Things you have to do, but can't because you are sterile (sneeze, itch, etc.)?

[Castro Viejo]

more like a great white. or a blue whale.

No... It's only blue if it's been teased for hours on end without, well, an end.

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[Castro Viejo]

i'd rather grope around to get the pager than what i had to do as a med student: the attending would unclip it thru their gown, let it fall to the bloody floor, then kick it to me. it really made me feel like part of the team.

I bet if you groped your attending you would've gotten an Honors for Surgery!

Speaking of groping attendings...

Anyone ever touch an attending in what otherwise would be a wildly inappropriate way if it wasn't for the fact that you were trying to save a life with her/him?

Maybe this should be a seperate topic. I wouldn't want this current thread to get way off base.

 

[gasnewby]

i reallllly want to hear dr cox's answer on this

 

[gasnewby]

hm, maybe i'll tell. but castro should go first.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Anyone ever touch an attending in what otherwise would be a wildly inappropriate way if it wasn't for the fact that you were trying to save a life with her/him?

i reallllly want to hear dr cox's answer on this

None of my attendings were particularly attractive so if I ever touched them in an inappropriate manner I have blocked it from memory.

 

[Castro Viejo]

hm, maybe i'll tell. but castro should go first.

So during a lap chole while I was an intern, I was called in by the R4 to hold the camera for him. The attending was this smokin' hot blonde chick who came from one of the local universities to grace our small community hospital with her operative skills. She couldn't operate for ****e, but that's another story for another day. What she lacked in operative skills she certainly more than made up for in the looks department. Tall, slender, with long, flowing blonde hair. Great legs. Great butt. Beautiful rack. I mean, like the way God intended them to look.

Anyways, the R4 was having trouble with the stupid gallbladder, so she insisted she give it a try. She grabbed the instruments from the R4 and pressed her body up against the OR table, shoving the instruments into the trocar. Consequently her ginormous overflowing chest smashed right into my elbow. Brushing it. Flopping left. Flopping right. Flopping up. Flopping down. It was like getting a lap dance, just without losing $20 and it was nowhere near my lap. It was frickin' great! And the best thing is (and this was only in my imagination), I think her brassiere was one of those thin white cotton ones that women wear for God-knows-what-stupid-erotic-reason so her nips were clearly poking through and into my elbow.

And, honestly guys... I think it moved.

(Thank God I remembered to wrap it around my thigh prior to the start of the case)

 

[Blade28]

That is a fantastic post! May I suggest you submit it to Penthouse Forum?

 

[Winged Scapula]

That is a fantastic post! May I suggest you submit it to Penthouse Forum?

Are you implying he made it up (like the rest of the stories in Forum)?

 

[Blade28]

Are you implying he made it up (like the rest of the stories in Forum)?

 

[RajMahal]

Now that I'm fully aroused, I can go back to the OP.

I'm a gassy individual, and somtimes, it's tough when you've got to fart and you can't.

In stinky pus cases (i.e. washouts) I'll just let 'er rip, but anything else, and I try and wait until the bovie-bar-b-q is well underway, or the attending tells me to close and leaves. I don't mind offending the OR staff with my flatus, but it's embarassing to fart in front of your attending.

I've taken to forcibly expelling all flatus before long cases, but this has backfired when I'm doing the valsalva grimace face and clearing all gas from my colon, and someone walks into the locker room at that exact moment.
Fortunately, I haven't sharted yet.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Are you implying he made it up (like the rest of the stories in Forum)?

THOSE STORIES ARE NOT MADE UP.

 

[Castro Viejo]

I've taken to forcibly expelling all flatus before long cases, but this has backfired when I'm doing the valsalva grimace face and clearing all gas from my colon, and someone walks into the locker room at that exact moment.

Just be careful about sharting... You don't want to pass some gas and have some crap come out to stain your underpants (or if you're going Commando, stain the back end of your scrub pants).

And also try not to cut it when you're doing an elective abdominal case. This may be an urban legend around these parts, but I've heard of an R3 in my program who was assisting the Chief on an elective colon and then dropped a nice one. That stank came up and hit the Chief right in Cranial Nerve 1. He thought he had perf'd some colon. Went around looking for the hole. Couldn't find it in the ascending, transverse, descending, or sigmoid colons. He thought, "Hey, maybe the splenic flexure..." Proceeded to mobilize the splenic flexure only to tear the spleen. No hole in the splenic flexure. While trying to contain the bleeding from the spleen, realized he couldn't do it adequately, and decided to proceed with a splenectomy. The splenectomy caught the tail of the pancreas in the hilum. Oops. Because of the blood loss he decided that the patient may become unstable and decided not to hook up the colon after resecting the pathological segment. Brought out a colostomy for the patient who said preop, "Doc, I'll just kill myself if I wake up with a colostomy," to which the Chief Resident replied, "Sir, don't worry. There's no chance that that'll happen." Then weeks later postop, the patient developed a pancreatic fistula.

