Dating in Med School for a Girl? Disturbing Trend?

[Mad Jack]

Basically the former, although I think that "substantially undermine" is an exaggeration. Honestly I might even consider going part-time as well if we can sustain our lifestyle on two part-time salaries.

You basically lose a lot of say in a practice if you go part-time, unless you're an old timer. If you're employed by a hospital, you won't have enough time to devote to be a physician that operates at a senior level. And academics is basically not going to happen. Essentially, going part-time puts you in the position of being a tolerable burden to your group or hospital, eliminating your upward mobility and freezing you in a status that is more employee than partner or equal.

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[fancymylotus]

Dating isn't some arcane thing. It's just an ordinary thing that everyone does, don't over complicate things. There aren't rules, there aren't magic cues that you learn to level up your dating skills, there is no magic formula to make any girl fall for you. The whole way you described dating came off as very weird and artificial, like an alien describing human dating. Also, who dates a girl based on their parental assets? I mean, I've seen that be a thing in some cultures, but it just sounds bizarre to me. Idgaf what my gf earns, let alone what her parents do

throw in some cultural stuff and **** gets weird and complicated super fast

 

[Mad Jack]

You might ask that of fancy if you're so inclined, but cookiemonsters was answering my question.

I'm totally just kidding dude

 

[Kahreek]

I wish that were true, but quite literally, the majority of guys in our class. I can name about 12 that aren't taken. (out of nearly 100)

i bet the awkward not so hot guy is not taken

 

[Jabbed]

You basically lose a lot of say in a practice if you go part-time, unless you're an old timer. If you're employed by a hospital, you won't have enough time to devote to be a physician that operates at a senior level. And academics is basically not going to happen. Essentially, going part-time puts you in the position of being a tolerable burden to your group or hospital, eliminating your upward mobility and freezing you in a status that is more employee than partner or equal.

I would say that it very much depends on specialty, particularly if you're going into something that's shift work like EM/CCM.

Even with your caveat though, I would still consider a full-time / part-time physician marriage a power couple.

 

[libraryismyhome]

Dating isn't some arcane thing. It's just an ordinary thing that everyone does, don't over complicate things. There aren't rules, there aren't magic cues that you learn to level up your dating skills, there is no magic formula to make any girl fall for you. The whole way you described dating came off as very weird and artificial, like an alien describing human dating. Also, who dates a girl based on their parental assets? I mean, I've seen that be a thing in some cultures, but it just sounds bizarre to me. Idgaf what my gf earns, let alone what her parents do

If the girl's parents are coming from a very poor family and if her parents are uneducated, then both in laws may have difficult time getting along due to too many differences. and if you marry a girl coming from a rich family, and yet the girl is not a doctor, then the girl's family may buy you a house, a car and a medical office. So you see as many girls as possible and build your skills, and then find one who does all these for you, make her to fall for you, and marry her. Oh of course you break up with all your tutorials so that you keep your records clean. If you feel bad doing this, then you strengthen your heart by hurting yourself by seeing bitchy girls. Then you become as callous as rock and don't have any emotional qualm to get the best deal out of you.

 

[Mad Jack]

If the girl's parents are coming from a very poor family and if her parents are uneducated, then both in laws may have difficult time getting along due to too many differences. and if you marry a girl coming from rich family, and yet the girl is not a doctor, then the girl's family may gets you "three keys." They buy you a house, a car and a medical office for you. So you see as many girls as possible and gain technical skills and then find one who does all these for you, make her to fall for you and marry her.

See, where I come from accepting that kind of money from a girl's parents would be considered downright humiliating and emasculating, regardless of the circumstances. As to the parents getting along, I doubt my gf's mother will ever meet my parents, aside form at the wedding, should one ever occur. I just don't see a reason for them to ever cross paths.

Culture is weird.

 

[fancymylotus]

See, where I come from accepting that kind of money from a girl's parents would be considered downright humiliating and emasculating, regardless of the circumstances. As to the parents getting along, I doubt my gf's mother will ever meet my parents, aside form at the wedding, should one ever occur. I just don't see a reason for them to ever cross paths.

Culture is weird.

Brown people stuff is bizarre. I agree. We're a weird bunch

 

[Kahreek]

See, where I come from accepting that kind of money from a girl's parents would be considered downright humiliating and emasculating, regardless of the circumstances. As to the parents getting along, I doubt my gf's mother will ever meet my parents, aside form at the wedding, should one ever occur. I just don't see a reason for them to ever cross paths.

Culture is weird.

yeah, thats me

 

[libraryismyhome]

Brown people stuff is bizarre. I agree. We're a weird bunch

I am an east asian who is open to both american girls and asian fob girls. I get these amenities if I decide to meet a fob asian girl since going a US allopathic medical school as a fob student is pretty exceptional.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

This is why more of you physician men should marry dentite girls

I like dentite chicks. ASL? Just kidding.

