Waking up without waking spouse?

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
Sevo................................... (flurane)
Members don't see this ad.
 
operaman said:
Hahaha well put!

I think most of the vitriol coming from the youngins has more to do with their own frustration and insecurity with the opposite sex than anything. I recall saying some similar things when I was 21, though thankfully I grew out of it eventually. For many men (and I assume women) of that age, it probably does seem more like a power struggle than a partnership, so it makes sense that some would recoil at the suggestion that the man "should" go out of his way to make things easier on the woman when she can just as easily "deal with it." After all, to them it probably does feel like the dating game is set up where women have all the "power" (there are many online gurus who capitalize on this quite effectively) and they see this issue yet another instance where the man is expected to kow-tow to his woman's wishes.

Those of us in a mature relationship that functions much more like a true partnership understand that give and take in a healthy relationship is a far more nuanced issue. It doesn't fit well into punchlines or platitudes. It's also painfully difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it yet. It reminds me of what my VA patients say about combat: if you weren't there I can't explain it to you, and if you were then I don't have to. I think marriage is a bit like that too.
Click to expand...

Empathy is probably a way better approach to this than my own. From my own experience at least, that first paragraph is startlingly accurate. It's definitely better than my bulleted list of crap. I would add the following to the list of gurus, for the female side: "communicate with this one easy trick!" ,"change your man by doing X" , "learn how to say NO" , "get him to listen to you!"

I'm barely out of that particular set of woods though, so I think that mature of a response is a bit out of my league (at least for the moment).

As for the bolded: I really haven't gotten that stuff down yet either. Understanding it in theory is easy, practicing it is insanely difficult. Example: driving in the car. Something about the "**GASP** SLOW DOWN!! You are way too close to that car!! (at 10 car lengths back, going 45mph)" bypasses any sense of emotional continence that I might have.

However, I've realized that most people don't ever fully succeed at it. So, I'm happy with where we're at, given that we won't even be married for another 6+months.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
numberwunn said:
My wife is a very light sleeper. I could sleep through WWIII. She's getting tired of waking up with me at 0430. This could be a problem in the long run (If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy). Thoughts on how to wake up reliably without waking her?

Thinking about trying vibrating watch of some variety. Any recommendations? Thanks in advance.
Click to expand...

Just wanted to say "Thanks!" for being the kind of guy who actually cares about his wife's comfort and good night's sleep. Your efforts will be appreciated --

PL198 said:
Also the whole " if momma ain't happy BS" is just typical BS. I'm pretty sure women don't hold some amazing power over the family where if they are unhappy about something they get the right to magically make everyone else unhappy. That's just called marrying a b*tch. I'm mature enough to realize that if I'm upset about an issue, I don't crave attention and thus don't need to put that unhappiness off onto other people. Seriously, good luck if you married someone where that saying is true.
Click to expand...

That's certainly viewing the quote from the dark side. There's also a 'half full' way to view it, which is that being kind and considerate to your partner is contagious. It absolutely is between two good people, and I suspect @numberwunn will find that out if he hasn't already.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 5 users
Members don't see this ad :)
DokterMom said:
That's certainly viewing the quote from the dark side. There's also a 'half full' way to view it, which is that being kind and considerate to your partner is contagious.
Click to expand...

Also especially in a house with young kids, if mom is the primary caregiver during the day and doesn't get adequate sleep, no one is going to be happy! :p

Maybe once PL198 gets to 3rd year and deals with all the frazzled moms on peds, he'll realize that it's not as simple as just waking up at 4am.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2 users
Ismet said:
Also especially in a house with young kids, if mom is the primary caregiver during the day and doesn't get adequate sleep, no one is going to be happy! :p

Maybe once PL198 gets to 3rd year and deals with all the frazzled moms on peds, he'll realize that it's not as simple as just waking up at 4am.
Click to expand...

Of course, his solution seems to be "lump it or leave it", and with his attitude, leaving it seems like a pretty good strategy. ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
PL198 said:
I'd say they're dumb then for not finding out and that it's their fault. They are investing themselves into a relationship and didn't understand how it would be? Their fault, which also is backed up by the fact that the average layperson is dumb.

