Doctor's life for women!

[simply_me]

Hello everyone,

I hope this is the right section to ask my question.
I am an Indian by origin, currently living in Vancouver, Canada. I will be starting my medical school (in India) in couple of months. Belonging to an Indian family, my parents are already thinking about my marriage!!!!! They want me to get married in next couple of years (when I would be in the 2nd or 3rd year of medical school). Being the only daughter, I really have no control over their decision.
I want to know how hard it is if you do get married during your medical school? Would my studies suffer? or Would my marriage suffer? Do students tend to take a break (and is it even possible??) during med school?

Also just generally, after you are done with your education, as a female, how hard is it to keep both your profession and your family life at a stable point?
I am actually quite family oriented and doesn't prefer to work a lot and stay away from family. I know medical profession is demanding but that's something I have always wanted to do.

Any experiences from female doctors? What kind of obstacles did you go through? And how did you manage them?

Thanks for your time =)

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[wena17]

I wish you all the best and hopefully you don't get stuck in an unhappy marriage!

 

[JAWSCIENCE]

I got engaged and married a fellow medical student while in medical school. It can be done and a strong marriage amongst understanding parties will last with effort. However, it is difficult. You need to be sure your spouse is supportive of your goals and career. Many of may classmates have gotten engaged/married in medical school. BUt lot of thought, consideration and planning went into these marriages.

Different specialties require different time commitments as do different residencies. In maintaining your family life you must be organized and surrounded by supportive people.

It is certainly possible to maintain your cultural beliefs and tradition and handle having a family while being a Dr. but it can be difficult. With determination, support, organization and much effort you can make your dream a reality.

Think things over deeply and thoroughly as you move forward and make sure you do what is right for you and your goals, both career and family wise.

 

[simply_me]

Thanks for your words =)
I m not in any rush but my parents have already started thinking about my marriage. This is quite common among Indian families. They are being quite supportive though about my decision to go into medicine. But according to them, "things must be done on the right time". But I think I won't be married during my medical school but most probably be engaged. I am really hoping my parents would support me throughout my career and let's hope for the best. And I hope whoever I marry is supportive and understanding. Let's see what life has for me.....

 

[sgtbrushes]

I want to know how hard it is if you do get married during your medical school? Would my studies suffer? or Would my marriage suffer? Do students tend to take a break (and is it even possible??) during med school?

There is only so much time in the day, so either your studies would suffer, or your grades would suffer. But, who wants High Honors anyway? I promise you you could pass every test in med school while having a significant other.

I don't know anything about Indian med schools, but taking a break is not the best thing to do. It shows a lack of commitment. For family/ medical emergencies, there is a protocol, I believe. To get married... well, I think the school could have issues with having you take a break to get married. They have too many eager pre-meds who want your slot for them to hold onto it for you.

 

[sumstorm]

Since most of us are going to schools in N. America, we won't have great answers about school in India. You may need to contact female med students there.

Any marriage is about finding a compatible mate and about agreeing to what are priorities for each individual and for the partnership. Those will be important things to establish before marriage. Marriage and medicine CAN be balanced.

As for why parents are involved, it is a tradition of some cultures...and the arranged marriages of my friends are happy and healthy. The dynamic is different, but I see some things as far less problematic for those couples, and other things more challenging. Dependent on how well the parents know their children, how everyone prioritizes things, how clear communications are, and how ok each party is with the arrangements.

 

[Old_Mil]

Hello everyone,

I hope this is the right section to ask my question.
I am an Indian by origin, currently living in Vancouver, Canada. I will be starting my medical school (in India) in couple of months. Belonging to an Indian family, my parents are already thinking about my marriage!!!!! They want me to get married in next couple of years (when I would be in the 2nd or 3rd year of medical school). Being the only daughter, I really have no control over their decision.

Quite honestly, you're an adult, so you have control over your life. It is they who are in the position of making suggestions, not recommendations. If you do not have the maturity to take control of your life in this very personal decision, you do not have the maturity to attempt medicine.

I am actually quite family oriented and doesn't prefer to work a lot and stay away from family. I know medical profession is demanding but that's something I have always wanted to do.

Any experiences from female doctors? What kind of obstacles did you go through? And how did you manage them?

Thanks for your time =)

Your family will come around.

(And why are you planning on attending a medical school in India? The cost savings are unlikely to offset the match penalties you'll face being an IMG...go Canadian MD, US MD, or US DO...)

 

[simply_me]

Quite honestly, you're an adult, so you have control over your life. It is they who are in the position of making suggestions, not recommendations. If you do not have the maturity to take control of your life in this very personal decision, you do not have the maturity to attempt medicine.



Your family will come around.

(And why are you planning on attending a medical school in India? The cost savings are unlikely to offset the match penalties you'll face being an IMG...go Canadian MD, US MD, or US DO...)

I understand what you are saying. But actually my parents are quite supportive of my decision to go into medicine. And they are not forcing me or anything to get married. They just talked to me about this. I understand their concern as well because among Indian families, this is a very common thing that girls go through and I am not complaining. I am not letting them take control over my life. They just talked to me for what they have in mind. I am the only daughter so obviously they would have plans and dreams of my wedding.
And I simply came here to ask how life would be if such thing would happen. If down the road, I am not ready to get married, I am 100% sure that they will support me.

I am planning on attending a medical school in India because my GPA is quite low for US/Canadian medical schools. But I do have the passion to do medicine. Staying here for another 2 years, to complete my bachelors (I just finished my 2nd year undergraduate), doing a masters to raise my GPA, doing extra curricular stuff like volunteering, research (which I don't mind), still doesn't guarantee that I will get into a medical school here.
Instead of wasting so much time and getting disappointed over all those refusals, I chose to go to India

I understand I will be labelled IMG - but I have seen many many Indian doctors coming here and getting residencies. Hard work always pays off

 

[Nummy]

Hi

I think I understand what your going through because I'm Indian too and my parents have been saying the same things to me. What I did was I made them promise to not look for anyone for me until I graduated from undergrad. (They were ok with that and my mom was actually super happy b/c she doesn't have any faith that the guy I'm seeing right now will make a commitment...but that's another story). Just be very open with your parents about what type of person you would like so he can be compatible to different aspects in your life. I know its a scary thought to talk to desi parents so openly like that (well it was for me because my parents are very religious/conservative) but you'll be glad you did. And if you can't talk to both, at least try to talk to your mom.

As for Indian medical schools...have you every seen the Bollywood movie Munna Bhai MBBS? It'll give you an idea on how medical schools are set up in India (they are very different from here. You don't go anywhere near a patient for a very very long time and most of the learning is through memorization with barely any practical work). Depending on which medical school you go to, you can figure out if they'll let you take time off and when (my brother-in-law was able to take time off from dental school when he married my older sister but he was almost done with his last year). Just talk to administrators there and other medical students. See if anyone else is married and how it affects school.

Hope this helps

 

[simply_me]

Hi Nummy,

thanks for your words! Yes talking to desi parents about marriage is actually very scary for me. Maybe I'll try with my mom.

In India, I applied to KMCIC (Manipal). As far as I know, its US-modeled school and has hospital integrated basic sciences program. So lets hope that I get to do some practical work!
Yes I saw Munna bhai MBBS (I love that movie lol). But I thought the movie is just an exaggeration of Indian medical schools? Well, it's sad to know that is how the set up is. I hope that KMCIC is more like US schools.

Thanks though =)