Funniest thing you've heard in your day-to-day

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In light of the recent weather....

"I hate the damn snow, you snowboarders can go screw yourselves" - pathology prof

"If any of you come back from spring break with a tan, I will kick your ass. However, I will give you a free tube of sunblock." - the same pathology prof (he specializes in skin and organ cancer research - specifically equine melanoma)
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Once when I was in high school, I had taken my cat in for dental work, and was sitting in the lobby area waiting. One of the crabbiest, most humorless old ladies from my church walks in with a cat carrier.

Receptionist: "Hi, what can we do for you?"

Church lady: "My cat is sick."

Receptionist: "What's its name?"

Church lady: "Mr. *****"

Me: Nearly weeping trying to hold the laughter in...

WHO NAMES THEIR CAT MR. *****???
 
Slothbear said:
Once when I was in high school, I had taken my cat in for dental work, and was sitting in the lobby area waiting. One of the crabbiest, most humorless old ladies from my church walks in with a cat carrier.

Receptionist: "Hi, what can we do for you?"

Church lady: "My cat is sick."

Receptionist: "What's its name?"

Church lady: "Mr. *****"

Me: Nearly weeping trying to hold the laughter in...

WHO NAMES THEIR CAT MR. *****???
Click to expand...

Me: weeping because I am letting the laughter out! :laugh:

What did the receptionist do???? :eek:
 
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I always think the questions from very concerned owners about why one of their dogs ears flips up and the other flips down- they usually think there is something wrong with the dog. One couple asked the other day, completely seriously, if they didn't flip the ear back over right away would it break from being flipped up? :laugh: Hard to not laugh in front of those type of clients!
 
My BIL on the phone the other night

BIL: Blah blah blah, we miss you, calving has started, there's 3 feet of snow on the ground and oh by the way we've got another 2yo colt for you to start. He's super well bred and should make quite the ranch horse (we show some in ranch horse competitions) Dad doesn't like him but he sure is pretty-don't listen to him, he's a real nice horse..."

Me: Oh really? What's his name?

BIL(whispers): Fat Bastard.
 
I get pretty annoyed and frustrated with techs and doctors for making fun of clients for not knowing things (I could point out about 100 examples from this thread...). We all, at some point, didn't know ANYTHING about animals, or veterinary terms. Just because we learned something when we were 10 doesn't mean the rest of the world did. Yeah, to us it seems like common sense, but if you never had a pet or any friends/family that did, you aren't going to know those things.
So, please, let's be nicer to our clients...
 
sofficat said:
I get pretty annoyed and frustrated with techs and doctors for making fun of clients for not knowing things (I could point out about 100 examples from this thread...). We all, at some point, didn't know ANYTHING about animals, or veterinary terms. Just because we learned something when we were 10 doesn't mean the rest of the world did. Yeah, to us it seems like common sense, but if you never had a pet or any friends/family that did, you aren't going to know those things.
So, please, let's be nicer to our clients...
Click to expand...

I do agree with this, but Mr. *****...that's HI-LARIOUS.
 
So dad called me last night to tell me "something important"

I call him back

he says "YOUR stallion is being naughty!"

I'm like "uh, what do you want me to do about it from 5000 miles away? what's he doing?"

dad "he won't come in for dinner"

me "so he's not biting/kicking/being an ***, he just wants to run around his paddock? Leave his *** out all night long in the snow, he'll be waiting for you in the morning"

dad "oh. ok. so you don't think there's any other tricks to try?"

me "did you want me to fly home to catch him? just leave him out overnight, he'll survive"

this morning an email from dad

"IT WORKED!"

lol
 
Orthonut said:
So dad called me last night to tell me "something important"

I call him back

he says "YOUR stallion is being naughty!"

I'm like "uh, what do you want me to do about it from 5000 miles away? what's he doing?"

dad "he won't come in for dinner"

me "so he's not biting/kicking/being an ***, he just wants to run around his paddock? Leave his *** out all night long in the snow, he'll be waiting for you in the morning"

dad "oh. ok. so you don't think there's any other tricks to try?"

me "did you want me to fly home to catch him? just leave him out overnight, he'll survive"

this morning an email from dad

"IT WORKED!"

lol
Click to expand...

Parent vs equine: amazing :laugh:
 
By way of background - the number one "catch phrase" at the hospital where I work is "Your mom...". It's the universal smartaleck response to, well, just about everything.

In honor of this, we have nicknamed the thermometer the "yourmometer", or perhaps the "urmometer". And in reference to the fact that your reading tends to be a bit low when you stick a thermometer into a big piece of poo when attempting to take a temperature, one of my colleagues posted the following on the message board:

"Lesson of the day: Intraturdular temperatures taken with a urmometer are not accurate."
 