And all that just from cutting one during an elective bowel case. I guess this disaster would've been avoided had the R3 just 'fessed up to ripping one. Too bad for surgeons and their egos. Messed up, huh?

 

[smq123]

Speaking of groping attendings...

Anyone ever touch an attending in what otherwise would be a wildly inappropriate way if it wasn't for the fact that you were trying to save a life with her/him?

Maybe this should be a seperate topic. I wouldn't want this current thread to get way off base.

One of my friends was on his surgery rotation, and was fooling around with the lap simulator in the surgery library. His (very attractive) resident came in and saw him trying to cut a triangle out of paper with the lap instruments.

She said, "Oh, no, you're not doing it right. Here, let me show you..." She then stood behind him, put her arms on top of his arms, and manipulated his hands and cut out the triangle for him. My friend is pretty tall, so his resident had to get very close behind him.

He later described this to me as being like "the pottery wheel scene in Ghost."

Then again, this particular resident used to keep her pager (on VIBRATE, no less) in her breast pocket of her scrub top. So maybe my friend had a point.

 

[MossPoh]

That sounds like something my mom would've said...

My mom says things along the lines of "Its like trying to put a rubber on a limp d!c#" with reference to put a circular garbage bag on a rectangular compactor.


and I'm 6'5" so I max out the shoe sizes.

 

[Castro Viejo]

My mom says things along the lines of "Its like trying to put a rubber on a limp d!c#" with reference to put a circular garbage bag on a rectangular compactor.

Hmmm... I guess most people's moms would've said "It's like putting a round peg in a square hole," but I guess your mom is modern like that.

 

[MossPoh]

Hmmm... I guess most people's moms would've said "It's like putting a round peg in a square hole," but I guess your mom is modern like that.

Or she used to be something else...which one would prefer their mother NOT to be.

 

[RajMahal]

I have only farted once during a case.

Unfortunately it was in a particularly long TKA revision, and I was in the full moon suit with helmet getup.

Remember that scene in Jackass where Steve-O has the fishbowl on his head with a hose attached to it, and someone farts into it, and Steve-O ends up puking. I always thought that was fake until I did that, because the smell really does concentrate, and it is really really foul.

Impermeable gowns tend to have that effect as well. one time, I was doing a decub with the chief as an MS-4 and I think the fart was worse than the decub. I almost barfed--it's almost like the "dutch oven" in bed.

 

[gasnewby]

Are you implying he made it up (like the rest of the stories in Forum)?

And how do you know the contents of Penthouse Forum, Dr. Cox?

You ARE bad, I knew it!

 

[173291]

I have thoroughly enjoyed stumbling upon this post and staying up to read it in its entirety. If only the anesthesia forum were this entertaining...

 

[Winged Scapula]

And how do you know the contents of Penthouse Forum, Dr. Cox?

You ARE bad, I knew it!

C'mon...I"m a worldly woman. I find a lot of humor in the ridiculous. And Penthouse Forum IS ridiculous.

Besides, I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Hugh Hefner this weekend and they quoted some figure like 40% of Playboy readers were woman. We enjoy the articles too!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Besides, I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Hugh Hefner this weekend and they quoted some figure like 40% of Playboy readers were woman. We enjoy the articles too!

It's so cool that women enjoy the women in Playboy. It's like how any good (porno) movie begins!

 

[Winged Scapula]

It's so cool that women enjoy the women in Playboy.

Unlike you men, we can appreciate the beauty of the same gender without being afraid it makes us homosexual.

It's like how any good (porno) movie begins!

Is that so? Bored housewife, comes across a Penthouse that the plumber leaves behind. Starts reading, get aroused, and lo, the doorbell rings and its the plumber returning for his "belongings". Much hilarity ensues...boom chicka..

You are going to get both of us banned for posting inappropriate material. Cheisu's Mom will start complaining to Lee!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Unlike you men, we can appreciate the beauty of the same gender without being afraid it makes us homosexual.

Shoot... Whatever you wanna call it. "Appreciating the beauty of the same gender," lesbianism, homosexuality... If two chicks start kissing each other and enjoying each other's nakedness, that's cool with me.

Is that so? Bored housewife, comes across a Penthouse that the plumber leaves behind. Starts reading, get aroused, and lo, the doorbell rings and its the plumber returning for his "belongings". Much hilarity ensues...boom chicka..

