This thread is giving me a little bit of hope. I'm starting to apply right now and I've never really been in a relationship, mostly because my confidence blows and because it's hard to find someone I'm attracted to physically and intellectually (I know, i sound arrogant, but seriously it's hard to find someone with the same priorities as a pre-med). I mean, there's been girls interested in me, but idk they just never really "clicked" in my mind.
but then I met this girl who has everything I'm looking for, and after it seemed like she was interested, I decided to grow a pair and tell her I was interested. yeah she seemed flattered and everything, but she told me she's too scared to get involved in anything. she's afraid that she wouldn't have time for a relationship, so she's never even thought about liking a guy. first i thought she was trying to let me down nicely, but then it made sense; she's got a pretty conservative background, never had a bf, and I don't think a guy has ever really been interested in her (she's uber-nerd status and hardcore about school, which somehow makes me
), so this is a really new situation for her. call me cocky, but I truly believe it doesn't really have to do with me or her not liking me (but now i'm wondering about all the signals i was getting from her before...)
yeah so i was sad that i had lost my chance and that I wouldn't find another girl like that, but I realized med school has a lot of smart girls who are (from what I can tell from website pics) pretty attractive. but I was concerned that maybe people don't get together with other people during med school, and i was anticipating 4 lonely years. yay to this thread
but i'm still hung up on this girl.. anyone been in this situation? it's only been a couple weeks since i told her and she never expected me to come out and tell her, so do you think she's scared/surprised and might just need some time to think? (like I said, i don't think a guy has ever come out to her and told her this. combine that with her commitment to school and you've got a pretty tough egg to crack haha). Or is this truly the end of the line?
LOOOL
This is EXACTLY whom I was providing advice for. And when I did this I was getting beat up for no reason.
Now, I get to show what I mean...
Look, Several things went wrong and I dont even know where to start.
First of all, let me talk about the psyche of women. I dont care how average looking a girl is, how socially awkward a girl is, how nerdy she is. If she's even a 5/10 looking girl she's been hit on before. maybe not outright asked out all the time, but guys are checkign her out, guys are trying to strike conversation up with her.
You think you're the first guy to ever approach her like that? You think you're the only guy who came and talked to her with more than a passing interest? I'll bet many guys have done it before and almost all of them probably behaved like you.
Which leads to the point that you let your guard down. Thinking she was this nerdy chic who would be ok with someone hitting on her she'd at least show some sign of interest. Problem is, girls are TURNED OFF by such WUSSY behavior.
And thats precisely what you were, a wuss. I sound like a jerk, I know I know, so I'm going to apologize right now so that I can keep your attention and not turn this into a heated war. So: I'm sorry.
That being said, here's what transpired underneath all that subterfuge:
Basically, you've got limited experience with girls. And with that being said you have been ingrained with the notion that somehow women are these gentle creatures waiting to be asked out kindly and that if the 'right' girl comes along you will be able to ask her out and it will all work out.
FIRST MISTAKE:
The first mistake you did was assume that because she showed 'interest' in you initially that somehow it may workout if you just ask her out directly. Basically you asked if she was 'interested' in a relationship. You decided to 'grow a pair' because you have known how in the media and so forth guys need to 'grow a pair' because asking a girl out requires special skills or 'smoothness' or is above and beyond everyday activity.
The fact is, that girl's been showing interest in guys since she hit puberty. I dont care if she's ok looking or dresses conservatively or whatever. NEVER EVER MAKE AN ASSUMPTION ABOUT A GIRL. Let me ask you this, how often do you check hot girls out? chances are thats how often she's checking guys out. Why should you be any different?
So, rule number one: Never make assumption about a girl no matter how 'unattractive' or 'uncool' or 'conservative' she is.
Now, here's the next mistake you made.
MISTAKE NUMBER TWO:
do you know why she was 'the one' and had everything you wanted in a girl? Because, through your own admission, you never bothered really talking to other girls. Now you sort of came across the answer on your own but you don't seem to be too confident in it. That you will come across attractive and smart girls in life. The fact of the matter is....THAT IS A FACT. THere are countless women EVERYWHERE.