If she worked so late that she was never home and didn't want to have any fun, I'd either deal with it or leave. I'm never going to complain though. There is literally nothing more negative for relationships than complaint in my opinion. It's like anthrax for your relationship I swear.
Click to expand...

Keep in mind a LOT, I mean a LOT of people get married before their husband/wife even starts clinicals, so they probably aren't too aware. Hell, a good amount get married during college years, where the exploration about being a doctor probably didn't begin yet.
 
dadaddadaBATMAN said:
Empathy is probably a way better approach to this than my own. From my own experience at least, that first paragraph is startlingly accurate. It's definitely better than my bulleted list of crap. I would add the following to the list of gurus, for the female side: "communicate with this one easy trick!" ,"change your man by doing X" , "learn how to say NO" , "get him to listen to you!"

I'm barely out of that particular set of woods though, so I think that mature of a response is a bit out of my league (at least for the moment).

As for the bolded: I really haven't gotten that stuff down yet either. Understanding it in theory is easy, practicing it is insanely difficult. Example: driving in the car. Something about the "**GASP** SLOW DOWN!! You are way too close to that car!! (at 10 car lengths back, going 45mph)" bypasses any sense of emotional continence that I might have.

However, I've realized that most people don't ever fully succeed at it. So, I'm happy with where we're at, given that we won't even be married for another 6+months.
Click to expand...

Oh man I don't think I've gotten the whole marriage thing down yet either! Definitely a work in progress! Much easier to pontificate here than practice it day by day. I take solace in the fact that every old married couple I've ever met -- even those where both partners are insanely accomplished and brilliant people -- says that marriage is terribly difficult and an ongoing challenge even for them after 40/50/60+ years.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
operaman said:
Hahaha well put!

I think most of the vitriol coming from the youngins has more to do with their own frustration and insecurity with the opposite sex than anything. I recall saying some similar things when I was 21, though thankfully I grew out of it eventually. For many men (and I assume women) of that age, it probably does seem more like a power struggle than a partnership, so it makes sense that some would recoil at the suggestion that the man "should" go out of his way to make things easier on the woman when she can just as easily "deal with it." After all, to them it probably does feel like the dating game is set up where women have all the "power" (there are many online gurus who capitalize on this quite effectively) and they see this issue yet another instance where the man is expected to kow-tow to his woman's wishes.

Those of us in a mature relationship that functions much more like a true partnership understand that give and take in a healthy relationship is a far more nuanced issue. It doesn't fit well into punchlines or platitudes. It's also painfully difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it yet. It reminds me of what my VA patients say about combat: if you weren't there I can't explain it to you, and if you were then I don't have to. I think marriage is a bit like that too.
Click to expand...

No it's not a feeling, it's a fact. Women have all the power when we are young, and thanks to obesity severely reducing the pool of dateable women, it's even worse now than it was before.

Not that there's anything we can do about it. As I used to tell myself in my competitive gaming days, we take the game as it is given to us, not as we would wish it to be. So it is in medical school, and so it is in dating.
 
Arkangeloid said:
No it's not a feeling, it's a fact. Women have all the power when we are young, and thanks to obesity severely reducing the pool of dateable women, it's even worse now than it was before.

Not that there's anything we can do about it. As I used to tell myself in my competitive gaming days, we take the game as it is given to us, not as we would wish it to be. So it is in medical school, and so it is in dating.
Click to expand...


I can't with you anymore. What the f is this logic?!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4 users
Arkangeloid said:
No it's not a feeling, it's a fact. Women have all the power when we are young, and thanks to obesity severely reducing the pool of dateable women, it's even worse now than it was before.

Not that there's anything we can do about it. As I used to tell myself in my competitive gaming days, we take the game as it is given to us, not as we would wish it to be. So it is in medical school, and so it is in dating.
Click to expand...
You and PL198 are competing for the biggest jerk (word substituted) award in this thread for some reason.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Members don't see this ad :)
Arkangeloid said:
No it's not a feeling, it's a fact. Women have all the power when we are young, and thanks to obesity severely reducing the pool of dateable women, it's even worse now than it was before.

