Urrrrgh ...single?

[SunsFun]

Lol, I've never really been anywhere where people have treated me poorly as a population (that I know of -- I mean, they could be flipping me off behind my back).

You're not white??

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[ruralsurg4now]

You're not white??

I'm not?? (Notice how I didn't answer your question? )

 

[SunsFun]

Yeah, the problem is I always target the only person I find attractive, so if I move on, I have nowhere to go.

That sucks but you're not going to magically make them more willing to speak with you even if you come up with some better material. I am convinced that most of the stories guys tell suck and the only reason any girl would listen to them is because they like the guy despite the stories or they are just trying to be nice. It's not other way around. As a matter of fact most guys I've met who know what they are doing listen more and talk less.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

That sucks but you're not going to magically make them more willing to speak with you even if you come up with some better material. I am convinced that most of the stories guys tell suck and the only reason any girl would listen to them is because they like the guy despite the stories or they are just trying to be nice. It's not other way around. As a matter of fact most guys I've met who know what they are doing listen more and talk less.

That's my problem, I already know my stories suck, so I just stay quiet. Believe me, I'd be thrilled to just listen (uh ...for a while), but usually that results in both of us sitting in uncomfortable silence.

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

As SunsFun says, as accomplished and intellectual as you may be, you need to work on the nitty gritty meat market stuff. Especially if you're going to hide that you're a surgeon at the outset. Women are drawn to what a guy does/how much he makes, and his looks at first sight. Sure, personality matters, but far less so at the start. If you take your career out of the equation, you are really only going with your appearance. Make sure you go with your best foot forward and target a potential population where you have a real chance.

 

[SunsFun]

I'm not?? (Notice how I didn't answer your question? )

I am just surprised because of your political views. I guess I shouldn't have been making assumptions in a first place. What are you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I am just surprised because of your political views. I guess I shouldn't have been making assumptions in a first place. What are you if you don't mind me asking?

I'm ...I'm A HUMAN BEING!!! *sob*

 

[punkedoutriffs]

I'm ...I'm A HUMAN BEING!!! *sob*

Lol, fight it brother.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Lol, fight it brother.

*puts fist up in air*

 

[link2swim06]

That sucks but you're not going to magically make them more willing to speak with you even if you come up with some better material. I am convinced that most of the stories guys tell suck and the only reason any girl would listen to them is because they like the guy despite the stories or they are just trying to be nice. It's not other way around. As a matter of fact most guys I've met who know what they are doing listen more and talk less.

It has nothing to do with the quality of the stories.

It is basic psychology...most people like talking about themselves. If you are a good enabler (without interviewing the girl) she will likely have a good time. Add in a healthy amount of teasing, eye contact, and joking then you will be set for a good date.

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

It has nothing to do with the quality of the stories.

It is basic psychology...most people like talking about themselves. If you are a good enabler (without interviewing the girl) she will likely have a good time. Add in a healthy amount of teasing, eye contact, and joking then you will be set for a good date.

Again, the conversation is entirely secondary to the first impression based on career, income (potential), and looks. You don't want him to become her court jester or friendzoned cuddlebitch.

 

[SunsFun]

That's my problem, I already know my stories suck, so I just stay quiet. Believe me, I'd be thrilled to just listen (uh ...for a while), but usually that results in both of us sitting in uncomfortable silence.

Okay so you're basically trying to swim against the current and wonder why you're not getting anywhere. If a girl is not interested in you initially which is evident by her lack of response and not reciprocating your questions, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. Despite what many Hollywood blockbusters would have us believe, trying to come up with material to impress someone like that is a waste of your time and will only result in further disappointment.

I honestly don't know what advice to give you here. Meet more women if you can. Maybe lower your standards. Take risks with women who you think are cute but not exactly your type. And please forget about storytelling. The only people who are actually good at it do comedy for living. 99% of men are not those guys.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Again, the conversation is entirely secondary to the first impression based on career, income (potential), and looks. You don't want him to become her court jester or friendzoned cuddlebitch.

