I was just thinking about posting a thread like 5 minutes ago.
I'm curious if it's possible for an insanely busy workaholic to get a FWB but with limited benefits. Like if I just want an "activities partner" to go hiking with or have random dinners and random makeout sessions, are there girls out there down for that? I just don't want any pressure to have to phuck her, nor do I have time for a bona fide girlfriend.
Like, I still will have my basic standards, so it's not like 1 night stands no standards girl, but 1) Christian, 2) pretty, 3) VERY smart, 4) nice/good heart/awesome/FUNNY. But somewhere in between a boring platonic friendship + a little bit of action.
I know myself very well, and if I start phucking some girl, I'll get addicted. I just don't want even that level of commitment now. My time and energy are focused on work, debt repayment of $100K+, finishing my BS, getting my health back, more IT certifications, entrepreneurship, and learning self-defense.
I just wanted to know if there was some "in-between" phase where I can have some of the positive benefits of having a girlfriend but without the time sink. I'm currently living in 100% isolation now, and it wears on the spirit and the psyche.
Just curious if there's an acceptable, feasible middle ground. Everybody's different. I wanna know specifically if there are Christian, intelligent girls out there who are down for a FWB with just some action but no penetration or that level of commitment. I open up more on SDN than I do to any other single human being. I don't judge others, so by the logic of the Golden Rule, I demand that I not be judged too. Different strokes. Either answer my question seriously -- as an adult -- with your level of life experience, or go phuck yourself.
I'd be surprised if there are *truly* Christian girls (i.e. practicing believers, not cherry-picking type, or "yeah I'm Christian, but I basically ignore all the teachings and just do what I want") that are cool with effing around in "anything besides penetration". Usually, true religion dictates some form of "Christian morality/chastity" (this coming from a decidedly non-Christian gal, BTW). Although, most people that call themselves Christian nowadays are anything but. In addition, most intelligent women are focused on a relationship with some degree of commitment because that's how intelligent women work (ie selecting for the most potentially supportive mate).
Just my opinion. Take it or leave it......I'm just wondering why you have such morality/spirituality requirements in someone who you basically don't want a relationship with. If you just wanted someone to chill with and occasionally put her mouth down where the sun don't shine on ya, why would you care if she is Christian or not? Why would you care anything about her moral or spiritual compass? Just seems odd. Not judging, just questioning.
I don't think making out counts as necessarily a violation or anything.
What I'm getting at is a low maintenance GF who is OK if we only talk once a day and see each other once a week, sometimes less, sometimes more. 1 hour here and there. We can spend more time but only if the activities overlap; e.g., I would normally exercise with or without a girl, so she is welcome to join me. Or I would shop for groceries with or without a girl, so she is welcome to join me. That kind of thing.
I've just been in a staunch "get your ducks in a row", but at this rate, it'll be like 2014 before I even consider my prerequisite goals met for a relationship, seeing as I require myself to be debt free before I share my life with a girl in a relationship. I require myself to be healthy before I start dating, etc. I require myself to be skilled in enough in self-defense to protect myself, her, and future kiddos (not necessarily with her).
I was merely curious if a girl would accept me as a work in progress. I'm skinny now instead of the jacked physique I had a few years ago, but I'll get that back over the next 6-18 months. I'll be debt free maybe in 2013, but is there a girl who is cool with dating a man who doesn't meet his own high standards of being debt free? Etc.
And I actually DO want a relationship, but my impression based on experience is that girls are pretty clingy and annoying. They'll call me and annoy me every day. They'll text me at 3 AM the night before I have 2 finals. Girls tend to get way too clingy way too fast, and maybe FWB is the wrong verbiage; I want an extremely low-maintenance relationship who understands that if I go 3-10 days without calling her, doesn't mean I'm not crazy in love with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WTFBBQ
I'm just wondering why you have such morality/spirituality requirements in someone who you basically don't want a relationship with. If you just wanted someone to chill with and occasionally put her mouth down where the sun don't shine on ya, why would you care if she is Christian or not?
I guess I sent the wrong message. No oral required on either party. But makeouts and some emotional connection are mandatory. Just wondering if someone will accept me as a work in progress. Someone who's lost a ton of health and muscle due to unemployment and 4 years of no health insurance, someone who still hasn't graduated, and someone drowning in debt.
I'd originally made all those as "preqrequisites" to dating, but damnit, I'm growing impatient, and quite frankly, lonely. Not desperate or needy, just lonely.
Allright man, I gotcha. That makes a lot more sense, and I totally agree. The problem with the professional life is time. For example, I see the guy I've recently started seeing pretty much only on weekends for maybe 4 or 5 hours in the evening on either Fri or Sat, sometimes (if we are lucky) both. He lives only 10 minutes away. And you know what? That's fine for us. We're both super busy, and it works.
I agree, I think more what would work for you (and most of us in the professional field) is a low-maintenance relationship like you said. At least until we can solidify out career and get our bearings. Unfortunately, like you said, many people (ESPECIALLY girls) are far too clingy. They just don't get our schedule and workload. It is NOT the end of the world if I don't call you every day, etc. It sucks, and it's very rare to find someone who is confident and secure enough in themselves to understand if you can't spend tons of time with them at this point in your life.
sort is as you like..........
