To fool around or not to fool around

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Gpan

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So here's the situation. I am almost finished with medschool. I'm just waiting for the match right now. I have been so involved in school and rotations that I don't know what to do now with all my free time. My last relationship ended last January, and I dated around after that all the way to the start of the interview season. So it's been about 3 months since I've been out and out and u know what. Now that I am back on the scene and trust me when I say there are options all around me I just don't know if I should or not. I mean I don't like fooling around for just couple months then call it off since I don't know where I will end up doing residency. I don't do long distance relationship. If I had to do long distance it's got to be with the one girl of my dream. And we all know that those types don't come around every day.

The girls that are around me are nice and pretty ones. They are gf types but not quite the settle down with types. I could get with them but I feel so guilty doing that. I don't wanna hurt them knowing that at the end we will part way. At the same time I miss having someone there by my side, someone to talk to till 5 in the morning, someone to cuddle, someone to spend the lazy Sunday morning in bed with, someone to take the car and drive aimlessly along the ocean blvd.

What should I do? Should I just stop being a nice guy who worries about others' feelings and go for the fun or should I just wait for another 6 months until residency start to seriously start dating again. BTW for some reason every girls that I've been with all ended up wanting to get serious future with me even though I specifically told them I was not looking for one and they agreed to go along with that. DAMN being responsible sucks:laugh:
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any real advice from mature ppl out there? Others who want to make some lounge-like remarks just take it to the lounge ok.
 
Gpan said:
... I don't like fooling around for just couple months then call it off since I don't know where I will end up doing residency. I don't do long distance relationship....
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This...As a girl, if you've got SWAG as you say you do :rolleyes:, be up-front and honest about your intentions and you'll be fine. No hearts will be broken and you'll be able to move on. Don't romance the girl next door type...you're going to have to downgrade and get a bit of a bar-fly. The bar-fly might get attached anyway, regardless of what you say. Don't move her in, don't spend the night, and you'll be fine either way. You need to learn the rules of not letting them get attached before you get back in the game.
 
silleme said:
This...As a girl, if you've got SWAG as you say you do :rolleyes:, be up-front and honest about your intentions and you'll be fine. No hearts will be broken and you'll be able to move on. Don't romance the girl next door type...you're going to have to downgrade and get a bit of a bar-fly. The bar-fly might get attached anyway, regardless of what you say. Don't move her in, don't spend the night, and you'll be fine either way. You need to learn the rules of not letting them get attached before you get back in the game.
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easier said than done, or at least in my case. I've tried to make it very clear before and they still ended up wanting more from me.
You girls get attached too easily, or at least get attached to me too easily :laugh:
 
J DUB said:
you are SO awesome.....that is why!! :laugh:
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Thanks but I don't need a dude to tell me. You r ok in my book due to ur avatar. But since u r not offering anything useful in this thread u can stay out of it if u could plz
 
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Gpan said:
Thanks but I don't need a dude to tell me. You r ok in my book due to ur avatar. But since u r not offering anything useful in this thread u can stay out of it if u could plz
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You kinda come across like a douche, with a text speak and all too. I'd wait till residency, maybe then the level of your self pretentiousness will go down and you'll be able to meet a kind humble girl who'll keep your interest long enough for you to get ***** whipped and attached before breaking your balls. :luck:
 
cheburashka said:
You kinda come across like a douche, with a text speak and all too. I'd wait till residency, maybe then the level of your self pretentiousness will go down and you'll be able to meet a kind humble girl who'll keep your interest long enough for you to get ***** whipped and attached before breaking your balls. :luck:
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You are entitled to your opinion. I am not here to impress anyone, certainly not someone like you. I just seek some valuable guidance for my situation.
 
Gpan said:
You are entitled to your opinion. I am not here to impress anyone, certainly not someone like you. I just seek some valuable guidance for my situation.
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When did I say anything about impressing, especially impressing someome like me whatever insulting thing that implies ? :laugh:

I gave you some input - exactly what you wanted according to you. Validating your douchebaggery trolling regarding fracking someone for the time being and not telling her, about your oncoming move, which is WHAT you actually SEEM to WANT to hear, is not going to happen here. You wanted feedback ? Here, you got it !