What, are you suggesting that I lead with my profession? Because that seems sort of douche-y to me.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Maybe lower your standards. Take risks with women who you think are cute but not exactly your type. And please forget about storytelling. The only people who are actually good at it do comedy for living. 99% of men are not those guys.

Eh, I'm not at the point where I'm going to lower my standards, at least in looks. Like I said, most likely my first compromise would be becoming willing to date divorced women (in their 20s who were in shape).

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

What, are you suggesting that I lead with my profession? Because that seems sort of douche-y to me.

No, but if you are hiding one of the 2 major things women look at, at the outset, you had better be passing her "looks" test with flying colors. And I think you should heed my advice by private message. Who do you think will draw a woman's attention first/more:

What about you? Whom do you prefer?

Srsly, get a grip. Personality is secondary to looks and what you do with your time (which women read as a reflection of character, reliability, potential as a father, etc.). Of course don't be a jerk. But you will never charm with your words alone.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Who do you think will draw a woman's attention first/more:

Uh ...the guy on the right is more attractive but he also looks sort of gay. At minimum he's extremely metro.

Also, I don't find Drew Berrymore attractive.

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

Uh ...the guy on the right is more attractive but he also looks sort of gay. At minimum he's extremely metro.

Also, I don't find Drew Berrymore attractive.

That's because of the clothing, they should have gone with something more conservative.

Also, sometimes I think it is your personality. You like to argue a lot, and you're stubborn and disingenuous when people are trying to help you.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Also, sometimes I think it is your personality. You like to argue a lot, and you're stubborn and disingenuous when people are trying to help you.

That's true, but if you were a hot chick, I wouldn't.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

BTW, I'm not "disingenuous." Or at least, I don't think I am.

 

[SunsFun]

Eh, I'm not at the point where I'm going to lower my standards, at least in looks. Like I said, most likely my first compromise would be becoming willing to date divorced women (in their 20s who were in shape).

Well then you're not ready to be in a relationship. Nobody in this world gets exactly what he or she wants. We all learn to compromise and be happy with what we have or can get. Until you face this truism, you're just going to live in a dreamworld without much shot at a relationship.

I am sorry if I am coming across rude but this is how I see it especially when you said "pass" on that Jewish girl in a picture even though you though she was cute. Look, I would have jumped on that opportunity even though she is not exactly my type either. Am I more desperate than you or do I have really low standards? Possibly. But I do realize that a person I end up with doesn't have to be exactly my type look-wise. As long as she is cute, I will give it a shot. Why wouldn't I? We may be perfect for each other when we go out in person. Something like that I would never know from looking at a picture. And dismissing her would be a big mistake on my part.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Well then you're not ready to be in a relationship. Nobody in this world gets exactly what he or she wants. We all learn to compromise and be happy with what we have or can get. Until you face this truism, you're just going to live in a dreamworld without much shot at a relationship.

I am sorry if I am coming across rude but this is how I see it especially when you said "pass" on that Jewish girl in a picture even though you though she was cute. Look, I would have jumped on that opportunity even though she is not exactly my type either. Am I more desperate than you or do I have really low standards? Possibly. But I do realize that a person I end up with doesn't have to be exactly my type look-wise. As long as she is cute, I will give it a shot. Why wouldn't I? We may be perfect for each other when we go out in person. Something like that I would never know from looking at a picture. And dismissing her would be a big mistake on my part.

Oh, I don't take anything as rude, really. I don't know if you noticed that. I didn't have a problem with how she looked, which I believe I stated at the time, other than she was skinnier than I prefer. But I could tell she was high-maintenance, which was the case, which I didn't think would work out well. I'm unfortunately like that -- I tend to overanalyze things and then extrapolate five years down the road -- which I will concede is a failing of mine.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Like, if some girl is a little overweight and also doesn't exercise, I immediately go "oh, man, she's going to be fat in five or ten years." That's just how I think, unfortunately.

 

[that redhead]

At this point I figure you get lucky, alter your standards or continue being single.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I'm going with A and C.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Here's a serious question: How does one lower their standards? Like logistically, in your mind, how do you make it happen? Cuz for me, I have absolutely NO control over who I find attractive. And why would you want to be w/ someone who you're not attracted to?