You are going to get both of us banned for posting inappropriate material. Cheisu's Mom will start complaining to Lee!

Hey, I'm not the one who started asking about my naked "sausage" in pink scrubs a la Shock.

But I know... You couldn't resist. Such is the fate of any woman who crosses paths with me both in reality and virtual reality. Sigh...

 

[Winged Scapula]

Shoot... Whatever you wanna call it. "Appreciating the beauty of the same gender," lesbianism, homosexuality... If two chicks start kissing each other and enjoying each other's nakedness, that's cool with me.

Looking, just looking. Anything else is all in men's minds.

Hey, I'm not the one who started asking about my naked "sausage" in pink scrubs a la Shock.

Wasn't "asking" just commenting. And besides, someone else made the sausage comment first, I just embellished.

But I know... You couldn't resist. Such is the fate of any woman who crosses paths with me both in reality and virtual reality. Sigh...

Alas, too bad it appears you have yourself a rich fiancee on the hook. If that is indeed true, why are you doing a vascular fellowship? Relax man and spend her dough!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Looking, just looking. Anything else is all in men's minds.

That's what they ALL say...

Wasn't "asking" just commenting. And besides, someone else made the sausage comment first, I just embellished.

If you touch it the right way it gets really embellished. True... I think it was gasnewby who started this whole thing. Then you joined in the party! Just like in the (porno) movies!

Alas, too bad it appears you have yourself a rich fiancee on the hook. If that is indeed true, why are you doing a vascular fellowship? Relax man and spend her dough!

I'd like to chillax and spend someone else's money, but God put me on Earth to grace the profession of Vascular Surgery and SDN with my awesomeness.

 

[Kubed]

I know I missed it by a few days, but I can't resist a hand/shoe size discussion.

Shoe: 47 EU

Gloves: 9's over 9's (I go numb in 8.5's after about 30 min)

.... it's always interesting meeting a new scrub tech.

 

[Castro Viejo]

I know I missed it by a few days, but I can't resist a hand/shoe size discussion.

Shoe: 47 EU

Gloves: 9's over 9's (I go numb in 8.5's after about 30 min)

.... it's always interesting meeting a new scrub tech.

You should really scan your head or something. With what limited medical knowledge I have, sounds like you've got Acromegaly my friend.

 

[Chronic Student]

That or he is suffering from orthopodosis!

-Mike

 

[Kubed]

That or he is suffering from orthopodosis!

-Mike

Haha! I just wrapped up a month of ortho and it was wonderful... wonderful not to be the only freak rocking the 9.0s

 

[Blade28]

Besides, I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Hugh Hefner this weekend and they quoted some figure like 40% of Playboy readers were woman. We enjoy the articles too!

The Hef said that?

Right...and his multiple girlfriends are actually in love with him. But not for his money/fame/power.

It's so cool that women enjoy the women in Playboy. It's like how any good (porno) movie begins!

Not the pool boy helping the bored housewife "clean"?

Or the UPS man delivering a "package"?

Or the pizza delivery boy dropping off an "order"?

Or the boss asking his secretary to take some "oral dictation"?

Or the quarterback asking the cheerleader to show him her "spirit"?

Etc.

 

[gasnewby]

Besides, I was watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Hugh Hefner this weekend and they quoted some figure like 40% of Playboy readers were woman. We enjoy the articles too!

i've been told that if one were to look at the editorial board of penthouse letters, about half of the staff is female!

 

[gasnewby]

Looking, just looking. Anything else is all in men's minds.

you're missing out. you mean you're not a two-beer q*eer? (2 beers before you starting making out with your friends)

 

[Castro Viejo]

Haha! I just wrapped up a month of ortho and it was wonderful... wonderful not to be the only freak rocking the 9.0s

Unfortunately for ortho the "9.0" represents one's glove size as well as his average IQ.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Not the pool boy helping the bored housewife "clean"?

Or the UPS man delivering a "package"?

Or the pizza delivery boy dropping off an "order"?

Or the boss asking his secretary to take some "oral dictation"?

Or the quarterback asking the cheerleader to show him her "spirit"?

Etc.

Those too... A twist on the pizza thing is the delivery boy who gives her one with "extra sausage." And then at the end "extra white sauce," classically referred to in the industry as "the money shot."

 

[Castro Viejo]

Looking, just looking. Anything else is all in men's minds.

Hey... If it's all in our minds, then why is YOUR avatar humping the floor?

 

[gasnewby]

the one with the *****

cat?

 

[pagemmapants]

Haha! I just wrapped up a month of ortho and it was wonderful... wonderful not to be the only freak rocking the 9.0s

I just came off bones, too. . . I wear a 6. Drawbacks of being 5'2" I guess.

