Dating in Med School for AAs

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

LOL, any dude who is smart enough to get into Morehouse is not a thug. Not a real one anyway. I'm sorry but girls like you who says no one is one their level, or smart enough, or good looking enough for them, usually these girls are hideous or have really abrasive personalities.

I didn't say they weren't on my level, THEY SAID they weren't on my level, lol. All of my male friends are good looking though. The really nerdish type of dudes (the quiet ones) are not that good looking (This is majority of my female friends opinions). I'm not hideous and my personality is def. not abrasive. Actually, a lot of people like my personality because I am a funny and sarcastic person. Even my students who I am teaching in Korea love my personality and everyone I interact with. This is why I have so many close friends from not only elementary, but JHS, HS, college and Korea .


I know a couple of dudes from MH that used to be gang bangers and turn over a new leaf.

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[2012mdc]

Everything that is in bold are completely true. I graduated from Spelman College , my beloved institutions and there were still dudes who had that thuggish persona at Morehouse. Some were gay and the others who were good looking and smart were cheaters or a lame. I was too busy grinding and winning scholarships because Spelman was really expensive, I didn't have enough time to invest in a relationship. Even though, I talked or dated a couple of ppl they always send that I am very intimidating and they are not on my Level. They claim that I am doing too much and feel like they are not on the same page as me. Currently, I in living in South Korea on a Fulbright fellowship, so dating is def. out until I start medical school. The only problem I have is the lack of blk males in medical school. I always feel that the smartest blk dudes are not the best looking ones. I def. have to sacrifice something and I can't always have it my way since this is not Burger King .


Lastly, being a New Yorker from Brooklyn I def. had thug lust in HS but I grew out of that phase after I graduated. The Pradas, Jordans, Ekco, Pepe, Roca-Wear, Lacoste were really popular and if a dude wore that then all the ladies were all over him . Sad but true.

Please don't generalize to that extreme. Change "always" to "often" and I would agree with you but your statement would also apply to males and females of any race.

I also don't get the preoccupation with having to find a mate within the med school. Dating in med school doesn't mean you have to date another med student. Trust me when I say it can be overrated

 

[management]

Please don't generalize to that extreme. Change "always" to "often" and I would agree with you but your statement would also apply to males and females of any race.

I also don't get the preoccupation with having to find a mate within the med school. Dating in med school doesn't mean you have to date another med student. Trust me when I say it can be overrated

Cosign to the fullest, and to be honest, you have both 'not so smart' and smart ratchet looking women and men

I believe that folks can find a decent mate while in med school, but if you're gonna date in med school, better make sure she/he is down for real. Just like a job, it's gonna be terribly awkward if you two split up while in med school, and you have to be in the same class.....don't need any additional stress in med school eh.

 

[2012mdc]

Cosign to the fullest, and to be honest, you have both 'not so smart' and smart ratchet looking women and men

I believe that folks can find a decent mate while in med school, but if you're gonna date in med school, better make sure she/he is down for real. Just like a job, it's gonna be terribly awkward if you two split up while in med school, and you have to be in the same class.....don't need any additional stress in med school eh.

Recently got out of a 2 yr relationship with someone at my med school. Thankfully she wasn't in my class and I'm a 4th year so I'm not around.

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

Recently got out of a 2 yr relationship with someone at my med school. Thankfully she wasn't in my class and I'm a 4th year so I'm not around.

Dang, that probably sucked because two years of your life was wasted but it doesn't matter since you are almost a full fledge doctor.

Please don't generalize to that extreme. Change "always" to "often" and I would agree with you but your statement would also apply to males and females of any race.

I also don't get the preoccupation with having to find a mate within the med school. Dating in med school doesn't mean you have to date another med student. Trust me when I say it can be overrated

Ok, I will change always to OFTEN instead . I thought the whole point of this thread is medical students dating other medical students . I also thought this will be an easier relationship than dating outside of medicine.

Cosign to the fullest, and to be honest, you have both 'not so smart' and smart ratchet looking women and men

I believe that folks can find a decent mate while in med school, but if you're gonna date in med school, better make sure she/he is down for real. Just like a job, it's gonna be terribly awkward if you two split up while in med school, and you have to be in the same class.....don't need any additional stress in med school eh.

Exactly, have to make sure you have that Bonnie/Clyde or Beyonce/Jay-Z type of relationship because medical school is a big stressor, unfortunately

 

[2012mdc]

Dang, that probably sucked because two years of your life was wasted but it doesn't matter since you are almost a full fledge doctor.



Ok, I will change always to OFTEN instead . I thought the whole point of this thread is medical students dating other medical students . I also thought this will be an easier relationship than dating outside of medicine.



Exactly, have to make sure you have that Bonnie/Clyde or Beyonce/Jay-Z type of relationship because medical school is a big stressor, unfortunately

I wouldn't call it wasted at all. It was good for the most part and I learned about myself

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Everything that is in bold are completely true. I graduated from Spelman College , my beloved institutions and there were still dudes who had that thuggish persona at Morehouse. Some were gay and the others who were good looking and smart were cheaters or a lame. I was too busy grinding and winning scholarships because Spelman was really expensive, I didn't have enough time to invest in a relationship. Even though, I talked or dated a couple of ppl they always send that I am very intimidating and they are not on my Level. They claim that I am doing too much and feel like they are not on the same page as me. Currently, I in living in South Korea on a Fulbright fellowship, so dating is def. out until I start medical school. The only problem I have is the lack of blk males in medical school. I always feel that the smartest blk dudes are not the best looking ones. I def. have to sacrifice something and I can't always have it my way since this is not Burger King .

Lastly, being a New Yorker from Brooklyn I def. had thug lust in HS but I grew out of that phase after I graduated. The Pradas, Jordans, Ekco, Pepe, Roca-Wear, Lacoste were really popular and if a dude wore that then all the ladies were all over him . Sad but true.

Ah, it is a regional thing then. Depending on what race you are around the most, you are going to see this kind of behavior with a certain segment of young women and young men. I see it with some of the women where I live who aren't black. Most couldn't write a paper to save their lives while in school, but they think it is the coolest thing in the world to write their man that is locked up. My brother is a Sunday school teacher (youth) and he was talking about relationships in his class one Sunday and he said that one girl kept insisting that she only dates 'cholos'. Now, I have heard the word before and had a sort of image in my head of what that was, but I still had to ask him what that was--- apparently you can find this attitude anywhere and with any race. Pop culture, maybe. It seems to cross all races and economic/social classes out here. It is seen more in the working and poorer class, but it is pretty prevalent.

