Things you have to do, but can't because you are sterile (sneeze, itch, etc.)?

[Winged Scapula]

Hmmm... Back to the books then.

OK, OK. Here's a Snapple fact. The fruit a woman desires most is usually directly proportional to the size of her breasts.

Kiwi? Apple? Orange? Grapefruit? Watermelon?

Sadly, I despise watermelon (and all melons, for that matter) and grapefruit. But I like all the rest, and had an orange not 5 minutes ago for breakfast.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Winged Scapula]

you know they all want the banana

Preferably peeled.



Aw....all this raunchy talk is just like being back in a Gen Surg OR!

 

[gasnewby]

But I like all the rest, and had an orange not 5 minutes ago for breakfast.

was it the really juicy kind that runs down your chin and fingers?

 

[Winged Scapula]

was it the really juicy kind that runs down your chin and fingers?

And you say I'M bad!

 

[TexasTriathlete]

Wow, surgery sounds awesome. Sign me up.

 

[MossPoh]

I am loving this thread...

I wear a 47 in dansko...but that doesn't matter since you have the degree and stuff...and I don't.

 

[Castro Viejo]

you know they all want the banana

Oh hell's yeah!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Preferably peeled.

What's wrong with it unpeeled?

So long as there isn't any smegma on it, what's wrong with that?

I once saw in a (porno) movie...

 

[Castro Viejo]

was it the really juicy kind that runs down your chin and fingers?

On a hot, sweaty, summer day... Nothing more than this juicy orange to keep her cool.

In one of those summer time hick-town farmer's daughter's sun dresses, the kind that in the sunlight allows the naked silhouette to show through, with breasts that arc well beyond Schwartz's definition of two spans of the female palm.

 

[Winged Scapula]

What's wrong with it unpeeled?

So long as there isn't any smegma on it, what's wrong with that?

Technically nothing...just familiarity I guess.

I once saw in a (porno) movie...

Next you're gonna tell me you learned how to operate (wink wink) from a porno movie!

(and I'm going to get in trouble for posting in a manner unbecoming to an SDN Moderator)

 

[Castro Viejo]

Next you're gonna tell me you learned how to operate (wink wink) from a porno movie!

No, that's just silly.

I had this lady friend in college who just believed that the act was really supposed to go on for the 45 minutes portrayed in these types of movies. Not knowing what else to say, I told her that it's an old (porno) film school trick where they basically just splice a bunch of scenes from multiple takes together to make it this crazy long romp. She bought it.

Little did I know, I was right.

What's my point? You can learn a lot from a (porno) movie, but you can't learn to "operate." It's just unrealistic and most of it seems unnecessarily painful, as in "The Jackhammer." THAT never made any sense to me for the dude or the dudette involved.

 

[Castro Viejo]

I wear a 47 in dansko...but that doesn't matter since you have the degree and stuff...and I don't.

That sounds like something my mom would've said...

 

[Winged Scapula]

No, that's just silly.

I meant operate in the sense of in the operating room, but figure it was a good double entendre.

I had this lady friend in college who just believed that the act was really supposed to go on for the 45 minutes portrayed in these types of movies. Not knowing what else to say, I told her that it's an old (porno) film school trick where they basically just splice a bunch of scenes from multiple takes together to make it this crazy long romp. She bought it.

Little did I know, I was right.

Huh. I didn't know that. Makes sense...I guess I just figured those guys were super human.

hat's my point? You can learn a lot from a (porno) movie, but you can't learn to "operate." It's just unrealistic and most of it seems unnecessarily painful, as in "The Jackhammer." THAT never made any sense to me for the dude or the dudette involved.

Funny...more men should learn this lesson: more/longer is not always better. Sometimes you just want to finish and go to sleep/watch tv/read a book.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Funny...more men should learn this lesson: more/longer is not always better. Sometimes you just want to finish and go to sleep/watch tv/read a book.

Hmmm... Methinks more women should be understanding of how much work there is to be done in the day, and how if it really lasted 45 minutes, that's 45 minutes less of Schwartz time!