I've seen "spade" and "spaded" a lot...always priceless when I see it too.

But, I am not above coughing up my very own priceless records of stupidity:

When I first started working as a tech at a small animal clinic, the vet showed me how to do a Paxel Count. I learned it quickly, and from then on performed thousands, every time neatly recording "Paxel Count:#" in the medical charts.
It wasn't until NINE months went by, thats nearly a friggin year my friends, that I finally asked "Hey, what does Paxel stand for anyways?" to which one of the other technicians replied:

"Packed CELL. 2 words."

I laughed my *** off.


Ok and as for Gunners, which are evidently ubiquitous... my faculty mentor said that the way his class in vet school resolved the Gunner annoyance was to set up "Gunner Bingo" with big prizes for the whole class (except for the gunners of course) Apparently it was an effective embarrassment tactic, and even the instructor laughed when the winner shot out of his seat in mid lecture with a joyful blast of "BINGO!!!", cutting the gunner off in mid sentence, to many claps and cheers.
 
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hehe, ill take your Paxel and ill raise you...

My first vet job, tech at a very large equine referral center. Colic (or something emergent in nature) came in and I'm standing in the aisle watching, since I don't know how to so anything. One of the interns looks at me and says "I need a hemostat!"

So I run down to the pharmacy/supply room in the barn, and say to my tech shift supervisor, "the intern needs a hema... STAT!"

and supervisor pulls out a pair of hemostats, and replies, "umm... these are the only hemostats we have."

that's what happens when you're only medical experience is from watching tv... :cool:
 
I work with a VMD whose first name is Steve. In the computer his initials are SP and everyone calls him Steve. I thought his name was Steven, or - perhaps - the more exotic Stephen.

I found out after a year that it's Esteban. And it was only from a note on the ultrasound machine: "Dear Esteban, my days are so lonely without you. My probe longs for your touch. Eagerly yours, the Ultrasound Machine."

I then went and checked the diploma's on the wall. Yep. Esteban.
 
So...I'll see your Hema-STAT and your Paxel count and raise you a Jeff Lube....


Those of you in LA work will know and love "J-LUBE" It's this polymer granule that you mix with water and the more water you add, the slipperier it gets. Jor-Vet makes it, so they call it J-lube.

My tech externship was with an LA doc named Jeff. He did lots of repro work. Written on the squeeze bottle of lube was "Jeff" and "lube" on the other side.

I called it Jeff lube for...months. Then I actually had the (dis)pleasure of unpacking the jor-vet order...whereupon I discovered it was J-lube, and not some concoction that Jeff had invented...

everyone had a good laugh at my expense, especially the clients...
 
First year ... Zootech class, overheard this conversation.

Girl: "Why are we going to the chicken barn? I thought this was our poultry lab."

A few people give blank stares and someone finally speaks up: "Umm, chickens are poultry."

Girl: "Ohh, I thought poultry was pigs. Well, they start with the same letter."

I've learned to keep my mouth shut. Don't want anyone to die of laughter from all the stupid things I would say! (I'm sure I still do say my share, but no one has died as a result so far.)

My mom mixes up stuff a lot like palpitate instead of palpate or necrosis instead of necropsy, but I don't hold it against her at all. I mean for someone who has no medical training, she surprises me how much she picks up just from our conversations. She tries hard to keep up enough so she can talk to me about the stuff I'm learning and other than the occasional mistake she's pretty darn good at it.
 
Client: "Can I get that Portobella vaccine for my dog?"

Me: "Ummm, do you mean Bordetella?" :)
 
At our clinic we have 2 resident Munchkin kitties....if you've never seen one of these - Google image search it immediately, they are way beyond *cute*!!!

So naturally they are the biggest hit with clients, and as techs we get asked a lot of questions about these cats. One was the most memorable:

Client: "OMG, they are sooooo cute!! Look at their lil legs! You said the breed was called 'Munchkin,' are they related to Dachshunds then?"
 
You're probably all familiar with the "Petname Lastname" convention in small animal, like Rover Smith. You probably have some humorous ones yourselves.

At one clinic where I worked, there was a dog named Hairy, and the owner's name was Cox. I'm sure the owners did this for a good laugh. It worked, and much immature giggling ensued.

A few years later, I was working at a different clinic several hours away. We got to talking about funny names one day, and naturally, I had to share my "Hairy Cox" story. When I finished, I realized I was the only one laughing - everyone else was politely waiting for me to finish. Then one tech piped in with "you're talking about Fuzzy, right? Fuzzy Cox?" It turns out this clinic had a Fuzzy instead....
 
Who needs last names.

We had a Portuguese water dog come in with the name Dark Wader "Monroe". Not the real last name. He had the breathing down pretty good, because he was a puller from puppyhood.
 
clawsbeatskin said:
Client: "Can I get that Portobella vaccine for my dog?"

