Pregnant & can't start new residency on July 1st

[atomi]

I'd rather have a physician mother that is less available and forced to utilize child care raise children than many of the questionable parents I've come across that do more damage by their presence than their absence. There is no right way to parent and being there (or not) for years for child will mostly not remember isn't the biggest make or break factor in how good of a parent you are or how well your kids will turn out

There ABSOULTELY is a right way to parent. Being present is just the start and a bare minimum. The early years are crucial and to suggest otherwise is absurd.

I couldn’t disagree with this more.

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[VA Hopeful Dr]

There ABSOULTELY is a right way to parent. Being present is just the start and a bare minimum. The early years are crucial and to suggest otherwise is absurd.

I couldn’t disagree with this more.

No, there are right ways, ways plural, to parent. There isn't a single right way, just like there's not a single wrong way but lots of wrong ways.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Never mind. You can totally be a neurosurgeon and work a hundred hours a week a raise 4 kids.

If you can’t you’re just weak and lazy!

Want to be a solider and deploy to Afghanistan for a year? You can totally have a few babies and raise them at the same time.

Sigh.

Hardly, but in those cases like in the vast majority of parents you pay someone to help.

 

[atomi]

There's no good time to have a child - everyone plans as best they can (or doesn't) and then make it work. Dual professional couples have just as much right to kids as anyone else.

(Now, some times are better than others, and my personal opinion is that doing IVF 9 months before you're supposed to start residency is dumb, but that's an opinion).

Yes but it’s pretty messed up when two people making 500k+ each would rather dump their children off to be raised by someone else minimally qualified rather than take a slight hit to their lifestyle and live off of only a single 500k/year income for 5-7 years to get kids in school. I feel like these people never stop and think about why they’re even having children.

Regardless, I know my opinions about traditional gender roles and what comes down to simple biology when it comes to choosing to have and raise kids and the value of parents in the household are unpopular these days, and I’ve said my peace here, so I’ll leave it at that.

 

[Raryn]

Yes but it’s pretty messed up when two people making 500k+ each would rather dump their children off to be raised by someone else minimally qualified rather than take a slight hit to their lifestyle and live off of only a single 500k/year income for 5-7 years to get kids in school. I feel like these people never stop and think about why they’re even having children.

Regardless, I know my opinions about traditional gender roles and what comes down to simple biology when it comes to choosing to have and raise kids and the value of parents in the household are unpopular these days, and I’ve said my peace here, so I’ll leave it at that.

Personally, I don't think that the day care person who took care of the kids for half of their time between age 0 and 5 counts as the one raising them. The dual professional couples I know - my parents included - spend plenty of time with their kids and do everything possible to impart their values and provide every opportunity moving forward. But they have help - which makes sense.

I plan on doing the same. And I also plan on continuing to work after I have kids. My wife has a higher earning potential than I do - but I'd be bored out of my mind staying home for years on end. As would she. Plus, what a waste of 25+ years of education...

 

[Mad Jack]

There ABSOULTELY is a right way to parent. Being present is just the start and a bare minimum. The early years are crucial and to suggest otherwise is absurd.

I couldn’t disagree with this more.

My mother was a soldier and deployed to Germany for most of the early years of my life after her divorce from my very troubled father. With the help of family, I turned out just fine, and I'm pretty confident in saying I'm happier she had me than not lol. Kids are resilient and have been raised in any number of far more difficult circumstances, from famine to war to slavery to genocidal regimes. To say a well-educated woman of means should be skipping out on children because things might get a little hard on the child is ridiculous.

The children I work with that have the most problems are rarely the offspring of affluent, hard-working women that aren't around enough. More often they are the product of households in which the mother is always present but the child was never wanted, in which substance abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse are major factors. Also interesting that you make the assumption that the onus for child care is on the mother rather than a shared responsibility, as many of the female physicians I know have the husbands take on primary caretaking responsibilities.

