Dating in Med School for AAs

[ladybug1122]

Exactly. I offered to read the Bible with her but she wants me to want to read it because I enjoy it. Not because of her.

Thinking about it now, maybe you should genuinely read it with her. Sometimes, getting started on something is the hardest part, but once you get started, you realize that it is not as hard as you thought. I believe everything in life happens for a reason, and your being with her is not an accident. God brings people into our lives to bless us, and maybe this is God's way of blessing you.
Truly, the best women are the spirit filled women of God. If you were to get married, they will not run the show because it commands in the Bible that women be submissive. They will also not cheat on you, and they would show you all the love and respect that you deserve- because they believe in the word of God.
Not saying that non-religious women do not do this, but genuinely religious women have a basis for their actions (the Bible).
In saying all this, I am challenging you to return back to the faith. Not because of a woman, but because it will enrich your life. Find a church that appeals to you, and know that God's grace is enough to cover you.
Please do not react negatively to or flame me for my posting. I will just assume that it is your conscience getting to you
And this post also goes to Winter Wind, and 2012 mdc. If you are looking for a verse to spark your interest in God again, read Matthew 24. It certainly sparked mine .

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[Telekinesis]

Thinking about it now, maybe you should genuinely read it with her. Sometimes, getting started on something is the hardest part, but once you get started, you realize that it is not as hard as you thought. I believe everything in life happens for a reason, and your being with her is not an accident. God brings people into our lives to bless us, and maybe this is God's way of blessing you.
Truly, the best women are the spirit filled women of God. If you were to get married, they will not run the show because it commands in the Bible that women be submissive. They will also not cheat on you, and they would show you all the love and respect that you deserve- because they believe in the word of God.
Not saying that non-religious women do not do this, but genuinely religious women have a basis for their actions (the Bible).
In saying all this, I am challenging you to return back to the faith. Not because of a woman, but because it will enrich your life. Find a church that appeals to you, and know that God's grace is enough to cover you.
Please do not react negatively to or flame me for my posting. I will just assume that it is your conscience getting to you
And this post also goes to Winter Wind, and 2012 mdc. If you are looking for a verse to spark your interest in God again, read Matthew 24. It certainly sparked mine .

I was genuine. We read it together and discussed what was read. I'm honestly still trying to figure out what I exactly believe so I'm not rejecting anything. She made it seem like I did it just to please her but dang I don't get points for making a conscious effort?

 

[Winter Wind]

.

 

[n3xa]

Not saying that non-religious women do not do this, but genuinely religious women have a basis for their actions (the Bible).

Or how about parents setting a great example of how marriage/relationships/family should be?

 

[DrLeon]

Man these last few posts really remind me of my situation. My GFs family is really religious; to the point where we were almost not allowed to book our pre-med school vacation to Fla. because they were afraid we would be sleeping in the same house while we were down there. The first time I met them I went to church with her and her brother and this man had the nerve to ask her if I believed in God because I wasn't jumping up and singing and dancing like everyone else. We have had several talks that range from premarital sex (I won that argument) to how important it is to her to have a man of God as her husband. We finally had a breakthrough a couple months ago when she described how going to church gives her this warm and fuzzy feeling that I can say with confidence that I have never felt in my years of sporadic church attendance. I told her straight that I would attend church with her and read the Bible with her, but I'd be hard pressed to do those things on my own. I even quoted a scripture that says if a woman marries a man who is not of God (not that I'm that man), then he sanctified through her. My point is, you can't give up on this issue. I do believe a religious woman will make the best wife, but you have to be willing to go back and forth with her on this issue. You can't give up until you properly convey to her that you may believe in a higher power such as God, but you may not necessarily believe in a man-made construct such as religion. Once you find the proper language to relate it to her you will be much more well off.

 

[Scattered1984]

This is an interesting forum. It's good to see so many of these kind of taboo topics being discussed maturely.

For the record, I'm a black female. But I don't really have much to say on the topics. I'm just watching the action.

Overall, I've never dated. It's a combination of laziness and shyness. I'll get around to it sometime.

 

[n3xa]

If you were to get married, they will not run the show because it commands in the Bible that women be submissive.

What do you (and everyone else here, for that matter) mean when you say "submissive?" I'm confused.

 

[ladybug1122]

It pretty much means women should not try to be the man and wear the "pants." It does not mean that women should be afraid/tolerate abuse or accept all of the man's demands. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership with mutual respect. Men were created for the leader role and women the nurturing role. That would be my best definition of "submissive." It does not in any way mean that the woman should be weak or lose her voice, she just has to respect her husband's role.
This rule is the exception in single mother homes, as women have to play the role of both mother and father.