The young men, regardless of race, also have this strange desire to prove that they are the biggest and the baddest. Gangs are pretty bad around some parts of California; its crazy how people kill over the color someone is wearing. Or how important it was for them to go to school wearing clothing with someone else's name on it.

Strange, there wasn't a correlation between looks and smarts where I went to school.

 

[nygiants fan]

So.....to summarize: Black guys like black girls, but don't mind dating other races (and you really shouldn't anyway; just date whoever you think looks pretty and has a personality that you like regardless of color); a large enough percentage of black girls tend to go after ghetto guys for "reasons" and think that all smart guys are unattractive; black girls that meet smart, attractive black guys think that they are too white or too pretty and shut them down; black guys shrug and date women of other races; as long as the woman is ugly and/or the black guy is a bum, the black girl is ok with seeing an interracial relationship; if the non-black girl is very attractive and/or the black guy is well-to-do then the black girl gets furious and complains that there are no more "good black men"; black guys either shrug it off or get bitter/jaded; hilarity ensues.

Did I miss anything?

 

[2012mdc]

So.....to summarize: Black guys like black girls, but don't mind dating other races (and you really shouldn't anyway; just date whoever you think looks pretty and has a personality that you like regardless of color); a large enough percentage of black girls tend to go after ghetto guys for "reasons" and think that all smart guys are unattractive; black girls that meet smart, attractive black guys think that they are too white or too pretty and shut them down; black guys shrug and date women of other races; as long as the woman is ugly and/or the black guy is a bum, the black girl is ok with seeing an interracial relationship; if the non-black girl is very attractive and/or the black guy is well-to-do then the black girl gets furious and complains that there are no more "good black men"; black guys either shrug it off or get bitter/jaded; hilarity ensues.

Did I miss anything?

 

[JaneAustenFan]

So.....to summarize: Black guys like black girls, but don't mind dating other races (and you really shouldn't anyway; just date whoever you think looks pretty and has a personality that you like regardless of color); a large enough percentage of black girls tend to go after ghetto guys for "reasons" and think that all smart guys are unattractive; black girls that meet smart, attractive black guys think that they are too white or too pretty and shut them down; black guys shrug and date women of other races; as long as the woman is ugly and/or the black guy is a bum, the black girl is ok with seeing an interracial relationship; if the non-black girl is very attractive and/or the black guy is well-to-do then the black girl gets furious and complains that there are no more "good black men"; black guys either shrug it off or get bitter/jaded; hilarity ensues.

Did I miss anything?

The some part here, but people are going to believe whatever so there is no point in beating a dead horse.

I think people think too hard about this stuff. There are insecure people everywhere and of every race and then there are people who just don't care.

I am curious how much time there actually is to date or have a substantial relationship in medical school. I overheard someone say that those who go into medical school in a relationship usually don't end medical school in that same relationship.

I wonder how true that is or if that is just another generalization?

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

So.....to summarize: Black guys like black girls, but don't mind dating other races (and you really shouldn't anyway; just date whoever you think looks pretty and has a personality that you like regardless of color); a large enough percentage of black girls tend to go after ghetto guys for "reasons" and think that all smart guys are unattractive; black girls that meet smart, attractive black guys think that they are too white or too pretty and shut them down; black guys shrug and date women of other races; as long as the woman is ugly and/or the black guy is a bum, the black girl is ok with seeing an interracial relationship; if the non-black girl is very attractive and/or the black guy is well-to-do then the black girl gets furious and complains that there are no more "good black men"; black guys either shrug it off or get bitter/jaded; hilarity ensues.

Did I miss anything?

Nope, not in my opinion. I asked my parents if I married someone out of my race how would they feel, they said that there is nothing wrong with that but they won't attend my wedding . My parents are Jamaican and can be really old school sometimes. Remember, can't say all instead change it to most. 2012mdc stated that ALL is being too strict. I don't think a guy is too preppy if they are smart some of them can be lame but then again everyone has a certain type of personality. I am an ENTJ so I don't expect every one to act like me, that's too much. Too Pretty? No, I don't call men pretty, I call them handsome or GQ fine. Something like my ex-husband, Morris Chestnut, or my new fiance Michael Jai White . (Of course, these are hypotheticals and I don't really have a relationship with them , unfortunately)
I don't like seeing interracial relationships because I always wondered WHY date outside your race. It doesn't matter how much the gender in your race gave you problems, that should make you stronger and a better person. It's like a woman whose been abused by her husband is now into women because of their past relationships or experiences. It's an excuse that is trying to be justified. No matter what, I don't know you will ever be fully accepted into that race's family.

There are hardly ANY good black men. I mean someone is goal-oriented, focus, family oriented, grinder, and who take care of theirs. It's hard to find in my opinion. It's like finding a perfect pants; I mean everything perfect down to the waist to the seams. To have something perfect you have to design yourself but then again, No body is perfect and this is not Utopia. Also, most of the black men that are in school are Africans or Caribbean not really African-Americans.

I think the best place to find a mate is through conferences such as ABCRMS and Student National Medical Association (SNMA) Conference. Next year, SNMA is in Hotlanta. lol, I heard this from one of my friends.

And I am a girl who agrees wih this somewhat

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

I wouldn't call it wasted at all. It was good for the most part and I learned about myself

Well, since you are in 4th year, curently you are worried more about matched than anything. I always wonder how does couple match works and do ppl discuss the potential of moving with their spouse? This is where I think it's good to have someone who is in the same field as you.

 

[2012mdc]

The some part here, but people are going to believe whatever so there is no point in beating a dead horse.

I think people think too hard about this stuff. There are insecure people everywhere and of every race and then there are people who just don't care.

I am curious how much time there actually is to date or have a substantial relationship in medical school. I overheard someone say that those who go into medical school in a relationship usually don't end medical school in that same relationship.

I wonder how true that is or if that is just another generalization?

In my class most of the people who started in a relationship are still in a relationship and are engaged or married now. There were a couple that didn't work out and some of those found new ones.