They kept telling me I have "mickey mouse hands" . . . but then they said I was "too macho" for any other specialty, so I guess it worked out!

... also, this thread is great. It's like being back on OR3 with a drill in my hand (which did happen = very happy pagemmapants) and making jokes about "nailing" someone in the OR. Where else do you get that kind of automatic double entendre fodder?

 

[Blade28]

Those too... A twist on the pizza thing is the delivery boy who gives her one with "extra sausage." And then at the end "extra white sauce," classically referred to in the industry as "the money shot."

Dude, I ws trying to be subtle.

 

[Winged Scapula]

The Hef said that?

Actually it was a quote from his daughter Christine.

Right...and his multiple girlfriends are actually in love with him. But not for his money/fame/power.

Yeah, the most revealing part of the episode was Holly talking about how she and Hef have sex "all the time" and that he "doesn't need the Viagra". Ewww...I hope he doesn't hit her in the face with his flapping jowls.

She's talking about wanting to marry him and have his children. Since he's 81 yo, has already had a stroke, seems to me a pretty good payoff for what? Maybe 5 more years that he'll live?

 

[Winged Scapula]

you're missing out. you mean you're not a two-beer q*eer? (2 beers before you starting making out with your friends)

Details about my social life are HIPPA protected, but I'm not much of a drinker (sorry to disappoint).

 

[Winged Scapula]

Hey... If it's all in our minds, then why is YOUR avatar humping the floor?

Aww...he's exercise kitten. I thought he was really cute...am I going to have to change it now because of your dirty minds?

 

[Blade28]

Actually it was a quote from his daughter Christine.

The Hef has kids?!

Details about my social life are HIPPA protected, but I'm not much of a drinker (sorry to disappoint).

Ah, cheap date, huh?

 

[Winged Scapula]

The Hef has kids?!

Yeah, his daughter (from his first marriage) is actually Chairman and CEO of Playboy; has been for many many years (?20). She apparently had quite the vision and is responsible for the company surviving these last 20 or so years. Not sure what his son is doing. He also has two pre-teen boys from his second marriage to former centerfold Kimberly Conrad.

Ah, cheap date, huh?

I enjoy very expensive steaks and when I do have drinks, its the $12 martinis, not cheap beer! So probably not a cheap date.

 

[Blade28]

I enjoy very expensive steaks and when I do have drinks, its the $12 martinis, not cheap beer! So probably not a cheap date.

Pfff. You obviously haven't seen me on my dates then.

Suffice to say I'm too generous for my own good (considering how paltry my paycheck is!).

 

[Winged Scapula]

Pfff. You obviously haven't seen me on my dates then.

Suffice to say I'm too generous for my own good (considering how paltry my paycheck is!).

Well, then - you are welcome any time to come out here and take me to dinner at Morton's for fine dining and drinks, at your expense!

 

[Blade28]

Well, then - you are welcome any time to come out here and take me to dinner at Morton's for fine dining and drinks, at your expense!

Morton's? I'll take you to Capital Grille (for steaks), Salt Cellar (for seafood) or Roy's (Hawaiian fusion!).

 

[161468]

Funny to see several migraine-sufferers in this thread. I am also a migraine sufferer, usually induced by missing meals and was wondering how anyone with migraines could make it through surgery. I thought imitrex caused drowsiness, though. I'm glad my migraines are not immune to caffeine...yet.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Morton's? I'll take you to Capital Grille (for steaks), Salt Cellar (for seafood) or Roy's (Hawaiian fusion!).

Well, Mortons and Capital Grille are right across the street from each other, so that wouldn't have to change plans much. Roy's ok, but Asia de Cuba is better if you are into fusion.

We'll start at Mortons for drinks, go to the Capital Grille for steaks, over to the Westin for some massages and then catch a cab down to Old Town to either Trader Vics at the Hotel Valley Ho or The Mondrian to hang with the beautiful people.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Funny to see several migraine-sufferers in this thread. I am also a migraine sufferer, usually induced by missing meals and was wondering how anyone with migraines could make it through surgery. I thought imitrex caused drowsiness, though. I'm glad my migraines are not immune to caffeine...yet.

Your baseline sleep dep makes it easy to ignore any additional drowsiness. Its normal.

I've had no personal experience with Imitrex and drowsiness although beta blockers make me tired, so I've refused to use them for prophylaxis.

 

[Blade28]

We'll start at Mortons for drinks, go to the Capital Grille for steaks, over to the Westin for some massages and then catch a cab down to Old Town to either Trader Vics at the Hotel Valley Ho or The Mondrian to hang with the beautiful people.

Sounds like a plan!