Not that there's anything we can do about it. As I used to tell myself in my competitive gaming days, we take the game as it is given to us, not as we would wish it to be. So it is in medical school, and so it is in dating.
Click to expand...

This sounds more like a personal obstacle than an actual one. I'm sorry if you've been single for a long time, but if you've had issues with dating, I would suggest they are more likely to be due to inexperience than power dynamics. That's just based on your post history here.

It is pretty easy to say that things are outside your control, that medical school is too difficult or women too "powerful" to be dated. It is much more difficult to realize that you can change your behavior, and that by doing so you might have a better result with either.

I am sorry if your difficulties make you feel bitter. However, if you are waiting for a supermodel to come find you, start dating you , and fall madly in love with you (while of course holding your same cultural values and expectations), you will be dissappointed.

If you genuinely try to get to know people, attempt to make others more comfortable around you, and make an effort to improve your behavior, I think you will be more likely to succeed.

Most people are just looking for someone who will really care about them, listen to them, support them, and honestly look out for them. If they feel they can get that from you, I bet that you'll find yourself with a whole lot more friends, and maybe even a girlfriend.

Good luck, and if you're seeing a shrink, maybe ask for some help with this.

Also: try to focus less on the whole "looks" and "status" BS. Just a personal suggestion.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 5 users
Ark looks fade, money comes and goes, but love and respect are supposed to be a forever thing. The faster you understand this, the better off you'll be in life.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
fancymylotus said:
Ah. I just feel like ark gives all us brown people an even worse rep than we already have...hrmph.
Click to expand...

My best friend is Indian and she calls me an honorary Indian because I've learned so much about the culture/Bollywood through her. So you're good with me at least. :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Ismet said:
My best friend is Indian and she calls me an honorary Indian because I've learned so much about the culture/Bollywood through her. So you're good with me at least. :D
Click to expand...
I think it's cool that in some of the match day videos some of the Indians use Bollywood music as their intro music. The ones that try to act like something they aren't or hide their Indianness in an attempt to fit in (more guys than girls) annoy me.
 
In the rare occasion that I have to go to the OR, I make them play Bollywood music. Errr..I mean..ask nicely. It's the least they can do while I stand there angry and freezing ><
 
Arkangeloid said:
No it's not a feeling, it's a fact. Women have all the power when we are young, and thanks to obesity severely reducing the pool of dateable women, it's even worse now than it was before.

Not that there's anything we can do about it. As I used to tell myself in my competitive gaming days, we take the game as it is given to us, not as we would wish it to be. So it is in medical school, and so it is in dating.
Click to expand...
Will you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease shut up?!

I try to be quiet when I get up and ready before my husband needs to be up. Depending on how close I get up to his own wake up time determines how hard I try. My alarm makes him stir but I try to do as much prep in the bathroom rather than the bedroom. I wake him up briefly for a kiss before I go. He always goes back to sleep anyway, but he's not a light sleeper. *shrug*
 
Arkangeloid said:
No it's not a feeling, it's a fact. Women have all the power when we are young, and thanks to obesity severely reducing the pool of dateable women, it's even worse now than it was before.

Not that there's anything we can do about it. As I used to tell myself in my competitive gaming days, we take the game as it is given to us, not as we would wish it to be. So it is in medical school, and so it is in dating.
Click to expand...

Oh yes, "game", I remember that from the 90s. I didn't know it had come back around again!

The "game" as I remember it was modestly successful at convincing young, insecure, inebriated women to sleep with you. Yes, to become someone's regrettable bad decision, it worked okay. Unfortunately, not very helpful when it comes to building a successful marriage. If you look at all the original gurus of "game," not one of them is happily married (or married at all) and my guess is that now that they are all in their 40s and 50s, they aren't picking up many 21 year olds at the clubs either. There's no amount of "game" that makes up for being the creepy old dude at the bar.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
operaman said:
Oh yes, "game", I remember that from the 90s. I didn't know it had come back around again!