 

[Winged Scapula]

Hmmm... Methinks more women should be understanding of how much work there is to be done in the day, and how if it really lasted 45 minutes, that's 45 minutes less of Schwartz time!

Women are quite jealous of your love for Schwartz (and Cameron and Greenfield and Steven Fiser)! They want some too!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Women are quite jealous of your love for Schwartz (and Cameron and Greenfield and Steven Fiser)! They want some too!

So I've been told...

 

[Winged Scapula]

So I've been told...

At least keep the books out of bed. More than once my ex and I woke up while being poked by the sharp spines of Cameron or Greenfield.

At least he claimed it was the book!

 

[gasnewby]

On a hot, sweaty, summer day... Nothing more than this juicy orange to keep her cool.

In one of those summer time hick-town farmer's daughter's sun dresses, the kind that in the sunlight allows the naked silhouette to show through, with breasts that arc well beyond Schwartz's definition of two spans of the female palm.

oops, did you just drop a piece of peel on the ground? better pick that up, honey!

here, let me...help...you. well i'll be, my overalls just fell clean off!

 

[gasnewby]

castro, since you're full of fun factoids, got any conversions for the size of a woman's bottom? like...if i bend over and circle my thigh with my fingers, then divide by pi, that equals the anterior-posterior distance of one butt cheek? (i just want to imagine her trying, so please help out here)

 

[Castro Viejo]

At least keep the books out of bed. More than once my ex and I woke up while being poked by the sharp spines of Cameron or Greenfield.

At least he claimed it was the book!

Ahh... "How to Make Love Like a Nerd," by the SDN Surgery & Surgical Subspecialties Forum members.

 

[Castro Viejo]

castro, since you're full of fun factoids, got any conversions for the size of a woman's bottom? like...if i bend over and circle my thigh with my fingers, then divide by pi, that equals the anterior-posterior distance of one butt cheek? (i just want to imagine her trying, so please help out here)

But what I'm gonna say is probably get this thing shut down by the FCC or someone.

I think what you've suggested is quite right. But I think it's more accurate if you divide by e and encircle the thighs, after stepping out of a hot, steamy shower where the water is glistening off those womanly curves, with the index finger of the right hand after gently biting the tip playfully, and winding up toward the right hip, and over laterally toward the buttocks. A slight bend forward to allow the travelling index finger to finally succumb to the median furrow of the intergluteal cleft.

Now that's a fact outta Rutherford.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Good Lord.

You've got a second career writing those "bodice ripper" romance books or bad porno, if this surgery thing doesn't work out for ya.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Good Lord.

You've got a second career writing those "bodice ripper" romance books or bad porno, if this surgery thing doesn't work out for ya.

See? And they told me watching all those (porno) movies in college wouldn't amount to anything!

I should've been a director or something! A film producer! Like Seymour Butts!

 

[Winged Scapula]

See? And they told me watching all those (porno) movies in college wouldn't amount to anything!

I should've been a director or something! A film producer! Like Seymour Butts!

Did you ever catch that series about him and his family? I LOVED his Cousin Stevie and his mom. Can't remember what it was called...Family Business?

 

[Castro Viejo]

Did you ever catch that series about him and his family? I LOVED his Cousin Stevie and his mom. Can't remember what it was called...Family Business?

Yes, "Family Business." I think it was on HBO.

I've watched it. He seems like a nice guy. Just misunderstood. I remember one particular episode where he went speed-dating and had to tell some chicks that he was an "adult film maker" during a three minute conversation. I would suppose that'll be the last thing said before moving on to the next speed date.

There was also another relatively disturbing show about the sex industry on HBO. I don't remember the name of it, but it goes something like, basically it's set in a ***** house with a madame and a handicapped older guy who's her husband. The girls who live in the house talk about being prostitutes. And actual Johns come on over and they film them in sex acts.

Now, I'm not one to judge, but isn't prostitution illegal in the United States? And, well, if it's illgeal, isn't filming it and putting it on HBO a bad, bad idea?

Both this show and the Seymour Butts thing were the only two shows I remember watching during my fellowship interviews as I toured the country this past Winter. That and the "To Catch a Thief" series on Discovery Channel on the backs of Jet Blue seats.