 

[n3xa]

It pretty much means women should not try to be the man and wear the "pants." It does not mean that women should be afraid/tolerate abuse or accept all of the man's demands. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership with mutual respect. Men were created for the leader role and women the nurturing role. That would be my best definition of "submissive." It does not in any way mean that the woman should be weak or lose her voice, she just has to respect her husband's role.
This rule is the exception in single mother homes, as women have to play the role of both mother and father.

Well, at least you said one thing we can both agree on.

Everyone has their issues. The trick is to find someone who compliments yours. Some of the most unconventional couples have lasted on the order of 25+ years simply because they had a solid foundation and communication between them was excellent.

 

[ladybug1122]

Well, at least you said one thing we can both agree on.

Everyone has their issues. The trick is to find someone who compliments yours. Some of the most unconventional couples have lasted on the order of 25+ years simply because they had a solid foundation and communication between them was excellent.

Agreed!

 

[Bigz]

Man these last few posts really remind me of my situation. My GFs family is really religious; to the point where we were almost not allowed to book our pre-med school vacation to Fla. because they were afraid we would be sleeping in the same house while we were down there. The first time I met them I went to church with her and her brother and this man had the nerve to ask her if I believed in God because I wasn't jumping up and singing and dancing like everyone else. We have had several talks that range from premarital sex (I won that argument) to how important it is to her to have a man of God as her husband. We finally had a breakthrough a couple months ago when she described how going to church gives her this warm and fuzzy feeling that I can say with confidence that I have never felt in my years of sporadic church attendance. I told her straight that I would attend church with her and read the Bible with her, but I'd be hard pressed to do those things on my own. I even quoted a scripture that says if a woman marries a man who is not of God (not that I'm that man), then he sanctified through her. My point is, you can't give up on this issue. I do believe a religious woman will make the best wife, but you have to be willing to go back and forth with her on this issue. You can't give up until you properly convey to her that you may believe in a higher power such as God, but you may not necessarily believe in a man-made construct such as religion. Once you find the proper language to relate it to her you will be much more well off.

I was a church going man before 2001. I visited the slave castles in west Africa and it really change my views on Christianity and church but i do believe in a higher being.

My wife on the other hand loves the church, she teaches Sunday school and is very involved with the church. I think our marriage suffered a bit because i failed to see how important the church was to her. I changed. Though she understand my stands I do go with her semi regularly. I have taken is as an activity she likes to do and so i do nit with her. It makes her happy and that is all that matters .

 

[Negrodamus]

With all the talk of church and Christ I feel a bit left out being a black Buddhist. The real question I wanted answered is if anyone is willing to date outside of their religion?

 

[Telekinesis]

With all the talk of church and Christ I feel a bit left out being a black Buddhist. The real question I wanted answered is if anyone is willing to date outside of their religion?

That's an interesting question. I have thought about it and I have seen some relationships make it work. In fact I have a client and she just got engaged to her bf of 5 years. She's Catholic and he's Christian. That's not really an extreme difference but it's the best I could come up with.

However I do believe all religions have some core values that are common. Treating each other the way you want to be treated, love and togetherness. It is possible that a relationship could be forged on the values and lessons not the belief system if that makes sense.

 

[DrLeon]

That's an interesting question. I have thought about it and I have seen some relationships make it work. In fact I have a client and she just got engaged to her bf of 5 years. She's Catholic and he's Christian. That's not really an extreme difference but it's the best I could come up with.

However I do believe all religions have some core values that are common. Treating each other the way you want to be treated, love and togetherness. It is possible that a relationship could be forged on the values and lessons not the belief system if that makes sense.

Catholics are Christians; like baptists and protestants. On of the girls in my class is the daughter of a Muslim and a Christian, so it has worked in the past. Maybe it takes moderate following of your faith, or the free mason approach by not talking about it, but it can work.

 

[Winter Wind]

With all the talk of church and Christ I feel a bit left out being a black Buddhist. The real question I wanted answered is if anyone is willing to date outside of their religion?

I am very confident that relationships can work outside of religion. It just depends on whether the person is tolerant of other people's views, or whether they are self-righteous and believe their path is the only path to travel. Most religions seem fundamentally alike in many ways (In my humble opinion).

Also, there are some people that will be able to focus on how similar your views are than how different they are. I doubt many people really understand Buddhism or looked into it. Though I am not a buddhist I respect the way of life that is described. I guess an important part of relationships is respect, and if two people choose to come together they should respect each other's views (IMO). They don't have to agree all the time...but they should at least try to understand one another.

 

[faith100]

I am very confident that relationships can work outside of religion. It just depends on whether the person is tolerant of other people's views, or whether they are self-righteous and believe their path is the only path to travel. Most religions seem fundamentally alike in many ways (In my humble opinion).

