single in school?

[JaneDOe]

I have read quite a few threads about being married or in commited relationships while in school, but I am wondering about what it is like to be single. Being single myself, it is nice to know that I have to think about no one but myself when making decisions, like where to go to medical school, but then what? Is it hard being on your own during school? Are there opportunities to meet people while in school? Do many people date their classmates?
Any insight about what it is like to be single? Anyone else thinking/worried about this?

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[DrQuinn]

Jane-

Fear not about being single in medical school. You will meet SO many people there, and you will make lots of new friends. Perhaps you will be in a new city as well and will really enjoy the nightlife there. But the biggest thing is you will have a group of new friends, and if going out is your thing, I'm sure you will go out. I found my first two years to be pretty similar to college (I went out a lot and dated quite a bit).

Some people do date in the class, that's only natural. We have 3+ couples in my class now (we are graduating in a few months), and I think most will get married.

Being single rocks.

 

[rbassdo]

Originally posted by QuinnNSU
Jane-

Being single rocks.

Word.

Being single means you can study how and when you want, relax how and when you want, eat when and what you want, basically anything you want. You won't be hurting or dissapointing anyone by not being home until mid-night.

Now...the above items are what I consider the best perks of being single. There are negatives. Let me make that clear.

Ryan

 

[fozzy40]

Jane,

I have to admit, i've been having the same concerns. QuinnNSU, it is comforting to know that there is LIFE in medical school. I guess like anything else, your experience is what you make of it. I for sure LOVE going out and will go out as much as I can (w/in reason of course) if time permits.

I definitely feel you though, Jane, on all the comments of other posters on SDN. For a while there, it seemed like I was the only one who is not married or in a serious relationship. Whenever I talk to other med students on this subject, it seems like almost all of them say that they dont have time to date or that it isnt a good idea to start a relationship while in school. All the more reason it worries me at the POSSIBLILITY of being 30 and single when I finish my medical training.

Realistically though, it is nearly impossible (in my mind) for me to go through school and not meet SOMEBODY that peaks my interest. I figure, there are going to be people in my class along with other students of different programs at my school that I will make friends with. I plan on living on campus my first year so that I can meet others who are in a new area and looking to make friends. Anyhow, you're not alone with your thoughts...

Fred

 

[goooooober]

I agree. You will meet a lot of people, and just to facilitate meetings I have listed the top 10 lines to use to get some action in medical school:

10. Baby you are so fine, you make my toenails curl.

9. Hey baby, wanna be my buddy-check partner?

8. Baby, you are so fine, when I first saw you, it was not my hyperthyroidism that made my eyes bulge out

7. Baby, I am an STD (Single Tobe Doctor), and I wanna infect you .

6. Baby you're so hot, you make me wanna study anatomy, your anatomy

5. Damn baby, what anatomy book did you come out of, cause I anin't never seen one like yours.

4. Hey baby, I'll provide the thermometer if you'll provide the cavity (vice versa for women).

3. Hey baby, will you be my love catheter and drain my MOJO?

2. Baby, you're so fine, if you were a cadaver, I'ld still make love to you .

1. Baby, I don't neeeeed to give you a physical to tell you you're fine.

 

[JaneDOe]

Thank for all of your posts, I am so glad that I am not the only one having these concerns. Sometimes when I think about being in a serious relationship and the future seems bleak, but I guess it will all work out if it is meant to.

fozzy40-
I totally understand what you are feeling about being 30 and single. I keep looking into the future, at the time when I am finished with school, and I pray that I am not still single. I think it is really a catch-22, do you really want to date in med. school, and if you don't, when will you ever meet anyone?

glorytaker-
It does seem kind of funny that everyone suggests to you that you will meet a cute nurse while in school. I mean why not a cute doctor? Everyone always says that I will meet some handsome doctor in medical school, but no one ever says I will meet a handsome nurse. Such a double standard!

Jane

 

[LovelyRita]

Originally posted by fozzy40
[it worries me at the POSSIBLILITY of being 30 and single when I finish my medical training.

I'm a first year, 30, and single (technically--have a b/f for 5 years now)....

Anyway, don't worry your sweet heads unless you want to crank out 10 kids. Have fun in med school, clerkships, residency. You will meet many different people. I understand about being lonely, though, it completely sucks. Hang in there, and learn how to be a good doctor. The rest will follow!


