~**Offical 2011-2012 Personal Statement Proofreading Thread**~

[owlegrad]

This sticky will list the SDN members who have volunteered to be personal statement proofreaders for the 2012-2013 cycle. If you would like to volunteer please PM owlegrad with the type of proofreading you are willing to do (grammar, content, style, all of the above, etc). Only pharmacists, pharmacy students, and accepted pharmacy students can be proofreaders. As people volunteer, we will add their name to the list as well as any specific areas the volunteer feels they will especially help with (grammar, content, style, etc.)

To those interested in having your Personal Statement proofread - Please note the following:

- Use caution when deciding where to send your PS - on an anonymous forum, information can easily be plagiarized. Utilize the following list for those willing to proofread personal statements. There really is no guarantee that any user is not a shady character. Bear this in mind when considering sending your PS to a user for proofreading.

Active Proofreaders:

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Guidelines:
1. Please do not post your email adress.
2. This is NOT a place to ask for someone to send you a PS, or write your PS for you. We are here to help with suggestions, and proofreading.
3. If you want to help others with personal statements, please PM owlegrad indicating your interest.
4. If you want help with your personal statement, PM (private message) someone on the list. The top right hand side of the website contains the link to private message immediately below your username.
5. Please don't post your personal statement in this thread.
6. FOR OUR VOLUNTEERS: Please understand that you are giving your time free of charge. You should not expect to be paid for proofreading, and please do not attempt to solicit SDN members for monetary compensation for proofreading their personal statements. If you would like to proofread for a fee, please use the "Classifieds" section.

Good luck and happy writing!!

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A useful guide to writing a PS can be found here:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=375844 (lots of great tips)
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=536199 (This is my personal fav)

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[owlegrad]

Just FYI, I prefer to use email rather than PM, so if you want me to read your PS' (and sadly I am not going to be able to read as many as last year, ss) please send your requests to my email at owlegrad_at_studentdoctor.net. Your PS' should be in .doc format.

Don't take it personally if I decline.

 

[UCSFarm]

I would like to volunteer.

 

[The Recoverer]

I have rewritten my PS like 8 times already. Still sounds bad.

PS. Owlegrad, what in the world happened to your profile pic?

 

[owlegrad]

I know, it is not even Christmas time! Pretty silly of me to post a self-portrait, amiright?

 

[gh0lee]

I know, it is not even Christmas time! Pretty silly of me to post a self-portrait, amiright?

Should I post my personal statement as a reference to those who are writing? bad idea huh? haha

 

[owlegrad]

Should I post my personal statement as a reference to those who are writing? bad idea huh? haha

It is a great idea, if you are not afraid of people submitting it as their own. I am sure that will end well for everyone involved.

 

[The Recoverer]

Hi everyone. I am close to finishing my PS (FINALLY!). I know that pharmacy school has officially begun for most of you all so I understand people are tight on time. I would like to get my PS critiqued and looked at. Just a quick skim would be really appreciated. Again, I thank everyone who volunteers and I really appreciate anyone giving their time to look at my PS. Just PM me if you are interested. I can either email it to you or directly copy and paste it into a PM.

Thanks again!

 

[CipASonic]

Okay, I finally finished my Personal statement (at least the first draft) Would any one PM me if you wouldn't mind reading it? I am focused mainly on content, but punctuation couldn't hurt either.

 

[xtsukiyox]

If you would like someone to proofread your personal statement, please send them a PM. See the list above for folks who have volunteered to do so.

 

[abeautifulday]

Is there anyone willingly to read my PS and give some suggestion? I couldn't find the Official PS Proofreading for this year.

 

[liume]

Can anyone edit my personal statement?
Prompt:

1. Please submit a brief 250-word essay discussing your reasons for choosing a career in pharmacy and why you are applying to St. John’s University. This is the only necessary essay to be submitted.

What makes you scared? When do you remember that life is but a candle in the wind? For me, it was the summer before my second year of high school. I was overwhelmed; my mind was clouded with worry, sadness, and frustration all at once.

My Grandma, who I hold dear to my heart, suffered from a life-threatening accident after dosing herself with the wrong prescriptions. It was an innocent mistake. Her pharmacist had been careless when she had dispensed my grandma her tablets. We couldn’t blame her, but my grandma went through life-threatening procedures to overcome what ensued.