The "game" as I remember it was modestly successful at convincing young, insecure, inebriated women to sleep with you. Yes, to become someone's regrettable bad decision, it worked okay. Unfortunately, not very helpful when it comes to building a successful marriage. If you look at all the original gurus of "game," not one of them is happily married (or married at all) and my guess is that now that they are all in their 40s and 50s, they aren't picking up many 21 year olds at the clubs either. There's no amount of "game" that makes up for being the creepy old dude at the bar.
Click to expand...
I believe when Ark is referring to gaming, he's talking about actual video gaming.
 
operaman said:
I thought so too, but the whole "reducing the pool of dateable women" thing was classic 1990s pick-up "game" lingo.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I wouldn't give him too much credit on that. He's in a little bit of time warp - like the 1950s, with respect to his views on women.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
ZuluHotel said:
What works for me is this bedside wakeup lamp. I love this thing. It gradually lights up so you wake up really nice and gently. I have it basically pointed at my head so it doesn't wake up my wife who is a pretty light sleeper. As long as I have the sound feature off, she sleeps right through it. It's especially nice if you have to get up before sunrise because you don't wake up in the dark. $140 is a lot for a lamp but they do make some cheaper ones with fewer bells and whistles if you look around.
Click to expand...

Sold. Well, more like 'bought'. Look forward to trying it. :thumbup:
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
I had this problem for a bit. Honestly, and this sounds crazy but worked, we moved next to a fire station in a big city. Since then, we both sleep like the dead due to all of the firetrucks passing wit sirens on in the night.
 
operaman said:
I thought so too, but the whole "reducing the pool of dateable women" thing was classic 1990s pick-up "game" lingo.
Click to expand...

Ark lives in this weird world where his mental construct of women is derived from the misogyny of gaming (video gaming) and the game (clubbing culture) combined. It's quite impressive.


Posted using SDN Mobile
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4 users
southernIM said:
Ark lives in this weird world where his mental construct of women is derived from the misogyny of gaming (video gaming) and the game (clubbing culture) combined. It's quite impressive.


Posted using SDN Mobile
Click to expand...


Wait what???? You mean my purpose in living isn't to stand in the kitchen cooking for my man while simultaneously raising 29375 sons for him??? OMG, my life is a lie.
 
fancymylotus said:
Wait what???? You mean my purpose in living isn't to stand in the kitchen cooking for my man while simultaneously raising 29375 sons for him??? OMG, my life is a lie.
Click to expand...

why are you responding, you have food to cook
 
fancymylotus said:
Wait what???? You mean my purpose in living isn't to stand in the kitchen cooking for my man while simultaneously raising 29375 sons for him??? OMG, my life is a lie.
Click to expand...
To think you could have had a lot less stress in your life if you just let a rich guy (whom you could have met at a club) take care of you.
 
"Why would a thread about waking a spouse up have 140 posts?"

AjFDz.gif
 
  • Like
Reactions: 6 users
southernIM said:
Ark lives in this weird world where his mental construct of women is derived from the misogyny of gaming (video gaming) and the game (clubbing culture) combined. It's quite impressive.

Posted using SDN Mobile
Click to expand...
Combined with a little conservative cultural family values thrown in.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 users
Winged Scapula said:
You said that last week; why are you still eating it?!
Click to expand...


pinkberry delivery closed

i was too sleepy to go wander around looking for other ice creams

it was all i had in my freezer

come to think of it, the only things i have in my freezer are a bottle of grey goose and sugar free ice cream. #winning
 
Arkangeloid said:
I thought you were my buddy, I didn't know you were a hater too :(
Click to expand...

It is possible for someone to criticize a person, or person's comments, without hating them.
Distinguishing between the two is important.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4 users
You must log in or register to reply here.
Next unread thread

Similar threads

L
Anxious about studying for Step 2 without dedicated time
Replies
15
Views
1K
Mr.Smile12
Mr.Smile12
Dr. Anonymouss
  • Locked
MS4 from wake forest in HOT water!!!
5 6 7 8 9
Replies
413
Views
23K
chilly_md
chilly_md
D
Delayed Sleep-Wake Phase Disorder and Residency
Replies
0
Views
500
dbr5353
D
D
Is it viable to do IM without specializing?
Replies
7
Views
2K
collegestud2013
C
D
How to "recharge" without losing too much study time?
Replies
10
Views
1K
PathNeuroIMorFM
PathNeuroIMorFM
Top