Best Time to start a family( male in med school with non-medical female partner)

[Chromium Surfer]

Would love some feedback about when you all think is the best time to start a family? My partner and I will be engaged this upcoming summer and the plan is to get married next summer after M1 year. As a man I know this is much easier for me for obvious reasons, but I still want to be as supportive as possible despite the rigors of med school. It seems like trying to have a child during fourth year would be a good idea, due to the latter half of it being laid back? The reason I am asking about this is because my partner has a family history of early infertility both from her mother and her father. She met with a gynecologist and is going to do some tests to see if she is also at risk, but based on when her mother was unable to have kids, it seems like having kids sooner rather than later would be best. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

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[McDreamysWife]

We are planning to start our family between his last year of school and first year of residency. So at least we will have his income (albeit it won't be much, we know) while I stay home with the baby. At least that's the plan

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[Chromium Surfer]

We are planning to start our family between his last year of school and first year of residency. So at least we will have his income (albeit it won't be much, we know) while I stay home with the baby. At least that's the plan

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That’s awesome, fingers crossed that everything works out for both of you!

 

[that redhead]

As someone who dealt with infertility and also someone who is a big planner, I would caution you about trying to plan too much just yet. Doctors may not do a full work up if you haven’t been trying unsuccessfully for a year. If she does have a diagnosis of infertility for whatever reason, it will be very difficult to predict when you might conceive and how much money may be involved in getting to that stage. Even if you have a diagnosis, that doesn’t mean immediate pregnancy of course; what if nothing works? I always tried to think worst case scenario where we’d have to pay for multiple rounds of IVF (thankfully did not get to that point)- when is the best time to have that financial burden? Or the financial burden of a new baby? Not something I can answer for you but just food for thought.

Good luck with everything

 

[Chromium Surfer]

As someone who dealt with infertility and also someone who is a big planner, I would caution you about trying to plan too much just yet. Doctors may not do a full work up if you haven’t been trying unsuccessfully for a year. If she does have a diagnosis of infertility for whatever reason, it will be very difficult to predict when you might conceive and how much money may be involved in getting to that stage. Even if you have a diagnosis, that doesn’t mean immediate pregnancy of course; what if nothing works? I always tried to think worst case scenario where we’d have to pay for multiple rounds of IVF (thankfully did not get to that point)- when is the best time to have that financial burden? Or the financial burden of a new baby? Not something I can answer for you but just food for thought.

Good luck with everything

You bring up a lot of good points and I appreciate the insight! I will definitely keep all of these things in mind as I look ahead to the future.

 

[NITRAS]

There isn't a "good" time for kids in medicine, but people have always have had kids.

Id wait a year of marriage before having kids. Kids are awesome, but they are add lots of stress and lack of sleep.

 

[deleted480308]

Try not to be pregnant before marriage, try to wait a year after to get more used to each other, having the salary of a resident is nicer than living on school loans

But at the end of the day, you will start your family when she gives birth which isn’t always easy to plan

 

[Chromium Surfer]

There isn't a "good" time for kids in medicine, but people have always have had kids.

Id wait a year of marriage before having kids. Kids are awesome, but they are add lots of stress and lack of sleep.

Try not to be pregnant before marriage, try to wait a year after to get more used to each other, having the salary of a resident is nicer than living on school loans

But at the end of the day, you will start your family when she gives birth which isn’t always easy to plan

Thank you both for the feedback! We were both planning on waiting at least one year, and possibly longer if she ends up not being at a huge risk for infertility. It's going to suck being gone so much and being unable to fully support her because of med school and/or residency. But I wont be the first person in this situation and I certainly wont be the last person either.

 

[deleted955608]

From the spouse's point of view: We were pregnant during my husband's fourth year of medical school and I miscarried. We tried again when he was in his first year of residency and it took almost immediately. I gave birth during his second year of residency, and from my end, it was miserable. I love our child and my husband, but we had no family anywhere near and he was gone all the time leaving me alone, working full-time, and doing everything with our new baby. People always told me there is no good time to have a baby, but let me tell you, there is. The lack of money and family support was awful. If your spouse is okay with basically being a single parent during your residency, then go for it. Especially if you have family support. But I would sit down and really discuss it in depth before deciding on anything. Daycare isn't cheap and the lack of sleep and stress a newborn can bring is very difficult to get through.