Support Thread for Long Distance Relationships

[christi5784]

Hey Everyone,
I just found got accepted ot a medical school in VA. I am leaving behind my family, friends, and bf come fall unless I am accepted by an in-state school. Any tips for making a long-distance relationship work?

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[imprecious]

Hey Everyone,
I just found got accepted ot a medical school in VA. I am leaving behind my family, friends, and bf come fall unless I am accepted by an in-state school. Any tips for making a long-distance relationship work?

Communication, commitment, compromise, among other things. Congrats on your acceptance!

 

[christi5784]

Thanks!

 

[dnl425]

Congratulations on your acceptance! I would say to try to book your flights in advance and try to see your boyfriend at least every other month. It gives you something to look forward to and you have a target day to get to until you finally get to see each other again. It's definitely do-able. My boyfriend and I were long distance for about 2 years and we're getting married this year. Good luck!

 

[Redneck]

Long story short we (she and I) have agreed to do the whole LD thing. She is starting pharm and I d.o. ~7hour drive. What frequency of visiting should we shoot for? One person mentioned every other month (8 weeks). Is there a consensus on this?

For actually communicating, what do people do. Just phones? Email? old school snail mail? Pigeons with cryptic notes on the leg? Webcams? Instant messaging? smoke signals? Should there be scheduled time for this, or is it better to go with the flow of things?

I'm looking for some guidlines for when we start hammering out our plan of attack.

 

[tigre21]

Long story short we (she and I) have agreed to do the whole LD thing. She is starting pharm and I d.o. ~7hour drive. What frequency of visiting should we shoot for? One person mentioned every other month (8 weeks). Is there a consensus on this?

For actually communicating, what do people do. Just phones? Email? old school snail mail? Pigeons with cryptic notes on the leg? Webcams? Instant messaging? smoke signals? Should there be scheduled time for this, or is it better to go with the flow of things?

I'm looking for some guidlines for when we start hammering out our plan of attack.

I think it depends so much on what kinda people you are and if you enjoy or hate using the phone or IM... I think all the things u listed (although carrier pigeon may be hard to find) are great...just like if you were near each other you would still use all those and hopefully not do the same thing day in and day out...same here...use all the means possible. Plus with school it is harder to talk on the phone for hours so txt msgs or any little sweet things help pass the time. Also when you have trips planned ahead it gives you something to look fwd to and not worry that you don't get to see your SO.

 

[MicroBugs]

Hey all- Thanks to the military, my husband and I have the LD thing down pat. Last aug, he returned from a 2+ yr stint in Japan. The shortest time we went without seeing one another was 6 months, longest 10. It's hard. And he left last week for a 6 mon stint sailing in the middle east. Communication is huge, be it IM or phone or whatever. And also, expect people to change. It's that acceptance that will get you through a lot. If you can't see each other every month, it's okay. As long as you keep busy, the time can really fly. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[dnl425]

Long story short we (she and I) have agreed to do the whole LD thing. She is starting pharm and I d.o. ~7hour drive. What frequency of visiting should we shoot for? One person mentioned every other month (8 weeks). Is there a consensus on this?

For actually communicating, what do people do. Just phones? Email? old school snail mail? Pigeons with cryptic notes on the leg? Webcams? Instant messaging? smoke signals? Should there be scheduled time for this, or is it better to go with the flow of things?

I'm looking for some guidlines for when we start hammering out our plan of attack.

We were 1,000 apart and we planned on seeing each other every other month. We also normally talk around 10pm each night, so it's very consistent, which is important in a LD relationship. We did some email too, but with him in lecture most days, his responses were delayed or we'd just end up talking that night anyway. As long as you try to have each visit planned out, it's something to look forward to and makes the weeks go by faster.

 

[mysophobe]

I went through a LDR a few years ago. Routine definitely does help. Talking every night on the phone at a set time gives you something to look forward to (as mentioned above) and makes it easier to bridge the gaps between visits. Also, if your visits are weeks apart, there shouldn't be any pressure to cram a bunch of activities into the visit. It should be treated like a normal day as though you see each other all the time. Treating it like some special thing that is on the verge of disaster will definitely push it closer to the edge.

 

[ahumdinger]

I'm about to go long-distance with my relationship (Seattle-St. Louis) and I'm very nervous! my bf is in his 3rd year and I will start my first. Will he even have time to talk on the phone? Thank goodness for this support thread!

 

[GammaRay]

I was dating my GF in college for 4 years. Then we went to different states (Me-med school, her-vet school). To make a long story short, we decided to do the following things: (1) Talk via phone every day no matter what (even for 1 minute to say "good night"). (2) Visit each other at least once every 6 weeks. (3) Take a vacation with each other for at least 5 days every year. (4) Spend all major holidays together. (5) Be completely honest with each other. (6) Avoid temptation.