 

[atomi]

My mother was a soldier and deployed to Germany for most of the early years of my life after her divorce from my very troubled father. With the help of family, I turned out just fine, and I'm pretty confident in saying I'm happier she had me than not lol. Kids are resilient and have been raised in any number of fast more difficult circumstances, from famine to war to slavery to genocidal regimes. To say a well-educated woman of means should be skipping out on children because things might get a little hard on the child is ridiculous.

The children I work with that have the most problems are rarely the offspring of affluent, hard-working women that aren't around enough. More often they are the product of households in which the mother is always present but the child was never wanted, in which substance abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse are major factors. Also interesting that you make the assumption that the onus for child care is on the mother rather than a shared responsibility, as many of the female physicians I know have the husbands take on primary caretaking responsibilities.

We have a philosophical disagreement. I would argue that setting the bar for doing good as a parent at simply having the child is a little too low. My assertion is that there are some careers that are incompatible with properly raising children or at the very least require unacceptable compromise on both ends. That’s all. I fully realize my opinion is not popular in the medical field. Regardless of whether you disagree with me, I think it’s useful to put it out there to at least give people something to think about as it’s basically become anathema to suggest a woman can’t have children and fully pursue literally whatever career she wants at the same time. Compromise on both ends is inevitable for certain lines of work, and at some point depending on individual situations that compromise becomes counterproductive or outright impossible to achieve.

 

[Mad Jack]

We have a philosophical disagreement. I would argue that setting the bar for doing good as a parent at simply having the child is a little too low. My assertion is that there are some careers that are incompatible with properly raising children or at the very least require unacceptable compromise on both ends. That’s all. I fully realize my opinion is not popular in the medical field. Regardless of whether you disagree with me, I think it’s useful to put it out there to at least give people something to think about as it’s basically become anathema to suggest a woman can’t have children and fully pursue literally whatever career she wants at the same time. Compromise on both ends is inevitable for certain lines of work, and at some point depending on individual situations that compromise becomes counterproductive or outright impossible to achieve.

The data disagrees with you. Numerous studies demonstrate that outcomes for children are far more impacted by parental income than family composition or parental working status. A child is going to end up far better off from a single or dual physician household than a two parent household in which a father works but is only making median wages, period. It's kind of a pet topic for me because so many attack my female peers for "not being good mothers" when they are making the most of the time they do have and providing their children with significant financial resources that will put them ahead in life in very tangible and statistically provable ways. The counterarguments are always emotional and tend to be made by people who come from traditional families that have no idea what being in a more modern arrangement would be like, but simply think "it isn't what I grew up with and expect therefore BAD"

Family Income - Not Married Parents - More Apt to Impact Kids' Well-Being

 

[atomi]

The data disagrees with you. Numerous studies demonstrate that outcomes for children are far more impacted by parental income than family composition or parental working status. A child is going to end up far better off from a single or dual physician household than a two parent household in which a father works but is only making median wages, period. It's kind of a pet topic for me because so many attack my female peers for "not being good mothers" when they are making the most of the time they do have and providing their children with significant financial resources that will put them ahead in life in very tangible and statistically provable ways. The counterarguments are always emotional and tend to be made by people who come from traditional families that have no idea what being in a more modern arrangement would be like, but simply think "it isn't what I grew up with and expect therefore BAD"

Family Income - Not Married Parents - More Apt to Impact Kids' Well-Being

No, it doesn’t. When you have a single physician income of $500k vs a dual physician income of $1 MM, in either case you are well above the threshold where income matters.

I am well aware of the brooking institute and others’ studies of what constitutes a bare minimum in terms of keeping children from growing up into impoverished adults.

I think we can do better than that. The bottom line is that many can easily afford to stay at home but choose not to. This is a shame in my opinion.

Like your pet peeve, It is a pet peeve of mine how some will try minimize the importance or value of the time spent by the mother, yes the MOTHER, with her children. Like a woman choosing to take time away from her career to raise her children is something to be ashamed of and only for uneducated women to do. It’s not. It’s something that should be respected and valued.

 

[Mad Jack]

No, it doesn’t. When you have a single physician income of $500k vs a dual physician income of $1 MM, in either case you are well above the threshold where income matters.