I think you should wait until after you move. You seem paradoxical in many ways:

- you want a long lasting relationship yet realize it's not possible to have one at this moment since
you will be moving

- you bitch about chicks getting attached yet it's clear you don't communicate very well what it is you
want from these women before you stick it in


I don't think you should go for it now - you don't seem to have the maturity to handle short term flings very well ( horrifying level of maturity for a 4th year medical student unless you are channeling NPH
as a DH then props to ya ) and I imagine things will end badly and you will end up hurting someone. Anything other than a short fling is not possible under the circumstances and you know it. All in all, there really is not much to think about in this situation - it's pretty straightforward, unless you want to talk some more about what a bad ass Casanova you are. :)
 
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cheburashka said:
When did I say anything about impressing, especially impressing someome like me whatever insulting thing that implies ? :laugh:

I gave you some input - exactly what you wanted according to you. Validating your douchebaggery trolling regarding fracking someone for the time being and not telling her, about your oncoming move, which is WHAT you actually SEEM to WANT to hear, is not going to happen here. You wanted feedback ? Here, you got it !


I think you should wait until after you move. You seem paradoxical in many ways:

- you want a long lasting relationship yet realize it's not possible to have one at this moment since
you will be moving

- you bitch about chicks getting attached yet it's clear you don't communicate very well what it is you
want from these women before you stick it in


I don't think you should go for it now - you don't seem to have the maturity to handle short term flings very well ( horrifying level of maturity for a 4th year medical student unless you are channeling NPH
as a DH then props to ya ) and I imagine things will end badly and you will end up hurting someone. Anything other than a short fling is not possible under the circumstances and you know it. All in all, there really is not much to think about in this situation - it's pretty straightforward, unless you want to talk some more about what a bad ass Casanova you are. :)
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:rolleyes:
 
Gpan said:
:rolleyes:
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She has a point.

You seem to want the comfort of a relationship ("At the same time I miss having someone there by my side, someone to talk to till 5 in the morning, someone to cuddle, someone to spend the lazy Sunday morning in bed with, someone to take the car and drive aimlessly along the ocean blvd."), while having the flexibility of a fling. But you can't have both. Girls interested in a fling are likely not going to be interested in cuddling until 5 AM, and girls interested in a real relationship ARE going to be heartbroken if you leave because you matched elsewhere. I agree with chebs, wait until you start residency.
 
smq123 said:
She has a point.

You seem to want the comfort of a relationship ("At the same time I miss having someone there by my side, someone to talk to till 5 in the morning, someone to cuddle, someone to spend the lazy Sunday morning in bed with, someone to take the car and drive aimlessly along the ocean blvd."), while having the flexibility of a fling. But you can't have both. Girls interested in a fling are likely not going to be interested in cuddling until 5 AM, and girls interested in a real relationship ARE going to be heartbroken if you leave because you matched elsewhere. I agree with chebs, wait until you start residency.
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i didn't even read what she/he wrote. I don't take anyone who insults people right off the bat seriously because he/she obviously has nothing valuable to say.
As to your point, there is a middle in everything. Finding that middle ground is hard.
 
Gpan said:
i didn't even read what she/he wrote. I don't take anyone who insults people right off the bat seriously because he/she obviously has nothing valuable to say.
As to your point, there is a middle in everything. Finding that middle ground is hard.
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Of course. But...in the effort to find a middle ground it could a) be very time consuming, and b) you could hurt someone in the process. I don't know...I'd wait. That's my take on it.
 
smq123 said:
She has a point.

You seem to want the comfort of a relationship ("At the same time I miss having someone there by my side, someone to talk to till 5 in the morning, someone to cuddle, someone to spend the lazy Sunday morning in bed with, someone to take the car and drive aimlessly along the ocean blvd."), while having the flexibility of a fling. But you can't have both. Girls interested in a fling are likely not going to be interested in cuddling until 5 AM, and girls interested in a real relationship ARE going to be heartbroken if you leave because you matched elsewhere. I agree with chebs, wait until you start residency.
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Agreed.

Gpan said:
i didn't even read what she/he wrote. I don't take anyone who insults people right off the bat seriously because he/she obviously has nothing valuable to say.
As to your point, there is a middle in everything. Finding that middle ground is hard.
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You're beyond naive if you really think there's some magical middle ground that you'll find in such a short period of time. You're not going to find it, statistically speaking, in the short time frame you speak of. Just stick to getting intimate with your right (or left) hand until residency starts. You're literally asking to find the impossible if you want the best of both worlds.

Chebs hit it perfectly, but you're just going to refuse any advice that's true. If you can't handle the task of flings/don't want to, why the fuck are you even asking us this question? You specifically said you don't want to deal w/ dating a girl for a couple months with the possibility of ending it but then don't want a long distance relationship and then say you want to not deal with the issues of girls and their attraction to you and then this and then that.
 
smq123 said:
Of course. But...in the effort to find a middle ground it could a) be very time consuming, and b) you could hurt someone in the process. I don't know...I'd wait. That's my take on it.
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thanks for your comment, and I will take that into consideration. I appreciate it.
 