For all the pre-meds in here - do not put your life completely on hold once in med school. Med school is time-consuming obviously but it is important to have balance. You clearly don't want to be chasing the opposite sex all the time but if you meet a great person there is time to make it work and a strong relationship brings a lot of positives to a stressful situation.

Well, since you are in 4th year, curently you are worried more about matched than anything. I always wonder how does couple match works and do ppl discuss the potential of moving with their spouse? This is where I think it's good to have someone who is in the same field as you.

This was definitely an issue because I was a year ahead so couples match wasn't an option. IMO you shouldn't even consider couples matching unless you're at least engaged.

 

[kg062008]

Nope, not in my opinion. I asked my parents if I married someone out of my race how would they feel, they said that there is nothing wrong with that but they won't attend my wedding . My parents are Jamaican and can be really old school sometimes. Remember, can't say all instead change it to most. 2012mdc stated that ALL is being too strict. I don't think a guy is too preppy if they are smart some of them can be lame but then again everyone has a certain type of personality. I am an ENTJ so I don't expect every one to act like me, that's too much. Too Pretty? No, I don't call men pretty, I call them handsome or GQ fine. Something like my ex-husband, Morris Chestnut, or my new fiance Michael Jai White . (Of course, these are hypotheticals and I don't really have a relationship with them , unfortunately)
I don't like seeing interracial relationships because I always wondered WHY date outside your race. It doesn't matter how much the gender in your race gave you problems, that should make you stronger and a better person. It's like a woman whose been abused by her husband is now into women because of their past relationships or experiences. It's an excuse that is trying to be justified. No matter what, I don't know you will ever be fully accepted into that race's family.

There are hardly ANY good black men. I mean someone is goal-oriented, focus, family oriented, grinder, and who take care of theirs. It's hard to find in my opinion. It's like finding a perfect pants; I mean everything perfect down to the waist to the seams. To have something perfect you have to design yourself but then again, No body is perfect and this is not Utopia. Also, most of the black men that are in school are Africans or Caribbean not really African-Americans.

I think the best place to find a mate is through conferences such as ABCRMS and Student National Medical Association (SNMA) Conference. Next year, SNMA is in Hotlanta. lol, I heard this from one of my friends.



And I am a girl who agrees wih this somewhat

Wow! I had to take a break from this thread for a while because the mods were threatening me, but I have to comment on this. First, your parents are racist. Second, they seem to have rubbed off on you. You don't like seeing interracial couples? Why? Bitter? Third, there are good black men, they usually aren't with black women. I don't get it, Black women treat smart young black men like crap when they are young, calling them nerds, lame, completely ignoring them, etc. But when that same young black man achieves success, he is expected forget all of this and be completely dedicated to loving black women. I know not ALL black women do this, but this is the norm. Honestly, A lot of black women don't know what a GOOD black man is because they have never known one. Most young black girls grow up without fathers so they don't even have any kind of template. SO whose fault is it that fathers are missing? Well, you can do what black women do and say " black men aint **** and they need to take care of they babies." Or like black men do, you can say " if these women stopped having all these kids by obviously no good thugs, there would be black fathers in the home." However 100 years from now this same conversation will still be going on. Both sides have too much pride to admit thy are both at fault, so the cycle will continue.

 

[nygiants fan]

Nope, not in my opinion. I asked my parents if I married someone out of my race how would they feel, they said that there is nothing wrong with that but they won't attend my wedding . My parents are Jamaican and can be really old school sometimes. Remember, can't say all instead change it to most. 2012mdc stated that ALL is being too strict. I don't think a guy is too preppy if they are smart some of them can be lame but then again everyone has a certain type of personality. I am an ENTJ so I don't expect every one to act like me, that's too much. Too Pretty? No, I don't call men pretty, I call them handsome or GQ fine. Something like my ex-husband, Morris Chestnut, or my new fiance Michael Jai White . (Of course, these are hypotheticals and I don't really have a relationship with them , unfortunately)
I don't like seeing interracial relationships because I always wondered WHY date outside your race. It doesn't matter how much the gender in your race gave you problems, that should make you stronger and a better person. It's like a woman whose been abused by her husband is now into women because of their past relationships or experiences. It's an excuse that is trying to be justified. No matter what, I don't know you will ever be fully accepted into that race's family.

There are hardly ANY good black men. I mean someone is goal-oriented, focus, family oriented, grinder, and who take care of theirs. It's hard to find in my opinion. It's like finding a perfect pants; I mean everything perfect down to the waist to the seams. To have something perfect you have to design yourself but then again, No body is perfect and this is not Utopia. Also, most of the black men that are in school are Africans or Caribbean not really African-Americans.

I think the best place to find a mate is through conferences such as ABCRMS and Student National Medical Association (SNMA) Conference. Next year, SNMA is in Hotlanta. lol, I heard this from one of my friends.



And I am a girl who agrees wih this somewhat

Don't like seeing interracial relationships huh? That's it. I give up. African American women are a lost cause. My dating life is less stressful dealing with non-black girls. The girl I am dating now (who is white, stunningly beautiful, and in my med school class) is one of the nicest people I've met in a long time and doesn't give me the same headache and criticism as AA girls. This is absurd that we can't even encourage and take care of our own as African Americans in this country. Absolutely absurd. If my current relationship isn't long term then at worst, I'll ask my family in the UK to set me up with a black girl from over there. I visit there enough times in the year for it to be possible anyway. And one of my best relationships in college was with a British black girl so it won't be that bad. Also, interesting fact that most educated people in this country don't know: British black people and British white people have the same accent and you can't tell their skin color if you hear them over the phone. It's unbelievable how many American's don't know this....

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

Wow! I had to take a break from this thread for a while because the mods were threatening me, but I have to comment on this. First, your parents are racist. Second, they seem to have rubbed off on you. You don't like seeing interracial couples? Why? Bitter? Third, there are good black men, they usually aren't with black women. I don't get it, Black women treat smart young black men like crap when they are young, calling them nerds, lame, completely ignoring them, etc. But when that same young black man achieves success, he is expected forget all of this and be completely dedicated to loving black women. I know not ALL black women do this, but this is the norm. Honestly, A lot of black women don't know what a GOOD black man is because they have never known one. Most young black girls grow up without fathers so they don't even have any kind of template. SO whose fault is it that fathers are missing? Well, you can do what black women do and say " black men aint **** and they need to take care of they babies." Or like black men do, you can say " if these women stopped having all these kids by obviously no good thugs, there would be black fathers in the home." However 100 years from now this same conversation will still be going on. Both sides have too much pride to admit thy are both at fault, so the cycle will continue.

