Dating in Med School for a Girl? Disturbing Trend?

[PremedSurvivor]

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

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[cookiemonsters]

The majority of guys in your class are probably not taken, just the ones you (and probably all the girls) are most interested in dating or hooking up with.

PS I'm newly single bb, pst me

 

[PremedSurvivor]

I wish that were true, but quite literally, the majority of guys in our class. I can name about 12 that aren't taken. (out of nearly 100)

 

[Mad Jack]

This is a pretty commonly noted paradox for high-acheiving women, as women are typically looking to date men who have their level of achievement or above, while men generally are more comfortable being the breadwinner and dating someone who has their income or less. This means that the more successful a woman becomes, the smaller her pool of ideal mates becomes, while the more successful a man becomes, the wider his potential pool of ideal mates becomes. There are always a select few guys looking for the power couple arrangement, but most of the guys I know just want a girl that is attractive and not boring.

Most of my class- both male and female- are dating or married to people outside of medicine, though we have a few (probably less than 8-10% of the class) med student couples. I actively avoided other medical types myself, as they just don't do it for me. Ended up with an artist, because she's fun and one of the most awesome people I've ever met. The point is, if you limit your dating pool to other medical students, you might very well be imposing the whole single thing upon yourself. You might want to broaden your horizons a bit, unless you're dying for that power couple status.

 

[PL198]

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

address this?

women derive some of their status from the men they associate with ( hence why a chick snapchats that she just got with edelman after the superbowl). another example of this: women will talk about men in terms of their professions: " I used to date a surgeon who...." When have you ever seen a man say anything like that? someone being a medical student means literally nothing to me in terms of their attractiveness. I care 100000x more about how they'd be in a relationship than their accomplishments.

being accomplished does hurt your chances, because generally the things that make you accomplished leave less time for things that men typically look for in women. ie none of the chicks at school I know can cook worth a damn. if I wanted to date another version of me, I'd date men, not women.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

Did you attend medical school seeking an MRS degree or an MD?

Expand your pool of potential suitors outside of medical school.

 

[tantacles]

Did you attend medical school seeking an MRS degree or an MD?

Expand your pool of potential suitors outside of medical school.

Agreed. Why does the fact that men are dating people in less rigorous careers bother you? Perhaps that's exactly what YOU should be doing! Not limiting yourself to other medical students will open up your dating pool significantly.

 

[PremedSurvivor]

All great pieces of advice. I guess I had honestly never considered that before because I assumed it would be easier to relate to someone who was in the same, hectic lifestyle. I never really considered that it could be too similar. Plus, it's easier to date within the class because it's more convenient than having to look for someone outside it.
Ah well. I guess what's worth it never comes easy. Thanks guys!

 

[cookiemonsters]

All great pieces of advice. I guess I had honestly never considered that before because I assumed it would be easier to relate to someone who was in the same, hectic lifestyle.

I don't disagree with this. My ex broke up with me because she felt I spent too much time studying and too little time with her. I honestly don't know how all the guys in my class who are in relationships with people outside medicine sustain them successfully. When one person is done for the day at 5:00 and the other person needs to study for the next 5 hours, that just seems like a recipe for disaster to me. I've pretty much given up on dating at least until I finish school for this reason.

 

[Mad Jack]

All great pieces of advice. I guess I had honestly never considered that before because I assumed it would be easier to relate to someone who was in the same, hectic lifestyle. I never really considered that it could be too similar. Plus, it's easier to date within the class because it's more convenient than having to look for someone outside it.
Ah well. I guess what's worth it never comes easy. Thanks guys!

The trouble with two hectic lifestyles is that it makes it hard for anything to ever get done- it's hard enough for one person to make time for their significant other with such a busy life, let alone two people that are working their butts off, doing research, and clocking away EC hours. Ultimately, if you do end up in a physician-physician relationship, your chances of success are actually quite high due to the level of mutual understanding, but such arrangements aren't as common as you might think, despite their potential for success. In any case, good luck!