M.

 

[fozzy40]

DrMaryC,

I didnt mean any offense by my previous comment. I meant me specifically being single and 30. My last serious relationship was about 2 yrs ago (im 24 right now) and I havent been able to date much since then. With studying for the MCATs, work, and healing a heart that has been stepped on repeatedly dating was never really a good idea. So, I guess you can say that I have been out of the dating game for sometime. Now, if I am unable to date in medical school (for whatever reason) it worries me that I may be 30 and re-entering the dating game once again. I dont know, perhaps im just a worry wart....haha...then again, I tend to "what if..." myself alot which I have now realized. I'm much better now cause all of my attention is now focused on making those deposits!!!

Fred

 

[JaneDOe]

fozzy and glorytaker,
You guys sound so much like the little voices in my head. I have been out of the dating game for the last few years and I think about these things quite a bit and worry about what the future holds. But I am putting all my faith in fate and hoping that if it is meant to be, it will be. I have had many fatalistic things happen in my life and feel that wherever I end up going to school will be the place I am supposed to be and where I will meet the person I am supposed to meet, at least I hope. I guess we'll see!

Anyone else have thoughts on this, I know that we aren't the only ones thinking about this?!

 

[LovelyRita]

I feel compelled to add anotheatr thought...

When you are young, single, smart and very eligible, you ALWAYS wonder when your mate is going to appear before you. And as others have probably told you, the mate usually appears when you stop looking.

The thirty issue is so funny though....I never thought I'd live to see thirty. Now that I am, I still have to remind myself that I'm 30, since I'm surrounded by friends who are all at least 7 years younger than me. And of course, I get spooked....like what if my relationship bites the dust? Then what? The only answer that comes to heart immediately is that I have to take care of myself first, and if someone new comes along, then so be it.

I swear, life doesen't get any easier when you hit your 20's and graduate from college.

Best of luck to all of you!
M.

PS.....when you get to school you'll be really busy...not much time for the SO anyway. It takes effort.

 

[allan120]

I have the same concerns. I am 26 and starting in the fall, and lost my gf in October, shortly after she learned that I got into med school. Needless to say, I am wondering if I will find someone also.

Then again, I have had decent luck finding girlfriends over the past nine years or so, and they all came about naturally. I am about as shy and geeky as one can be, and I have never tried the dating or clubbing scene, yet I have had some great girlfriends. Go figure. Then again, maybe my luck has run out. Who knows.

If it happens, it happens. Why worry about something that oftentimes you cannot even control? It sounds hokey, but spend medical school working on improving yourself and becoming the best doctor you can be, and eventually someone will notice. Or at least that is what I'm trying to tell myself.

 

[Ronnie James DO]

Allan here made a few excellent points. Sometimes we just get lucky. Or unlucky...like when our girlfriends break up with us because we want to be doctors! (funny...if we already WERE doctors, we'd be breaking up with them! )

Anyway....things don't necessarily work out the way we plan...but somehow most of us usually still end up at the originally plotted destination. I have known for years that I wanted to do this, but even when things seemed bleak (lousy MCAT...) and despite all the minor turns along the way (and all the many dead-ends, potholes, roadblocks, speed traps, and breatholizer checkpoints) somehow I ended up here anyway. That's pretty much the way I think everything else in my life will go if I just keep going forward. Relationships included. Gotta have faith I guess.

Good luck to all...and happy palpating.

 

[Cookie Monster]

You guys all sound just like me and all the thoughts that have just recently started running through my head. Every pre-med I know that is going off to school next year has a serious SO except me, so it has been so good to see all your posts!

How I've decided to deal with this is to put all my faith into fate - I really believe there is only 1 person for me and I'll meet him when the time is right.

Also, I remember how I stressed for 3 1/2 years about getting into medical school - pointless worrying. After learning that lesson, I'm going to try my hardest not to waste time and energy on worrying about finding my future husband.

 

[fozzy40]

Oh man...listen to us...what a bunch of control freaks we are!!! Haha...the best thing we should do is focus on what is going to be there for sure in the future which is we are all going to be physicians As for the immediate future, i shall do the following and you should do the same....going clubbing tonight and enjoying every day and/or night to the fullest until school starts!!!!