(I must say, this is by far the raunchiest thread on SDN S&SS I've ever been a part of... And I blame that young kid for starting it).

 

[Winged Scapula]

Yes, "Family Business." I think it was on HBO.

I've watched it. He seems like a nice guy. Just misunderstood. I remember one particular episode where he went speed-dating and had to tell some chicks that he was an "adult film maker" during a three minute conversation. I would suppose that'll be the last thing said before moving on to the next speed date.

Yeah, I saw that one as well and felt sort of sorry for him. He does seem like a nice, "normal" guy albeit with an abnormal occupation. I don't think I could get past it myself.

There was also another relatively disturbing show about the sex industry on HBO. I don't remember the name of it, but it goes something like, basically it's set in a ***** house with a madame and a handicapped older guy who's her husband. The girls who live in the house talk about being prostitutes. And actual Johns come on over and they film them in sex acts.

Now, I'm not one to judge, but isn't prostitution illegal in the United States? And, well, if it's illgeal, isn't filming it and putting it on HBO a bad, bad idea?

It was probably filmed in Nevada where brothels are legal in some counties (not whatever county Vegas is in).

 

[Castro Viejo]

It was probably filmed in Nevada where brothels are legal in some counties (not whatever county Vegas is in).

WHAT??? Brothels (that's the nicer word, thanks for reminding me of it... Certainly reads better than "***** house" ) are LEGAL in some counties in the State of Nevada? I thought the closest thing we had to legal prostitution was Vancouver!

It's certainly not Clark County (where Vegas is, I think), since a friend of mine from college was driving this chick around and was pulled over and thrown in jail by the LVPD because he was, unbeknownst to him at the time, transporting a known prostitute -- and that's against the law in Vegas.

Who knew? Sin City is trying to crack down on the sin.

 

[H_Caulfield]

a friend of mine from college was driving this chick around and was pulled over and thrown in jail by the LVPD because he was, unbeknownst to him at the time, transporting a known prostitute

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

 

[Blade28]

So long as there isn't any smegma on it, what's wrong with that?

Wow. Here's the line, and there you are, way over there.

This is an awesome thread.

I had this lady friend in college who just believed that the act was really supposed to go on for the 45 minutes portrayed in these types of movies.

Is 45 minutes supposed to be a long time, or something?

 

[Winged Scapula]

WHAT??? Brothels (that's the nicer word, thanks for reminding me of it... Certainly reads better than "***** house" ) are LEGAL in some counties in the State of Nevada? I thought the closest thing we had to legal prostitution was Vancouver!

It's certainly not Clark County (where Vegas is, I think), since a friend of mine from college was driving this chick around and was pulled over and thrown in jail by the LVPD because he was, unbeknownst to him at the time, transporting a known prostitute -- and that's against the law in Vegas.

Who knew? Sin City is trying to crack down on the sin.

Where have you been? You've never heard of the infamous Chicken Ranch or the Mustang Ranch in Nevada? Almost a rite of passage for Cali guys it seems, or at least it did in my remote memory.

Anyway, I looked it up and brothels are legal in Nevada counties with populations less than 400,000; Clark and Washoe (where Reno is) are the only counties with pops. that exceed that. The brothels are licensed, the prostitutes have required STD testing, condoms must be used and the women must be at least 18 (21 in some counties). Here is a link for you to Shari's Ranch in Pahrump: http://www.sherisranch.net/our-ladies.php

Apparently in Rhode Island (closer for you!), sex for money is not illegal, but solicitation and brothels are.

 

[gasnewby]

what is that show on cable...mustang ranch or something. reality tv at a brothel. some hot girls! it might be on showtime. and there's always pornucopia, another series about the making of adult films. good times.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Wow. Here's the line, and there you are, way over there.

This is an awesome thread.

It certainly has gone WAY off topic, huh?

Is 45 minutes supposed to be a long time, or something?

Forty-five minutes is a long time for, say, whacking a ganglion cyst or something idiotic like that. Forty-five minutes for THAT? Seven consecutive minutes. That's my self-imposed limit. Life is too short to be spending more than seven minutes on that. There's too many pages in Schwartz to study!