 

[Mad Jack]

I don't disagree with this. My ex broke up with me because she felt I spent too much time studying and too little time with her. I honestly don't know how all the guys in my class who are in relationships with people outside medicine sustain them successfully.

You have to have a girlfriend who is understanding and willing to work with you. A mature relationship is as much about what you give as what you get, and finding someone that is mature enough to understand mutual sacrifice in the name of building a better life for each other down the road is fairly hard to come by, but totally a thing that is out there if you look hard enough.

 

[fancymylotus]

I don't disagree with this. My ex broke up with me because she felt I spent too much time studying and too little time with her. I honestly don't know how all the guys in my class who are in relationships with people outside medicine sustain them successfully. When one person is done for the day at 5:00 and the other person needs to study for the next 5 hours, that just seems like a recipe for disaster to me. I've pretty much given up on dating at least until I finish school for this reason.

Find someone already done with school, they'll sort of know what you went through bc they did it already, and so probably won't bug you about things that people on the "outside" just wouldn't get


Then again dating a med student can be pretty ****ing miserable so...there's that.

 

[Kag01]

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

Why don't you check out some engineers? The engineering field is filled with guys.
If you want someone who knows basic biology , organic chem and what not , you could always talk to some guys who work in BME.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

Honestly, I wouldn't mind dating a girl that is in med school, but getting serious with one is not something I could envision. Why? Because I know the sacrifices involved in this crap and there's no way that a 2 physician household can really raise a family and have time for each other unless they are both in fields that don't require huge commitments (e.g. family, pm&r or psych), but during med school, it can't be predicted what you'll do. Also, I would never want to be with a woman in my same specialty because I feel I would bring work home, and I really don't want to do that. Women often think is that guys are intimidated, but honestly, that's not it at all.

I'm sorry, girls, but that is the truth behind it. Some things hurt men, some things hurt women; that is life.

 

[solitarius]

lolz

 

[Handinhand]

That's probably because most of those guys aren't interested in a dual-profession couple long term. It sucks to hear, but I know many guys (especially guys going intro surgery) who want nothing to do with a girl in medicine because it would be very hard to have two very career focused people in a long term relationship, especially if they want to start a family.

Those guys have no problem, or might even prefer, marrying a school teacher.

 

[Mad Jack]

Yeah, dating a girl with a flexible schedule makes a lot of things easier. Particularly once kids get involved.

 

[fancymylotus]

This is why more of you physician men should marry dentite girls

 

[Mad Jack]

This is why more of you physician men should marry dentite girls

Marrying a woman that inflicts that much pain for a living could be kind of dangerous

 

[fancymylotus]

Marrying a woman that inflicts that much pain for a living could be kind of dangerous

Mwahahahaha :X
But it pays great, were still sort of respectable, we have schedule flexibility, and we understand what you have to go through in med school!

 

[KnuxNole]

You can easily find HOT guys who are art teachers and working in non profit professions too, don't only narrow focus on med school guys.

 

[operaman]

When my mom was in the marine corps, she had a captain who passed on this piece of advice: you will marry in the circles in which you travel.

The guys in your class were likely just traveling in the same circles with their current SO's, be it undergrad or grad school or the workforce or who knows. As some fall by the wayside, they will most likely end up with people in the medical field since that's where they spend their time. The same goes for you. I think the people in my class who have entered relationships since coming to med school have done so either with classmates, other medical students, or someone in the healthcare field.

There's also another factor at play, namely that the number of truly eligible single men in their 20s is smaller than the comparable pool of women. This will even out as you hit your 30s.

 

[solitarius]

fancy == 24-7-dental-plug

 

[cookiemonsters]

This is why more of you physician men should marry dentite girls

I am interested. Where do I go to meet dentite girls??

 

[kenjixshadow]

I am interested. Where do I go to meet dentite girls??

Certainly not SDN, as it doesn't stand for Students Dating Network.

 

[Mad Jack]

Certainly not SDN, as it doesn't stand for Students Dating Network.

You'd be surprised how many relationships start on here

 

[fancymylotus]

You'd be surprised how many relationships start on here

Lol.

I'm saying nothing!