Also, there are some people that will be able to focus on how similar your views are than how different they are. I doubt many people really understand Buddhism or looked into it. Though I am not a buddhist I respect the way of life that is described. I guess an important part of relationships is respect, and if two people choose to come together they should respect each other's views (IMO). They don't have to agree all the time...but they should at least try to understand one another.

I completely agree! You must respect each other and the other persons values/beliefs. I'm a Christian and my boyfriend was Jewish - we had a beautiful relationship and could openly discuss and share anything. In an inter-faith relationship, however, it is essential to discuss child rearing and holiday celebrations with families before you get too serious, since the issue of children and which faith they will be raised in can lead to some painful issues and heartbreak if you're not both honest about it from jump street.

I fully support dating and marrying people outside of my religious beliefs...it can be a beautiful experience when the right two people come together. The Lord is not a respecter of persons (Acts 10:34), it took me awhile to fully understand and accept the fact that He has His sheep in every fold. It's easy to get distracted and fixated on 'religion' and miss out on His true message and an unbelievable relationship with JC and the people He gave His life on Calvary to save...

 

[preDDSmarilyn]

regardless of your woman uprising or self sufficiency, understand that the woman will always be considered the inferior partner, it IS her duty to of a respectful degree attend to a man, just like its a man duty to attend to things a woman needs.

you can have your strong woman mentality if you want, but no man, especially a doctor or dentist is going to let the woman just be or feel equal.

its annoys me how every other race/ethnicity understands that except the black community, this is the problem with these tyler perry movies.

 

[PinkIvy08]

regardless of your woman uprising or self sufficiency, understand that the woman will always be considered the inferior partner, it IS her duty to of a respectful degree attend to a man, just like its a man duty to attend to things a woman needs.

you can have your strong woman mentality if you want, but no man, especially a doctor or dentist is going to let the woman just be or feel equal.

its annoys me how every other race/ethnicity understands that except the black community, this is the problem with these tyler perry movies.

I think I agree with the jist of what you're saying, but your strongly worded, slightly offensive, chauvinistic wording makes me disagree. Words are powerful, and convey underlying sentiment...and the one you're conveying right now is very off-putting.

In any relationship, if you don't view your counterpart as equal, you are going to run into problems...unless you want a doormat (which sounds like where you're going with your post). Personally, I believe the man is to be the head of a relationship. Does this mean I am inferior because I am not having the final say? No. (actually, it could be argued that it takes the bigger person to put their ego aside for the good of a relationship...) Once you start referring to others as inferior (and thus assuming superiority), you're running into relationship problems, regardless of race/ethnicity.

Both the man and the woman bring something special to the relationship - and both have a say. I feel that if the two don't agree, then the man has the final say, and the woman should support her man. I think that unless the couple arranges things otherwise, the man should take the lead in certain things (say household repairs, finances, etc) and the woman in other things (say cooking, cleaning, child-reering, etc). And yes, they should support one another - we are each other's complement - full in and of ourselves, with strengths in differing areas that help sustain a relationship.

I haven't read any of your other posts, but judging from this one, you sound immature...and maybe angry?

[all this is said noting that I have not read the past few pages of this discussion]

 

[Telekinesis]

I agree with PinkIvy. That's the kinda woman I want she hit it on the nose.

 

[preDDSmarilyn]

@pink

nothing near immature. i was raised by a single mother and highly respect the WOMAN, not the BLACK WOMAN, but the WOMAN.

i am angry at how black women feel they need to be so outspoken based upon some lame crutch of "thats how the black woman is". um no. its ironic i have nothing but issues with only girlfriends that are black because they feel they dont need to play their respected role.

regardless, i respect your response. all i am simply saying is that the woman is not the equal, yes she deserves every right to have a voice but at the end of the day, the man is 1 the woman is 2, if any male here thinks different then, smh.

seems alot of persons in this thread are religious, thats dope. well it is very clear the woman is the inferior one, so please people dont pick from the Bible what works for you when you want it to.

 

[Telekinesis]

@pink

nothing near immature. i was raised by a single mother and highly respect the WOMAN, not the BLACK WOMAN, but the WOMAN.

i am angry at how black women feel they need to be so outspoken based upon some lame crutch of "thats how the black woman is". um no. its ironic i have nothing but issues with only girlfriends that are black because they feel they dont need to play their respected role.

regardless, i respect your response. all i am simply saying is that the woman is not the equal, yes she deserves every right to have a voice but at the end of the day, the man is 1 the woman is 2, if any male here thinks different then, smh.

seems alot of persons in this thread are religious, thats dope. well it is very clear the woman is the inferior one, so please people dont pick from the Bible what works for you when you want it to.

and i thought i was chauvinistic

 

[preDDSmarilyn]

lmfao whatever bye guys, ill go back to the pre dds section.