I am well aware of the brooking institute and others’ studies of what constitutes a bare minimum in terms of keeping children from growing up into impoverished adults.

I think we can do better than that. The bottom line is that many can easily afford to stay at home but choose not to. This is a shame in my opinion.

Like your pet peeve, It is a pet peeve of mine how some will try minimize the importance or value of the time spent by the mother, yes the MOTHER, with her children. Like a woman choosing to take time away from her career to raise her children is something to be ashamed of and only for uneducated women to do. It’s not. It’s something that should be respected and valued.

No one has said being a stay at home mother is a path for the uneducated. Rather most support the *option* for women to choose their own path. There is no objective data showing that working mothers negatively impact their children in the manner that hysterical traditionalists assert such an arrangement should. And subjectively as someone who deals with seriously damaged kids pretty regularly, they almost always seem to come from homes where the parents are present and having profoundly negative effects on their children. I guess we will see when I get to outpatient more what the mix is like, but your "hard working moms damage children" hypothesis seems quite unlikely to bear fruit.

 

[getdown]

While I agree with you that the parents should be ashamed, it's not always the case. I remember reading in Freakonomics or something that many of those that name their kids this way actually take great pride in the names. To them it showed that they did not assimilate to "white" culture and by naming their kid with such outlandish names keeps their "otherness" in tact. I wish I remembered what book I read this in.

 

[captaincrunch]

No, it doesn’t. When you have a single physician income of $500k vs a dual physician income of $1 MM, in either case you are well above the threshold where income matters.

I am well aware of the brooking institute and others’ studies of what constitutes a bare minimum in terms of keeping children from growing up into impoverished adults.

I think we can do better than that. The bottom line is that many can easily afford to stay at home but choose not to. This is a shame in my opinion.

Like your pet peeve, It is a pet peeve of mine how some will try minimize the importance or value of the time spent by the mother, yes the MOTHER, with her children. Like a woman choosing to take time away from her career to raise her children is something to be ashamed of and only for uneducated women to do. It’s not. It’s something that should be respected and valued.

I think your salary estimates are a bit on the high side.

But why focus on the mother? Some European countries are actively encouraging fathers to take paternity leave in addition to maternity leave. I think this is an excellent idea. I wish I coule have done this.

A lot of women take time off from work because the economics favor it, ie the cost of childcare doesn't make the additional salary worth it. But if the mother is a physician or some other high-paid professional, it may make economic sense to continue working. My mom worked a lot, so our schedules were a bit hectic, but I wasn't harmed by it. In fact, I'm glad I have an accomplished, professional mother. Both my parents were very active parents.

I think our society's biggest problem is simply that we work too much. This isn't a uniquely American problem, but I would love to see us move to a shorter work day with more time off. Families, in particular, would benefit from this.

 

[deleted480308]

I think your salary estimates are a bit on the high side.

But why focus on the mother? Some European countries are actively encouraging fathers to take paternity leave in addition to maternity leave. I think this is an excellent idea. I wish I coule have done this.

A lot of women take time off from work because the economics favor it, ie the cost of childcare doesn't make the additional salary worth it. But if the mother is a physician or some other high-paid professional, it may make economic sense to continue working. My mom worked a lot, so our schedules were a bit hectic, but I wasn't harmed by it. In fact, I'm glad I have an accomplished, professional mother. Both my parents were very active parents.

I think our society's biggest problem is simply that we work too much. This isn't a uniquely American problem, but I would love to see us move to a shorter work day with more time off. Families, in particular, would benefit from this.

If you take the paycut you can always work less

What gets irrational is the expectation that your boss should pay you to not work

 

[mvenus929]

Yes but it’s pretty messed up when two people making 500k+ each would rather dump their children off to be raised by someone else minimally qualified rather than take a slight hit to their lifestyle and live off of only a single 500k/year income for 5-7 years to get kids in school. I feel like these people never stop and think about why they’re even having children.

Regardless, I know my opinions about traditional gender roles and what comes down to simple biology when it comes to choosing to have and raise kids and the value of parents in the household are unpopular these days, and I’ve said my peace here, so I’ll leave it at that.