Kaustikos said:
Agreed.



You're beyond naive if you really think there's some magical middle ground that you'll find in such a short period of time. You're not going to find it, statistically speaking, in the short time frame you speak of. Just stick to getting intimate with your right (or left) hand until residency starts. You're literally asking to find the impossible if you want the best of both worlds.

Chebs hit it perfectly, but you're just going to refuse any advice that's true. If you can't handle the task of flings/don't want to, why the fuck are you even asking us this question? You specifically said you don't want to deal w/ dating a girl for a couple months with the possibility of ending it but then don't want a long distance relationship and then say you want to not deal with the issues of girls and their attraction to you and then this and then that.
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how do you know I am just going to refuse any GOOD "advice that's true." If you're annoyed or offended by my thread why the **** are you even responding to it.
I think your point of not being able to find a middle ground in the span of 4-5 months is weak. That is a long span of time to find anyone for any purposes, even marriage if one desires such thing.
 
Gpan said:
how do you know I am just going to refuse any GOOD "advice that's true." If you're annoyed or offended by my thread why the **** are you even responding to it.
I think your point of not being able to find a middle ground in the span of 4-5 months is weak. That is a long span of time to find anyone for any purposes, even marriage if one desires such thing.
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Because you refused Cheb's response and she gave GOOD advice that's true. Also, good luck with that. Like I said; statistically speaking, you're up shits creek w/o a paddle. There's optimism and then naivety and you're in the latter if you think that 2-however many months you claim now (because you said 2-3 months and now you're saying 4-5 months) or however many you're going to change it to. By the end of this thread you'll be clamoring
"GUYS I CAN GET A GIRL WHO FALLS IN THE MIDDLE GROUND IF I HAVE 20-30 YEARS!" :rolleyes:

Again, yes, there's a possibility. But even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.
 
Kaustikos said:
Because you refused Cheb's response and she gave GOOD advice that's true. Also, good luck with that. Like I said; statistically speaking, you're up shits creek w/o a paddle. There's optimism and then naivety and you're in the latter if you think that 2-however many months you claim now (because you said 2-3 months and now you're saying 4-5 months) or however many you're going to change it to. By the end of this thread you'll be clamoring
"GUYS I CAN GET A GIRL WHO FALLS IN THE MIDDLE GROUND IF I HAVE 20-30 YEARS!" :rolleyes:

Again, yes, there's a possibility. But even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.
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I really don't want to argue with someone who can't read.
 
Gpan said:
I really don't want to argue with someone who can't read.
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You asked a question which you answered yourself - You can't do it. I just reinforced it with the fact that you're not going to be able to find what you want in that amount of time. Call me cynical if you want :rolleyes:
 
If you are convinced you will find someone in this 4-5 month span, why even start the thread? Good advice has been given here, and you seem rather bullheaded about it.

If you don't want to do long distance, DON'T start a relationship just so you can have the emotional perks. Seriously. You will be leading girls on if you do. The best you can do is FWB or nothing at all. No girl is going to give you all the sensitive, emotional parts of a relationship if she knows you'll likely end it before you leave - and not telling a person that is stringing them along anyways. So, unfortunately, it seems like a vicious cycle. I agree with everything else that has been said here, and wait until you start residency.

If you can't see doing an LDR with any of these girls around you, don't put yourself in the position of having to extricate yourself further down the road.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
If you are convinced you will find someone in this 4-5 month span, why even start the thread? Good advice has been given here, and you seem rather bullheaded about it.

If you don't want to do long distance, DON'T start a relationship just so you can have the emotional perks. Seriously. You will be leading girls on if you do. The best you can do is FWB or nothing at all. No girl is going to give you all the sensitive, emotional parts of a relationship if she knows you'll likely end it before you leave - and not telling a person that is stringing them along anyways. So, unfortunately, it seems like a vicious cycle. I agree with everything else that has been said here, and wait until you start residency.

If you can't see doing an LDR with any of these girls around you, don't put yourself in the position of having to extricate yourself further down the road.
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first of all I'd like to thank you for offering your opinion without being condescending and offensive like some others have done. I really appreciate it.
The reason I seem to be bullheaded, although not really rejecting the notion is that I would have to spend another 4-6 or more months being single. I already expressed how much I like to have someone there by my side. And who knows if the busy schedule of residency will allow me to find anyone worthwhile.
I am just kind of frustrated and exhausted from this whole residency process, and the match cannot come any sooner.
 