 

[Caia]

Just an added perspective from a female vet student:

While my class is basically an 8:1 ratio of women to men, the vast majority are in relationships outside of vet med. Engineers seem to be the most common. There might be one or two couples within the class, but that's it.

I think it would be nice to date within the field so that I don't get the "eww babe, gross" when I talk about something cool, but I also really enjoy being able to leave it behind and not worry about how both of us are going to match closer together or find jobs nearby. It's refreshing to to talk about something other than vet med a lot of the time.

 

[DokterMom]

I am an east asian who is open to both american girls and asian fob girls. I get these amenities if I decide to meet a fob asian girl since going a US allopathic medical school as a fob student is pretty exceptional.

Yeah - Good Luck dating high status American girls if you expect their daddies to buy you a medical practice. If your attitudes are FOB, your destiny will follow.

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

 

[MedWonk]

A lot of my female classmates have extraordinarily high status. Unless I am a better student than them, nothing is going to work out. They are not realizing that they are in their prime age. Furthermore once they start residency, they don't have time and the majority of high achieving, superior guys will be taken.

I go to undergraduate libraries sometimes and all I have to do is to make eye contact and I can get their numbers and go to dates. I am also talking to pharmacy student, architect student, and a consultant in a big firm on the phone and Skype weekly. I will be seeing them over the summer in NYC and Washington DC during my research internship and meet their parents and stuff. These girls are attractive, do not have debts, 5 years younger, and still make 6 figures and totally look up to me. It's going to be hard to make my decision. Even if none of these girls end up with me, I still learn and gain experiences from them. For guys, I realize that more interactions you have with girls even if it's just coffee date, you learn cues that make you more attractive and make girls to fall for you. Then you gain more choices and you also have better knowledge on what kind of things you look for from girls in addition to just looks, income and their parental assets.

I think that speaks more to the fact that if you're generally not weird/creepy/whatever, you can pretty much date anyone you want during undergrad, and it pretty much goes both ways. You pretty much have to choose to be celibate to not date someone during undergrad, IMO.

If the girl's parents are coming from a very poor family and if her parents are uneducated, then both in laws may have difficult time getting along due to too many differences. and if you marry a girl coming from a rich family, and yet the girl is not a doctor, then the girl's family may buy you a house, a car and a medical office. So you see as many girls as possible and build your skills, and then find one who does all these for you, make her to fall for you, and marry her. Oh of course you break up with all your tutorials so that you keep your records clean. If you feel bad doing this, then you strengthen your heart by hurting yourself by seeing bitchy girls. Then you become as callous as rock and don't have any emotional qualm to get the best deal out of you.

I dunno. My family may be the exception, but my parents get along just fine with my sister's in-laws. My parents = immigrant factory workers, mom has a 4th grade education from the old country, dad has a GED and an Associate's in bookkeeping. Both parents are lifelong Dems, fairly devout Catholics. In-laws are a stay-at-home mom with a B.A. in English, and the dad (now retired) was CFO of several large companies, and is a multi-millionaire. Both are lifelong Republicans, fairly devout Methodists, from the South. They get along famously. I think a lot of it comes down to the individual. They'll probably never meet my in-laws, though, seeing as they live on the other side of the planet and don't speak a common language.

 

[fancymylotus]

I am an east asian who is open to both american girls and asian fob girls. I get these amenities if I decide to meet a fob asian girl since going a US allopathic medical school as a fob student is pretty exceptional.

What

 

[MedWonk]

I am an east asian who is open to both american girls and asian fob girls. I get these amenities if I decide to meet a fob asian girl since going a US allopathic medical school as a fob student is pretty exceptional.

SethJoo is that you?

 

[PharMed2016]

Haha. Interesting conversation.

 

[BobbyB]

Brown people stuff is bizarre. I agree. We're a weird bunch

i think u should do a matchmaking service for NY SDNers and dentite girls (srs)

post a questionnaire and get people on here to send u pics

 

[libraryismyhome]

I just love getting attention by posting sensational comments. It relieves my stress!

 

[jdh71]

Find someone already done with school, they'll sort of know what you went through bc they did it already, and so probably won't bug you about things that people on the "outside" just wouldn't get


Then again dating a med student can be pretty ****ing miserable so...there's that.

I say date a dentist!

 

[GoPelicans]

I'm single as of a week ago, can somebody please throw a dentite girl in my direction? Or any kind of girl -_-

 

[jdh71]

Brown people stuff is bizarre. I agree. We're a weird bunch

And why can't you show up on time to anything?!?!? Huh?!?!