 

[Winter Wind]

I completely agree! You must respect each other and the other persons values/beliefs. I'm a Christian and my boyfriend was Jewish - we had a beautiful relationship and could openly discuss and share anything. In an inter-faith relationship, however, it is essential to discuss child rearing and holiday celebrations with families before you get too serious, since the issue of children and which faith they will be raised in can lead to some painful issues and heartbreak if you're not both honest about it from jump street.

I fully support dating and marrying people outside of my religious beliefs...it can be a beautiful experience when the right two people come together. The Lord is not a respecter of persons (Acts 10:34), it took me awhile to fully understand and accept the fact that He has His sheep in every fold. It's easy to get distracted and fixated on 'religion' and miss out on His true message and an unbelievable relationship with JC and the people He gave His life on Calvary to save...

I am always really happy to see two people that are great together against the odds. It takes a lot to step outside of your boundaries and I'm glad that you are in a great relationship and are happy ^_^.

 

[Winter Wind]

@pink

nothing near immature. i was raised by a single mother and highly respect the WOMAN, not the BLACK WOMAN, but the WOMAN.

i am angry at how black women feel they need to be so outspoken based upon some lame crutch of "thats how the black woman is". um no. its ironic i have nothing but issues with only girlfriends that are black because they feel they dont need to play their respected role.

regardless, i respect your response. all i am simply saying is that the woman is not the equal, yes she deserves every right to have a voice but at the end of the day, the man is 1 the woman is 2, if any male here thinks different then, smh.

seems alot of persons in this thread are religious, thats dope. well it is very clear the woman is the inferior one, so please people dont pick from the Bible what works for you when you want it to.

I'm not religious but I still disagree with what you said. Like, PinkIvy08 I think I get the jist to what you are trying to say but the way your are saying it sounds really derogative. I think what you mean is that men and women have different roles in our society. I don't believe it is fair to place more value on one sexes role versus the other.

Even in a home where the guy provides and the woman attends the children the woman's job is just as important. If she was not there then the guy would have to have someone else to take care of his kid while he wasn't working and if he wasn't there the woman would have to find some other means to survive. Given the fact that in the AA community there are many single parent mothers that are doing both jobs...I don't think it is fair that you say they are inferior. Also, I agree with Pinky on the notion that it's really big on the woman to put aside her ego and trust in her companion. Women do a lot of great things that they don't get enough credit for.

I really don't think you meant it the way you did, or at least I hope not. I support the fellas but I still love women lol.

Also, I hope you won't talk like this to your staff when you become a dentist. I just kind of get the feeling that you would think your hygienist and staff are inferior to you because you went to dental school etc. Not trying to lecture, but respect goes a long way.

 

[Winter Wind]

I think I agree with the jist of what you're saying, but your strongly worded, slightly offensive, chauvinistic wording makes me disagree. Words are powerful, and convey underlying sentiment...and the one you're conveying right now is very off-putting.

In any relationship, if you don't view your counterpart as equal, you are going to run into problems...unless you want a doormat (which sounds like where you're going with your post). Personally, I believe the man is to be the head of a relationship. Does this mean I am inferior because I am not having the final say? No. (actually, it could be argued that it takes the bigger person to put their ego aside for the good of a relationship...) Once you start referring to others as inferior (and thus assuming superiority), you're running into relationship problems, regardless of race/ethnicity.

Both the man and the woman bring something special to the relationship - and both have a say. I feel that if the two don't agree, then the man has the final say, and the woman should support her man. I think that unless the couple arranges things otherwise, the man should take the lead in certain things (say household repairs, finances, etc) and the woman in other things (say cooking, cleaning, child-reering, etc). And yes, they should support one another - we are each other's complement - full in and of ourselves, with strengths in differing areas that help sustain a relationship.

I haven't read any of your other posts, but judging from this one, you sound immature...and maybe angry?

[all this is said noting that I have not read the past few pages of this discussion]

Agreed

 

[DrLeon]

It's official...I popped the question and I will be marrying a woman who is every bit my equal!!!

[youtube]zmLDqI9o3-A[/youtube]

 

[Telekinesis]

It's official...I popped the question and I will be marrying a woman who is every bit my equal!!!

[youtube]zmLDqI9o3-A[/youtube]

Awesome man congrats! You have had a banner year, med school and a stable strong relationship!

 

[Winter Wind]

It's official...I popped the question and I will be marrying a woman who is every bit my equal!!!

[YOUTUBE]zmLDqI9o3-A[/YOUTUBE]

Congrats man!!!! I see you getting all sensitive with the poetry haha (joking). Hope you guys keep each other happy and always take care of each other. Wish you well in all that you do although it doesn't look like you need that. Like FutureDr. said, it's been a great year for you...med school and wifey, doesn't get much better than that!

