How do you keep your marriage/LTR going well while in pharmacy school?

[Trankuil]

It's not at all like that. Most if not all states have common law marriage. You will still have the same problems untangling as a married couple. If that was the case men would never marry as they would never have to give the woman anything. If you think living together makes the splitting easier financially or emotionally you are being unrealistic.

I completely agree. I have only been married for 2 years, and we now have a 2 month old son. But looking at friends that are not married that are live in couples or that have kids have struggles that we dont have to worry about as much because we are legally married and we have made that legal commitment to each other. I do believe there is a difference.

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[rph3664]

You don't need to get married to build a family and have kids...
You don't need to get married to be in monogamous relationship...
You don't need to get married to say you are in a relationship...

Define relationship?

Whether you are married or not, the couple has to face and work through the problems in their relationship. If the decision is that they want to split no matter what happen... (i.e irreconcilable differences, or whatever) What's the point in having a marriage certificate? Prolonging the process of splitting and bickering through lawyers and bureaucrat?

One of my friends from pharmacy school (she graduated at age 40) was divorced after a long childless marriage, and not amicably. She later lived with a man, and they bought a house together. Their split was on friendly terms - the relationship had simply run its course. She said that getting uncoupled from that house was more painful than her divorce, because they weren't married and there was all kinds of legal red tape they had to wade through because of it.

 

[scoobygrl79]

I actually have that movie... it was surprisingly entertaining for a "vampire" movie, but maybe that's just because I Salma Kayek

I'm her fan too. The movie wasn't Clooney's best work or anything, but I'm a sucker for spooky movies. I have a love/hate thing for the feeling of jumping over noises in the house

 

[PharmDstudent]

It's not at all like that. Most if not all states have common law marriage. You will still have the same problems untangling as a married couple. If that was the case men would never marry as they would never have to give the woman anything. If you think living together makes the splitting easier financially or emotionally you are being unrealistic.

You can't deny the benefits of civil code...

 

[Old Timer]

You can't deny the benefits of civil code...

Enlighten me. What benefits are we speaking about.

 

[PharmDstudent]

Enlighten me. What benefits are we speaking about.

Common law marriage is not a precedence here. Civil code is based on the "mistrust of judges", so the law is strictly followed, i.e. there is no "common law marriage" in this state.

 

[Old Timer]

Common law marriage is not a precedence here. Civil code is based on the "mistrust of judges", so the law is strictly followed, i.e. there is no "common law marriage" in this state.

Note I said most states. You also don't address my assertion that not being married does not lessen the emotional or financial distress of a relationship going down the tubes...

 

[bananaface]

Note I said most states. You also don't address my assertion that not being married does not lessen the emotional or financial distress of a relationship going down the tubes...

http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=4265

It's been a long time since 9 states were most of the Union. You must be a REAL Old Timer.

Alabama
New Hampshire ³
Colorado
Ohio 4
District of Columbia
Oklahoma5 (Okla. Stat. Ann. tit. 43, § 1)
Georgia¹
Pennsylvania9 (23 Penn. Cons. Stat. § 1103)
Idaho ²
Rhode Island
Iowa (Iowa Code Ann. §. 595.11)
South Carolina
Kansas 8
Texas 6 (Tex. Fam. Code Ann. § 2.401)
Montana (Mont. Code Ann. § 26-1-602, 40-1-403)
Utah7(Utah Code Ann.§ 30-1-4.5)