I am not bitter at all and I am not racist. I know a plethora of good blk man who are currently in grad and med school such as Cornell, Harvard, Penn and the like. I am the type of person who can't date someone if we are not on the same page. They are ahead of me in a way because they already started professional school and I am on a Fulbright Scholarship, therefore we can only be friends until I am accepted and started medical school. I would date outside my race but I don't like seeing black men date outside their race because there are more women than men out there. My parents aren't racist they just prefer for me to date within my race, which majority of people think and do. I can't be racist if I am currently living in Korea with a Korean family at that. My father is a good blk man even though he has his faults here and there.

Don't like seeing interracial relationships huh? That's it. I give up. African American women are a lost cause. My dating life is less stressful dealing with non-black girls. The girl I am dating now (who is white, stunningly beautiful, and in my med school class) is one of the nicest people I've met in a long time and doesn't give me the same headache and criticism as AA girls. This is absurd that we can't even encourage and take care of our own as African Americans in this country. Absolutely absurd. If my current relationship isn't long term then at worst, I'll ask my family in the UK to set me up with a black girl from over there. I visit there enough times in the year for it to be possible anyway. And one of my best relationships in college was with a British black girl so it won't be that bad. Also, interesting fact that most educated people in this country don't know: British black people and British white people have the same accent and you can't tell their skin color if you hear them over the phone. It's unbelievable how many American's don't know this....

You made me chuckle with that quote, lol. I think all women give men headaches and you can't pinpoint it to one race, lol. That's deep that you are going ALL the way to the UL to find a decent blk woman, lol. I didn't know that at all. Believe it or not some people can tell if they are speaking to an AA person compared to a White person, which I think is absurd.

I don't like seeing blk man date outside their race that's all but I don't see a problem of women dating outside their race because that won't affect me one bit

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

In my class most of the people who started in a relationship are still in a relationship and are engaged or married now. There were a couple that didn't work out and some of those found new ones.

For all the pre-meds in here - do not put your life completely on hold once in med school. Med school is time-consuming obviously but it is important to have balance. You clearly don't want to be chasing the opposite sex all the time but if you meet a great person there is time to make it work and a strong relationship brings a lot of positives to a stressful situation.



This was definitely an issue because I was a year ahead so couples match wasn't an option. IMO you shouldn't even consider couples matching unless you're at least engaged.

Do you think it is possible though to rally cater to your bf/gf the way you want to? Also, what if both are you are working hard for competitive specialities such as ROADS, you won't have that much time to be together. I agree with your positive relationship comment.

How does couple match works and I can see that being a problem

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Wow! I had to take a break from this thread for a while because the mods were threatening me, but I have to comment on this. First, your parents are racist. Second, they seem to have rubbed off on you. You don't like seeing interracial couples? Why? Bitter? Third, there are good black men, they usually aren't with black women. I don't get it, Black women treat smart young black men like crap when they are young, calling them nerds, lame, completely ignoring them, etc. But when that same young black man achieves success, he is expected forget all of this and be completely dedicated to loving black women. I know not ALL black women do this, but this is the norm. Honestly, A lot of black women don't know what a GOOD black man is because they have never known one. Most young black girls grow up without fathers so they don't even have any kind of template. SO whose fault is it that fathers are missing? Well, you can do what black women do and say " black men aint **** and they need to take care of they babies." Or like black men do, you can say " if these women stopped having all these kids by obviously no good thugs, there would be black fathers in the home." However 100 years from now this same conversation will still be going on. Both sides have too much pride to admit thy are both at fault, so the cycle will continue.

You actually sound rather bitter. Your experiences were obviously painful, but it is only the norm for some people. There are black women who mistreat black men, but there are black men who mistreat women and especially black women. It is pretty damn bad that men of other races tend to defend their women or at least try and hold them in high regard in general (regardless of their character), but a number of black men have no problem depicting their women as ****** and less than worthy of respect. You are just looking at this generation, but these problems stem from a crisis in the black community that has existed long before this thug lust bs. Due to discriminatory laws, there was a time in this country when the only people really working in a two-parent black household were women. I consider myself a feminist and all, but talk about the negative effects demasculinization can have on a group of people. The black family didn't stand a chance when roles were shifted so dramatically and you had an unemployed or a severely underemployed father and a mother who spent more time watching and raising white children and/or cleaning their houses than they did with their own families just to make ends meet.

There is a serious problem with a significantly higher number of black men having issues with maintaining healthy relationships with the mother of their children regardless of the race of the woman. The black community needs to work on that and people need to stop trying to find an excuse or someone to blame and try to find the real reasons for the issues and then some solutions. The answer for the issue isn't one gender just like the effects don't just impact one sub-demographic. These men don't stay for a multitude of reasons, and it isn't just their issue with the women, because some are walking out on their commitments as soon as they find out the woman is pregnant; so they didn't have a problem with making that baby it is just the issue of staying.

You have to look at unemployment rates for blacks-- black males especially (even before this latest economic recession)
The value of education in the black community.
Constant propaganda that black is always less than.
Drugs
Higher rates of imprisonment
Unaddressed mental health issues
The amount of cultural awareness and cohesion.
Lack of black owned-businesses in certain regions (California especially) and their ability to be economically self-sufficient.
Generational poverty and self-hate (and there is plenty of this) let's be honest we are like what only several generations removed from our people being slaves in this country. **** carries over especially since it hasn't been dealt with.

To some degree, these are some of the same issues that affect the Native American community as well. They don't have to lynch us anymore; they can sit back and watch us destroy ourselves.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

In my class most of the people who started in a relationship are still in a relationship and are engaged or married now. There were a couple that didn't work out and some of those found new ones.

For all the pre-meds in here - do not put your life completely on hold once in med school. Med school is time-consuming obviously but it is important to have balance. You clearly don't want to be chasing the opposite sex all the time but if you meet a great person there is time to make it work and a strong relationship brings a lot of positives to a stressful situation.