While the incident did not take my grandma away, my family and I already know that she may not live much longer. I try not to not think about it, but the thought crosses my mind. “What if she hadn’t taken the wrong medication?” Ever since that day, I have not forgotten about my ardent desire to build-up a pharmacy ran by none other than myself.

St. John’s has an exceptional vision that prepares many health care providers dedicated to meeting the needs of all patients in urban areas. This not only allows me to experience different opportunities in helping a diverse range of people, but I will be able to use my skills to give people the best possible health care available. I believe that St. John’s vision will strongly agree and strengthen my principles and ideals of quality health care.

 

[pms_testosterone]

Hey @liume,

This is a gripping story, but is it really the reason you decided to become a pharmacist? It doesn't ring true to me. Maybe you'd been considering being a pharmacist for awhile, and this incident made up your mind for you?

Also, I'd be very careful about blaming any error on "carelessness". In pharmacy we look for root causes and system failures when an error occurs. By blaming an error on another person's carelessness, you come across as the kind of person who is not conscious of the possibility you might make an error (because you, of course, would never be careless) and would not look for and eliminate underlying causes of errors. If you would like to use this story, I'd be a bit clearer about what the causes of this error were (and perhaps how you intend to minimize errors in your own practice).

Your last paragraph is good in principle, but it's wordy. Cut down on the excess words and the statement will be stronger.

 

[liume]

Thank you for reading my essay

 

[liume]

Are these improvements any better?

What makes you scared? When do you remember that life is but a candle in the wind? For me, it was the summer before my second year of high school. I was overwhelmed; my mind was clouded with worry, sadness, and frustration all at once.
My Grandma, who I hold dear to my heart, suffered from a life-threatening accident after dosing herself with the wrong prescriptions. It was an innocent mistake. Her pharmacist had been careless when she had dispensed my grandma her tablets. We couldn’t blame her, but my grandma went through life-threatening procedures to overcome what ensued.
This makes me who I am today. While the incident did not take my grandma away, my family and I already know that she may not live much longer. I try not to not think about it, but the thought crosses my mind. “What if she hadn’t taken the wrong medication?” Ever since that day, I have not forgotten about my ardent desire to build-up a pharmacy ran by none other than myself.
St. John’s has an exceptional vision that prepares many health care providers dedicated to meeting the needs of all patients in urban areas. This not only allows me to experience different opportunities in helping a diverse range of people, but I will be able to use my skills to give people the best possible health care available. I believe that St. John’s vision will strongly agree and strengthen my principles and ideals of quality health care.

 

[pms_testosterone]

@liume What all did you change? The last paragraph still seems wordy and you haven't given an additional reason why you want to be a pharmacist. (I realize you're constrained by the word limit...but that's why you should cut down the last para

 

[liume]

Sorry, I sent the wrong copy

 

[liume]

What makes you scared? When do you remember that life is but a candle in the wind? For me, it was the summer before my second year of high school. I was overwhelmed; my mind was clouded with worry, sadness, and frustration all at once.

My Grandma, who I hold dear to my heart, suffered from a life-threatening accident after dosing herself with the wrong prescriptions. Her pharmacist had mistaken another patient’s tablets for my grandma’s tablets. We couldn’t blame her, but my grandma went through life-threatening procedures to overcome what ensued.

This makes me who I am today. While the incident did not take my grandma away, my family and I already know that she may not live much longer. I try not to not think about it, but the thought crosses my mind. “What if she hadn’t taken the wrong medication?”

For the first two years of high school, I debated whether or not to focus my efforts on pharmacy, but ever since that day, I aspired to build-up a pharmacy that will be meticulous about every detail towards a patient’s health; hoping that no other patient will end up like my grandma.

St. John’s has an exceptional vision that prepares many health care providers dedicated to meeting the needs of all patients in urban areas. This not only allows me to experience helping a diverse range of people, but I will be able to use my skills to give the best possible health care available.

 

[pms_testosterone]

@liume I think it's better! I'd also get someone who knows you to check it, if you haven't already, to make sure you haven't missed anything important you should be telling about yourself.

 

[liume]

Thank you so much.

 

[katm]

Is there anyone that would be willing to proofread my personal statement? If there is a thread for 2015, I apologize and please direct me to it! Thank you.