 

[Professor Deej]

[.

 

[Winter Wind]

Hi Leon,

I've been viewing this site for awhile now and I normally try to stay out of the discussions I see here, but the bolded part of your statement has somewhat offended me; so, I decided to seek a little clarification.

I don't understand why non-religious guys believe that religious women would make the best wives. As a non-religious person, I assume that you have recognized both the good and bad that the Bible has to offer. Some of it is based off of deep philosophical thought and some of it is based off of pure bigotry.

So my question to you, sir, is "Why would a woman who makes decisions based off of a 2000 year old book make a better wife than a woman who makes decisions based on logic & reason?"

In my opinion, a non-religious woman would usually be more willingly to have rational discussions with her husband in an effort to shape their marriage around what works for them, rather than trying to shape it around the strict (and sometimes unreasonable) laws of the Bible.

I know that a lot of people believe that morals are inherent to religion, but I strongly disagree. My being agnostic will not make me a horrible wife or mother any more than it would make a guy a horrible husband and father.

Sorry for rambling on for so long. It's just really frustrating when I see fellow non-religious individuals perpetuating the stereotypes that have been placed on us by the religious. I just don't understand it.

I made a similar statement earlier. I don't want to compare who is better than who because I believe that each person is great in their own way. Perhaps you are right that maybe an agnostic woman would be more rational. That kind of made me laugh because I have to admit I have taken some pretty ridiculous trips with religious women before lol. (religious women don't get offended, none of us are perfect ^_^)

You are right that your being agnostic doesn't make you a horrible wife or anything. I am personally sorry if I offended you. I know there are some negative stereotypes placed on non-religious people and I definitely didn't mean to give the impression that non-religious people are inferior in any way to religious people. Religion or lack of it does not mean you will or won't be a great person, wife, etc. There are far too many attributes that go into forming someones character to place it on just this one area.

Oh also to answer your questions. Perhaps some non-religious AA guys believe that religious women make great wives, is because virtually 90% of AA women, I'd say claim to be christian (or religious). Therefore odds are the guy ends up dating religious women more often and of course the AA community is usually raised up in church so his mother, sisters and family are religious so it gives the impression that great women are religious. Also, it doesn't help that many of us are told this for a lot of our lives. So yes, there is an unfair stereotype that makes it seem that religious women make great wives.

For your other question about decisions based on the book rather than logic...I have no idea.

Didn't mean to write that much, but as a guy that isn't all to into religion, I know how you feel. I hope I answered some of your questions and once again, I am sorry if I offended you as well. Hopefully we understand one another better now ^_^.

 

[Professor Deej]

.

 

[DrLeon]

Hi Leon,

I've been viewing this site for awhile now and I normally try to stay out of the discussions I see here, but the bolded part of your statement has somewhat offended me; so, I decided to seek a little clarification.

I don't understand why non-religious guys believe that religious women would make the best wives. As a non-religious person, I assume that you have recognized both the good and bad that the Bible has to offer. Some of it is based off of deep philosophical thought and some of it is based off of pure bigotry.

So my question to you, sir, is "Why would a woman who makes decisions based off of a 2000 year old book make a better wife than a woman who makes decisions based on logic & reason?"

In my opinion, a non-religious woman would usually be more willingly to have rational discussions with her husband in an effort to shape their marriage around what works for them, rather than trying to shape it around the strict (and sometimes unreasonable) laws of the Bible.

I know that a lot of people believe that morals are inherent to religion, but I strongly disagree. My being agnostic will not make me a horrible wife or mother any more than it would make a guy a horrible husband and father.

Sorry for rambling on for so long. It's just really frustrating when I see fellow non-religious individuals perpetuating the stereotypes that have been placed on us by the religious. I just don't understand it.

Just to reiterate what Winter Wind already said, I am also sorry if I offended you with that sentence. It was not my intention to do so and I will try to explain myself. For starters, religious may have been the wrong term to use (my fiance likes to tell people she is less religious than she is spiritual). As an agnostic, I assume you believe in a higher power, but not in a specific religion. If that is the case then you are no far from the type of woman I mentioned in my post. And while we're on the subject of stereotypes, did you not unfairly stereotype religious women? If my fiance was unable to hold a logical and reasonable conversation do you really think I would be with her given my perceived stance on religion? Not every religious women follows the bible to the letter. It is actually counter productive for women to do that because of the anti-feminine tone throughout the 66 books.