Me: "Ummm, do you mean Bordetella?" :)
Click to expand...

We are frequently asked by clients to give their dog a "Bordello" vaccine.

I actually had a client tell me her dog didnt need a Bordello vaccine, because he is neutered and doesnt have sex:confused: Just try to hold back that smile.

Must be a Southern thing.
 
flokemahe said:
You're probably all familiar with the "Petname Lastname" convention in small animal, like Rover Smith. You probably have some humorous ones yourselves.

At one clinic where I worked, there was a dog named Hairy, and the owner's name was Cox. I'm sure the owners did this for a good laugh. It worked, and much immature giggling ensued.

A few years later, I was working at a different clinic several hours away. We got to talking about funny names one day, and naturally, I had to share my "Hairy Cox" story. When I finished, I realized I was the only one laughing - everyone else was politely waiting for me to finish. Then one tech piped in with "you're talking about Fuzzy, right? Fuzzy Cox?" It turns out this clinic had a Fuzzy instead....
Click to expand...

I can beat that - a blocked cat named Rocky. Client's last name was, well, a popular slang term for penis.

I love it when the patient's name and presenting complaint are the same thing!
 
LVT2DVM said:
We are frequently asked by clients to give their dog a "Bordello" vaccine.

I actually had a client tell me her dog didnt need a Bordello vaccine, because he is neutered and doesnt have sex:confused: Just try to hold back that smile.

Must be a Southern thing.
Click to expand...


ooohh....low blow!
 
LVT2DVM said:
Oops. Didnt mean it as a cut down. I was poking fun at myself.. GRITS.
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Girls Raised In The South. My college roommate had this as a bumper sticker on her car. :)
 
:thumbup: You got it.
 
I was speaking with a client on the phone, who had questions about the procedure when doing a cat neuter. She asked, "Do you just suck all the juice out?" :eek::confused: Somehow, I held in the laughter until I got off the phone!

And has anyone else talked to people who think the distemper vaccine is called "distemperament" and is supposed to calm their dogs down?
 
Going through a notebook today, I came across this quote, "The penis is gonna get me." I think it related an anatomy test, but the visual in my head keeps making me laugh.
 
So we have a great Anatomy professor who spends his day making jokes and laughing at himself. Today in class we were talking about the Distal Navicular Ligament (also called the Impar ligament) of the horse forelimb. Our teacher said that if the horse kicks back at you then its "The Impar Strikes Back" . At least he tries to keep us awake in class :laugh:.
 
Today I learned about um, phucktose. I'm pretty sure he meant to say FRuhcktose, but he left out the "rrr" sound.

I have also learned about "Multiphucktorialism" (I think she meant "Multi FACK torialism"
 
Orthonut said:
Today I learned about um, phucktose. I'm pretty sure he meant to say FRuhcktose, but he left out the "rrr" sound.

I have also learned about "Multiphucktorialism" (I think she meant "Multi FACK torialism"
Click to expand...

We have the opposite problem. Our anatomy prof is from Romania, so he likes to add in extra rolled Rs (extra Us and Ms, it seems). So it's like "the horse has a nasal diverrrrrticuuuuuluummmmm." :confused:
 
So, our surgeons love to play pranks on each other. I don't know what it is, but we're always hearing about someone trying to burn someone else with an electrocautery apparatus or stealing equipment from each other. Well, last week in our principles of surgery class, one of our more amusing clinicians was giving her lecture, and about the 3rd slide in, up came a picture of a guy laying on his stomach and bare-hairy-butted. And there was a caption saying "I like hairy butts" The class went nuts of course, and she had the greatest reaction. Unfortunately I think our IT department "accidentally" messed up the audio on that camtasia. We came to find out the next day another surgeon had slipped that slide in on her.

Also - from a really nice, relatively shy cardio professor:
"I know there are some doubts out there about Sildenafil, but I'm telling you, it works." *giggles in the background* "For pulmonary hypertension in dogs that is..." more giggling, he turns bright red.
For those of you who might not know yet, Sildenafil is Viagra.
 
(or nuggets)

our neurology instructor, in addition to having a Japanese accent, also seems to have a lisp. Th, f, v, and b sounds are all quite similar. And when I learn new words, I tend to hear my instructor's voice pronouncing them. This has resulted in me learning such structures as the:
telencethalon
cervicofalamic tract
and the piriform loaf. In fact, all the loaves of the brain.


And a riddle from my Path instructor:

if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

I like to tell my SO "not tonight, dear, I have a testicle" :D
 
Lol flokemahe....and for me its 'uniporter' neurons. And when I read the book and its say unipolar I'm like "what is that?" :p

Serously? ;)
 
Today I learned how we get power from sheep.