Gpan said:
first of all I'd like to thank you for offering your opinion without being condescending and offensive like some others have done. I really appreciate it.
The reason I seem to be bullheaded, although not really rejecting the notion is that I would have to spend another 4-6 or more months being single. I already expressed how much I like to have someone there by my side. And who knows if the busy schedule of residency will allow me to find anyone worthwhile.
I am just kind of frustrated and exhausted from this whole residency process, and the match cannot come any sooner.
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Oh, really ? you like to have someone by your side and the rest of us enjoy being single and miserable ? :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Part of being a mature adult is figuring out how your decisions affect and impact others in this case women you will be dating that you will be potentially leading on. Yet, as long as you make it clear beyond reasonable doubt what it is you seek, that shouldn't be a problem, right ? Although, somehow I doubt many women would be interested in the type of arrangement this would confer - selfless devotion w/out the emotional comittment on your part or long term potential.
 
J DUB said:
swag......:laugh::laugh:
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It's past that point already, it's mega swag time !


noobs.jpg
 
Gpan said:
The reason I seem to be bullheaded, although not really rejecting the notion is that I would have to spend another 4-6 or more months being single. I already expressed how much I like to have someone there by my side. And who knows if the busy schedule of residency will allow me to find anyone worthwhile.
I am just kind of frustrated and exhausted from this whole residency process, and the match cannot come any sooner.
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Dude, I totally empathize. The rhythm of medical training is awful - too long to be considered truly temporary, not always long enough to be considered "long term," and no guarantee that you'll know where you'll be for the next step. And the wait between submission of your ROL and the actual Match feels like eternity.

Another 4-6 months of being single is not the end of the world. And while residency is busy, you should be able to find people to date, if you make it a priority. With the possible exception of neurosurgery, you'll find people to date while you're a resident. It may take a little more effort, and a lot of understanding on their part ("You said you'd be done work by 6! What do you mean the ER was packed? Who cares if the ER is packed?!"), but it's definitely possible.
 
Gpan said:
first of all I'd like to thank you for offering your opinion without being condescending and offensive like some others have done. I really appreciate it.
The reason I seem to be bullheaded, although not really rejecting the notion is that I would have to spend another 4-6 or more months being single. I already expressed how much I like to have someone there by my side. And who knows if the busy schedule of residency will allow me to find anyone worthwhile.
I am just kind of frustrated and exhausted from this whole residency process, and the match cannot come any sooner.
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Have you ever even been single? Like, legitimately w/o concern for relations?
 
Kaustikos said:
Have you ever even been single? Like, legitimately w/o concern for relations?
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That's a good question. Times of "single-dom" can actually be very beneficial, especially when you're in the pressure cooker of beginning residency. I honestly don't know ho I would have balanced a relationship on top of my first six months here. Now that things have leveled out, I have a lot more time to put into one.

It does suck, the waiting - knowing you are going to leave and knowing any meaningful connection you may make will likely fall apart due to distance. I felt the same way when I finally made a circle of good friends during my last year of school, only to have to move 1200 miles away from all of them once residency started.

Like I said, my advice would to be to not focus on finding any sort of romantic relationship right now - it may seem like being single will suck, but it is a LOT better than trying to untangle yourself when push comes to shove and you have to pack your bags. Things will get very, very messy unless you are straight up with a girl and tell her from the get-go you will be leaving. Will that lower your number of potential dates? Of course. Will people looking for the long term/companionship/emotional commitment, which it seems you seek, not want to pursue a relationship with you for this reason? Yes. Could you still pull random tail? Possibly, but from the sound of it, that isn't what you want. At least, not entirely. Again, I'd wait until you have better bearings and are more settled.
 
smq123 said:
Dude, I totally empathize. The rhythm of medical training is awful - too long to be considered truly temporary, not always long enough to be considered "long term," and no guarantee that you'll know where you'll be for the next step. And the wait between submission of your ROL and the actual Match feels like eternity.

Another 4-6 months of being single is not the end of the world. And while residency is busy, you should be able to find people to date, if you make it a priority. With the possible exception of neurosurgery, you'll find people to date while you're a resident. It may take a little more effort, and a lot of understanding on their part ("You said you'd be done work by 6! What do you mean the ER was packed? Who cares if the ER is packed?!"), but it's definitely possible.
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you said it bro. That is exactly what makes me so mad right now. Maybe I just need to let loose and go with the drift.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
That's a good question. Times of "single-dom" can actually be very beneficial, especially when you're in the pressure cooker of beginning residency. I honestly don't know ho I would have balanced a relationship on top of my first six months here. Now that things have leveled out, I have a lot more time to put into one.