This was definitely an issue because I was a year ahead so couples match wasn't an option. IMO you shouldn't even consider couples matching unless you're at least engaged.

That is good to hear.

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

You actually sound rather bitter. Your experiences were obviously painful, but it is only the norm for some people. There are black women who mistreat black men, but there are black men who mistreat women and especially black women. It is pretty damn bad that men of other races tend to defend their women or at least try and hold them in high regard in general (regardless of their character), but a number of black men have no problem depicting their women as ****** and less than worthy of respect. You are just looking at this generation, but these problems stem from a crisis in the black community that has existed long before this thug lust bs. Due to discriminatory laws, there was a time in this country when the only people really working in a two-parent black household were women. I consider myself a feminist and all, but talk about the negative effects demasculinization can have on a group of people. The black family didn't stand a chance when roles were shifted so dramatically and you had an unemployed or a severely underemployed father and a mother who spent more time watching and raising white children and/or cleaning their houses than they did with their own families just to make ends meet.

There is a serious problem with a significantly higher number of black men having issues with maintaining healthy relationships with the mother of their children regardless of the race of the woman. The black community needs to work on that and people need to stop trying to find an excuse or someone to blame and try to find the real reasons for the issues and then some solutions. The answer for the issue isn't one gender just like the effects don't just impact one sub-demographic. These men don't stay for a multitude of reasons, and it isn't just their issue with the women, because some are walking out on their commitments as soon as they find out the woman is pregnant; so they didn't have a problem with making that baby it is just the issue of staying.

You have to look at unemployment rates for blacks-- black males especially (even before this latest economic recession)
The value of education in the black community.
Constant propaganda that black is always less than.
Drugs
Higher rates of imprisonment
Unaddressed mental health issues
The amount of cultural awareness and cohesion.
Lack of black owned-businesses in certain regions (California especially) and their ability to be economically self-sufficient.
Generational poverty and self-hate (and there is plenty of this) let's be honest we are like what only several generations removed from our people being slaves in this country. **** carries over especially since it hasn't been dealt with.

To some degree, these are some of the same issues that affect the Native American community as well. They don't have to lynch us anymore; they can sit back and watch us destroy ourselves.

I like your whole post and had to bold all the points that were significant, lol. I certainly agree with what is plaguing the black community and I see this everyday when I head back to New York . Hopefully, it changes soon

That is good to hear.

I know it is good to hear that ppl get married or engaged by the time they leave medical school

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Don't like seeing interracial relationships huh? That's it. I give up. African American women are a lost cause. My dating life is less stressful dealing with non-black girls. The girl I am dating now (who is white, stunningly beautiful, and in my med school class) is one of the nicest people I've met in a long time and doesn't give me the same headache and criticism as AA girls. This is absurd that we can't even encourage and take care of our own as African Americans in this country. Absolutely absurd. If my current relationship isn't long term then at worst, I'll ask my family in the UK to set me up with a black girl from over there. I visit there enough times in the year for it to be possible anyway. And one of my best relationships in college was with a British black girl so it won't be that bad. Also, interesting fact that most educated people in this country don't know: British black people and British white people have the same accent and you can't tell their skin color if you hear them over the phone. It's unbelievable how many American's don't know this....

I don't see why people care who dates who or why people spend so much time focusing on what other people do. If someone has an issue with interracial dating they need to try and figure out what the underlying issue is. No one is requiring that everyone should date outside their race or whatever, so it shouldn't be an issue. I am a product of interracial dating and there is nothing that should bother anyone about that.

I also don't see how all African-American women are supposedly a certain way when I know I am not and I am not a lost cause. I am not a cause at all. I am my own person and I will never fit your stereotype. Men aren't a cake walk either, ask Kobe's wife and Tiger Woods' ex-wife. If I were to base what I know about African-American men from what I have seen over the years both on television and in real life, then I would end up having to assume all African-American men were:

Rapist
Thieves
Hyper-sexual
Bad fathers
Bad husbands
Criminals
Unfaithful
Drug dealers/users
Uneducated or naturally ignorant
Dangerous
Violent
Poor
Lazy
Having a sense of entitlement

It would be pretty silly to think all African American men were any of those things listed above regardless of how many of them I ran into that fit one or more of those descriptions.

You're right, it is pretty absurd that we can't encourage and respect each other, and it makes it impossible to do so when we find fault in some and then turn around and treat others as if they are all the same way.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Wow! I had to take a break from this thread for a while because the mods were threatening me, but I have to comment on this. First, your parents are racist. Second, they seem to have rubbed off on you. You don't like seeing interracial couples? Why? Bitter? Third, there are good black men, they usually aren't with black women. I don't get it, Black women treat smart young black men like crap when they are young, calling them nerds, lame, completely ignoring them, etc. But when that same young black man achieves success, he is expected forget all of this and be completely dedicated to loving black women. I know not ALL black women do this, but this is the norm. Honestly, A lot of black women don't know what a GOOD black man is because they have never known one. Most young black girls grow up without fathers so they don't even have any kind of template. SO whose fault is it that fathers are missing? Well, you can do what black women do and say " black men aint **** and they need to take care of they babies." Or like black men do, you can say " if these women stopped having all these kids by obviously no good thugs, there would be black fathers in the home." However 100 years from now this same conversation will still be going on. Both sides have too much pride to admit thy are both at fault, so the cycle will continue.

Same could be said for young men as well. How many of them know good black men? Who are they emulating? Who are their role models? Some of these same young men, regardless of who they marry, will have daughters who are black women and how do they teach them to recognize a man who respects them?

At this rate, 100 years from now there may not be a black race to speak of.

 

[Sailor Senshi Dermystify]

A video that my friend posted on my fb wall. I think this video is pretty good and sums up what we were debating about.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gU7ItOxr9g&feature=share[/YOUTUBE]

 

[2012mdc]

I don't see why people care who dates who or why people spend so much time focusing on what other people do. If someone has an issue with interracial dating they need to try and figure out what the underlying issue is. No one is requiring that everyone should date outside their race or whatever, so it shouldn't be an issue. I am a product of interracial dating and there is nothing that should bother anyone about that.

