the class immediately, I know MY heart rate improved dramatically, and then he pops upright, says "Just kiddin! But hey you're all awake now!"
I was like, oh youre hucking filarious...

Technically auscultate is correct. There are some dictionaries that will define "auscult" as to auscultate

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[InfiniVet]

Thanks! I shall now say it with confidence

 

[Electrophile]

Just had to post this one...

If you're helping collect semen from a boar, don't get it on your face! It won't come off for months.

 

[Steelmagghia]

Just had to post this one...

If you're helping collect semen from a boar, don't get it on your face! It won't come off for months.

I will definitely take that advice...though I generally prefer to get as few biological fluids on my face as possible.
Of course, I also try to stay organized, get plenty of sleep, and do my work long before it is due, and we all know how well that turns out as well.

 

[Orthonut]

Over the weekend, one of my friends was Witten.

I have also recently learned all about E. Pie Did-Day-Die-De , MUS. I swear. I was like, Whisky Tango Foxtrot? Till I realized he was talking about "the male brain"

All I heard was Pie and you know me and sweets...

 

[PAThbrd]

E. Pie Did-Day-Die-De , MUS.

it took me way to long to figure that out...

 

[Orthonut]

it took me way to long to figure that out...

Me too-what with all the extra syllables and the Pie reference.

 

[StealthDog]

Ophtho lecturer today:

"Instruct your clients to please not amputate whatever is flapping gaily in the breeze."

 

[dyachei]

A tiger's anus doesn't have teeth.

A couple friends and I found ourselves in the exotics ward as they were doing a dental on a tiger. The vet asked one of my colleagues to check the temp. She was nervous about it, so he told her first to go for the top hole. He also told her "I just had my hand in the tiger's mouth so that end isn't going to hurt you. At least it doesn't have teeth."