Took me all day to figure out what the HECK was so special about meadow maggots, then my friend was like "IT's SHI! you idiot, SHI!, not SHEEP"

Which makes much more sense, microbiologically speaking.
 
flokemahe said:
And a riddle from my Path instructor:

if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

I like to tell my SO "not tonight, dear, I have a testicle" :D
Click to expand...


Hahaha, you completely reminded me. Back in high school, my sophomore advanced bio teacher referred to her quizzes as quizzies.. The day she figured out it doesn't work the same way for tests was priceless.
 
Anyone reading this from KSU knows what I'm talking about, but we had a problem with crows a few months back. Literally thousands were hanging out on and around the veterinary school... they would fly over at dusk and dawn dropping little gifts to us hard working students (who happened to be coming and going at dusk and dawn as well). Well, Dr. Hammer (AVMA president) came to give a speech and during the speech this was said:
Dr. Hammer: "I hear you guys have had a lot of snow this year"
Guy in back of the group: "That's not snow, its crow s**t"


And now for something completely different...

Gross Anatomy II, Urogenital System (slide was a cross section of a testicle)
"So if the testicle is out in the hallway, and the spermatic cord is coming through the door towards you…"
I think I was doing something completely different during that lecture because that was the only thing written down on that set of slides... but I made sure to write that quote down! :laugh:
 
I recently leared all about Wommiting, Womition, and Wessels and their associated nerves. I learned SO MUCH about Wommiting, Womition, and Wessels that I know have to conscioulsy prevent myself from saying "Fluffypants is a 6yo castrated male golden retriever who presented last night to the emergency service with severe WOMMITING and diarrhea..." during presentations!
 
We have the same thing in our histology class. We learn about weins and the central willus. Needless to say, the central willus is the butt of a few jokes.
 
dyachei said:
We have the same thing in our histology class. We learn about weins and the central willus. Needless to say, the central willus is the butt of a few jokes.
Click to expand...

Don't forget "wenous" return!
 
critterfixer said:
I love Dr. Charmi and her Wessels. But let's not forget her infamous drawing of the parathyroid glands on the thryoid:

View attachment 10186
Click to expand...
Oh my gosh, that drawing is priceless.
I have a professor who teaches most of the upper level animal anatomy classes in my undergrad uni. His favorite class is repro, so EVERY TIME he draws something like, say, the pituitary gland on the board, we get a big bright capital lettered note saying NOT TESTICLES added to the board. :laugh:
 
Actually, this brings up a question -
One of my professors uses "auscult" and another uses "auscultate" for the same verb.
I'm never sure which form to use so I start to say it and then trail off at the end (which is so professional, I know...)

Any votes on correct usage?

On a separate story:

We have a seriously ancient Histo prof - little hunched over silver haired denture sporting man who has to be at least 80. Anyways he always kids about how he was born in prehistoric times, very good naturedly about it, but one time he stops dead in mid-sentence and starts to act like he's having a heart attack, huddled over, wheezing - which rouses the class immediately, I know MY heart rate improved dramatically, and then he pops upright, says "Just kiddin! But hey you're all awake now!"
I was like, oh youre hucking filarious...
 
Speaking of wessels and weins - I can't say "vulvovaginitis" anymore.....it's wulwowaginitis now.
 
InfiniVet said:
We have a seriously ancient Histo prof - little hunched over silver haired denture sporting man who has to be at least 80. Anyways he always kids about how he was born in prehistoric times, very good naturedly about it, but one time he stops dead in mid-sentence and starts to act like he's having a heart attack, huddled over, wheezing - which rouses the class immediately, I know MY heart rate improved dramatically, and then he pops upright, says "Just kiddin! But hey you're all awake now!"
I was like, oh youre hucking filarious...
Click to expand...

Before I started undergrad, I sat in on inorganic chem I and II at the local college so I could get a feel for it before taking it for real. The prof for chem I literally had a heart attack during lecture one morning. He kept rubbing his shoulder and arm, stopped suddenly during lecture, and said "I'm sorry...I have to leave" and ran out the back doors. We were all like...what?! Fortunately he ended up being okay, but we had to have a sub for like 2-3 weeks.
 
InfiniVet said:
Actually, this brings up a question -
One of my professors uses "auscult" and another uses "auscultate" for the same verb.
I'm never sure which form to use so I start to say it and then trail off at the end (which is so professional, I know...)

Any votes on correct usage?
Click to expand...

auscultate: to listen to sounds of the body for diagnostic purposes
auscult: to auscultate
so... either one is OK! I prefer auscult (and this is what I hear used more often), because it has fewer syllables and that makes it easier for my tiny pea brain. My tiny pea brain composed of several loaves.... ;)
 
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