1. Only for common law marriages formed before January 1, 1997 (1996 Georgia Act 1021).
2. Only for common law marriages formed before January 1, 1996 (Idaho Code § 32-201).
3. Common law marriages effective only at death. (N.H. Rev. Stat. Ann § 457:39).
4. Only for common law marriages formed before October 10, 1991 (Lyons v. Lyons 621 N.E. 2d 718 (Ohio App. 1993)).
5. Only for common law marriage formed before November 1, 1998. (1998 Okla. SB 1076).
6. Texas calls it an "informal marriage," rather than a common-law marriage. Under § 2.401 of the Texas Family Code, an informal marriage can be established either by declaration (registering at the county courthouse without having a ceremony), or by meeting a 3-prong test showing evidence of (1) an agreement to be married; (2) cohabitation in Texas; and (3) representation to others that the parties are married. A 1995 update adds an evidentiary presumption that there was no marriage if no suit for proof of marriage is filed within two years of the date the parties separated and ceased living together.
7. Administrative order establishes that it arises out of a contract between two consenting parties who: (a) are capable of giving consent; (b) are legally capable of entering a solemnized marriage; (c) have cohabited; (d) mutually assume marital rights, duties, and obligations; and (e) who hold themselves out as and have acquired a uniform and general reputation as husband and wife. The determination or establishment of such a marriage must occur during the relationship or within one year following the termination of that relationship.
8. Kansas law prohibits recognition of common law marriage if either party is under 18 years of age. (2002 Kan. Sess. Laws, SB 486, §23-101).
9. Pennsylvania law was amended to read "No common-law marriage contracted after January 1, 2005 shall be valid." (Pennsylvania Statues, Section 1103)

 

[PharmDstudent]

Note I said most states. You also don't address my assertion that not being married does not lessen the emotional or financial distress of a relationship going down the tubes...

It should be obvious that the process of divorce is a huge headache, unless you're a lawyer and like going to court- emotional distress. Alimony and spousal support are associated with divorce- financial distress.

 

[Momus]

http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2010/...ivorce-how-al-and-tipper-gores-finances-will/

Al Gore got a divorce after 40 years of marriage. Another reason to not get married ever... "vow" lol...

 

[Old Timer]

It should be obvious that the process of divorce is a huge headache, unless you're a lawyer and like going to court- emotional distress. Alimony and spousal support are associated with divorce- financial distress.

Why do you think there is alimony and spousal support? It is to protect women who by the nature of the biologic process are the ones who usually sacrifice their careers and hence earning potential by taking time off to bear and raise children. Just because one member of the couple does not work outside the home, does not mean they don't contribute to the home in equal measure. Your arguments get weaker and weaker. You still have not said how the emotional toll would be different from a marriage. Explain how you would be less devastated, damaged, injured?

 

[PharmDstudent]

Why do you think there is alimony and spousal support? It is to protect women who by the nature of the biologic process are the ones who usually sacrifice their careers and hence earning potential by taking time off to bear and raise children. Just because one member of the couple does not work outside the home, does not mean they don't contribute to the home in equal measure. Your arguments get weaker and weaker. You still have not said how the emotional toll would be different from a marriage. Explain how you would be less devastated, damaged, injured?

Have you ever heard of a "nasty divorce"? Come on now... Who really wants to fight it out in court? Trust me. There have been plenty of nasty divorces within my family. In fact, all first marriages in my family have resulted in divorce.

 

[Old Timer]

Have you ever heard of a "nasty divorce"? Come on now... Who really wants to fight it out in court? Trust me. There have been plenty of nasty divorces within my family. In fact, all first marriages in my family have resulted in divorce.

Sure I have. You still have not explained how not being married would make ending the relationships easier? Emotionally, what would be the difference.

 

[PharmDstudent]

Sure I have. You still have not explained how not being married would make ending the relationships easier? Emotionally, what would be the difference.

If the state doesn't have legal separation, like in this state, then marriage is dragged out until divorce becomes an option, which isn't the case with not being married. So, the involved parties have to endure "legal separation", all the while trying to move on with their lives.

There are stigmas associated with being divorced and "remarried", which can carry emotional tolls.

 

[Old Timer]

If the state doesn't have legal separation, like in this state, then marriage is dragged out until divorce becomes an option, which isn't the case with not being married. So, the involved parties have to endure "legal separation", all the while trying to move on with their lives.

There are stigmas associated with being divorced and "remarried", which can carry emotional tolls.

You really don't understand people very well. It's the emotional distress that drags out the divorce, not the divorce that drags out the emotional distress. It's the pain of the relationship ending, not the type of union married or not married that causes the problems.

 

[Momus]

"Going through a divorce" = lawyers sort things through

With out marriage, the relationship is just going to end and I can just see it's going to be so much liberating not to wait 6 months - 1 year until a judge finally says "Yes, this **** is over", just so you can move the **** on with your life

Ending a relationship is not as complex as divorce proceeding. Divorce drags the **** out of everything physically, emotionally and financially.