1) I don’t think I will ever make $500k per year as a physician. And at this rate, I’m not gonna marry a physician either.

2) Spending 5-7 years out of the workforce leads to atrophy of skills and knowledge, especially in a constantly changing field like medicine. Taking 5-7 years off basically means a career change. And since I enjoy what I do, I’m not going to completely give it up when I have children.

3) Just because a child has another caregiver doesn’t mean that the parents are not involved and aren’t providing a loving and supportive home. And not every woman is going to make a good homemaker. I can cook, but cooking full menus every night is not one of my strengths.

 

[captaincrunch]

If you take the paycut you can always work less

What gets irrational is the expectation that your boss should pay you to not work

I'm not sure of any place where your boss pays you not to work, but then again I'm not a Teamster. I'm glad I work in a field where I can (somewhat) control my hours, but most people don't have that luxury. The standard work-week is not just a cultural phenomenon or choice. Rather, it is largely set by laws that dictate workplace rights, health benefits, overtime rules, etc. Most people can't reasonably opt into a shorter work week. I'm old enough to remember when the standard workday was 9-5. But then it was decided that breaks wouldn't be included, so it became 8-5. Basically "the man" got another 5 hours/week from the average worker.

I consider myself a hard worker (most of us in medicine work >40 hours/week), but I know this isn't really healthy in the long term. Maybe I'm just a laid back, European-loving socialist (I'm not, really), but I think there is something to be said for giving the average citizen more of his or her time back. And professionals who also want to be hands-on parents would find doing so a little more tenable.

I think our society would continue to function if the average work-week was 30-35 hours. Also, I would rather see more people participate in the labor force than see some people overworked while others don't work at all. Personally, I can get a lot done in 6 hours (no break).

Actually, I do know of a situation in which your boss pays you not to work. Unemployment. But that's a different matter.

 

[deleted480308]

I'm not sure of any place where your boss pays you not to work, but then again I'm not a Teamster. I'm glad I work in a field where I can (somewhat) control my hours, but most people don't have that luxury. The standard work-week is not just a cultural phenomenon or choice. Rather, it is largely set by laws that dictate workplace rights, health benefits, overtime rules, etc. Most people can't reasonably opt into a shorter work week. I'm old enough to remember when the standard workday was 9-5. But then it was decided that breaks wouldn't be included, so it became 8-5. Basically "the man" got another 5 hours/week from the average worker.

I consider myself a hard worker (most of us in medicine work >40 hours/week), but I know this isn't really healthy in the long term. Maybe I'm just a laid back, European-loving socialist (I'm not, really), but I think there is something to be said for giving the average citizen more of his or her time back. And professionals who also want to be hands-on parents would find doing so a little more tenable.

I think our society would continue to function if the average work-week was 30-35 hours. Also, I would rather see more people participate in the labor force than see some people overworked while others don't work at all. Personally, I can get a lot done in 6 hours (no break).

Actually, I do know of a situation in which your boss pays you not to work. Unemployment. But that's a different matter.

If part of the goal you had of working less was also making less then I apologize for the misunderstanding

 

[dpmd]

I'm not sure of any place where your boss pays you not to work, but then again I'm not a Teamster. I'm glad I work in a field where I can (somewhat) control my hours, but most people don't have that luxury. The standard work-week is not just a cultural phenomenon or choice. Rather, it is largely set by laws that dictate workplace rights, health benefits, overtime rules, etc. Most people can't reasonably opt into a shorter work week. I'm old enough to remember when the standard workday was 9-5. But then it was decided that breaks wouldn't be included, so it became 8-5. Basically "the man" got another 5 hours/week from the average worker.

I consider myself a hard worker (most of us in medicine work >40 hours/week), but I know this isn't really healthy in the long term. Maybe I'm just a laid back, European-loving socialist (I'm not, really), but I think there is something to be said for giving the average citizen more of his or her time back. And professionals who also want to be hands-on parents would find doing so a little more tenable.