Fred

 

[JMJ]

The key:

Don't spend time trying to find the one ... simply bethe one. When the one come along they will recognize you asthe one

 

[Naphtali]

Re: "Find yourself a nurse..."

Are you kidding?!?! I plan to find myself a doctor. That way, she can be my sugar mama. I will say it was nice being single... I was able to be totally self-absorbed. I chose what school was best for *me*, and didn't have to consider anyone else's feelings.

And remember, kids: fortune favors the bold.

-Naphtali

PS: LOL. I just realized that at the moment, I'm listening to the song "Rudy" by Supertramp. It's about a guy who just can't get no lovin'.

 

[mcataz]

The key to dating is to be among single people. Phoenix is a bad place for students who are single. This is not Philadelphia which has a ton of grad students that shares your lifestyle and long-term goals. There are so many medical schools there that it's much easier meeting women there than it is at Midwestern.

I had a great time as a single person in Scottsdale......when I had a job. It's much easier meeting women when you have time to date in addition to money to afford dating.

Honestly, your best chances of meeting women are when you start working. I have already accepted the fact that I will be single for a while.

I used to make fun of recent medical grads who were on the prowl as soon as they graduated. I used to say that they were such dorks who finally got some free time, money and status to make up for their years of isolation. How ironic that I'm one of those dorks now. So to all my future medical grads who will be on the prowl during 4th year....hear hear.

As a guy, I can assure you that the clubbing scene does work in Scottsdale. However, you will need to be with a big group of guys. If you have some female friends who want to tag along, that will improve your chances greatly.

 

[mcataz]

Don't feel bad. It's not like any of us have a shot at them since they are all about money. We will have to wait until we graduate.

 

[JaneDOe]

It is nice to see that there is a potential to meet people while in school. I mean, everyone I met on my interviews was married, engaged, or had a SO, which was making me a little worried.
Thanks for sharing your stories, it was comforting to know I wasn't alone on this.
I don't know where any of you are planning on going to school, but I wish you all luck in finding someone out there.

Jane

 

[docmartin]

Alright...I usually don't post...but what the hell...Don't worry so much about being single or being w/ someone during med school. Quite frankly, you will have limited time available to participate in the normal ritual of dating (not to mention limited funds as well).

I myself went into med school w/ the idea of NOT dating anyone especially in my class because med school is something that I wanted to put before anything or anyone. I also didn't want to be at the mercy of gossip in my class. Well to my surprise, I ended up dating someone in my class (hesitantly I might add), but it has turned out to be one of the best parts of my med school experience. Actually I was surprised to see so many people hook up in my class initially, and even during second year.

The great thing about med school is that you will meet so many people from different backgrounds. I think that these new friendships you make will help you enjoy/survive the grueling hardships that await you (I know a little cliche'ish). But it's true, they will be the ones to help you when you get a bad grade or if you miss a day's notes or help you get into bed after a night of drinking post-gross anatomy exam...

So what am I saying? You will meet so many people once you start on your path, that finding a significant other will just happen. But my advice is to try and make "normal" time outside of medschool w/ or w/o a SO.

Good luck to you guys...

 

[msgbueno]

Oh come on! When you finish med school, the girls or guys will be lining up to get a piece of you. I know some nurses, and they tell me that many nurses go after the doctors. Some tell me that they will only hook up with a doctor, nothing less. As a doctor, you'll be attractive(in your wallet), so don't sweat it. Even if you're the ugliest person in the world, somebody will like you for your money. I know this cardiologist who hooked up with a pretty young girl. He's a short supergeek, with thick glasses, and not to mention ugly, but he got his girl. This is a trivial subject. What you should worry about most is getting into your residency of choice. Just make sure you get your future spouse to sign a prenump.

 

[fozzy40]

I don't know about everyone else but meeting a girl after med school and when I am a doctor is one of my biggest fears. All my life, everyone has been telling me, "don't worry cause when you're a doctor the girls will be lining up."

