Thanks for examples you have outlined for couples with one salary stream.
I bolded the responses. It’s not every waking minute the arguments but when they occurred she more directs me to go do this and that to improve the relationship. She insists the problems are all me and that I am the ONLY one that has to improve things but to be fair I don’t think relationship problems are only due to one persons interpersonal or personality problems or whatever you want to call it.
She does after a while admit that maybe she needs to also come to counseling or whatever it is we end up decided to do
It was much worse and frequent before but now that I have basically given her the life that’s as close as possible to what she wants that I can feasibly achieve it’s improved.
Are you doing counseling? Preferably with someone that specializes in EFT? Does the messed up stuff only come out during arguments or is there a baseline level of contempt that is present in regular interactions? Does she want a better relationship or does she have both feet out the door and only interacts in order to keep you emotionally distant?
A lot of couples have repetitive conflict where both sides act in a rote way and each person's negative thoughts feeds off their partners responses. In couples that go on to develop intimate and functional relationships, both sides commit to viewing "the cycle" as the enemy rather than each other. Even if this relationship doesn't work out, it's worth figuring out what you bring into the cycle so you can recognize what makes you fall into it and how to avoid suffering and inflicting the damage being in the cycle causes in future relationships.
I bolded the responses. It’s not every waking minute the arguments but when they occurred she more directs me to go do this and that to improve the relationship. She insists the problems are all me and that I am the ONLY one that has to improve things but to be fair I don’t think relationship problems are only due to one persons interpersonal or personality problems or whatever you want to call it.
She does after a while admit that maybe she needs to also come to counseling or whatever it is we end up decided to do
It was much worse and frequent before but now that I have basically given her the life that’s as close as possible to what she wants that I can feasibly achieve it’s improved.