This is what I usually hear... "I'm relieved my divorce was finalized; I want to jump on the table and dance"

To hell with marriage!

-end rant-

 

[Old Timer]

"Going through a divorce" = lawyers sort things through

With out marriage, the relationship is just going to end and I can just see it's going to be so much liberating not to wait 6 months - 1 year until a judge finally says "Yes, this **** is over", just so you can move the **** on with your life

Ending a relationship is not as complex as divorce proceeding. Divorce drags the **** out of everything physically, emotionally and financially.

This is what I usually hear... "I'm relieved my divorce was finalized; I want to jump on the table and dance"

To hell with marriage!

-end rant-

So according to you and PharmDStudent, only people who get married have emotions. Emotions have nothing to do with divorce being difficult. People who live together can just walk away care free.

 

[Momus]

Ending a monogamous relationship is not a matter you take lightly... with or without paper.. The paper is just a hassle once the dust settles and the decision is clear.

If you think the paper can save (or make you stay in/think twice) your relationship, your relationship is doomed from the beginning...

 

[rxlea]

Ending a monogamous relationship is not a matter you take lightly... with or without paper.. The paper is just a hassle once the dust settles and the decision is clear.

If you think the paper can save (or make you stay in/think twice) your relationship, your relationship is doomed from the beginning...

 

[Old Timer]

Ending a monogamous relationship is not a matter you take lightly... with or without paper.. The paper is just a hassle once the dust settles and the decision is clear.

If you think the paper can save (or make you stay in/think twice) your relationship, your relationship is doomed from the beginning...

Well,, ah, duh. That's my point exactly. Not being married provides no advantages as far as ease of getting out of the relationship.

 

[Its Z]

Well,, ah, duh. That's my point exactly. Not being married provides no advantages as far as ease of getting out of the relationship.

that's pretty good.

 

[PharmDstudent]

Well,, ah, duh. That's my point exactly. Not being married provides no advantages as far as ease of getting out of the relationship.

What? It's crazy to think that ending a relationship the moment it's over is the same as going through a divorce.

 

[PharmDstudent]

Here's the thing. Once a relationship is over, I have to cut off contact from the person, or else I can't move on. I throw away sensitive stuff or move it out of sight, delete phone numbers, end certain friendships, and begin new routines.

So, if I have to stay in contact with that person because of a divorce, then I would be an emotional wreck, because I would be hanging on and hoping that we were still together because I can't cut off contact.

My personality type is INFp/INFJ. All NFs have difficulty with ending relationships, because we're "idealists" who care so much about maintaining relationships.

I don't need to understand people the same way that you do Old Timer...

 

[Momus]

Not married - Advantage?

1. A freedom to get through the day without having to discuss every little thing. "Does this suit look good on me?" pfft.. Marriage - Constant compromise, less appreciation.

2. Your wife/husband start gaining 10lb/month until she/he qualifies to be the cast of the biggest loser who goes down faster than Oprah in a street fight. The feeling of entitlement destroys attraction.

3. Being married in US is like playing red and black roulette ~50% of having a divorce except that there is no "00 and 0" to lessen the chance to 47.37%.

4. Marriage is expensive. Average wedding cost is $20-30k. Then see #3, What's the damn point?

5. You get to keep all the money! Unless you are marrying a much poorer person, there is almost no tax advantage in marriage.

6. More Sex. More spontaneity. Married couple - You turn into drones following day to day routines, same sex position same ending or worse no sex at all. The half ass spontaneity of going to a crappy trip on the weekend just because you have to compromise that the money is better invested to pay the bill/fund college tuition

7. No in laws. Enough said.

8. Marriage is just paper work. It's as simple as that. No more no less.

9. Tell the truth. Single person can say "Damn, you ARE fat, girl!!!"

10. Live together, die alone - always the same ending duh... kiss your bride at the wedding "good bye"

11. If you disagree with me, I could give a rat's ass...

 

[Ackj]

Not married - Advantage?

1. A freedom to get through the day without having to discuss every little thing. "Does this suit look good on me?" pfft.. Marriage - Constant compromise, less appreciation.