 

[Pacna]

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

Some of it's based on historic (not necessarily positive/negative) gender roles. (Man = breadwinner, woman = housemaker). This was due to the fact that men could physically do the things to win bread better than women in the past (hard labor, field work, etc). Now, ability is equal because women can equally do high-earning jobs like doc/law/etc. Culture just hasn't changed to accommodate this. The majority happily accepts high-achieving (breadwinning) women, but men and women both can't come to terms with men in the housemaker role.

I want to stress that I'm not proposing this as uniformly true. I think we all know plenty of couples who break this stereotype. But it's an undeniable part of US culture. Men like attractive/young, and women like older/successful so that they can conform to their perceived natural role. I think the majority of married families have dual-incomes, but this hasn't erased the historic gender roles in peoples' minds.

To your question OP, about how to fix that a career in medicine generally hurts a woman's attractiveness and helps a man's, I think it's all about individuals. Find someone compatible with the role you want. It will likely be harder for a female doc compared to a male doc. You can't make people value what you think they should. Men and women just don't want the same things. Men generally want an attractive wife who can raise kids (not improved and very possible hindered by a medical career), and women generally want a successful husband to provide for their kids (improved by a medical career).

My advice to women in medicine? Find a stay-at-home dad just like your male colleagues are finding stay-at-home moms. It should be about finding someone who can add what you can't to the family, not conforming to gender roles or finding "the best" man out there. You're going to make enough money for 2 anyhow. Sure, it'll be harder for you because society tells you both that those men are lazy/worthless/etc. For the same reason, those men are more rare than their female counterparts, but another $300,000 income isn't going to give your children the optimally positive childhood you (hopefully) want for them.

No matter what happens, my partner and I have agreed that at least one of us will always be a full-time parent. We figure what's the point of a large income if it hurts our kids?

 

[fancymylotus]

Some of it's based on historic (not necessarily positive/negative) gender roles. (Man = breadwinner, woman = housemaker). This was due to the fact that men could physically do the things to win bread better than women in the past (hard labor, field work, etc). Now, ability is equal because women can equally do high-earning jobs like doc/law/etc. Culture just hasn't changed to accommodate this. The majority happily accepts high-achieving (breadwinning) women, but men and women both can't come to terms with men in the housemaker role.

I want to stress that I'm not proposing this as uniformly true. I think we all know plenty of couples who break this stereotype. But it's an undeniable part of US culture. Men like attractive/young, and women like older/successful so that they can conform to their perceived natural role. I think the majority of married families have dual-incomes, but this hasn't erased the historic gender roles in peoples' minds.

To your question OP, about how to fix that a career in medicine generally hurts a woman's attractiveness and helps a man's, I think it's all about individuals. Find someone compatible with the role you want. It will likely be harder for a female doc compared to a male doc. You can't make people value what you think they should. Men and women just don't want the same things. Men generally want an attractive wife who can raise kids (not improved and very possible hindered by a medical career), and women generally want a successful husband to provide for their kids (improved by a medical career).

My advice to women in medicine? Find a stay-at-home dad just like your male colleagues are finding stay-at-home moms. It should be about finding someone who can add what you can't to the family, not conforming to gender roles or finding "the best" man out there. You're going to make enough money for 2 anyhow. Sure, it'll be harder for you because society tells you both that those men are lazy/worthless/etc. For the same reason, those men are more rare than their female counterparts, but another $300,000 income isn't going to give your children the optimally positive childhood you (hopefully) want for them.

No matter what happens, my partner and I have agreed that at least one of us will always be a full-time parent. We figure what's the point of a large income if it hurts our kids?

What.

 

[MedWonk]

If I were single, I'd totally date a med student. Probably not one of my classmates (something something don't **** where you eat), but I'd be open to it. Honestly, I didn't really care about my wife's profession so long as she was reasonably intelligent, mature, and was someone I actually like hanging out with. I do have to admit, though, that having someone who basically is in a field that is pretty much always 9-5 with tons of national holidays mixed in and 4 weeks vacation+4 weeks sick leave makes the idea of having a kid sometime down the line easier to fathom (civil servant FTW), although it wasn't the reason I started dating her, nor was it the reason I married her.