It does suck, the waiting - knowing you are going to leave and knowing any meaningful connection you may make will likely fall apart due to distance. I felt the same way when I finally made a circle of good friends during my last year of school, only to have to move 1200 miles away from all of them once residency started.

Like I said, my advice would to be to not focus on finding any sort of romantic relationship right now - it may seem like being single will suck, but it is a LOT better than trying to untangle yourself when push comes to shove and you have to pack your bags. Things will get very, very messy unless you are straight up with a girl and tell her from the get-go you will be leaving. Will that lower your number of potential dates? Of course. Will people looking for the long term/companionship/emotional commitment, which it seems you seek, not want to pursue a relationship with you for this reason? Yes. Could you still pull random tail? Possibly, but from the sound of it, that isn't what you want. At least, not entirely. Again, I'd wait until you have better bearings and are more settled.
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Like I stated before, the girls in the past agreed to such arrangements then turned all emotional and attached. Maybe I picked the wrong girls, or maybe I gave them more than they thought they could get. The fact remains that I made it very clear from the beginning.

I think I just need to convert back to my college mentality and go chasing tails again. There's no need for being nice and considerate about feelings. I have feelings too, and right now my feeling screams GOTTA GET SOME
 
Gpan said:
Like I stated before, the girls in the past agreed to such arrangements then turned all emotional and attached. Maybe I picked the wrong girls, or maybe I gave them more than they thought they could get. The fact remains that I made it very clear from the beginning.

I think I just need to convert back to my college mentality and go chasing tails again. There's no need for being nice and considerate about feelings. I have feelings too, and right now my feeling screams GOTTA GET SOME
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You're missing the point, then. I'm definitely not one to follow by example, but trying to be single is advantageous. It allows you to learn about not constantly thinking about chasing tail the whole time.
 
Gpan said:
. There's no need for being nice and considerate about feelings. I have feelings too, and right now my feeling screams GOTTA GET SOME
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Then wtf you start ******ed threads pretending to be a nice guy and wasting our time ? I was right on the money when I called you a douche in my first post.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Seriously? I don't even know why I try sometimes...
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What is so wrong about that? As long as I don't mention anything about a relationship to the girls no one will get hurt. Just like back in college, one night stand or fwb we all did it. I am just tired of waiting.
 
Gpan said:
What is so wrong about that? As long as I don't mention anything about a relationship to the girls no one will get hurt. Just like back in college, one night stand or fwb we all did it. I am just tired of waiting.
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Because it seemed like you had already made up your mind, hence why I feel like the posts in renpose were rather wasted.

And you shouldn't just "not mention" anything about a relationship. Girls are silly. You know this. You need to state straight out that you don't want a relationship. If you don't, they may (if they are young, silly college girls, which it seems they are) assume after a couple dates that you're in one, or approaching one, and if a month/two months/etc down the road you decide to break it off they'll be confused as hell. Is it your problem? True, in the grand scheme of things, no - but it's the right thing to do to be honest with people. It's what a real man does as opposed to a potential jerk. And no, we didn't all do it.
 
WhtsThFrequency said:
Because it seemed like you had already made up your mind, hence why I feel like the posts in renpose were rather wasted.

And you shouldn't just "not mention" anything about a relationship. Girls are silly. You know this. You need to state straight out that you don't want a relationship. If you don't, they may (if they are young, silly college girls, which it seems they are) assume after a couple dates that you're in one, or approaching one, and if a month/two months/etc down the road you decide to break it off they'll be confused as hell. Is it your problem? True, in the grand scheme of things, no - but it's the right thing to do to be honest with people. It's what a real man does as opposed to a potential jerk. And no, we didn't all do it.
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dont get me wrong. Of course I will tell them about my situation, about the potential of me moving away, about how much I don't like long distance relationship, about how I just want to live my life to the fullest now.

Like I stated, I made it crystal clear with the girls in the past that I did not want any serious relationship, and they all agreed to that only to end up wanting more from me. And they let their emotions got the best of them. It hurt me just to know that they got hurt even though it was not my fault.

Well that is the past. I let others' feelings held me back and made me steer away from potential happiness. Now I don't give a ratass anymore. I'll try my best to not hurt anyone's feeling. But if they get all emotional and attached they only have themselves to blame.
 
You've got to make it ABSOLUTELY clear that you don't want a relationship. Which means not doing things like staying up until 5 AM giggling and braiding each other's hair.
 
Stick to prostitutes you big stud. They only stay if you pay. I dont know how in the hell I ended up in this thread but it reminds me of when I accidentally watched 30 seconds of Grey's Anatomy.

Also, to the OP, you sound like a woman.
 
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