I think our society would continue to function if the average work-week was 30-35 hours. Also, I would rather see more people participate in the labor force than see some people overworked while others don't work at all. Personally, I can get a lot done in 6 hours (no break).

Actually, I do know of a situation in which your boss pays you not to work. Unemployment. But that's a different matter.

Any place with paid family leave is paying you not to work. If an employer uses that as a recruitment strategy fine, but most folks who look to the European way of doing things want government to mandate it. That screws those of us who will never use maternity or paternity leave.

 

[jrlob91]

Any place with paid family leave is paying you not to work. If an employer uses that as a recruitment strategy fine, but most folks who look to the European way of doing things want government to mandate it. That screws those of us who will never use maternity or paternity leave.

That’s your choice not to use the leave given to you if you don’t want kids. That’s a horrible mindset to have, that you’re getting screwed over by those of us that want kids, and deserve to have paid time off to take care of them in their infancy. Ridiculous. Man up.

 

[dpmd]

That’s your choice not to use the leave given to you if you don’t want kids. That’s a horrible mindset to have, that you’re getting screwed over by those of us that want kids, and deserve to have paid time off to take care of them in their infancy. Ridiculous. Man up.

Like I said, if it is voluntary between employee and employer as they agree on an employment contract that is fine. But if I work 48 weeks for the same pay that someone else working 40 weeks gets because the government mandates that everyone has to get maternity or paternity leave that I can't chose to use for other reasons that is a load of bull****. You know how you can get money the you feel you deserve for child rearing? Budget and save for it, just like I budget and save to be away from work for whatever time period I choose (I am private practice so I don't have an employer who will gift me with money not to work for whatever reason).

 

[Raryn]

Like I said, if it is voluntary between employee and employer as they agree on an employment contract that is fine. But if I work 48 weeks for the same pay that someone else working 40 weeks gets because the government mandates that everyone has to get maternity or paternity leave that I can't chose to use for other reasons that is a load of bull****. You know how you can get money the you feel you deserve for child rearing? Budget and save for it, just like I budget and save to be away from work for whatever time period I choose (I am private practice so I don't have an employer who will gift me with money not to work for whatever reason).

Society has a general incentive, for a wide variety of reasons, to increase the # of people responsibly having and raising children. One of the mechanisms by which the government does so is regulating parental leave. This is uncontroversial in most of the developed world.

 

[rokshana]

Any place with paid family leave is paying you not to work. If an employer uses that as a recruitment strategy fine, but most folks who look to the European way of doing things want government to mandate it. That screws those of us who will never use maternity or paternity leave.

Family leave doesn’t have to be just maternity or paternity leave...at the other end of the spectrum it can be used to care for a sick or dying parent...

 

[dpmd]

Society has a general incentive, for a wide variety of reasons, to increase the # of people responsibly having and raising children. One of the mechanisms by which the government does so is regulating parental leave. This is uncontroversial in most of the developed world.

I don't think we are exactly lacking sufficient birth rates in this country.

 

[dpmd]

Family leave doesn’t have to be just maternity or paternity leave...at the other end of the spectrum it can be used to care for a sick or dying parent...

If anything that has a better argument for trying to get employers to pay for it because you can't exactly plan ahead for it. But even if you don't plan a pregnancy you have about 9 months to save up some money to prepare for not working beyond what your employer offers.

 

[deleted480308]

Like I said, if it is voluntary between employee and employer as they agree on an employment contract that is fine. But if I work 48 weeks for the same pay that someone else working 40 weeks gets because the government mandates that everyone has to get maternity or paternity leave that I can't chose to use for other reasons that is a load of bull****. You know how you can get money the you feel you deserve for child rearing? Budget and save for it, just like I budget and save to be away from work for whatever time period I choose (I am private practice so I don't have an employer who will gift me with money not to work for whatever reason).

This deserved more than just a “like”

Society has a general incentive, for a wide variety of reasons, to increase the # of people responsibly having and raising children. One of the mechanisms by which the government does so is regulating parental leave. This is uncontroversial in most of the developed world.

The “everyone else does it” argument is weak. They also do a number of other stupid things.