When I stated that a religious woman would make the best wife, I only meant if for myself. I knew a long time before we became serious that my future wife would help me to raise children that will be respectful of their family and pillars of their community because the ideals she derived from being raised in a religious household. While I know for a fact that morals are not inherent to a religion, I also know that they are the foundations of said religions. To a man, that means there is little guesswork when approaching a women from a religious background; you know her moral set will be withing a certain range. You actually have to ascertain these things from a woman (or any person) not from a religious background. If you don't have any shred of religious belief, what is marriage to you? I personally believe a woman with a least a little religion in her will be less likely to seek a divorce if the marriage hits a rough patch because she believes she not only made a promise to her husband, but also to the higher power she believes in. Yet again, I am sure that there are women who are not religious that will place similar importance on the vows of marriage, but you will find a higher percentage of religious women who do so.

I know I rambled too, but I'll summarize. It was not my intention to offend anyone. I am a firm believer that people from all backgrounds will make great spouses because there is someone out there for everyone. I just have my preferences.

 

[Professor Deej]

.

 

[PlatinumPenny]

Man these last few posts really remind me of my situation. My GFs family is really religious; to the point where we were almost not allowed to book our pre-med school vacation to Fla. because they were afraid we would be sleeping in the same house while we were down there. The first time I met them I went to church with her and her brother and this man had the nerve to ask her if I believed in God because I wasn't jumping up and singing and dancing like everyone else. We have had several talks that range from premarital sex (I won that argument) to how important it is to her to have a man of God as her husband. We finally had a breakthrough a couple months ago when she described how going to church gives her this warm and fuzzy feeling that I can say with confidence that I have never felt in my years of sporadic church attendance. I told her straight that I would attend church with her and read the Bible with her, but I'd be hard pressed to do those things on my own. I even quoted a scripture that says if a woman marries a man who is not of God (not that I'm that man), then he sanctified through her. My point is, you can't give up on this issue. I do believe a religious woman will make the best wife, but you have to be willing to go back and forth with her on this issue. You can't give up until you properly convey to her that you may believe in a higher power such as God, but you may not necessarily believe in a man-made construct such as religion. Once you find the proper language to relate it to her you will be much more well off.

I know I'm hella late to this but I just wanted to add that perhaps if you think of it as building a RELATIONSHIP with God instead of adhering to specific religious protocol it would be easier to read the bible, attend church, etc.

 

[DrLeon]

There are a lot of things in your response that I don't agree with and could debate about, but I sense that it will be pointless, SO... I'll just leave the conversation where it is.

Congrats on your engagement.

Well I'm up for open discourse if you still feel some type of way about what I said. Like I said, I'm not here to insult you or anyone else. I'm always up for a logical debate.

 

[DrLeon]

I know I'm hella late to this but I just wanted to add that perhaps if you think of it as building a RELATIONSHIP with God instead of adhering to specific religious protocol it would be easier to read the bible, attend church, etc.

But reading the Bible and going to church ARE adhering to specific religious protocol (namely: reading the Bible and going to church). And I do these things more often now, but I do not blindly accept what anyone has else has to say about them, because I think differently and I understand the words from a different perspective. My own grandfather tried to call me a heathen on my vacation to florida this past week. He's a Baptist minister and assumed that 1) my fiance has more knowledge of the Bible than I do and 2) If I want my marriage to work I have a lot of catching up to do to get to her level. He then proceeded to belittle her by telling her she shouldn't talk in church and that she should consult me for understanding on everything and as the man I come first in everything (different discussion for a different time). What he didn't know is that we know the same amount of the Bible, but she knew the verses he referred to while talking to us. I truly want to understand the truth behind the words and the real message, so I read and attend church, but I also ask questions.

 

[Winter Wind]

.

 

[Winter Wind]

Just to reiterate what Winter Wind already said, I am also sorry if I offended you with that sentence. It was not my intention to do so and I will try to explain myself. For starters, religious may have been the wrong term to use (my fiance likes to tell people she is less religious than she is spiritual). As an agnostic, I assume you believe in a higher power, but not in a specific religion. If that is the case then you are no far from the type of woman I mentioned in my post. And while we're on the subject of stereotypes, did you not unfairly stereotype religious women? If my fiance was unable to hold a logical and reasonable conversation do you really think I would be with her given my perceived stance on religion? Not every religious women follows the bible to the letter. It is actually counter productive for women to do that because of the anti-feminine tone throughout the 66 books.

When I stated that a religious woman would make the best wife, I only meant if for myself. I knew a long time before we became serious that my future wife would help me to raise children that will be respectful of their family and pillars of their community because the ideals she derived from being raised in a religious household. While I know for a fact that morals are not inherent to a religion, I also know that they are the foundations of said religions. To a man, that means there is little guesswork when approaching a women from a religious background; you know her moral set will be withing a certain range. You actually have to ascertain these things from a woman (or any person) not from a religious background. If you don't have any shred of religious belief, what is marriage to you? I personally believe a woman with a least a little religion in her will be less likely to seek a divorce if the marriage hits a rough patch because she believes she not only made a promise to her husband, but also to the higher power she believes in. Yet again, I am sure that there are women who are not religious that will place similar importance on the vows of marriage, but you will find a higher percentage of religious women who do so.