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Here's a serious question: How does one lower their standards? Like logistically, in your mind, how do you make it happen? Cuz for me, I have absolutely NO control over who I find attractive. And why would you want to be w/ someone who you're not attracted to?

I don't think she meant you, since you're not having this problem. Also, I think she got offended when I wrote that part about the overweight woman and took it to mean that I only like anorexics, or something, which is false. So she's telling me not to focus so much on weight. Regardless, I agree that I've never been able to understand how one "lowers" their standards, unless it's in a non-physical area, like being OK with dating someone in a different profession.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

I know it wasn't directed at me. It's just that I hear that all the time but I never understood how people do it.

 

[SunsFun]

I know it wasn't directed at me. It's just that I hear that all the time but I never understood how people do it.

When someone offers to set you up with his or her friend you say yes instead of no even if the girl in the picture is not exactly your type. It doesn't mean you should just go for anybody. It means that you should be more open to meeting women in general and deciding on how to proceed after you two got to know each other a little better.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

When someone offers to set you up with his or her friend you say yes instead of no even if the girl in the picture is not exactly your type. It doesn't mean you should just go for anybody. It means that you should be more open to meeting women in general and deciding on how to proceed after you two got to know each other a little better.

Sure, but if I wasn't open to meeting people would I be going out to these meetups, approaching women, and even talking to women I'm not attracted to (e.g., the large girl)? I think people take it wrong because I write out what I'm thinking, such as "I'm not attracted to this large girl, but I had a good conversation with her." Then they get all upset like "oh, so you're just ruling her out because she's large?" Unfortunately, yes, I'm sorry, I'm all shallow like that.

 

[njac]

I missed it!

(And I've even posted a pic of myself on this thread!)

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I missed it!

(And I've even posted a pic of myself on this thread!)

What, when did you do that? LIES!

Also, you didn't miss much. As soon as I posted it, "coincidentally" all of the women had to leave immediately.

 

[njac]

What, when did you do that? LIES!

Also, you didn't miss much. As soon as I posted it, "coincidentally" all of the women had to leave immediately.

I was in the picture with my friends!

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I was in the picture with my friends!

Oh, you didn't say which you were. Here, I'll PM it to you.

 

[njac]

Oh, you didn't say which you were. Here, I'll PM it to you.

I made a comment about it being a pic of njac and her gratuitous cleavage

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I made a comment about it being a pic of njac and her gratuitous cleavage

Oh, man, I missed the cleavage, too. Now you have to show me.

 

[studentp0x]

If you're not very attractive (and just decent looking) and don't want to show off your job... and not to mention your personality is average (typical guy personality), how do you expect to get a high quality educated chick who's also attractive?

 

[ruralsurg4now]

If you're not very attractive (and just decent looking) and don't want to show off your job... and not to mention your personality is average (typical guy personality), how do you expect to get a high quality educated chick who's also attractive?

Uhh ...ask Santa Claus??

My personality is OK, but not on online dating sites. It's sort of like hitting on everyone in the world, if you ask me. You don't know who's reading it, or what they're into, or even if anyone is reading it at all. I mean, when I look at a woman's profile, I just look at her pictures and then see what she does or what her education level is. Honestly, I don't care if the rest of her profile is blank. So I have no idea what women are looking at or for. That's sort of why I abandoned online dating.

 

[studentp0x]

Uhh ...ask Santa Claus??

My personality is OK, but not on online dating sites. It's sort of like hitting on everyone in the world, if you ask me. You don't know who's reading it, or what they're into, or even if anyone is reading it at all. I mean, when I look at a woman's profile, I just look at her pictures and then see what she does or what her education level is. Honestly, I don't care if the rest of her profile is blank. So I have no idea what women are looking at or for. That's sort of why I abandoned online dating.