 

[Castro Viejo]

Where have you been? You've never heard of the infamous Chicken Ranch or the Mustang Ranch in Nevada? Almost a rite of passage for Cali guys it seems, or at least it did in my remote memory.

Now I really wish I grew up in California.

Anyway, I looked it up and brothels are legal in Nevada counties with populations less than 400,000; Clark and Washoe (where Reno is) are the only counties with pops. that exceed that. The brothels are licensed, the prostitutes have required STD testing, condoms must be used and the women must be at least 18 (21 in some counties). Here is a link for you to Shari's Ranch in Pahrump: http://www.sherisranch.net/our-ladies.php

Holy crap! Who's down with the next SDN conference being somewhere in Nevada?

Just because I have to get my money's worth, I'd go for way more than 7 minutes... Maybe 7:15.

Apparently in Rhode Island (closer for you!), sex for money is not illegal, but solicitation and brothels are.

If solicitation and brothels are illegal, then how does a Rhode Islander get sex for money?

Say, if was in Rhode Island and went to a local bar and picked up some chick. Take her back to my place, have some silly college-type one night stand. She turns to me and says, "So you owe me, like, $500."

Isn't that solicitation? I mean, it's after the act, but it's still asking for money for the sexual act that was just begun seven whole minutes ago (it would've been 7:15 had I known I was paying out my nose for it). Anyway, I guess it escapes me how money in Rhode Island is dropped for stuff like this if solicitation and brothels are illegal.

I mean, if it's not asked of me, I'm not just gonna fork over $500 to anyone. And, hell, I can play the same game the medical insurance people play:

She asks for $500. I review her claim. Deny it. Not an indicated act. Please provide more documentation.

She resubmits her claim using some fancy RVU calculation. Evidence that I "wanted" it and how pleasurable it was for me. She'll say something like, "Look, the majority of guys go for like FORTY-FIVE minutes and you went only SEVEN. So you OBVIOUSLY wanted it."

I re-review her claim. I decide that it was kind of pleasurable. I did get my rocks off in the prescribed seven minutes (since I have to get back to reading that God-awful goose chapter in Schwartz AGAIN to understand just WTF they're talking about), so okay, I'll pay it. But not at HER rate. I give her $50 with an attached letter to explain why and essentially I'd tell her that I've had better, I'm never gonna see her again anyway, and similar practitioners of the act are charging rates far lower and I've negotiated these rates with those people, and I will pay her accordingly. Sorry that you decided to go ahead and provide the service prior to obtainng approval (sucker).

Wouldn't it be great if the pay scheme the medical insurance companies use to pay us were applied to everyday situations?

I'd walk out of a BMW dealership with an M5 and then pay them what I paid for my 1992 Toyota Corolla with the rust eating away at the rear driver's side door.

 

[Castro Viejo]

what is that show on cable...mustang ranch or something. reality tv at a brothel. some hot girls! it might be on showtime. and there's always pornucopia, another series about the making of adult films. good times.

Showtime? Perhaps. I actually thought it was on HBO.

Anyway, that's like Oscar winning television right there!

 

[Winged Scapula]

I suspect the laws in Rhode Island are ways for escort services to get around the rules.

You don't solicit the escort (ostensibly) for sex but rather "companionship". When you do have sex with her, you are paying her for the companionship or the sex (since you can pay for sex) and are in a swank hotel (or the backseat of your rusted out Corolla), not a brothel.

 

[Castro Viejo]

I suspect the laws in Rhode Island are ways for escort services to get around the rules.

You don't solicit the escort (ostensibly) for sex but rather "companionship". When you do have sex with her, you are paying her for the companionship or the sex (since you can pay for sex) and are in a swank hotel (or the backseat of your rusted out Corolla), not a brothel.

Yeah, I dunno if the faulty rear suspension on my Corolla could handle two people in the backseat. I think the bushing's cracked or something or the springs are shot. Although it'd be a great place to do it. The rust in the door provides for a draft that constantly cools the backseat area. So no fog on the windows and anyone walking by can enjoy the show!