#6 is particularly important b/c once you find yourself in a tempting situation, that reptilian part of your brain can take over - fast. So, I stayed away from places known for "hooking up." we all know which bars and clubs are just good spots to drink/dance/party and which are known for... well... you know.

My GF and I eventually got engaged, then married. We've been married three years now and have been in the same city for the past year (we actually got married while we were in different states).

 

[Redneck]

Gamma,

Sounds like a good game plan. Thanks!

 

[ahumdinger]

I was dating my GF in college for 4 years. Then we went to different states (Me-med school, her-vet school). To make a long story short, we decided to do the following things: (1) Talk via phone every day no matter what (even for 1 minute to say "good night"). (2) Visit each other at least once every 6 weeks. (3) Take a vacation with each other for at least 5 days every year. (4) Spend all major holidays together. (5) Be completely honest with each other. (6) Avoid temptation.

#6 is particularly important b/c once you find yourself in a tempting situation, that reptilian part of your brain can take over - fast. So, I stayed away from places known for "hooking up." we all know which bars and clubs are just good spots to drink/dance/party and which are known for... well... you know.

My GF and I eventually got engaged, then married. We've been married three years now and have been in the same city for the past year (we actually got married while we were in different states).

Gamma what an inspiring story and what great advice!! I definitely agree with #6. Temptation in a moment of weakness can ruin everything.

 

[jd star]

best thing ever for a long-distance relationship.... webcams. sounds cheesy, but my hubby and i have been using them for years when we have been apart. they are really not that expensive, especially when you think about how happy you'll be seeing the other person live in front of you before you go to sleep at night (or whenever)... i think it's definitely helped me through the last few years.

and if he/she is "the one" then you can make it through it all


good luck

 

[chewygummybear]

Does long distance really work? How? Explain...

 

[Doc D]

Long story short we (she and I) have agreed to do the whole LD thing. She is starting pharm and I d.o. ~7hour drive. What frequency of visiting should we shoot for? One person mentioned every other month (8 weeks). Is there a consensus on this?

For actually communicating, what do people do. Just phones? Email? old school snail mail? Pigeons with cryptic notes on the leg? Webcams? Instant messaging? smoke signals? Should there be scheduled time for this, or is it better to go with the flow of things?

I'm looking for some guidlines for when we start hammering out our plan of attack.

Good luck with the long distance. It can work, but both of you have to want it equally as much. I did long distance for 2 years with us about 6-6.5 hours apart. We saw each other every 4-8 weeks. The more workload you have the more of a headache planning time to see each other is. I know that visiting each other at school was better than going to hometown for a visit. Alone time is much better!
We only talked on the phone. We tried IM and that sucked. Mail is not good enough, but sometimes a nice surprise. We talked most nights on the phone and caught up with the days events. Talking more than once a day was too much and sometimes around tests we would talk every other day. It might seem tough after being with someone all the time but it is best to focus when you are in school. As far as making a plan, don't stress, school will create enough of that. Use the time talking with your significant other to relax. Some days I would talk for an hour, sometimes 5 minutes. You will see how it flows. Good Luck. As I said it can work, I got married a little over 6 months ago and I wouldn't have changed anything about our relationship or how we got here. Have FAITH!

 

[medgator]

best thing ever for a long-distance relationship.... webcams. sounds cheesy, but my hubby and i have been using them for years when we have been apart. they are really not that expensive, especially when you think about how happy you'll be seeing the other person live in front of you before you go to sleep at night (or whenever)... i think it's definitely helped me through the last few years.

and if he/she is "the one" then you can make it through it all


good luck

Any recs on a webcam for AIM/webchatting? I was looking at the Creative Live!

 

[beannaithe]

Any recs on a webcam for AIM/webchatting? I was looking at the Creative Live!

My boyfriend and I got each other the Logitech Webcam Pro 5000. It's a little bit more expensive then the Creative Live! If you're going to get the Creative Live, go with the one on Amzaon. It's pretty cheap compared to others on there. But when I read some of the reveiws, I wasn't impressed and figured spending a bit more would be worth it in the end.

 

[f_w]

Any tips for making a long-distance relationship work?

- Southwest Airlines
- Car with good gas mileage
- Vonage
- Money
- No other hobbies

Worked for us for 5 years. Going back to living under one roof was no problem at all.
You like someone, you can make it work.

 

[medgator]

- Southwest Airlines
- Car with good gas mileage
- Vonage
- Money
- No other hobbies

Worked for us for 5 years. Going back to living under one roof was no problem at all.
You like someone, you can make it work.

Wow thats great.... congrats. How far apart were you?

 

[f_w]

Anywhere from 125 to 1550 miles.