The reason why she seems to be cool is because, and I'm going to take a leap here...you've been too much of a wuss all your life not having the balls to talk to chics and not having the 'confidence' to go up to women and chat them up.
Instead you did what every self respecting man does...you rationalized it that you were too good for them. OF COURSE YOU ARE. you are you. you are better than everyone else. if you dont have that confidence with yourself THEN NO ONE WILL.
The problem is, you're using it the wrong way. Instead of thinking I'm a smart and confident guy let me talk to all these women who I can chat up with who would see what I see in myself, you've decided to throw away the most important currency out of the window. The currency of confidence. And you used it to rationalize your way out of asking women out. You made yourself into a WUSS.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT. you are INEXPERIENCED. Do you know how many times guys come up to me with this BS? Oh man, I'm too good for most chics I dont care for most of them, I'm going to save my interest and important time FOR THAT SPECIAL ONE PERSON. And then she COMES ALONG. and has everything they want...looks, smarts,
MAN SHE EVEN WEARS THE SAME UNDERWEAR AS ME
the fact of the matter is, EVERY GUY including myself has gone through this before where we constantly come across MANY WOMEN whom we think are THE ONE. and then get REJECTED for some odd reason and think....EACH AND EVERY TIME. man I just lost the best girl in my life, **** what next?
and then we go ask our friends (or in your case message boards) about how we can attract women and how we lost that 'one' that special 'one'.
Your mistake was to ASSUME that shes the one. You dont even KNOW her. you dont even have a strong FRIENDSHIP with her. I can tell you how many girls I made an assumption about and then found out how different they were after we became friends: EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
Let me ask you: do you put your emotions and attitude on a sleeve? Does everyone size you up immediately? Does everyone know who you are the frist five minutes they talk to you? I HOPE NOT, AND PROBABLY THE ANSWER IS NO...then why is that girl any different?
Your mistake was putting too much into this one girl because you thought she was something special, thus, WORTH PURSUING.
THUS, because of your limited experience, and the pressure that you may not come across a girl again and compounded with the nervousness of talking to her and all the thinking that went into it(very apparent since you thought you grew a pair of balls specially for this occasion) you basically decided that she was a special one.
the fact is, your limited experience and your worry that you'll lose out of if you dont talk to her made you think she's the one....BIG MISTAKE.
MISTAKE NUMBER THREE.
you think its your fault. And I dont mean what you did(which is your fault) but who you are as a person.
You may not have said its your fault or that you think it is. In fact you've even tried to play it off by saying you're too 'cocky' and so forth.
the fact is, its crossed your mind. Just from the way you wrote, that 'down feeling' as if perhaps you are at fault as a person. maybe you feel you're not good looking enough, or tall enough, or not sociable enough. whatever the reason. But the fact is, you do feel like that.
Now why, when I am a complete stranger to you, who knows nothing about you, be so confident in what I say? Because if you were truly confident in yourself you wouldnt be here.
And there is nothing wrong with how you feel. WE ALL START off like this. Everyone starts off somewhere. Tom Brady was a ****ty quarterback at some point in his life. Andre Agassi sucked at Tennis at some point in his life. and George clooney sucked with women at some point in his life.
The thing is, you gotta build yourself up and realize you have things others don't have. This isnt some mind trick I'm trying to play, some sort of ok now feel better about yourself you'll b fine in life bla bla bla. This is how it is...if you're not believing in yourself then why should a woman?
And that brings me up to another point...WOMEN CAN SIZE MEN UP IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. The minute they approach, how they talk etc. a girl can figure it out in seconds. Every girl who's at least average looking can.
On top of that, women subconsciously decide who's worth their time and who isnt. Its just that way. And once you get placed in the iffy guy box...you've got a up hill climb.
So now that I've pointed out some of your flaws....my next post is going to be about what you can do about it.