I also don't see how all African-American women are supposedly a certain way when I know I am not and I am not a lost cause. I am not a cause at all. I am my own person and I will never fit your stereotype. .

I don't know why people care but they do. I will never understand the folks who restrict themselves to one race but it doesn't really matter to me as long as they don't hassle me for having an open mind.

Of course not all black women or black men are the same way. Just by being on this board we are bucking stereotypes. And with you being mixed and not growing up around a lot of black folks of course you wouldn't fit the stereotype.

Stereotypes are damaging and useless when examining folks on an individual basis but many times they are based on some truth.

When it comes down to it there is a disconnect between black men and women and I'm not sure exactly why.

 

[flaahless]

Come on yall. I have step 2 in a day and a half and I just spent the last hour or so reading these posts. Yall have been going at it!!! hahaha... I agree with the majority of what the fellas said though... sorry ladies... I still got love for you though

 

[JaneAustenFan]

I don't know why people care but they do. I will never understand the folks who restrict themselves to one race but it doesn't really matter to me as long as they don't hassle me for having an open mind.

Of course not all black women or black men are the same way. Just by being on this board we are bucking stereotypes. And with you being mixed and not growing up around a lot of black folks of course you wouldn't fit the stereotype.

Stereotypes are damaging and useless when examining folks on an individual basis but many times they are based on some truth.

When it comes down to it there is a disconnect between black men and women and I'm not sure exactly why.

Being mixed or whatever you call it doesn't make me less black. I still self-identify as black. I don't live in an area with a lot of black people, but I have been around black people through some portions of my life, although I grew up predominately around non-blacks.

The disconnect is that some black people are attracted to people outside of their race (sometimes exclusively), myself included, and instead of just being secure in their preference, they try and justify their choices by applying negative characteristics to a whole group.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Come on yall. I have step 2 in a day and a half and I just spent the last hour or so reading these posts. Yall have been going at it!!! hahaha... I agree with the majority of what the fellas said though... sorry ladies... I still got love for you though

I won't be part of the distraction any longer.

I have no intentions of dating anyone while in medical school anymore anyhow.

It is more productive to focus on school.

Good luck on your exam.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

A video that my friend posted on my fb wall. I think this video is pretty good and sums up what we were debating about.

[YOUTUBE]6gU7ItOxr9g[/YOUTUBE]

I had to watch it three times to understand it. Interesting, but I don't think everyone feels that way.

There are some who do and I think others, subconsciously or not, recognize that the world is tougher for black people and it is easier to find fault with your own and throw in the towel than it is to try and uplift your own people.

There are a lot of things that need to be worked on in the black community, and there is a lot of healing that needs to take place.

 

[2012mdc]

Being mixed or whatever you call it doesn't make me less black. I still self-identify as black. I don't live in an area with a lot of black people, but I have been around black people through some portions of my life, although I grew up predominately around non-blacks.

The disconnect is that some black people are attracted to people outside of their race (sometimes exclusively), myself included, and instead of just being secure in their preference, they try and justify their choices by applying negative characteristics to a whole group.

I never said it makes you less black, whatever that means. But because you're mixed and grew up around mostly non-blacks you're unlikely to fit the stereotype of a black woman. I wasn't trying to insult you especially as the stereotype is more negative than positive.

I don't think it has to do with justification. I think it has to do with anecdotal personal experiences that can sour you on a particular group. With all of my friends who date interracially if you said they could have a beautiful black woman who has the qualities they want they would jump all over it.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

I never said it makes you less black, whatever that means. But because you're mixed and grew up around mostly non-blacks you're unlikely to fit the stereotype of a black woman. I wasn't trying to insult you especially as the stereotype is more negative than positive.

I don't think it has to do with justification. I think it has to do with anecdotal personal experiences that can sour you on a particular group. With all of my friends who date interracially if you said they could have a beautiful black woman who has the qualities they want they would jump all over it.

I don't consider myself "mixed" I consider myself African-American or black, which African-Americans have on average 20% non-black ancestry anyhow. I am unlikely to fit the stereotype, because I am my own person and I am free to choose my behavior regardless of my environment or who I am around. I grew up around poorer people of other races, who have strangely some of the same behaviors people associate with black women and other marginalized groups and I don't fit that stereotype either.

Those are your friends, there are some people on this forum who wouldn't at all because they have made up their minds that all black women are a certain way.

Who they date is their business, but to perpetuate a stereotype because they have had negative encounters would be as fair as someone who does the same to other groups. There is nothing wrong with someone sharing their experiences, but to expand on those experiences and say All black women.... or even Most black women...

Show me someone who has met all the black women in America or even most.

It just sounds so immature and absurd.

 

[Telekinesis]

I don't consider myself "mixed" I consider myself African-American or black, which African-Americans have on average 20% non-black ancestry anyhow. I am unlikely to fit the stereotype, because I am my own person and I am free to choose my behavior regardless of my environment or who I am around. I grew up around poorer people of other races, who have strangely some of the same behaviors people associate with black women and other marginalized groups and I don't fit that stereotype either.

Those are your friends, there are some people on this forum who wouldn't at all because they have made up their minds that all black women are a certain way.

Who they date is their business, but to perpetuate a stereotype because they have had negative encounters would be as fair as someone who does the same to other groups. There is nothing wrong with someone sharing their experiences, but to expand on those experiences and say All black women.... or even Most black women...

Show me someone who has met all the black women in America or even most.

It just sounds so immature and absurd.

I think you just like to argue.

 

[2012mdc]

I don't consider myself "mixed" I consider myself African-American or black, which African-Americans have on average 20% non-black ancestry anyhow. I am unlikely to fit the stereotype, because I am my own person and I am free to choose my behavior regardless of my environment or who I am around. I grew up around poorer people of other races, who have strangely some of the same behaviors people associate with black women and other marginalized groups and I don't fit that stereotype either.

Those are your friends, there are some people on this forum who wouldn't at all because they have made up their minds that all black women are a certain way.

Who they date is their business, but to perpetuate a stereotype because they have had negative encounters would be as fair as someone who does the same to other groups. There is nothing wrong with someone sharing their experiences, but to expand on those experiences and say All black women.... or even Most black women...

Show me someone who has met all the black women in America or even most.

It just sounds so immature and absurd.