2. Your wife/husband start gaining 10lb/month until she/he qualifies to be the cast of the biggest loser who goes down faster than Oprah in a street fight. The feeling of entitlement destroys attraction.

3. Being married in US is like playing red and black roulette ~50% of having a divorce except that there is no "00 and 0" to lessen the chance to 47.37%.

4. Marriage is expensive. Average wedding cost is $20-30k. Then see #3, What's the damn point?

5. You get to keep all the money! Unless you are marrying a much poorer person, there is almost no tax advantage in marriage.

6. More Sex. More spontaneity. Married couple - You turn into drones following day to day routines, same sex position same ending or worse no sex at all. The half ass spontaneity of going to a crappy trip on the weekend just because you have to compromise that the money is better invested to pay the bill/fund college tuition

7. No in laws. Enough said.

8. Marriage is just paper work. It's as simple as that. No more no less.

9. Tell the truth. Single person can say "Damn, you ARE fat, girl!!!"

10. Live together, die alone - always the same ending duh... kiss your bride at the wedding "good bye"

11. If you disagree with me, I could give a rat's ass...

I agree with your previous points about immediately ending the relationship and not having to endure court proceedings for a year. However, a lot of the points in this post are against ANY kind of monogamous relationship.

Have me as an example. I am not married, but have a girlfriend. I still have to see her family, we discuss the details of everything, we have somewhat of a routine, and I am not insultingly honest (although I have very little that I could complain about anyway). Now, my lack of marriage doesn't alleviate these, nor would getting married intensify them.

 

[SpirivaSunrise]

Wow...check this out

http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_new...n-instant-before-fighterjet-crashes?gt1=43001

 

[adma826]

don't need to have a wedding. We went to the courthouse and got a license, walked down the hall, and two guys from work witnessed the ceremony on their lunch hour. It was also my husband's lunch hour, but they gave him the rest of the day off to "celebrate".

Done, under $100, including the pizza hut personal pizza I had delivered to our hotel room. The screaming phone calls from the new mother in law were free.

 

[nicolemsm]

Ending a monogamous relationship is not a matter you take lightly... with or without paper.. The paper is just a hassle once the dust settles and the decision is clear.

If you think the paper can save (or make you stay in/think twice) your relationship, your relationship is doomed from the beginning...

Or a baby for that matter.

 

[Old Timer]

Here's the thing. Once a relationship is over, I have to cut off contact from the person, or else I can't move on. I throw away sensitive stuff or move it out of sight, delete phone numbers, end certain friendships, and begin new routines.

So, if I have to stay in contact with that person because of a divorce, then I would be an emotional wreck, because I would be hanging on and hoping that we were still together because I can't cut off contact.

My personality type is INFp/INFJ. All NFs have difficulty with ending relationships, because we're "idealists" who care so much about maintaining relationships.

I don't need to understand people the same way that you do Old Timer...

You don't need to see or speak to the person, that's what a divorce lawyer is for. If you own property together, or have debt together, or have children together it will be just as difficult to untangle the relationship whether you are married or not. What I am trying to get across to you is that if you are in a relationship with another person and the relationship ends, it will be painful either way. Not marrying the person will not save you any pain. If you have a long term relationship with someone and there are NO entanglements at all, no mutual property, no joint bank accounts, no children, then you were just friends with sexual benefits and of course the pain would be less. Marriage is much deeper commitment than that....

 

[Old Timer]

Not married - Advantage?

1. A freedom to get through the day without having to discuss every little thing. "Does this suit look good on me?" pfft.. Marriage - Constant compromise, less appreciation.

2. Your wife/husband start gaining 10lb/month until she/he qualifies to be the cast of the biggest loser who goes down faster than Oprah in a street fight. The feeling of entitlement destroys attraction.

3. Being married in US is like playing red and black roulette ~50% of having a divorce except that there is no "00 and 0" to lessen the chance to 47.37%.

4. Marriage is expensive. Average wedding cost is $20-30k. Then see #3, What's the damn point?

5. You get to keep all the money! Unless you are marrying a much poorer person, there is almost no tax advantage in marriage.