 

[yancantcook]

the reason why guys in medicine want nothing to do with ladies in medicine is because they see how much you have to sacrifice to go through med school, residency, the endless boards, nights of call, weekend shifts etc and don't want a household in the future with kids and both of you will be working non-stop. Many guys just want a happy stable family and be able to see their kids when they are done. Not have both you and your wife work from 7-5pm every day, pay a nanny 50k to take care of them, come home and have to scramble to find some food to cook, and live a stress filled life with two very unaccomodating schedules. Although two physician households can easily make >500k, do you really need that much money and never see your kids or each other?

 

[Pacna]

I'm single as of a week ago, can somebody please throw a dentite girl in my direction? Or any kind of girl -_-

 

[PL198]

I just noticed for the first time that your thing says untie, not unite ^

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

the reason why guys in medicine want nothing to do with ladies in medicine is because they see how much you have to sacrifice to go through med school, residency, the endless boards, nights of call, weekend shifts etc and don't want a household in the future with kids and both of you will be working non-stop. Many guys just want a happy stable family and be able to see their kids when they are done. Not have both you and your wife work from 7-5pm every day, pay a nanny 50k to take care of them, come home and have to scramble to find some food to cook, and live a stress filled life with two very unaccomodating schedules. Although two physician households can easily make >500k, do you really need that much money and never see your kids or each other?

As is the tendency, absolutes/extremes are rarely accurate.

This very year saw a record number of couples matches.

So clearly there are quite a few guys in medicine who like what they find there.

Dual physician marriages are quite common and, despite what naive premeds and med students read on the internets, these couples still manage to raise children in loving households quite often.

 

[SuckySurgeon7]

Let me address the original poster's insecurities first: you are a great catch, and it's natural to be disappointed that the majority of guys in any microenvironment are taken. That said, you already have the answer to your question: find someone who is good-looking, clever, talented and single anywhere you can. The guys in your class didn't limit themselves to the prospects in the medical class, and neither should you. Don't judge a person by how they pay the rent. We all know plenty of "dentites", teachers and PA's who chose that route because they enjoyed it more, and that doesn't make them less eligible.

Also, the issue you're facing is the same one that dudes have been facing for years: two stressed out parents doesn't make for a happy childhood. Finding a spouse means finding a great mom/dad, not just a fantastic friend. Good luck! I hope you find a great dad out there, no matter if he's a PhD. or a Picasso waiting for his big break.

 

[caffeinemia]

I am an east asian who is open to both american girls and asian fob girls. I get these amenities if I decide to meet a fob asian girl since going a US allopathic medical school as a fob student is pretty exceptional.

I don't even..

I've dated many countries, colors and cultures, and I've never understood typecasting people like this. I feel like you may be losing a lot of what people have to offer with these generalizations, but maybe that's just me.

As is the tendency, absolutes/extremes are rarely accurate.

This very year saw a record number of couples matches.

So clearly there are quite a few guys in medicine who like what they find there.

Dual physician marriages are quite common and, despite what naive premeds and med students read on the internets, these couples still manage to raise children in loving households quite often.

That's how legacy babies happen. I want a legacy baby.

 

[fancymylotus]

Let me address the original poster's insecurities first: you are a great catch, and it's natural to be disappointed that the majority of guys in any microenvironment are taken. That said, you already have the answer to your question: find someone who is good-looking, clever, talented and single anywhere you can. The guys in your class didn't limit themselves to the prospects in the medical class, and neither should you. Don't judge a person by how they pay the rent. We all know plenty of "dentites", teachers and PA's who chose that route because they enjoyed it more, and that doesn't make them less eligible.

Also, the issue you're facing is the same one that dudes have been facing for years: two stressed out parents doesn't make for a happy childhood. Finding a spouse means finding a great mom/dad, not just a fantastic friend. Good luck! I hope you find a great dad out there, no matter if he's a PhD. or a Picasso waiting for his big break.

What.

I can judge someone however I want, I don't care if they're judging me in the process, and if I want to have ridiculous superficial standards, I can. I refuse to date someone not in a profession similar to mine with a family background similar to mine - CUE INHERENT CULTURAL BIAS AND NONSENSE.

 

[fancymylotus]

And why can't you show up on time to anything?!?!? Huh?!?!

I show up on time for you.

 

[PL198]

What.

I can judge someone however I want, I don't care if they're judging me in the process, and if I want to have ridiculous superficial standards, I can. I refuse to date someone not in a profession similar to mine with a family background similar to mine - CUE INHERENT CULTURAL BIAS AND NONSENSE.

you mean you're free to have your own set of standards? I don't think the feminists would be very happy with that.

 

[SuckySurgeon7]

ridiculous superficial standards. ... CUE INHERENT ... NONSENSE.

Hey, Jasmine married a street rat...

 

[fancymylotus]

Oh you're soooo witty, sucky surgeon.

