My boyfriend died and I missed all my finals, my school refused to expunge grades

[calivianya]

It’s not solving a problem if the solution someone offered you isn’t a solution. I still think people shouldn’t completely breakdown and stop functioning when such event occur, yes, one should take time for themselves but if they have other responsibilities, there should be a plan for them especially if other people is relying on you doing your job. I guess what I believe in is that you should take care of yourself, but be mindful of the consequences of you action and plan accordingly. We will just have to agree to disagree.

I agree with you, for the record.

I went to work just a couple days after my dad died this December. No option not to - my work gave me a couple shifts of bereavement pay, after that, I was expected to be there, and expected to do my job. I was fine through the beginning of my shift, fine with my patient crashing and coding, fine with the flurry of procedures that followed - until his family arrived, and talked about how awful it was to lose their dad. That hit me a little too hard, since I knew intimately what that felt like and was still struggling with those emotions myself. I excused myself, stepped out into the hallway, and lost it.

My manager took over until the patient actually died, thankfully, then it was back on me to finish up the documentation, do postmortem care, get the patient to the morgue, etc., which I did with no problem. It was nice to get that ~30 minute break to cry in the break room, but really, I'm aware that was a nice thing she did and she didn't have to. If you're going into the medical field, you've just got to suck it up and get your work done, no matter what just happened to you... if nothing else, this experience is good practice with that for OP.

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[DokterMom]

I think your best bet is reaching out to local media as someone else suggested. If someone higher up at the school sees this they would not like it at all. This makes the school look horrible even though it is in compliance with their policy. What school if you don't mind sharing?

Agreeing with @Microbug that this would be about the worst thing you could do. There's an active post on SDN about a high profile 'social justice warrior' resident publicly feuding on social media with his residency program right now. While I substantially agree with the resident's politics, his current actions are causing nothing but trouble for his hospital and program, and he's now branded himself as a trouble-maker and seppuku'd his career.

Now onto resilience -- Sometimes you just have to be able to shove your feelings into a box for a while. Compartmentalize. Postpone your own reactions. I'm not suggesting that you try to leave your feelings bottled up - that won't work and isn't healthy. Big feelings can't live in a box forever. Grief and rage need outlets, but they also need to be channeled. You'll need to learn to shelve them for a while and soldier on, then let them out in limited doses when you can.

If I were reviewing your future application, that's the number one skill I would look for from you going forward. You'll need to show that you can do this now, and honestly, I'm not sure how best to do that --

 

[Melchizedek]

I think your best bet is reaching out to local media as someone else suggested. If someone higher up at the school sees this they would not like it at all. This makes the school look horrible even though it is in compliance with their policy. What school if you don't mind sharing?

Sure and douse everything in gasoline while you're at it.

OP keep in mind that the AMCAS has an optional section that lets you address any discrepancies in your application. You could also talk to an academic advisor/pre-med committee (if your uni has one) and have them send a letter that explains the extreme circumstance that caused the WU/F's on your transcript.

Worst case scenario you become one of us non-trads and apply again next year with some grad school grades/research experience/clinical experience. Not getting in the first time around is not the end of the world!

 

[moisne]

1. take a year off... now. worst thing you can do is continue and bomb next semester.
2. See mental health help right now. Preferably within in your school. Often times, they will contact your school on your behalf.
3. Send in update to med schools. If it's a one time huge drop - most schools will be understanding.

 

[freak7]

and whether according to school policy this relationship meets the criteria for bereavement leave, and the reason for the absence on exam day (e.g. traveling to the funeral).

Do you mean the committee's school or the applicant's school? If you mean then committee's school then that all makes sense, but if you mean the applicant's school it would seem to contradict this

trying to be just to all students by applying the rules in a way that consistent under various scenarios.

since there are differences between schools' policies.

 

[LizzyM]

Do you mean the committee's school or the applicant's school? If you mean then committee's school then that all makes sense, but if you mean the applicant's school it would seem to contradict this



since there are differences between schools' policies.

There is nothing here having anything to do with medical school policies -- schools the OP might apply to in the future. What I'm talking about is how a university official handles a request from a current student to drop a class after the drop deadline or to postpone final exams. All students at a given university should be treated equally... if the rule is that you can defer exams if you experience a death of an immediate family member then that rule is applied across the board and there isn't a one-off for one student but not others. Who is a member of the immediate family is defined in school policy and the evidence needed when applying for leave has to be defined in the student handbook. To treat some students at my school one way and to treat others differently would be unjust.

A med school is not going to second guess the decision made by an undergrad institution to grant or not grant bereavement leave.

 

[freak7]

There is nothing here having anything to do with medical school policies -- schools the OP might apply to in the future. What I'm talking about is how a university official handles a request from a current student to drop a class after the drop deadline or to postpone final exams.

Ah! Got it. I completely misinterpreted your first post.