I meant in everyday life too. And most guys have "okay" personalities too.
I'm not putting you down, but you seem like a typical guy minus the surgeon part. If you're not showing off the surgeon part, you'll have to settle for an average chick.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I'm not putting you down, but you seem like a typical guy minus the surgeon part. If you're not showing off the surgeon part, you'll have to settle for an average chick.

Oh, yeah, no worries about that, I realize that I'm just an average guy. We'll see how it goes, lol. I'm not completely desperate just yet.

 

[EMDO2018]

I am also near the Appalachians, TN. I can tell you now that you need to find the public schools in the area and hit on some cute 22-24 year old teachers or public universities. So far, as a an 18 year old male, that is were I have seen the most attractive females. Also, I work at a day care with a good number of single moms and it is definitely not a relationship for the light hearted...though between a surgery resident and raising a child...*thinking*...well..."Knife!". Good luck.

I think most physicians want someone on their level. A lot of young, dumb, poor girls will date a doctor just to "come up" and spend all his money. They'll lie like they care about him when all they care about is his money.

 

[SunsFun]

I think most physicians want someone on their level. A lot of young, dumb, poor girls will date a doctor just to "come up" and spend all his money. They'll lie like they care about him when all they care about is his money.

Has this happen to you? Why are you so negative?

 

[EMDO2018]

Has this happen to you? Why are you so negative?

I'm from the type of environment where everybody is poor. The vast majority of girls where I grew up would do anything to land a doctor. ANYTHING.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

I'm from the type of environment where everybody is poor. The vast majority of girls where I grew up would do anything to land a doctor. ANYTHING.

That sounds like happy fun time to me! (And then dump them immediately.)

 

[ruralsurg4now]

By the way, I had missed that guy's above post about meeting teachers. How do people do that? (Don't say "go to bar," I'm sick of hearing that.)

 

[Makati2008]

I think most physicians want someone on their level. A lot of young, dumb, poor girls will date a doctor just to "come up" and spend all his money. They'll lie like they care about him when all they care about is his money.

Not worth it.

 

[EMDO2018]

That sounds like happy fun time to me! (And then dump them immediately.)

Just please, please, please don't get them pregnant. One miscalculated ejaculation = 2 decades at 4ok for child support

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Just please, please, please don't get them pregnant. One miscalculated ejaculation = 2 decades at 4ok for child support

Yeah, tell me about it. I looked at this one place (won't say where) which is apparently famous for its high numbers of single teen mothers who are all desperately looking for someone to support them. It's a nice vacation town, but all the locals who live there just party, drink, and get knocked up young.

 

[ruralsurg4now]

Not worth it.

Lol, I read your post before you edited it. We're not saying that poor people are bad. We're saying that poor people make a calculated decision as to what they can do to stop being poor. With women, like it or not, one way (and often the only way they have) is to bank on their bodies. That's just fact.

I should say "the only easy way" because the truth is that a lot of these women, like I pointed out, remain in poverty because they do the whole cycle of "drinking, partying, trying to be popular by dressing like a ho, uh oh I'm pregnant." Whereas if they didn't do any of that, they'd be nerdy losers who could escape poverty within one generation, probably.

 

[studentp0x]

I think most physicians want someone on their level. A lot of young, dumb, poor girls will date a doctor just to "come up" and spend all his money. They'll lie like they care about him when all they care about is his money.

Most young dumb girls don't care about money and are impressed by a guy who has a car lol even if it's a 2002 honda civic. Those girls you talk about.. if they're hot, they'd never sleep with a doctor who's not attractive to them, just cause of money.

Most single doctors would gladly support a hot young "dumb" girl financially (short term) if it means sleeping with them. But unless they're looking directly for sugar daddy arrangements, a 35 year old single doctor will never land a 20 year old hottie who lives in the ghetto and is dumb as a brick. Those chicks judge superficially, where your face/body comes first and wallet comes second (as long as you have a car).
This is well supported by you'll never see any rich guy who's above 30..35.. genuinely dating a girls who's 18-22.. (approx).

 

[studentp0x]

I'm from the type of environment where everybody is poor. The vast majority of girls where I grew up would do anything to land a doctor. ANYTHING.

Where do you live?