There's some truth to your last statement.
However, I vehemently disagree with the former. Perhaps for some women they ultimately feel like what happened while they were drunk was what sober-them would have done. It's muddier when it's something sober-you wouldn't have done, yet you were wasted and it happened.
OTOH, no matter what a guy looks like, just because you are drunk doesn't mean sober-you can't remember being strong-armed into something you said no to, if that's what happened.
I find your comment really offensive, because I know plenty of women, including myself, who have been raped by men they found very attractive. Just because a guy is good looking doesn't mean you have consented. It doesn't make you feel better about being raped, or undo all the hurts that come from it. When you don't want sex with a good looking guy before he rapes you, it's not like the rape is going to make you think better of him.
What you describe about a girl finding out when sobering up and "not caring" could very well just be a coping mechanism to deal with what is generally at least discomfitting to most people - sex they don't remember, sex when they were too wasted to put a good finger on.
This last part is fact: a lot of women who are raped find it hard to identify it as such. Sounds crazy, I know. No one really wants to be raped. Like a lot of trauma and other losses (I won't get into how rape represents "loss" in many ways), there can be denial involved. People make excuses, find ways to blame themselves, or tell themselves it's "OK" because it was your husband or he was hot or whatever.
To everyone else, women are being sexually assaulted, truly assaulted and raped, all the time all around you. If you seem the type to confide in, and you are willing have an open mind and make the women close to you in your life that you trust, feel like you might really believe whatever they tell you, you might be able to ask your mother, sister, SO, grandmother, aunt, close friends, and you might be surprised what they tell you.
I've never found it to be a question that "woke" men have thought to ask me. Maybe some of you are convinced you don't know a lot women who have been assaulted because you never asked the right questions, and she never brought it up to you. Maybe you've made comments like the ones in this thread, and the women in your life, who care for your opinion, filed what happened to them under "do not talk about with SDN dude close to me, or else face humiliation, judgement, or worse, he won't believe me and think ill of me. Or he will believe me and still think ill of me."
In line with what I said above, it's frequently not a question of asking someone, "were you ever raped?" If you ask older women, like your gramma, many will say no. If you start asking different questions, you'd be surprised how often you will conclude what happened is assault, yet for many women it will come as a new revelation. "You told Uncle Jerry he was hurting you and to stop? Aunt Jemima, that's assault...."
Then, given the source and how credible you are able to judge them to be by knowing them, and the lack of likely secondary gain such sources would have in confiding in you, and the fact that for so many understandable reasons they have largely kept this to themselves, you might be able to believe them, or that at least it's what they believe happened to them. And that in most of these conversations, should you choose and be able to have them, they're not trying to smear anyone in the mud, get anyone jailed, etc etc. So then maybe you won't think there's so much to lose in believing them.
Then maybe some healing can happen - because I'll tell you this, when you can tell a man close to you that you were raped, and he believes you and says that it wasn't your fault, that is very healing for so many reasons. So often we focus on how women are telling their stories to hurt men, and not appreciating how, without hurting anyone, or trying to hate on men, or trying to get men to lose their jobs or go to jail, that these conversations can happen in a way that makes both parties feel better about each other.
There's value in discussing and being believed about an assault you never talked about, that happened 15 or 50 years ago. Should women expect those men to see the inside of a jail? That's really tough. It's an unjust world, and there it is. The number of times this stuff happens, and there's no legal consequences, vastly outnumbers the number of times a successful prosecution happens. That's just reality. Talk to any prosecutor about how many cases they get, how many are crap, how many they truly believe happened in their professional estimation, and how many of those cases don't even get prosecuted, let alone won. I don't know how many false cries there are. But the proportion of actual rapes that took place that just go under the rug is huge.
If a case from 10 years ago can be made and proved in court, then why not come forward? If it's proved in court, than legally and practically speaking, it probably actually happened. And rapists (not talking "date rape" or "gosh we were drunk what happened") are almost always serial rapists and have a string of victims. Those are the cases that can work out years later, when enough credible and unconnected witnesses come forward. It's tough in some cases because there might be secondary gain when it's someone well known.
There's going to be extremists in anything - African American civil rights, Temperance, feminists, Wiccans, gun rights, whatever. I don't think the fact the Crusades happened means that Christianity is fundamentally about killing babies. The false rape criers and "me too" stuff are only distractions to a real problem.
