first - i am sorry you are upset, you will NOT find definite answers here, because we do not know you, or them. You need to go to a therapist and talk this out.
second - even though it is hypothetically possible that both of them were just "gold diggers", but statistically thats probably not the case. Plus i do not know a single gold digger who would go through the pain of premed, MCAT, medical school, 3 board exams, residency just to find a better husband? yeah... hell no
. hahahha.
third - you are saying you were in a happy marriage, and you gave them everything (and wtf does "tearing them good" even mean???). But to me that just shows lack of insight.
now, i do NOT know what happened to you, and who is the "bad guy" here. But i will tell you why i left both of my boyfriends (lived with both), one for undergraduate degree, one for medical school, - and take whatever you want out of this content. i am NOT saying that you are like my boyfriends, i am NOT. but maybe at the very least it will show you that it is never black and white, and will encourage you to go talk to someone.
BOTH of my boyfriends would probably tell you that we were "happy", and they were supportive, and i am a b**** who didnt appreciate them... BUT: boyfriend 1 - drank 6 pack a day, smoked in the house (i begged him not to, but "it is my house i will do whatever i want). when he was drunk, - he was disgusting but happy/ok mood. when he was sober, he was angry... he never hit me, but he threw things (heavy things) at our dogs to the point that they cried (i tried to stop him every time, but it was hard to predict). I was scared. I was expected to perform all "duties" on request... My personal desires were not important. I begged, i cried, i WANTED things to work, but it was his way or the highway. He had a blue collar job, and he was nagging me that i am too smart for him, and i will leave him the second i had a chance. Which is exactly what i did,, - as soon as i could move for college i packed up my animals and got the HELL out.
second boyfriend - attractive, charismatic, comes from money. Never did anything with it, never went to college, but had a certain flair of entitlement. about him. Worked as a shop assistant in a store, but his parents also gave him money sometimes. he was an addict (NOT in recovery). didnt do anything around the house (i would come home after 16 hour shift, to catch 3 hours of sleep and go back to school, and he couldnt even throw pizza in the oven for me to come home to.... because he was too busy watching TV).... He put himself first any chance he got, - i had 103 degree fever for 2 days, still went to work (hard to get time off), and to school, id come home at 10 pm,he is already in bed because "he is tired",and he hadnt even walk the dog or made me any food...... he was beyond selfish. Plus, -i was not allowed to be better than him in anything. When i won a chess game, he wouldnt talk to me for the rest of the night. he always pointed out that he came from privilege and i didnt, and how my bad taste in music is not my fault becase i wasnt exposed to finer things growing up, the way he did (i have 3 degrees, plus medical school, speak 3 language, play 2 different musical instruments..... He dropped out of community college after 1 semester because "school wasnt for him). He was racist (but didnt see it this way, he thought that all his racial jokes making fun of peoples accents and skin color and hilarious..... - i am an immigrant). Anyway....i couldnt afford living alone, so i sucked it up. Till i got into medical school.... But if you asked him - he was a perfect supportive boyfriend and i didnt appreciate him.
so, the bottom line- i dont buy this "i was perfect and they were bad women" crap. No way. It is never that simple. I am not saying you are a bad guy - not at all. Maybe you were just wrong for each other. This is the thing, - the MOST IMPORTANT thing. I realized in both of those situations that i had an opportunity to become this one person, - help people, break out of my bad "poor family" history and actually accomplish something. Grow personally and professionally, and i realized that a could NEVER become a person i wanted to become in that environment. So i had to make a choice, - myself or my relationships. And i chose myself.