I know I rambled too, but I'll summarize. It was not my intention to offend anyone. I am a firm believer that people from all backgrounds will make great spouses because there is someone out there for everyone. I just have my preferences.

I don't know about Dr. Deej, but what I didn't agree with was the bold comment. You don't have to be religious to believe in bonds and to hold someone special to you. Nor do you have to be religious to be loyal, faithful, or true. Honor and integrity is not determined by faith, but by one's character IMO. Also, what is also debateable is the notion that there will be a higher percentage of religious women that place importance on marriage. I think we can agree that America for the majority is religious, however we still have very high divorce rates.

The message I'm trying to convey is that one doesn't have to be religious in order for marriage to be significant to them. Yes, I know you mentioned that there are some non-religious women that may place a similar importance on the bond, but I disagree that there are a higher percentage of religious women that do so. I'm not downing religious women at all, but to be fair I needed to address the comments that inferred that religious women placed more value on marriage than non religious women.

In regards to having a counterpart, I just think that non-religious women go about it the same way as religious women. They find someone they care about and that they want to love for the rest of they're lives and that's why they decide to get married.

Ok, sooooo....we've spent a great deal on addressing how religious views can affect a relationship. Can we move on to another topic please?

 

[DrLeon]

I don't know about Dr. Deej, but what I didn't agree with was the bold comment. You don't have to be religious to believe in bonds and to hold someone special to you. Nor do you have to be religious to be loyal, faithful, or true. Honor and integrity is not determined by faith, but by one's character IMO. Also, what is also debateable is the notion that there will be a higher percentage of religious women that place importance on marriage. I think we can agree that America for the majority is religious, however we still have very high divorce rates.

The message I'm trying to convey is that one doesn't have to be religious in order for marriage to be significant to them. Yes, I know you mentioned that there are some non-religious women that may place a similar importance on the bond, but I disagree that there are a higher percentage of religious women that do so. I'm not downing religious women at all, but to be fair I needed to address the comments that inferred that religious women placed more value on marriage than non religious women.

In regards to having a counterpart, I just think that non-religious women go about it the same way as religious women. They find someone they care about and that they want to love for the rest of they're lives and that's why they decide to get married.

Ok, sooooo....we've spent a great deal on addressing how religious views can affect a relationship. Can we move on to another topic please?

Hopefully this is my last comment on the subject too, only because I want to clarify. I am 100% sure that there are non religious/spiritual people who value the institution of marriage and do it justice, but my comment (maybe not said correctly) was just to emphasize that. For example, when I say religious women (men too) place more importance on marriage I have at least 4 prime examples to demonstrate that. For one, my grandfather is a reverend and went through a divorce with his second wife in the past few years. She cheated on him, but he refused to divorce her because he would have to leave his church if he did so. He stayed in an unhappy marriage until she divorced him because his faith forbade him to do so. Likewise with my uncle, his son. His wife cheated on him about 20 years ago, but because of his faith he does not believe in divorce and instead chose to stay with her (he still has trouble getting over it). My own fiance comes from a family that has little, if any, divorce because they feel as those divorce is a direct insult toward God, so they try their hardest to work out all differences and remain married. On the flipside, my own father has been with his girlfriend fro 11 years. He's not very religious and neither is she. They don't see any need to get married outside of the federal benefits because they don't see co-habitating as a problem (they stay loyal, faithful and true to each other without marriage). Honestly, if I weren't with a spiritual I may feel the same way, but that's just me. In my opinion, marriage has historically been a man-made religious construct to appease whichever god you worship. I just feel as if it is easier to divorce (or avoid marrying) someone who doesn't fear that an intimate relationship outside of marriage is wrong.

So on another note, is anyone worried that if you don't find your wife while in med school you may come across a lot of gold-diggers once you become a full blown doctor?

 

[Winter Wind]

Most def lol! Actually my plan was to get married before dental school but that didn't work out haha. I'm definitely worried about it. Right now though, I just plan on being single for a while (A long while haha). Being that most relationships don't last and all the things that could go wrong...I just don't feel like dealing with it. I feel relationships (in general not just with women, for ex family or friends) are meant to enhance your life, but a lot of times they do the opposite. Right now, I don't have time for a woman to have me caring for her and then surprising me later with some other type stuff.

Succeeding in dental school is my number 1 priority right now. If I happen to stumble upon a Supernova then of course I will have no choice but to see the light.