 

[giantswing]

What.

I can judge someone however I want, I don't care if they're judging me in the process, and if I want to have ridiculous superficial standards, I can. I refuse to date someone not in a profession similar to mine with a family background similar to mine - CUE INHERENT CULTURAL BIAS AND NONSENSE.

I don't have a problem w anyone having high standards. Just don't complain when youre foreveralone.

 

[Psai]

Hey, Jasmine married a street rat...

A street rat with a genie who fabricated an identity as a prince with a huge elephant for this street rat to ride in an enormous parade as the genie ran around spreading false rumors about his supposed exploits and riches

 

[cookiemonsters]

Another thing that annoys me... it feels like most of the white girls in my class are Jewish. Did you know if you marry a Jewish girl you need to raise your kids Jewish and get a circumcision? Fuuuuck that. Plus all those genetic disorders kinda scare me off.

 

[Psai]

"I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school. "

Happens a lot.

 

[SuckySurgeon7]

A street rat with a genie who fabricated an identity as a prince with a huge elephant for this street rat to ride in an enormous parade as the genie ran around spreading false rumors about his supposed exploits and riches

In the old world, parents demanded their kids' suitors have a genie to spread their fame, a huge elephant to ride off into the sunset, and a princely stature.

But baby this is...













A WHOLE NEW WOOOOORLD!

 

[fancymylotus]

In the old world, parents demanded their kids' suitors have a genie to spread their fame, a huge elephant to ride off into the sunset, and a princely stature.

But baby this is...













A WHOLE NEW WOOOOORLD!

Okay that is my favorite song.

Also I've seen Aladdin on Broadway multiple times
Also I secretly want to be reincarnated as Jasmine

 

[fancymylotus]

Another thing that annoys me... it feels like most of the white girls in my class are Jewish. Did you know if you marry a Jewish girl you need to raise your kids Jewish and get a circumcision? Fuuuuck that. Plus all those genetic disorders kinda scare me off.

Lol. Do you go to school in NY? If so, wtf did you expect.

Especially true if you go to school on that ****hole Island of Long

 

[cookiemonsters]

Lol. Do you go to school in NY? If so, wtf did you expect.

Especially true if you go to school on that ****hole Island of Long

I'm from the northeast but growing up I went to public school in the city and state school for college, so basically no Jews around. Medical school is literally the first time in my life I have gone to school with Jewish people (and Indian people for that matter). The whole phenomenon of Jews=doctors was something I only realized after I started medical school.

 

[fancymylotus]

I'm from the northeast but growing up I went to public school in the city and state school for college, so basically no Jews around. Medical school is literally the first time in my life I have gone to school with Jewish people (and Indian people for that matter).

What. Where in the NE are you from that you've never encountered Jewish people or brownies?

We're all practically HinJews where I'm from.

 

[cookiemonsters]

What. Where in the NE are you from that you've never encountered Jewish people or brownies?

Boston. Lots of Jews in the wealthier suburbs but barely any living in the city proper.

 

[fancymylotus]

Boston. Lots of Jews in the wealthier suburbs but barely any living in the city proper.

I'm sorry. I auto hate you.

 

[cookiemonsters]

bb dont be like that

 

[fancymylotus]

bb dont be like that

Boston? Home of the Red Sux? No. Just no.

 

[cbrons]

All great pieces of advice. I guess I had honestly never considered that before because I assumed it would be easier to relate to someone who was in the same, hectic lifestyle. I never really considered that it could be too similar. Plus, it's easier to date within the class because it's more convenient than having to look for someone outside it.
Ah well. I guess what's worth it never comes easy. Thanks guys!

Dating other classmates is risky. I really don't advise it.

 

[Psai]

I actively advise


Dating other classmates is risky. I really don't advise it.

fact. dating in the same school is risky

 

[famoussquamous]

The truth is that most guys don't put THAT much emphasis in a females accomplishments when it comes to dating as we do their looks, unfortunately. If a woman is hot it doesn't matter if she works at Starbuck, guys will want to date/hook up with her (initially anyway). That said most of the females in your class are also taken, i.e. their accomplishments didn't stop them from getting a boyfriend/husband. I don't mean that as a knock or anything personal OP, I just kind of get tired of people using the "they're intimidated by my skills" line.

Even still a lot of medical students end up dating once in school so not all hope is lost OP. I'd say enjoy being single but it's not like you'll have too much time to spend bar-hopping. I'd suggest maybe going to mixers of other professional schools, trying the local undergrads or waiting until residency. Or maybe you date someone in the year under you next year, you never know.

 

[qwerty89]

Dual-physician marriages are common but I have noticed a common theme. Its usually the male with the "more demanding" specialty. The Ortho dude marrying a Derm chick. The Gen surgeon male marrying a FM/Peds chick, etc.