6. More Sex. More spontaneity. Married couple - You turn into drones following day to day routines, same sex position same ending or worse no sex at all. The half ass spontaneity of going to a crappy trip on the weekend just because you have to compromise that the money is better invested to pay the bill/fund college tuition

7. No in laws. Enough said.

8. Marriage is just paper work. It's as simple as that. No more no less.

9. Tell the truth. Single person can say "Damn, you ARE fat, girl!!!"

10. Live together, die alone - always the same ending duh... kiss your bride at the wedding "good bye"

11. If you disagree with me, I could give a rat's ass...

That is the most narcissitic post I have seen in a long time. If you disagree with me, I could care less...

 

[Andy62]

I guess what I'm asking more here is if your SO does take over more of the work while you're in pharmacy school, how do you make it so they don't feel taken advantage of? My husband doesn't seem to mind, but I feel a little bad at how much he does. When I went to a meeting right around finals, the only reason I had clean clothes was because of him!

Pharmacy school was a decision that both my wife and I made. She stays home with our four, maybe 5 by next year, children and puts in a lot of work there. I put in a lot of work at school and studying as well. We are a partnership and we don't question whether we will make it, because we will.

 

[PharmaTope]

"Going through a divorce" = lawyers sort things through

With out marriage, the relationship is just going to end and I can just see it's going to be so much liberating not to wait 6 months - 1 year until a judge finally says "Yes, this **** is over", just so you can move the **** on with your life

Ending a relationship is not as complex as divorce proceeding. Divorce drags the **** out of everything physically, emotionally and financially.

This is what I usually hear... "I'm relieved my divorce was finalized; I want to jump on the table and dance"

To hell with marriage!

-end rant-

makes sense

So according to you and PharmDStudent, only people who get married have emotions. Emotions have nothing to do with divorce being difficult. People who live together can just walk away care free.

why do you need the government involved in your relationships telling you what marriage is and isnt? isn't marriage supposed to be a spiritual thing? in the USA it is intervened (among everything else) by the government that dictates how you will divide assetts and setting up longterm allimony payments.

why should your government be involved and handing out papers that say "yes you are committed to each other"?

Not married - Advantage?

1. A freedom to get through the day without having to discuss every little thing. "Does this suit look good on me?" pfft.. Marriage - Constant compromise, less appreciation.

2. Your wife/husband start gaining 10lb/month until she/he qualifies to be the cast of the biggest loser who goes down faster than Oprah in a street fight. The feeling of entitlement destroys attraction.

3. Being married in US is like playing red and black roulette ~50% of having a divorce except that there is no "00 and 0" to lessen the chance to 47.37%.

4. Marriage is expensive. Average wedding cost is $20-30k. Then see #3, What's the damn point?

5. You get to keep all the money! Unless you are marrying a much poorer person, there is almost no tax advantage in marriage.

6. More Sex. More spontaneity. Married couple - You turn into drones following day to day routines, same sex position same ending or worse no sex at all. The half ass spontaneity of going to a crappy trip on the weekend just because you have to compromise that the money is better invested to pay the bill/fund college tuition

7. No in laws. Enough said.

8. Marriage is just paper work. It's as simple as that. No more no less.

9. Tell the truth. Single person can say "Damn, you ARE fat, girl!!!"

10. Live together, die alone - always the same ending duh... kiss your bride at the wedding "good bye"

11. If you disagree with me, I could give a rat's ass...

 

[FarscapeGirl]

Pharmacy school was a decision that both my wife and I made. She stays home with our four, maybe 5 by next year, children and puts in a lot of work there. I put in a lot of work at school and studying as well. We are a partnership and we don't question whether we will make it, because we will.

Okay, I don't really know you from Adam, Andy62. But your post cracked me up. You say the above as a pre-pharmacy student. You already have four kids and may have five by the time you're in pharmacy school???! Do you have a trust fund, too? Financial problems and lack of significant time with a partner can make anyone's relationship stressed. Add kids in there too, and be prepared for some major issues.

Not trying to be mean here, really and truly. But pharmacy school is a lot more work than the pre-reqs. And my husband's and my finances have gone into the toilet. I'm married to a non-student who makes just about as much as a grad student, but because I'm married, we don't get much in student loans at all. Maybe you get extra for all the kids or maybe you get help from family, but if not, I'd love to hear you repeat this when you are in pharmacy school.