But I've seen escort ads in the backs of crap tabloids in New York advertising their "companionship." Isn't this the same?

Wow... And I thought the Northeast U.S. was really stodgy. We're way cool!

 

[Winged Scapula]

Yeah, I dunno if the faulty rear suspension on my Corolla could handle two people in the backseat. I think the bushing's cracked or something or the springs are shot. Although it'd be a great place to do it. The rust in the door provides for a draft that constantly cools the backseat area. So no fog on the windows and anyone walking by can enjoy the show!

But I've seen escort ads in the backs of crap tabloids in New York advertising their "companionship." Isn't this the same?
Wow... And I thought the Northeast U.S. was really stodgy. We're way
cool!

Sure, every city paper has those ads. The difference, I would think (and I'm no lawyer), is that in NY it is illegal to pay for sex (whereas it is not in RI). So if you were caught having sex with a paid escort and someone wanted to make a "federal case" out of it, you could be arrested and charged with the crime of solicitation (presuming that is what you went there for) and her with prostitution. Or more likely, she will be arrested, let out and you will get off scott free. In RI, you might be arrested for solicitation (or she may) but would not be charged for paying for the sex.

I hear Escort Services get caught all the time for prostitution but I am not aware of the legal manuevering which allows them to operate these businesses. Would be interesting to know.

 

[Blade28]

OK, you two know WAY too much about all this.

 

[gasnewby]

does anyone know the name of the show about the brothel? i loooked it up and can't find it. please, it's driving me bonkers

 

[gasnewby]

CATHOUSE ON HBO

ok now i can get back to doing real work

 

[Castro Viejo]

CATHOUSE ON HBO

ok now i can get back to doing real work

Is "Cathouse" the name of the actual brothel, or did the producers of the series just think "***** House" might not have been such a nicey-nice title, even for HBO?

Other possibly rejected names:

"Tricks House"

"STD House"

"House of Tuna"

"House of White Fish"

"House of Homewreckers"

 

[Cheisu]

Well, truth be told, I was holding back, but since you asked for classic surgeon-type discussion as in the OR...

At work they call me "The Tripod.". =)

Just don't knock the operating table over xD

 

[BlackSails]

I hear Escort Services get caught all the time for prostitution but I am not aware of the legal manuevering which allows them to operate these businesses. Would be interesting to know.

Technically, you are not paying for sex when you hire an escort. What you are paying for is literally companionship. It just so happens that escort services hire women who are not espically picky.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Just don't knock the operating table over xD

Just to be safe I point it in the other direction after wrapping it around my right leg several times, so it doesn't shoot out at the OR table. I know, I know... It's got a mind of its own sometimes, but that's why it's wrapped around. To tame it -- 'cause it's a beast!

Just ask the scrub techs and circulators!

 

[Blade28]

Just ask the scrub techs and circulators!

Let me guess, you're one of those guys who always leaves their pager on during a case, so when it goes off the circulator has to grope around under your gown to retrieve it.

 

[Castro Viejo]

Let me guess, you're one of those guys who always leaves their pager on during a case, so when it goes off the circulator has to grope around under your gown to retrieve it.

Oops! My pager's going off... Where is...? Oh man! Did I leave it on my waist AGAIN? Will one of you just reach around and get it? How about you? Yeah, the one with the voluptuous chest.

The pager's just off my right hip. Yeah that's right. Right there. Just follow the belt line. Don't worry. It won't bite. I think you have to push into me a bit more if you can't reach around.

(Seven minutes later...)

Ahh... So who the hell paged?

 

[gasnewby]

you can stick your head under the gown if you have trouble finding that pesky pager

 

[Castro Viejo]

you can stick your head under the gown if you have trouble finding that pesky pager

Is that what the kids call a "trout slap?"

 

[gasnewby]

more like a great white. or a blue whale.

 

[gasnewby]

i'd rather grope around to get the pager than what i had to do as a med student: the attending would unclip it thru their gown, let it fall to the bloody floor, then kick it to me. it really made me feel like part of the team.