The govt should not make your employer pay for any type of leave. If you want leave pay then be good enough at a valuable skill for an employer to offer it

Family leave doesn’t have to be just maternity or paternity leave...at the other end of the spectrum it can be used to care for a sick or dying parent...

govt shouldn’t force that either

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

The govt should not make your employer pay for any type of leave. If you want leave pay then be good enough at a valuable skill for an employer to offer it
govt shouldn’t force that either

No but it means its a service that most people will use at some point or another.

Note: not arguing for or against just pointing out the reasoning.

 

[deleted480308]

No but it means its a service that most people will use at some point or another.

Note: not arguing for or against just pointing out the reasoning.

I get the argument, but “man, it would benice to have x” is a crap argument for govt force

 

[Winged Scapula]

We are starting to veer sufficiently off-topic that this is becoming irrelevant to the OPs concerns. Please address the topic of pregnancy and residency start date if you wish to contribute.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Huh, what'd atomi do to get the hammer?

 

[Raryn]

I don't think we are exactly lacking sufficient birth rates in this country.

You think wrong. We've been below replacement fertility for a while - if not for immigration the US population would be graying now and it wouldn't be long before it starts shrinking.

Back to the OPs point though, I think every residency I'm aware of has some sort of maternity leave - but she may or may not need to extend the residency if she uses more than 30 days worth (which is determined mostly by the relevant board, not by her program). Of course, that's assuming she starts at all.

 

[2021Doctor]

The OP has had plenty of good advice on this thread especially from posters like aprogdirector.
The OP needs to now ask SDN to delete this thread since there is information here that could allow the identity of the OP to be traced at a later time.

 

[Apollyon]

The OP has had plenty of good advice on this thread especially from posters like aprogdirector.
The OP needs to now ask SDN to delete this thread since there is information here that could allow the identity of the OP to be traced at a later time.

Traced by whom, and why? What was that saying - "You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

And, beyond by whom, or why, then how? And SDN exists to help individuals, but also groups, in that others may find themselves in a similar situation.

I feel strong in my prediction that this thread will not be deleted, at least by administrators.

 

[2021Doctor]

Traced by whom, and why? What was that saying - "You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

And, beyond by whom, or why, then how? And SDN exists to help individuals, but also groups, in that others may find themselves in a similar situation.

I feel strong in my prediction that this thread will not be deleted, at least by administrators.

I feel this thread could be found by whatever residency program she matches into. I do not believe there will be a high number of newly matched nontraditional IM residents having a child just prior to July 1. I think the thread should be deleted.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Huh, what'd atomi do to get the hammer?

@Winged Scapula

 

[evilbooyaa]

Huh, what'd atomi do to get the hammer?

Multiple racist and misogynistic tirades, 8+ warnings and recent post hold without change in posting tendencies. Most recent one was a racist tirade.

Feel free to PM with additional questions, I'd prefer not to de-rail this thread.

 

[Apollyon]

I feel this thread could be found by whatever residency program she matches into. I do not believe there will be a high number of newly matched nontraditional IM residents having a child just prior to July 1. I think the thread should be deleted.

You should have read the terms of service when you signed up (you did check a box saying that you did). Recall that they state that posts are not deleted except for very singular reasons (how that is applied is a different question). From history, I believe this won't meet that standard. Just because you "think the thread should be deleted", will not, I also believe, tip the scales.

 

[gutonc]

Never mind the fact that the OP peaced out of this thread almost 2 months ago, and hasn't been on SDN in at least 6 weeks.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Multiple racist and misogynistic tirades, 8+ warnings and recent post hold without change in posting tendencies. Most recent one was a racist tirade.

Feel free to PM with additional questions, I'd prefer not to de-rail this thread.

Nope that's more than enough, thanks.