 

[Jabbed]

I'm looking forward to dual physician income.

ijs

 

[PL198]

I'm looking forward to dual physician income.

ijs

cool if you're not gonna have kids, but if you are, then good luck with your dysfunctional kid.

 

[Pacna]

What.

Unclear or disagree?

 

[Jabbed]

cool if you're not gonna have kids, but if you are, then good luck with your dysfunctional kid.

As long as we both don't go into neurosurgery it shouldn't be an issue.

 

[caffeinemia]

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

Dating med students is for chumps. Start shooting for residents and attendings. If you're actually "good-looking, clever, and talented" and school/match in New York... then Hi. I'm in plastics, what do you do? FYI, you could also just enroll in a pageant with those qualities too.

 

[fancymylotus]

Dating med students is for chumps. Start shooting for residents and attendings. If you're actually "good-looking, clever, and talented" and school/match in New York... then Hi. I'm in plastics, what do you do? FYI, you could also just enroll in a pageant with those qualities too.

Cheez. What.

 

[cookiemonsters]

I honestly think @Pacna gave some good advice. The only female doc I know is married to a guy who works 30 hours a week as an editor for some junk magazine, and their marriage is just fine. He raises the kid mostly and she makes enough money as an emergency pysician for them both to live comfortably. She's probably not impressing any of her doctor friends with her stay at home husband, but at the end of the day their marriage is stable and successful, and that is what I think that's what becomes most important once you are in your late 30's.

 

[Goro]

Start hanging out with the PhD, Pharm, OT, RT, PA, MPH or other professions students. There's a Jack for every Jill out there.

I've noticed a trend-- and this might be just at my school-- but it bothers me all the same.

I'm fortunate enough to attend a top 10 medical school; I worked so hard to get to where I am that I never really put much thought into dating. I figured I could simply make up for lost time while at medical school.

What I didn't account for is that the vast majority of guys in our class are taken (we're all about mid-20s). That itself is fine- what's more disconcerting, is that most of these guys have long-term relationships with women in much less rigorous professions (i.e. art, high-school teachers, nonprofit work etc.) No disrespect to these professions, and I'm sure they can be fairly challenging because I've worked in some of these fields, but I all in all I see very few of these guys dating women in medicine. From the handful that are, they rarely ever date girls in med school (i.e. there are some in pharm). There's a stark difference in our class with the guys being taken and the girls-- good-looking, clever, and talented-- being single.

In all honestly, it seems like being accomplished has actually HURT our chances, whereas being in medical school has seemingly helped the guys. How do we address this?

 

[Mad Jack]

As long as we both don't go into neurosurgery it shouldn't be an issue.

Unless one of you is willing to substantially undermine your career by going part time, you'll have some issues, particularly in the early years of childhood. Babies and kids that aren't in school are a substantial time commitment. Or you can just neglect the hell out of them and send them off to caregiver after caregiver all day long, but that doesn't tend to be great for their emotional health.

 

[DokterMom]

Two basic options:

1. Date/Marry a man equal to you or above in terms of educational and professional success. Advantages are intellectual compatibility, serious income, mutual respect. Disadvantages are that neither of you will have the time to devote to home and kids, so you'll either have to hire someone to take care of that (nanny & housekeeper - you'll be able to) or de-prioritize those aspects of your life, another perfectly valid choice. Or constantly wrestle with the 'whose career takes the hit' angle.
2. Date/Marry a man whose career is less demanding than yours. Advantages: There are plenty of men who fit that bill. You'd just need to find one who's secure enough in his own worth that he is genuinely pleased with your success and supportive of your ambitions. A man like this can make a wonderful teammate, provided he's truly willing to take on that role. Disadvantages: Only one high income (but that's enough), and potentially a bit of a struggle to find a compatible social circle.

 

[libraryismyhome]

A lot of my female classmates have extraordinarily high status. Unless I am a better student than them, nothing is going to work out. They are not realizing that they are in their prime age. Furthermore once they start residency, they don't have time and the majority of high achieving, superior guys will be taken.