I can tell you like to argue. I do too so it's all good.

Of course when someone says "all" they're not speaking on every black woman in the country but it's human nature to have feelings about a particular group based on repeated experiences. There should be a middle ground. One shouldn't stereotype another group completely based on personal experience but one shouldn't ignore the experiences either.

I don't know why you're so adamant on proving your individualism. Your environment and ethnic background influence who you are. I also never said the exact reason you didn't fit the stereotype, I just said you are unlikely to based on the environment you grew up in. That doesn't imply you don't have a choice in who you are as a person but you are acting like environment doesn't matter.

I never saw anyone on this forum mention that they would prefer non-black women to black women because of looks, it was because of personality. Then again this thread is insanely long so I may have missed it.

 

[nygiants fan]

I can tell you like to argue. I do too so it's all good.

Of course when someone says "all" they're not speaking on every black woman in the country but it's human nature to have feelings about a particular group based on repeated experiences. There should be a middle ground. One shouldn't stereotype another group completely based on personal experience but one shouldn't ignore the experiences either.

I don't know why you're so adamant on proving your individualism. Your environment and ethnic background influence who you are. I also never said the exact reason you didn't fit the stereotype, I just said you are unlikely to based on the environment you grew up in. That doesn't imply you don't have a choice in who you are as a person but you are acting like environment doesn't matter.

I never saw anyone on this forum mention that they would prefer non-black women to black women because of looks, it was because of personality. Then again this thread is insanely long so I may have missed it.

According to JAF, you have to meet every person on earth to form an opinion, bro. All 7 billion. Especially every single black woman in America. Otherwise it doesn't count. Haha I'm starting to think that JAF is a troll because she has jumped down every single person's throat ever since I started posting in this thread. If you keep in mind that there is a high likelihood of JAF being a girl that's trolling or a neckbeard, then interacting with her becomes funny.

 

[ChemEngMD]

I know I haven't been on these forums in forever, but I'ma be the Rodney King in this situation: why can't we all just get along?

I appreciate the passion in the conversation though haha.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

According to JAF, you have to meet every person on earth to form an opinion, bro. All 7 billion. Especially every single black woman in America. Otherwise it doesn't count. Haha I'm starting to think that JAF is a troll because she has jumped down every single person's throat ever since I started posting in this thread. If you keep in mind that there is a high likelihood of JAF being a girl that's trolling or a neckbeard, then interacting with her becomes funny.

Every time I say something you don't agree with you question my authenticity or whether or not I should be posting on this forum. Why can't you stay on topic?

I mean really, who the hell are you? Is this forum locked? Or perhaps you don't like women who think for themselves or form a different opinion from your own. You don't have to respond to my posts. So why do you?

Whose throat have I jumped down? Have I called out any person by name? I haven't directly addressed someone unless they have directly addressed me.

Let's be clear, when I quote what someone says it is to challenge or reflect on ideas, not a personal attack against whoever posted it so please don't take it so personally.

I don't mind discussing ideas, there aren't any particular people on this board I am going after. Why would I? I don't even know any of you.

Maybe you are the one with the issue if you are threatened so much by a difference of opinion.

I didn't start posting on this thread just because you did; don't flatter yourself.

I didn't say someone has to meet all 7 billion people to be able to form an opinion--- people do that all the time about people they meet, but in my opinion it doesn't make sense for someone to base their opinion of 7 billion people or however many on a handful or so of people they have met.

There is a difference.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

I can tell you like to argue. I do too so it's all good.

Of course when someone says "all" they're not speaking on every black woman in the country but it's human nature to have feelings about a particular group based on repeated experiences. There should be a middle ground. One shouldn't stereotype another group completely based on personal experience but one shouldn't ignore the experiences either.

I don't know why you're so adamant on proving your individualism. Your environment and ethnic background influence who you are. I also never said the exact reason you didn't fit the stereotype, I just said you are unlikely to based on the environment you grew up in. That doesn't imply you don't have a choice in who you are as a person but you are acting like environment doesn't matter.

I never saw anyone on this forum mention that they would prefer non-black women to black women because of looks, it was because of personality. Then again this thread is insanely long so I may have missed it.

I think everyone on this board has strong opinions and it is not my job to try and convince anyone of anything. I just thought it was still okay to discuss things on these threads (apparently not).

I am no more adamant about my individualism as people in this thread are about lumping groups of people together.

From what I can recall, I never mentioned anything about people preferring non-black women to black women because of looks. Correct me if I am wrong.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

I think you just like to argue.

I think that is an easy way to try and end a discussion you aren't comfortable with. I can't "argue" if people don't answer. You don't have to respond to my posts, but yet you do. Out of respect, I have the right to self-identify as black if that is what I choose and I corrected him for referring to me as mixed. How would he know if I didn't say anything?

Just like I have asked not to be referred to as JAF, yet people in this thread still do it as if it too hard to be respectful of others.

Newsflash: Not everyone is going to share your opinions, and if they don't it is okay. It doesn't mean they like to argue just because they don't jump on board with your ideas.

 

[nygiants fan]

Every time I say something you don't agree with you question my authenticity or whether or not I should be posting on this forum. Why can't you stay on topic?

I mean really, who the hell are you? Is this forum locked? Or perhaps you don't like women who think for themselves or form a different opinion from your own. You don't have to respond to my posts. So why do you?

Whose throat have I jumped down? Have I called out any person by name? I haven't directly addressed someone unless they have directly addressed me.

Let's be clear, when I quote what someone says it is to challenge or reflect on ideas, not a personal attack against whoever posted it so please don't take it so personally.

I don't mind discussing ideas, there aren't any particular people on this board I am going after. Why would I? I don't even know any of you.

Maybe you are the one with the issue if you are threatened so much by a difference of opinion.

I didn't start posting on this thread just because you did; don't flatter yourself.

I didn't say someone has to meet all 7 billion people to be able to form an opinion--- people do that all the time about people they meet, but in my opinion it doesn't make sense for someone to base their opinion of 7 billion people or however many on a handful or so of people they have met.

There is a difference.

Lol how nice for you. Piss off.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Lol how nice for you. Piss off.

That doesn't even make sense, but I guess that is your way of trying to be rude. Your bedside manner is going to be outstanding I am sure.