 

[rokshana]

I feel this thread could be found by whatever residency program she matches into. I do not believe there will be a high number of newly matched nontraditional IM residents having a child just prior to July 1. I think the thread should be deleted.

yeah...cuz she put her sdn handle in her eras application...:smh:

 

[heychloe]

Hi, OP here.
What happened to this thread? Interesting discussion about parenting.. Luckily (or unluckily) I already know parenting accompanies plenty of unsolicited advice and minefield of guilt-trips.
Anyway, despite some thoughtful advice to delete the thread, I am keeping it for the sake of future moms to be who may google for this thread. Here’s an update of what happened.

I matched to a program and within a week matching, I notified them of my pregnancy. The chiefs got in touch with me to discuss my options. Below are some of the options given:
1. Take 2-6weeks off postpartum depending on my preference. 2 weeks will be my vacation, and remainder 0-4 weeks will be unpaid time off. Per ABIM(? or was it gme..) guideline, I can still graduate on time without making up, for up to 4 weeks if my PD determines that I am capable by the end of my final years of training. This time off will be followed by 2 weeks of elective, 2 weeks of clinic before I dive fully into inpatient duties.
2. If I want to take more than 6 weeks off, it can be done and it doesn’t affect the gme because they have more than enough interns to cover. However it will definitely delay my graduation, could mess with my chances of applying for fellowship, and potentially complicate licensing as the exam occurs at set time each year.

I chose option 1 and took 6 weeks off It was obviously not enough time to recovery. I also chose to electively induce at 39th week which was right after orientation week so that I don’t waste any elective rotations while pregnant. Unfortunately my baby was in posterior position, ended up doing c section after 24+ hours of labor. Made the recovery and nursing much tougher. I was ambitious and also took care of the step during the maternity leave. Probably my worst board score ever but hey, I passed.
Going back to work was extremely tough. I gave up on Pumping/breastfeeding despite our program being awesome about providing a pumping room because I could not handle getting mastitis again and wiping me out for days. (I didn’t know you can get flulike sx!) Working 80hours a week, taking turns with my partner for night duties for the baby.. One of the most physically and mentally challenging times of my life.
I have three loves of my life which are my spouse, my baby, and medicine. I love medicine very very much but when I first went back to work I hated it for the first time as it took time away from my baby. But I was able to get back my passion for medicine.
One difficulty I didn’t anticipate was the lack of comradeship. It’s not anybody’s fault but mine. When I started training, other interns had already transitioned through their most difficult times and formed their friendships. I felt behind and alone. I had severe imposter syndrome for the first time since starting med school. I am usually good with sharing my vulnerabilities and making new friends but my lack of time made that very difficult. I knew time would solve the problem and I just had to endure.

Nowadays the baby is sleep trained, things are in equilibrium, and life is good. My baby is amazingly lovely and the love I feel for him is something I have not previously experienced.

The PDs, staff, and chiefs were amazingly supportive. They were shocked when I shared some of my concerns about the match rules. They thought it was wrong and should be changed.
I have another friend who had a baby around the same time and her experience with her program was similarly supportive.

If you have any questions, I am happy to answer. If you need faster reply, pm me your email, since logging into sdn isn’t always easy for me.

 

[deleted480308]

I’m glad it went well

 

[rokshana]

Thank you for coming back and giving an update...and you matched into a program that was accommodating to you.

 

[DokterMom]

I'm very happy it worked out well for you -

 

[TheSingularity]

Dude you are a ROCKSTAR.

Came back after short rest from a section (6 weeks post section definitely NOT enough time...my wife's cofellow who is a workhorse struggled with this same timeline but also persevered) and also took step 3...wow!

Hi, OP here.
What happened to this thread? Interesting discussion about parenting.. Luckily (or unluckily) I already know parenting accompanies plenty of unsolicited advice and minefield of guilt-trips.
Anyway, despite some thoughtful advice to delete the thread, I am keeping it for the sake of future moms to be who may google for this thread. Here’s an update of what happened.