The last thing that I want is a gold-digger and/or a trophy wife. I want someone who sees me for who I am: a great person who happens to be a doctor and not the other way around. I guess that's why I have been so pressed to find someone before getting into medical school or before I start my career. If a person can see what we go through (before money is in the equation) and stick by you, then that person will truly win my heart. I don't mean to generalize anyone who has met there significant other post med school. However, you have to admit that it is hard to find a person's true intentions when the so called money and prestige is in the picture.

(SIGH) I guess the future has surprises for all those in this forum!

Fred

 

[JaneDOe]

Fred,
I totally agree with you. I have been told a million times that some guy will like me once I become a doctor, but I don't want that! I want someone who sees me for what I am, outside of the fact that I will be a doctor someday. I do not want to be married to some guy who loves only the fact that I am a doctor and make a good sum of money. Thats why I think another doctor might be a good match, I mean, they will have their own money and won't care so much about it! I just hope to find love!

Jane

 

[SuzyQ]

All of my friends tell me that there is goign to be an abundance of hot med students when I go to medical school and that i'll have my pick of the litter while I'm there..its soo funny. And then on the opposite spectrum, my aunt(who is a doc now) tells me that Im not going to have any time whatsoever to date anyone and that the perfect time for dating is going to be after my residency..thats 8 more years! I'll be 30 by that time..ugh...oh well, maybe I should just become a nun at this rate..

 

[msgbueno]

Ah Hem... Let me clear my throat....

OK, everyone in here will hook up eventually. Right now, it's all ego's, and big heads talking.... "oh, he/she'll only want me for my money... oh, he/she only like me because I'm a doctor" whatever...
In my first reply, maybe you guys couldn't tell, but I was patronizing everyone in here. Do you think by becoming a doctor you're turning into Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson, and that everyone wants you? No, that's not the case. If you're butt ugly, you're butt ugly. Butt ( ) here's the good news, even ugly people find their mates. Haven't you seen ugly couples together? It's like their made for each other. So if you don't want that gold-digger or trophy wife, then stop complaining and take your mate. He/she'll probably be hideous to wake up beside every morning, but at least you'll know it doesn't want you for your money or prestige.
This is a reality check, so stop thinking that you'll become a chick magnet or supermodel when you become a doctor.

 

[Fenrezz]

I already found my trophy chick, so kiss my ass!

 

[DrMom]

Originally posted by Fenrezz
I already found my trophy chick, so kiss my ass!

And I thought that you were going to steal me away from Mr. DrMom!! I'm crushed!!!

 

[fyrfly]

Obviously, msg has not seen Beauty and the Beast haha
Is your girlfriend as ugly as you are, then?

The point being made by the other posters is based on the fact that the common perception of doctors is that they make a lot of money. It's fueled by the reality that physicians do have a much larger income than the average person. So of course, they'd be the targets of many a gold digger. That's reality. Unless of course, they latch onto them when the doctor's in their residency. Then they're in for a rude awakening.

Who says that pre-meds aren't chick-magnets before they get their medical degrees? Speak for yourself, buddy...

 

[Fenrezz]

Originally posted by DrMom
And I thought that you were going to steal me away from Mr. DrMom!! I'm crushed!!!

Well I would have, except I don't think my ego could handle getting my ass kicked by someone named "Mr. DrMom".

 

[DrMom]

Originally posted by Fenrezz
Well I would have, except I don't think my ego could handle getting my ass kicked by someone named "Mr. DrMom".

You could take him! (at least today you could since he's recovering from surgery! )

 

[Fenrezz]

I think it's not only the money aspect that draws gold digging sluts to doctors (thank god), but also the promise of respectability. I mean, one minute you could be a worthless dishrag crackwhore, and the next you're the wife of a cardiothoracic surgeon. Suddenly people are calling you "Mrs. so and so", instead of "Honey, you workin??"

Who could turn that down?

 

[Fenrezz]

Originally posted by DrMom
You could take him! (at least today you could since he's recovering from surgery! )

Actually he could still kick my ass even then.

 

[EHallberg]

Carpe Diem, my friend.

 

[Elysium]

I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring. I'm 29 and single and will be starting med school in the fall (I'll turn 30 in Sept). I've been in a lot of long term relationships, but I've always dated "artists" (read: losers), who looked to me to support them finanically and emotionally. I'm ready to meet a guy that is an intellectual equal. I hope I can do it in med school...God willing.

Tiffany