I go to undergraduate libraries sometimes and all I have to do is to make eye contact and I can get their numbers and go to dates. I am also talking to pharmacy student, architect student, and a consultant in a big firm on the phone and Skype weekly. I will be seeing them over the summer in NYC and Washington DC during my research internship and meet their parents and stuff. These girls are attractive, do not have debts, 5 years younger, and still make 6 figures and totally look up to me. It's going to be hard to make my decision. Even if none of these girls end up with me, I still learn and gain experiences from them. For guys, I realize that more interactions you have with girls even if it's just coffee date, you learn cues that make you more attractive and make girls to fall for you. Then you gain more choices and you also have better knowledge on what kind of things you look for from girls in addition to just looks, income and their parental assets.

 

[fancymylotus]

This is going to rapidly devolve into some trp **** isn't it. Ugh

 

[Pacna]

This is going to rapidly devolve into some trp **** isn't it. Ugh

What is trp?

 

[cookiemonsters]

What is trp?

http://www.reddit.com/r/theredpill

 

[Jabbed]

Unless one of you is willing to substantially undermine your career by going part time, you'll have some issues, particularly in the early years of childhood. Babies and kids that aren't in school are a substantial time commitment. Or you can just neglect the hell out of them and send them off to caregiver after caregiver all day long, but that doesn't tend to be great for their emotional health.

Basically the former, although I think that "substantially undermine" is an exaggeration. Honestly I might even consider going part-time as well if we can sustain our lifestyle on two part-time salaries.

 

[Pacna]

http://www.reddit.com/r/theredpill

Ah... thank you.

 

[Mad Jack]

A lot of my female classmates have extraordinarily high status. Unless I am a better student than them, nothing is going to work out. They are not realizing that they are in their prime age. Furthermore once they start residency, they don't have time and the majority of high achieving, superior guys will be taken.

I go to undergraduate libraries sometimes and all I have to do is to make eye contact and I can get their numbers and go to dates. I am also talking to pharmacy student, architect student, and a consultant in a big firm on the phone and Skype weekly. I will be seeing them over the summer in NYC and Washington DC during my research internship and meet their parents and stuff. These girls are attractive, do not have debts, 5 years younger, and still make 6 figures and totally look up to me. It's going to be hard to make my decision. Even if none of these girls end up with me, I still learn and gain experiences from them. For guys, I realize that more interactions you have with girls even if it's just coffee date, you learn cues that make you more attractive and make girls to fall for you. Then you gain more choices and you also have better knowledge on what kind of things you look for from girls in addition to just looks, income and their parental assets.

Dating isn't some arcane thing. It's just an ordinary thing that everyone does, don't over complicate things. There aren't rules, there aren't magic cues that you learn to level up your dating skills, there is no magic formula to make any girl fall for you. The whole way you described dating came off as very weird and artificial, like an alien describing human dating. Also, who dates a girl based on their parental assets? I mean, I've seen that be a thing in some cultures, but it just sounds bizarre to me. Idgaf what my gf earns, let alone what her parents do

 

[Mad Jack]

Ah... thank you.

Thank you isn't the phrase I'd use. "Why the hell would you show me that?" seems more appropriate.

 

[Jabbed]

Dating isn't some arcane thing. It's just an ordinary thing that everyone does, don't over complicate things. There aren't rules, there aren't magic cues that you learn to level up your dating skills, there is no magic formula to make any girl fall for you. The whole way you described dating came off as very weird and artificial, like an alien describing human dating. Also, who dates a girl based on their parental assets? I mean, I've seen that be a thing in some cultures, but it just sounds bizarre to me. Idgaf what my gf earns, let alone what her parents do

I read your post without reading the quotation and I thought "OMG Arkangeloid is back!!!"

 

[Pacna]

Thank you isn't the phrase I'd use. "Why the hell would you show me that?" seems more appropriate.

You might ask that of fancy if you're so inclined, but cookiemonsters was answering my question.