I matched to a program and within a week matching, I notified them of my pregnancy. The chiefs got in touch with me to discuss my options. Below are some of the options given:
1. Take 2-6weeks off postpartum depending on my preference. 2 weeks will be my vacation, and remainder 0-4 weeks will be unpaid time off. Per ABIM(? or was it gme..) guideline, I can still graduate on time without making up, for up to 4 weeks if my PD determines that I am capable by the end of my final years of training. This time off will be followed by 2 weeks of elective, 2 weeks of clinic before I dive fully into inpatient duties.
2. If I want to take more than 6 weeks off, it can be done and it doesn’t affect the gme because they have more than enough interns to cover. However it will definitely delay my graduation, could mess with my chances of applying for fellowship, and potentially complicate licensing as the exam occurs at set time each year.

I chose option 1 and took 6 weeks off It was obviously not enough time to recovery. I also chose to electively induce at 39th week which was right after orientation week so that I don’t waste any elective rotations while pregnant. Unfortunately my baby was in posterior position, ended up doing c section after 24+ hours of labor. Made the recovery and nursing much tougher. I was ambitious and also took care of the step during the maternity leave. Probably my worst board score ever but hey, I passed.
Going back to work was extremely tough. I gave up on Pumping/breastfeeding despite our program being awesome about providing a pumping room because I could not handle getting mastitis again and wiping me out for days. (I didn’t know you can get flulike sx!) Working 80hours a week, taking turns with my partner for night duties for the baby.. One of the most physically and mentally challenging times of my life.
I have three loves of my life which are my spouse, my baby, and medicine. I love medicine very very much but when I first went back to work I hated it for the first time as it took time away from my baby. But I was able to get back my passion for medicine.
One difficulty I didn’t anticipate was the lack of comradeship. It’s not anybody’s fault but mine. When I started training, other interns had already transitioned through their most difficult times and formed their friendships. I felt behind and alone. I had severe imposter syndrome for the first time since starting med school. I am usually good with sharing my vulnerabilities and making new friends but my lack of time made that very difficult. I knew time would solve the problem and I just had to endure.

Nowadays the baby is sleep trained, things are in equilibrium, and life is good. My baby is amazingly lovely and the love I feel for him is something I have not previously experienced.

The PDs, staff, and chiefs were amazingly supportive. They were shocked when I shared some of my concerns about the match rules. They thought it was wrong and should be changed.
I have another friend who had a baby around the same time and her experience with her program was similarly supportive.

If you have any questions, I am happy to answer. If you need faster reply, pm me your email, since logging into sdn isn’t always easy for me.

Sent from my Pixel 3 using SDN mobile

 

[NotAProgDirector]

I'm also glad that it all worked out. I'd hope that most programs would be accommodating of residents needing some personal time off, whether for pregnancy or other personal issues.

One brief comment / correction in case someone else reads this thread later. You mentioned:

2. If I want to take more than 6 weeks off, it can be done and it doesn’t affect the gme because they have more than enough interns to cover. However it will definitely delay my graduation, could mess with my chances of applying for fellowship, and potentially complicate licensing as the exam occurs at set time each year.

I think you meant "board certification" rather than "licensing". If you're off cycle enough (which will depend by field), then you won't be able to take the exam right after you graduate and you'll wait a year. But that has nothing to do with licensing, nor with anyone's ability to get a job. It's a bit of a pain, since it's nice to get it out of the way right after you finish training.

 

[heychloe]

I'm also glad that it all worked out. I'd hope that most programs would be accommodating of residents needing some personal time off, whether for pregnancy or other personal issues.

One brief comment / correction in case someone else reads this thread later. You mentioned:



I think you meant "board certification" rather than "licensing". If you're off cycle enough (which will depend by field), then you won't be able to take the exam right after you graduate and you'll wait a year. But that has nothing to do with licensing, nor with anyone's ability to get a job. It's a bit of a pain, since it's nice to get it out of the way right after you finish training.

Thank you for the correction. And thank you for the advice you gave me last year. I really appreciate you being on sdn and providing the voice from the other side. Hope you have an amazing year!

 

[Dr. Retro]

As someone Googling this topic and finding this thread, as OP considered might happen, I wanted to say THANK YOU to OP and others who shared positive, supportive, and informative advice. Ignoring the random bouts of misogyny and misplaced rants, this was one of the most useful threads I've come across in a long time. And I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking so. Thanks again!