As far as the gold-diggers, one word, prenumpt! I know a lot of people may not agree and it isn't that romantic, however if she won't marry you without one then my question is why not? Why is it necessary for me to pay you if you do something messed up and things don't work out? They could still get you though if you had a kid by them. That 25 to 40% child support would be no joke! I mean, I wouldn't mind taking care of my kid but I'm thinking of how grimey some women can be. I don't feel comfortable paying her house note so she can be laying up with some other dude in a house that I am paying for!

So yeah, I do think of the type of women that are out there and I think of all the things they could do. The gravity of a star is strong and I hope that when I get sucked in that it's by a Supernova and not a white dwarf .

 

[PinkIvy08]

So on another note, is anyone worried that if you don't find your wife while in med school you may come across a lot of gold-diggers once you become a full blown doctor?

Haha, I'm a female and I still run across gold-digging men every now n' then. It's funny, the response from guys alternates between 1) running away in fear from a female med student to 2) drastically switching from their ridiculously shameful, raunchy flirting to wanting to take me home to mom and out to church when they hear I'm in med school. wth boys?!? Though, I wouldn't mind a stay-at-home hubby...just sayin'

 

[Winter Wind]

Haha, I'm a female and I still run across gold-digging men every now n' then. It's funny, the response from guys alternates between 1) running away in fear from a female med student to 2) drastically switching from their ridiculously shameful, raunchy flirting to wanting to take me home to mom and out to church when they hear I'm in med school. wth boys?!? Though, I wouldn't mind a stay-at-home hubby...just sayin'

Would you really not mind having the guy stay home? I know a couple of girls that end up doing that but I don't think they like it. Won't you feel like you're being their mother or something?

 

[kg062007]

I wish I could meet more non-religious black women. I don't think people see it, but there is a lot that the Black church does that hinders the black community.

 

[kg062007]

And as far as dating black women goes, I just don't meet a lot who I can deal with or that i'm physically attracted to. I don't date women with kids, women who do not workout and are overweight, or women with bad attitudes. Those 3 simple criteria alone eliminate most black women.

 

[PinkIvy08]

And as far as dating black women goes, I just don't meet a lot who I can deal with or that i'm physically attracted to. I don't date women with kids, women who do not workout and are overweight, or women with bad attitudes. Those 3 simple criteria alone eliminate most black women.

Wow. Harsh words.

There is no relationship future for the medical Black community. Imo, the rate things are going, the majority of Black doctors are going to marry someone outside of the Black race. I'm seeing it happen to all of my friends, and I've given up hope on Black men myself (largely due to 1) the absence of Black men in my community and 2) oddly enough responses I've seen on SDN). It's a shame where our community has come to.

 

[PinkIvy08]

Would you really not mind having the guy stay home? I know a couple of girls that end up doing that but I don't think they like it. Won't you feel like you're being their mother or something?

No. I think I'd feel like their mother more if I was a stay-at-home wife Doing the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. I wouldn't mind a husband that took more of a home responsibility, in theory. I have no idea how this idea would play out in reality though!

 

[Telekinesis]

Wow. Harsh words.

There is no relationship future for the medical Black community. Imo, the rate things are going, the majority of Black doctors are going to marry someone outside of the Black race. I'm seeing it happen to all of my friends, and I've given up hope on Black men myself (largely due to 1) the absence of Black men in my community and 2) oddly enough responses I've seen on SDN). It's a shame where our community has come to.

Have faith PinkIvy! There are some good brothas out there for ya. I mean I'm moving to the east coast to find me a sista. Texas girls are crazy lol

 

[2012mdc]

And as far as dating black women goes, I just don't meet a lot who I can deal with or that i'm physically attracted to. I don't date women with kids, women who do not workout and are overweight, or women with bad attitudes. Those 3 simple criteria alone eliminate most black women.

Almost all of the black female patients I see are overweight. It's pretty sad

There are plenty of in shape black women in Atlanta though, maybe you just need to go to a city with a bigger sample size

 

[2012mdc]

Wow. Harsh words.

There is no relationship future for the medical Black community. Imo, the rate things are going, the majority of Black doctors are going to marry someone outside of the Black race. I'm seeing it happen to all of my friends, and I've given up hope on Black men myself (largely due to 1) the absence of Black men in my community and 2) oddly enough responses I've seen on SDN). It's a shame where our community has come to.

I go to a school with a large amount of AA's and almost all of the ones who are engaged/married are with black women

 

[Winter Wind]

No. I think I'd feel like their mother more if I was a stay-at-home wife Doing the cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. I wouldn't mind a husband that took more of a home responsibility, in theory. I have no idea how this idea would play out in reality though!

Lol, nice one!