I can see it now. A patient wants a second opinion or further explanation.

Your response: Piss off.

Arrogance+MD= problem with the health care system in the U.S.

 

[nygiants fan]

That doesn't even make sense, but I guess that is your way of trying to be rude. Your bedside manner is going to be outstanding I am sure.

I can see it now. A patient wants a second opinion or further explanation.

Your response: Piss off.

Arrogance+MD= problem with the health care system in the U.S.

Aww you're so sweet! The world needs more people like you! Tell me more!

 

[JaneAustenFan]

I know I haven't been on these forums in forever, but I'ma be the Rodney King in this situation: why can't we all just get along?

I appreciate the passion in the conversation though haha.

Because as soon as everyone seems to be agreeing to disagree nygiants_fan decides he wants to be rude.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Aww you're so sweet! The world needs more people like you! Tell me more!

I think you have said enough for the both of us.

But if you wanted to be civil you could apologize for being rude. You shouldn't try and silence people by acting like a child.

The whole "piss off" part was unnecessary.

Your arrogance is showing-- not to mention you are seeping with sarcasm.

 

[nygiants fan]

I think you have said enough for the both of us.

But if you wanted to be civil you could apologize for being rude. You shouldn't try and silence people by acting like a child.

The whole "piss off" part was unnecessary.

Your arrogance is showing-- not to mention you are seeping with sarcasm.

You are such a darling. The kindest person that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting on an internet forum.

 

[smq123]

Both of you can cool it. Either put each other on ignore, or take it to PMs.

In any case, the next person to continue this bickering, despite this warning, will be infracted for trolling.

<Back to the original topic of conversation>

 

[nygiants fan]

Both of you can cool it. Either put each other on ignore, or take it to PMs.

In any case, the next person to continue this bickering, despite this warning, will be infracted for trolling.

<Back to the original topic of conversation>

Got it.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

Both of you can cool it. Either put each other on ignore, or take it to PMs.

In any case, the next person to continue this bickering, despite this warning, will be infracted for trolling.

<Back to the original topic of conversation>

Funny how that works.

Why does it take a moderator before things get back to being civil again.

 

[2012mdc]

Being mixed or whatever you call it doesn't make me less black. I still self-identify as black. I don't live in an area with a lot of black people, but I have been around black people through some portions of my life, although I grew up predominately around non-blacks.

The disconnect is that some black people are attracted to people outside of their race (sometimes exclusively), myself included, and instead of just being secure in their preference, they try and justify their choices by applying negative characteristics to a whole group.

This is where you imply some blacks preferring non-blacks because of looks. My bad if I took the word "attracted" too literally but I thought you were talking about looks and making the argument "some blacks find non-blacks more attractive and to justify their choice they slam black women"

My response was that I personally don't know a black man that prefers non-blacks over blacks solely because of looks and that all of my close black friends would take a beautiful black woman who had they qualities they want.

 

[maybemed2013]

I am a black female. I do think there is a lack of good men in the black community but I do not think it is as bad as it is being portrayed be the media etc.
I think alot of the overestimate is caused by black women looking for a men that could buy her a private island and do whatever she says no matter how she badly treats him ( and for the black women that want this type of men...date outside the race because I doubt you will find a black men who treats you this way... lol)

I do not know why some black women assume the men is suppose to come in with the paycheck or he is not a men, if you look at other races the money is coming in from the women, but you will not realize it because even though the women is the bread winner she lets her man be a man and knows her 'place'.

I would also like to add this, my mom being a nurse married my father when he had not a penny in his pocket but my mom encourage him to go to go to college and he also become a nurse and from there my father was smart enough to do good investments. My father stills works as a nurse and still owns several real estates and business and make over 100,000 a year. From my parents marriage I have learned that sometimes you do have to be your bf/husband 'mom' and try to push him to do better but you also have to be his gf/wife and know your 'place'.

I personally know that a man does not have to come with money because I know plenty of women that marry a rich men and he will not even allow her to turn on the lights in 'their' house or run the water and I don't want to go into details about the other things they can not do.

 

[hitsugaaya]

I think alot of the overestimate is caused by black women looking for a men that could buy her a private island and do whatever she says no matter how she badly treats him ( and for the black women that want this type of men...date outside the race because I doubt you will find a black men who treats you this way... lol)

I do not know why some black women assume the men is suppose to come in with the paycheck or he is not a men, if you look at other races the money is coming in from the women, but you will not realize it because even though the women is the bread winner she lets her man be a man and knows her 'place'.

I would also like to add this, my mom being a nurse married my father when he had not a penny in his pocket but my mom encourage him to go to go to college and he also become a nurse and from there my father was smart enough to do good investments. My father stills works as a nurse and still owns several real estates and business and make over 100,000 a year. From my parents marriage I have learned that sometimes you do have to be your bf/husband 'mom' and try to push him to do better but you also have to be his gf/wife and know your 'place'.

I personally know that a man does not have to come with money because I know plenty of women that marry a rich men and he will not even allow her to turn on the lights in 'their' house or run the water and I don't want to go into details about the other things they can not do.

I don't know what 'race' would let a woman walk all over them and treat them like crap. I think at that point the man has issues and it should not be generalized to a race thing.

I also don't know exactly what 'place' you are talking about for the woman to know. If we are being stereotypical about places and gender roles, then shouldn't the men know their 'place' as breadwinners as well? My point is your statement sounds very backwards, and 'places' should be forgotten. If a woman is the breadwinner, then fine, but she should treat the guy with love not because she feels she has a 'place'

And your parents are lucky. I am sure there are many examples of guys who are just not motivated even if their spouse is supportive because a spouse can not change a person. I know a lot of AA women who did not have motivated bfs, and two of them were in med sch and had to let them go.

And your last paragraph is amusing.

 

[JaneAustenFan]

This is where you imply some blacks preferring non-blacks because of looks. My bad if I took the word "attracted" too literally but I thought you were talking about looks and making the argument "some blacks find non-blacks more attractive and to justify their choice they slam black women"

My response was that I personally don't know a black man that prefers non-blacks over blacks solely because of looks and that all of my close black friends would take a beautiful black woman who had they qualities they want.

Yeah. I didn't mean looks necessarily, because there are other things that can make a person attracted to someone.