Wow

[CS_22]

Okay, I know there's a lot of Chuck Norris love on here, but did you guys watch Jack Bauer on 24 tonight? He bit the guy's freakin' neck off!

So I'm having a hard time deciding who's more of a badass -- Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer?

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[Dr. Will]

As much as I love JB....he showed some weakness in his interogation skills last night.

 

[hyperbaric]

So I'm having a hard time deciding who's more of a badass -- Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer?

Uh oh. I'm detecting a disturbance in the force.

 

[deleted87716]

As much as I love JB....he showed some weakness in his interogation skills last night.

He looked like he was having some sort of PTSD-like flashback, probably because he just spent the last 20 months being tortured incessantly by the Chinese.

He'll get over it, probably by tonight's episode.

 

[CS_22]

He looked like he was having some sort of PTSD-like flashback, probably because he just spent the last 20 months being tortured incessantly by the Chinese.

He'll get over it, probably by tonight's episode.

Which, by the way, will only be 1-2 "hours" after he was suffering from PTSD-like problems. That's a pretty quick turnaround.

Did I mention he bit the guy's carotid? brilliant!

Which leads me to another story -- So I was watching 24 with the wife last night, and JB bites off the guys carotid. She covers her head during that part, because she's a little weak-stomached. She looks at me when its done and says "Yeah, if I were him (JB), I'd be dead, because I couldn't do that". Classic deadpan by the wifey.

 

[Dr.Evil1]

Not only did he bite the guys carotid off but he also did it while doing some sort of Jedi mind trick that made it so the guy couldn't scream or make any noise. Plus he must have sucked out like 3 L of that guys blood instantly because he died VERY quickly from hypovolemic shock.

I haven't ever watched a season of 24 before but I am going to give this season a try (unless they put it up against Heros or Lost). I can forgive the bitting of the guys neck.

 

[CS_22]

Not only did he bite the guys carotid off but he also did it while doing some sort of Jedi mind trick that made it so the guy couldn't scream or make any noise. Plus he must have sucked out like 3 L of that guys blood instantly because he died VERY quickly from hypovolemic shock.

I haven't ever watched a season of 24 before but I am going to give this season a try (unless they put it up against Heros or Lost). I can forgive the bitting of the guys neck.

See, can Chuck Norris do Jedi Mind Tricks?

 

[SexPanther]

See, can Chuck Norris do Jedi Mind Tricks?

If everyone would just remember that JB is the seed of Chuck Norris, there would be no debate. It is well known that Chuck Norris has impregnated thousands of women by staring at them; moreover it is also known that JB entered the world with a flying side kick out of his momma's vajayjay.

So, I don't know how you could say the father is better than the son, or vice versa. And yes, Chuck can do Jedi Mind tricks (see above).

 

[doc901333]

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Jack can't come close to that.

 

[CS_22]

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Jack can't come close to that.

Look, I realize I may be one of the only JB proponents here, but you gotta keep in mind -- JB kills more people in 1 day (yes, 24 hours) than Chuck did over many weeks. JB stares death in the eye at least every 4 hours of the day.

I'm kind of impartial to Chuck Norris being JB's father...

 

[doc901333]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

[BadVB750]

Please Jack can stare down blood born pathogens and convert them to sugar. All while chewing on some dudes carotid A.

 

[Miami_med]

Am I the only one who wasn't all that impressed with "24" and found JB to be just a touch melodramatic?

 

[BadVB750]

Am I the only one who wasn't all that impressed with "24" and found JB to be just a touch melodramatic?

You must be a terrorist .

 

[Wackie]

Please Jack can stare down blood born pathogens and convert them to sugar. All while chewing on some dudes carotid A.

Only because Chuck Norris was the one to round house kick the pathogens into their first ever submission.

Chuck Norris could gum his way through JB's neck.

 

[BadVB750]

Only because Chuck Norris was the one to round house kick the pathogens into their first ever submission.

Chuck Norris could gum his way through JB's neck.

I heard that "THE NINJA" used Chuckies round house kick to wipe his @$$.

 

[doc901333]

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

[BadVB750]

Red Bull, isn't that what girl scouts drink during their troop meeting?

 

[BadVB750]

Do you remember Katrina? That was caused my Jack Bauer swimming laps in the Gulf. He is no longer allowed to train for navy seal reunions.

 

[doc901333]

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

If what you are saying is true about Jack being the force behind Katrina, he only could have done this if chuck allowed it. Chuck Norris doesn't play God, playing is for children.

Chuck doesn't face down death every four hours or so because death is afraid of Chuck. After all, when Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, it isn't because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.

 

[SexPanther]

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

If what you are saying is true about Jack being the force behind Katrina, he only could have done this if chuck allowed it. Chuck Norris doesn't play God, playing is for children.

Chuck doesn't face down death every four hours or so because death is afraid of Chuck. After all, when Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, it isn't because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.

Awesome, well put!

JB is a bad man, busy hunting terrorists. However, Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure....Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' infamous roundhouse kick is our first and only line of defense vs. terrorism. How's that you ask? The best way to stop a Chuck Norris attack is to play dead. The only SURE way to stop a Chuck Norris attack is to BE dead. Problem solved.

And yes, I am an unoriginal bastard.

 

[RayF]

see, JB has weaknesses. He has problems with the wife, he never got any respect from his daughter, and the government is gonna sacrifice him. He has PTSD, depression, anxiety, diabetes, and an enlarged prostate. plus he did not look good with a beard.
Now who can say that about chuck?

 

[CS_22]

see, JB has weaknesses. He has problems with the wife, he never got any respect from his daughter, and the government is gonna sacrifice him. He has PTSD, depression, anxiety, diabetes, and an enlarged prostate. plus he did not look good with a beard.
Now who can say that about chuck?

Can we at least admit "Walker, Texas Ranger" was a mistake?

 

[Wackie]

Can we at least admit "Walker, Texas Ranger" was a mistake?

Not unless you welcome a punch to the face from Chuck Norris's beard.

(you will not survive)

 

[Dmayor22]

Just remember....Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

 

[Dr. Will]

Just remember....Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

12 minutes and 37 seconds? Are you kidding me?! Chuck killed all the terrorists before he managed to finish saying, "The following takes place between 6am and 7am!"

 

[doc901333]

Dude, Chuck had bills to pay.

 

[BadVB750]

Actually, the sad but unfortunate truth is that Chuckie can't read and the terrorist were able to defeat him by giving him a book. Chuckie round housed kicked the book but it was to late. All major US cities were destroyed by a several nuclear warheads, if only Chuckie wasn't confused by letters we all would be alive.

 

[doc901333]

I would not say such things if I were you. Obviously, you have never heard the story of the fourth wiseman. Read on and be enlightened.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

 

[BadVB750]

I would not say such things if I were you. Obviously, you have never heard the story of the fourth wiseman. Read on and be enlightened.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Actually, you have the story confused. The reason Chucky was left out of the bible was due to his illiteracy. The other three Wisemen knowing Chuckie's handicap asked him to write their story in the bible. Their little joked enraged Chuckie and he then proceed to round house kick all three to death. Jesus was deeply saddened and sported a beard as a way to protest senseless violence due to illiteracy

 

[doc901333]

I have to admit badvb750, the last one was pretty good. I obviously must work harder enough to convert the nonbelievers.